Challenge: Poetry for the People Part 2

[unpredictablebijou]

my own last-minute submission

A lingerie buying guide for men

If she is a creature
of siren-red slap, dipped in scented smoke
with bones of filigree fire
and the voice of new bright stars

then get her this stretch lace t-back
in a red that licks like a tiger's tongue
it's trimmed in lava and doves
and embroidered with a gold snake
here at the tailbone.

If her sugar skin attracts moths in the dark
and her cries are the color of new leaves
If her hair often tangles with seaweed
and you often wake in a bed
filled with starfish and silver bells

then this pair is perfect
it's mermaid satin, flickering green and cut high
for the fins to part. A thousand oysters
spent a thousand years sewing pearls
onto the seams. Cherries in halves
trim down the center, and in back
this silver vine, blooming with tiny anemones
divides the twin halves
of her pale seashell.

 

[Safe_Bet]

SO??? Feedback Please!

Some of us invested almost 30 seconds in composing those poems and I'd hate to think all of that hard work went for naught!

 

[unpredictablebijou]

The first session was amusing, but I'm taking them several more places before I start really collecting the data. Interestingly, part of the reason that we didn't get as many reviews as I'd have liked is that the people who read took the whole stack and spent a lot of time looking at each piece. And very few people actually voted, as such; only one or two actually marked their favorite pieces. They seemed to lean more towards making actual comments, when they wrote anything.

I'll keep you posted. It'll be a week or two, since I'll miss this coming friday night, cause I'm going out of town for the weekend. But I have one or two other places that I'll carry them between now and then, so we'll see what happens. It's important to get a good large sample of the population.

But be assured, I'm collecting much data. At least this time you don't have to wait for me to heal a broken finger in order to type up the reviews.

bj

 

[Safe_Bet]

[...] It's important to get a good large sample of the population. [...]

Seems to me you have developed one hell of a dandy excuse to go bar hopping!

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Seems to me you have developed one hell of a dandy excuse to go bar hopping!

That would indeed be true, if I ever needed an excuse.

The sad thing is that I'm a creature of terrible habit. I have one bar, one restaurant and one coffee shop. But I want to take the stuff all three places cause everyone knows me there so they let me get away with shit like this.

muahahaha.

I'm off, in fact, to the coffee shop for the evening, and I'll see if I can recruit any judges.

hooray for underwear! and poetry! and underwear!

bj

 

[Bedtime Storyteller]

any update?

 

[champagne1982]

any update?

upbj has been out of town on a bead and crystal excursion. When she gets home and sorted, I'm sure she'll share her bar top revelations. Meanwhile, print a couple off and do your own quick poetry crit clinic. I would if I weren't afraid of being rode out of town ...

 

[unpredictablebijou]

upbj has been out of town on a bead and crystal excursion. When she gets home and sorted, I'm sure she'll share her bar top revelations. Meanwhile, print a couple off and do your own quick poetry crit clinic. I would if I weren't afraid of being rode out of town ...

Indeed, this is an excellent point. Everyone is encouraged, if you have an appropriate venue, to get their own reviews on this stuff.

The Stack o' Underwear Poetry circulated again at the coffee shop last night. I can tell you I noticed that one of mine seems to have inspired the comment "Neruda you are not" which makes me suspect that there was an English major hiding in the bunch somewhere.

And besides, I wasn't trying to be Pablo Neruda. I was trying to be Tom Robbins, dammit.

meh. Critics. gotta love em.

I figure this coming friday I'll collect a few more reviews and start tabulating the various scrawls over the weekend. It's been pretty hilarious so far.

bj

 

[unpredictablebijou]

The reviews are in!

Well, here we go. I'm still trying to calculate the actual 'winners' since it's hard to decipher people's various scoring methods, when they chose to give any sort of score.

So a general summary, before I get to the specific pieces. The pages I printed out are now chock full of scrawls, including whole dialogues in which people would write an opinion and then someone else would respond: "This line makes no sense" - "Ur a moron, this is a great line" and so on.

There were a few piece that were disqualified, not by me but by the readers, because they contained no reference to underwear. Your reviewers also tended to give higher scores to poems that had underwear as the primary topic, as opposed to poems that merely contained a mention of it. I did explain the requirements as "sexy poetry that MENTIONS underwear," but people chose to grade higher for the ones that really focused on that particular topic.

What I'm doing now in terms of trying to figure out an actual 'winner' is looking at the pieces in terms of who got the MOST positive comments or grades or stars and the LEAST negative. I'm figuring that's a good way to calculate it.

But I'm going to start the reviews with the ones who were disqualified, since I left them in anyway so they'd at least get comments. People were pretty harsh about pointing out that there was no mention of underwear, but they also made some worthwhile comments anyway.

Champagne's Aurgasm engendered some discussion, but the general sentiment was that it contained no underwear. In line 3, "steamy seam" may have referred to panties, but readers assumed it was more a metaphor for the pussy. In fact, it got the notation "original analogy!" and an "I agree!" from the reviewers. Other comments included a suggestion that the word "turns" in line 13 be changed to circles, and a comment at the end that "come feed your pussy cream" was "gross!" but then someone else wrote "no that's great." The reviewer who occasionally put grades on pieces gave yours a B.

UYS, your A Text got disqualified, but it did get some commentary. Mostly people said that they couldn't mark it well since the requirement was that it be sexy and it was obviously a very sad piece. However, as a poem it was obviously successful because it communicated hurt very well. Two comments were, "HURT not sensual!" and "not sexy but a good poem".

Bedtime Storyteller's midnight loving was also disqualified, but got good commentary: "I like this. Anyone else?"; "nice!" and "great poem but no underwear" with three stars. Another comment was "take out 'sweetlips', otherwise I approve" with a response, "I agree!" Another person said, "can't vote for this but good." Sadly, your piece Hypersex: a Sonnet was similarly disqualified, with comments like, "great job sticking w the form & keeping it hot but where's the underwear?" Another interesting comment on this one was "good comparison drinking & addiction -- sex". I really wish there'd been underwear in it, because you got two A's, a B+ and a small note that said "fucking awesome A++." And unfortunately, your Tuesday 1:32 p was also disqualified for the same reason. However, the reviews were generally good: a happy face, a star and the phrase "beautiful simplicity" were the primary ones, but the main scrawl said, "Where are the PANTIES?"


*whew*
That covers the pieces that had to be taken out of the running for the actual contest. More reviews tomorrow!

And let me just say thank you again to everyone who participated. Again, the poetry generated a great deal of serious and intelligent discussion amongst regular people who don't tend to think about poetry, and I think that's the real point of the whole thing.

You people rock. You truly do.

bj

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Okay, I have time to list a few more reviews before I get all caught up in the beads again.

Champy's Yesterday's Panties got a bunch of interesting commentary, and it's a good example of one that created some hilarious dialogue as the pieces went from place to place. Someone rather pompous (I think I recognize this chick; she is a second-year English major and provided easily the most moronic and wrong-headed critique we got) had corrected your correct spelling of the word 'crewel' with a note: "crewl - type of embroidery. Is this what you're going for?" and someone else has responded that with "stupid bitch it's spelled RIGHT!"

Of the more helpful comments, you got "very descriptive and real", "interesting visuals" with two stars, and "excellent except I dont think u need last 2 lines." That last gave me pause; I found I almost agreed that it might end nicely with 'from one spiked heel." Something to consider, anyway.

Remec's Lingerie
got one person's second place vote, two "B" grades and a two-star rating from someone who was using a three-star scale. (Someone else was using a 5-star thing so I've been having to figure out the stylistic differences in the stars, 'lol'. You mainly got commentary on your last lines: "only sexy at the end", "I like poems with a kick at the end" and "like the last line!". The most abstract comment was "more to your sexuality!" which I believe was a request to make it more sexy, or something. Hard to say if that's a positive or negative critique.

My "a lingerie buying guide for men" got one "liked this a lot" and was otherwise ignored, except for a couple of comments: "very unique, but I would like it to be longer or really to contain more types of underwear" and "I dig the ocean refference [sic] - very calm panty prose." Also "imaginative and colorful but too shallow" and from our token English major "Neruda you are not." Ironically, I was not trying to be Neruda; I was trying to be Tom Robbins, but oh well. Either way, she's probably right.

Wicked Eve's erogami
got a lot of commentary. People dialogued a bit about the Japanese terminology: "take out hinoki and shakuhachi" and a response: 'i disagree'. Other comments were mixed but pretty general. One person said "very pretty but where's the underwear?", missing, I think, the very symbolic references you made. "Like a haiku" was another comment, and "obscure" was another one. Not that obscurity is a bad thing. Someone underlined "conspicuous cool/ unbend my damp wings" and wrote "lovely line!" Your humble reviewer notes that this was one of my favorites, but of course.

Tzara's Laundry Fetish got some good comments: "very nice", "interesting" and "good." Someone underlined your line "and shit, I'm perved" and responded "don't state the obvious". You also got "I like" on the line "How catsup found/ this pointy place." Your most enthusiastic reviewer gave you a "COOL!" and four stars.

Lastly, cause once again I'm out of time to do any more today, sassy's The Panties generated some dispute. Your use of the line "the path to Jesus" got about a 50/50 in terms of love and hate. Someone wrote "no Jesus" and someone else, expanding, wrote "love it except what's Jesus doing in this poem"; however, one respondent said, "I liked last line, had a kick". The most elaborate (and somewhat odd) note said, "not so much about underwear...well... yeah... not about underwear enough." The only other thing was a question mark next to the word "ink"; I'm assuming they were unclear on that particular term's use in the line. There was a lot of verbal argument over the use of "Jesus" in an underwear poem; most of it was also about 50/50 - people who thought it was inappropriate and people who thought it was a perfect choice there.

again, *whew*. Y'all makin' me work, but I'm enjoying it.

more as soon as I get time.

bj

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Well, here we go. I'm still trying to calculate the actual 'winners' since it's hard to decipher people's various scoring methods, when they chose to give any sort of score.

So a general summary, before I get to the specific pieces. The pages I printed out are now chock full of scrawls, including whole dialogues in which people would write an opinion and then someone else would respond: "This line makes no sense" - "Ur a moron, this is a great line" and so on.

There were a few piece that were disqualified, not by me but by the readers, because they contained no reference to underwear. Your reviewers also tended to give higher scores to poems that had underwear as the primary topic, as opposed to poems that merely contained a mention of it. I did explain the requirements as "sexy poetry that MENTIONS underwear," but people chose to grade higher for the ones that really focused on that particular topic.

What I'm doing now in terms of trying to figure out an actual 'winner' is looking at the pieces in terms of who got the MOST positive comments or grades or stars and the LEAST negative. I'm figuring that's a good way to calculate it.

But I'm going to start the reviews with the ones who were disqualified, since I left them in anyway so they'd at least get comments. People were pretty harsh about pointing out that there was no mention of underwear, but they also made some worthwhile comments anyway.

Champagne's Aurgasm engendered some discussion, but the general sentiment was that it contained no underwear. In line 3, "steamy seam" may have referred to panties, but readers assumed it was more a metaphor for the pussy. In fact, it got the notation "original analogy!" and an "I agree!" from the reviewers. Other comments included a suggestion that the word "turns" in line 13 be changed to circles, and a comment at the end that "come feed your pussy cream" was "gross!" but then someone else wrote "no that's great." The reviewer who occasionally put grades on pieces gave yours a B.

UYS, your A Text got disqualified, but it did get some commentary. Mostly people said that they couldn't mark it well since the requirement was that it be sexy and it was obviously a very sad piece. However, as a poem it was obviously successful because it communicated hurt very well. Two comments were, "HURT not sensual!" and "not sexy but a good poem".

Bedtime Storyteller's midnight loving was also disqualified, but got good commentary: "I like this. Anyone else?"; "nice!" and "great poem but no underwear" with three stars. Another comment was "take out 'sweetlips', otherwise I approve" with a response, "I agree!" Another person said, "can't vote for this but good." Sadly, your piece Hypersex: a Sonnet was similarly disqualified, with comments like, "great job sticking w the form & keeping it hot but where's the underwear?" Another interesting comment on this one was "good comparison drinking & addiction -- sex". I really wish there'd been underwear in it, because you got two A's, a B+ and a small note that said "fucking awesome A++." And unfortunately, your Tuesday 1:32 p was also disqualified for the same reason. However, the reviews were generally good: a happy face, a star and the phrase "beautiful simplicity" were the primary ones, but the main scrawl said, "Where are the PANTIES?"


*whew*
That covers the pieces that had to be taken out of the running for the actual contest. More reviews tomorrow!

And let me just say thank you again to everyone who participated. Again, the poetry generated a great deal of serious and intelligent discussion amongst regular people who don't tend to think about poetry, and I think that's the real point of the whole thing.

You people rock. You truly do.

bj

There was no underwear cos he'd take it off tutttttt!!

 

[sassynyc]

I'm not sure if you get back to the readers with our responses or not. If you do, I'll explain a couple things they addressed. "The Panties" is intentionally obscure, to make you think about the poem, although it's short. I guess not always a good idea. There's no guarantee your meaning will be clear. The Jesus reference is about about the 'fuck me pumps' pointing up, thus heavenward. You get the idea. The 'ink peek-a-boo' is a reference to sheer black undies. Just in case anyone read it and thought "what the hell is she talking about ". I totally forgot about the links, which were meant for the Lit readers. Honestly, I'd say I'm 50/50 on the poem myself. It was indeed a quickie.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I'm not sure if you get back to the readers with our responses or not. If you do, I'll explain a couple things they addressed. "The Panties" is intentionally obscure, to make you think about the poem, although it's short. I guess not always a good idea. There's no guarantee your meaning will be clear. The Jesus referrence is about about the 'fuck me pumps' pointing up, thus heavenward. You get the idea. The 'ink peek-a-boo' is a referrence to sheer black undies. Just in case anyone read it and thought "what the hell is she talking about ". I totally forgot about the links, which were meant for the Lit readers. Honestly, I'd say I'm 50/50 on the poem myself. It was indeed a quickie.

I would say don't take ANY of this TOO terribly seriously. Remember that at least half of your respondents are shit-faced drunk. But yeah, I actually found it a pretty successful piece myself, and it was hard to resist explaining that, and any number of other pieces, to the various reviewers. Not my job in this case though, sadly. I merely observe and report.

I think the most impressive aspect of the project is the fact that we managed to get regular, occasionally drunk, distracted people to sit down with a huge pile of POETRY, actually READ it and even respond and edit. That's the part that makes me happiest. It's always frosting, and admittedly rare, when one gets any critique that might be genuinely valuable.

It's all for fun, and to occasionally check up on what the 'regular people' think of poetry these days.

And actually, I found it a pretty neato piece, myself. As was UYS', but again, I merely report...

bj

 

[PandoraGlitters]

Was the Panties and Hot Wax poem discussed, BJ? I didn't see mention of it anywhere in the disqualified or otherwise. Maybe you didn't get around to it?

 

[sassynyc]

Was the Panties and Hot Wax poem discussed, BJ? I didn't see mention of it anywhere in the disqualified or otherwise. Maybe you didn't get around to it?

Yours is still in there Dora. The shiny rock lady is buried under a mountain of beads and rocks. There's still a bunch of poems left to go. My guess is, we'll be getting them in installments.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

She's right - I'm swamped, and so I'm doing the reviews in little sets as I get time. I'm going to catch up, drink some coffee and see if I can figure out how to navigate the new arrangement after I get more caffeine into my system...

bj

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Reviews, chapter 3

Well, today we'll start with Ange's lovely piece "You whispered. I was/ scandalized".

You actually got some pretty good suggestions on this, little minor things. One person loved the "where moss ended" line, and commented "good pubic hair analogy, gives sex an age of merit in geology", whatever that means. Another said "panties good but it's about more" which I believe was a compliment. Someone was confused over the line "your man's voice" and wrote "ambiguity" next to it. Two people suggested that you cut off the last paragraph, which was an interesting take. You also got two stars (out of three, I believe) with the comment "beautiful!"

Champ's Sateen inspired a bit of dialogue. One person wrote "difference?" next to the first two lines, "they're not see through / as much as translucent" and another responded "I understand diff but still maybe not necessary". Someone pointed out that "gilding the lily" was a cliche, and another person corrected your spelling on 'iridescent'. Your last stanza specifically got circled and given two stars from two different people, and other little comments were "descriptive", "not bad" and "okay". Lastly, your biggest fan wrote "sexy visuals! I like that it's totally about the underwear!" and gave you three stars.

Our moron English major proved herself once again in her review of UYS' "My lord I do entreat you" which was generally a big hit. I mostly quote her in these reviews to keep us from being too proud of our academic degrees... Her comment was "Shakespeare you are not - pick a meter." That's stupid, because the meter is impeccable, which was pointed out concisely by another reader later on. The response was: "MORON! It's in good meter!" Moving on to the actual intelligent critique, you got the comment "good meter and subservient tone makes me want to defile" and one person said, "I like it" and another said "I like the vapours reference but it may be jarring - rest of poem flows though". Your most favourable comment was "Ha ha - funny! Nice use of underwear - I didn't think of old-timey underwear, Cool!" This was accompanied by FOUR STARS!

SafeBet's Underwear? got some nice attention. Many people commented verbally that they liked it, and agreed with the sentiment. One wrote "agree, what's the point of them" and other comments were "funny and good!", "sweet", "smile" and "short and to the point! Great and funny in its own way." You got two stars also, and two people graded you, one B and one A+.

darkmaas' Sackcloth and Asses certainly won the award for Best Title with most of the reviewers. One hilarious comment was "Emily Dickinson as a masochist?" Other comments: "Crude but effective", "Interesting", "Interesting and evocative", "love last stanza" and one dissenting voice, "I like this except for the title. Wish it were longer." There was a bit of dialogue about whether you were being too obvious with the references to burlap in the actual poem, and one person wrote "no itch". Maybe an editorial comment, or maybe just a wish for the world, I don't know. Your best review was "I really like it" with four stars.

I'm outta time again, and must go do my actual job. So that's it for today. I'll be out all weekend but will be diligently back at it by Sunday afternoon, I promise.

your humble reporter,
bj

 

[PandoraGlitters]

She's right - I'm swamped, and so I'm doing the reviews in little sets as I get time. I'm going to catch up, drink some coffee and see if I can figure out how to navigate the new arrangement after I get more caffeine into my system...

bj

Ahh. I should have counted the poems and I'd have known that.
Great idea, BJ.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Okay I've got a few minutes, so here's another set of reviews.

Still havin' fun? Good. Here we go.

UYS' "She eases on each silk stocking" was quite popular. Part of that is undoubtedly that it's a good piece, and perhaps some of it is something I have noticed in carrying this stuff from place to place: People judging poetry in bars tend to like short poems. Go figure. It's an attention span thing. Anyway, no one made any editing or critical comments except for a note that said "wish for more description". You got a two star rating, a three star rating, an A, a B+, a "very good" and a "SEXY!" I noticed a couple of people setting it in a separate pile of stuff they especially liked.

Sassy's Better than Naked got some relatively hard and complex editing but was popular, and generated a great deal of discussion. Here's one on-the-page dialogue that occurred: "Isn't this supposed to be for bar crowds? What the Hell does 'apertif' [sic] mean?" I believe that once again this was our little English major, so there ya go. To that comment someone else replied, "U r stupid. Not everybody is." Lolz. I got to watch a dialogue also in which one reader both said and wrote, "I feel like i should like this better than I do." Another person at the table then took the piece and did some editing on it, underlining the stuff they felt should be removed. She then handed it back, and it was agreed by the original commenter that the poem was better and tighter. I'll actually copy it and show you what was taken out, in the next post, even though I disagree with a lot of the editing. Not my job, though, to form opinions. Several people talked about the phrase "ocular aperitif" with mixed reviews. Love it, hate it. Generally when that happens, that means it's a good line. It forced your readers to attend and form opinions.

Sara's The Deconstruction of My Panties, which wins my personal Best Title Award, got a great deal of commentary despite its length. Anything I have to print out on two pages is risky in a bar critique situation, so it's a testament to the goodness here that it got so many reviewers. TWO people marked it as their number 1, one with the additional comment, "makes me feel like I'm in my own memory." The lines "I need/ your mind so I whisper/ to your body in a wordless way," got a question mark from someone, and another respondent then said, "I get this but it's confusing."

Your 'cheesecake' stanza got a lot of attention too; one person gave that particular verse a star, but another one said, "leave out cheesecake fresh strawberries whip cream better." lolz. You got an A- from someone, and a comment that said "wonderfully tangible, descriptive without the fluff." Several people said "good" or "really good," and you got a single star that I'm assuming was a choice for best or at least top three, as well as a two-star and a four-star rating with the comment 'Ooooh - sexy." I overheard a discussion in one group who were talking about various poems, and yours was brought up as an example of a piece that was "wordy" but in a good way; the comment was "yeah, it's wordy like that other one but here there's a voice that you can hear, like it's really her."

Loststar's unnecessary got someone's number 2 award, although someone had trouble with the word 'ass' and wrote 'a little crude... doesn't really fit here'. Someone else responded, "I agree but in general excellent". You got a grade of B from someone, and two stars. Not lost stars, just the regular kind.

We're in the back stretch now. Only a few more pieces left. Last for today I'll mention Anschul's "fingers play/ upon silken strands." Where IS that chef, anyway? Well, this one got a great deal of commentary. The lines "translucent gaze/ masks translucent flesh" got an underline and an "EXCELLENT" from someone. One person wrote "Tied for favorite!" and another marked it their number 1. Other comments were "Simple, lovely, descriptive" and "lots better!" Than what, I'm not sure, but whatever. Two interesting specific critiques happened. First, someone underlined the phrase "instrument of pain" and wrote "cruel and crude a penis is more" and then I believe was the same person (judging by the handwriting) who gave you two stars and wrote "mentioning penis=pain isn't really sexy." Another specific line was "the sacred center/ of woman's movement" to which one respondent wrote "woman's or women's" and someone else responded to them, "woman's unless w/ multiple women at the time. This is nice."

Well, we're down to the last (and the TOP - hint hint) six pieces, which I'll get to tomorrow unless I get hit by a bus. Next post will be the specific editing of Sassy's piece, cause it'll be easier than trying to retype every line they banged on.

Y'all are wonderful underwear poets. I'm glad I'm not having to pick the winners, cause I'd be stumped.

bj

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Okay, Ms. Sassy, here's what they did to "Better than Naked".

I will mention again that your humble reporter disagrees with quite a bit of the editing here, but hey, you have a right to all your critique, and in a couple of spots they might be right. Most importantly, this is pretty much the only piece that got this much detailing, so that's saying something. I'll just highlight the stuff they thought should be taken out.

Better Than Naked

More sensual than the lure
of bare skin kissing air
is the prospect of femme curvature
swathed in ocular aperitif
A trip through your imagination
savoring the scenic route….
Luscious lace blooms, strategically
caress peaks, parading plunging vales
Satin drapes swelled perfection
Imprint my form in fabric and
the fiber of your memory
Diaphanous splendor clings
to heavenly hips
Hallowed femininity shrouded
in ornamental veil
Increments of naked flesh
between each destination
Itinerary for a journey worth miles
Half the joy found
in the bend of your smile
To reveal and hide
stoke want to need
is the majesty
of lingerie

These lines:
Increments of naked flesh
between each destination

and these:
Half the joy found
in the bend of your smile

both got circled and specifically given stars by another reviewer.

So there ya go. Make of it what you will.

bj

 

[sassynyc]

Okay, Ms. Sassy, here's what they did to "Better than Naked".

I will mention again that your humble reporter disagrees with quite a bit of the editing here, but hey, you have a right to all your critique, and in a couple of spots they might be right. Most importantly, this is pretty much the only piece that got this much detailing, so that's saying something. I'll just highlight the stuff they thought should be taken out.

Better Than Naked

More sensual than the lure
of bare skin kissing air
is the prospect of femme curvature
swathed in ocular aperitif
A trip through your imagination
savoring the scenic route….
Luscious lace blooms, strategically
caress peaks, parading plunging vales
Satin drapes swelled perfection
Imprint my form in fabric and
the fiber of your memory
Diaphanous splendor clings
to heavenly hips
Hallowed femininity shrouded
in ornamental veil
Increments of naked flesh
between each destination
Itinerary for a journey worth miles
Half the joy found
in the bend of your smile
To reveal and hide
stoke want to need
is the majesty
of lingerie

These lines:
Increments of naked flesh
between each destination

and these:
Half the joy found
in the bend of your smile

both got circled and specifically given stars by another reviewer.

So there ya go. Make of it what you will.

bj

Overall, they didn't do too severe of a hack job on it. I agree with some of the editing. Especially with minor words that don't effect the poem once removed. Other parts, I wouldn't change because it would make the lines take on a different meaning.

It's a beautiful thing, to make the inebriated ponder poetry. You must do a Poetry For The People Part 3

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Overall, they didn't do too severe of a hack job on it. I agree with some of the editing. Especially with minor words that don't effect the poem once removed. Other parts, I wouldn't change because it would make the lines take on a different meaning.

It's a beautiful thing, to make the inebriated ponder poetry. You must do a Poetry For The People Part 3

Yeah, that was my thing; sometimes the editing made the sentence unintelligible, and in those cases I disagreed.

Another one? *swoons in Drama Queen Exhaustion* well perhaps. Or maybe, just maybe, it's someone else's turn... hint hint.

Living in a big urban center like some people do, as evidenced by their screen names, y'know, is a handy thing for this sort of contest. And I'll even give you a few pointers: next time everyone only gets to submit one piece. Sometimes the huge stack of pages was just too intimidating and people wouldn't do it cause it looked too much like work.

Only other thing I'd suggest to someone else who wanted to do this would be to make the judgment critique as easy as possible. Sexiest, or did it make you hawt, both of those worked pretty well.

i may do it again at some point but no time soon. These folks are starting to see me as the Crazy Poetry Lady, and I don't want that name to obscure my real name around here, which is the Guinness Lady.

bj

 

[sassynyc]

Another one? *swoons in Drama Queen Exhaustion* well perhaps. Or maybe, just maybe, it's someone else's turn... hint hint.

*whistles, looking around in mock confusion*

you must not have gotten the memo: I AM SO NOT A PEOPLE PERSON.
(i own a t-shirt that says so.) ahem...i may visit the other neighborhoods, but notice the little corner of lit that i call home. the least populated of all the forums.
i am tres antisocial. nice, but antisocial just the same. you mean you want me to talk to people....voluntarily? me thinks not. i am the quintessential paradox; the reticent urbanite. go figure.

on the other hand, you my social butterfly, were born to do this stuff.
i'll wait patiently for the 3rd installment. no rush

 

[unpredictablebijou]

no rush

Well that's a good thing. Thanks, as it were.

Anyone else who wishes to step up, of course...

bj

 

[PandoraGlitters]

I would have voted Sarah winner for this bit alone. This is just gorgeous.

"When you feel the bonds of silk
against silk with a slow pass
of your thumb, know
their only purpose is to hold
me when you cannot"