Challenge: Poetry for the People Part 2

[unpredictablebijou]

I would have voted Sarah winner for this bit alone. This is just gorgeous.

"When you feel the bonds of silk
against silk with a slow pass
of your thumb, know
their only purpose is to hold
me when you cannot"

I tend to agree; it's a phenomenal piece. But then I'm biased by my MAD SECRET CRUSH ON SARA THAT NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT. It wouldn't be inappropriate for folks to vote on or at least critique each other's submissions in here. I mean, there's some fine work that will be passed over by the 'regular people' because it's too poetic, or complex, or academic, or allusive. Eve's erogami comes to mind. The bar crowd is so NOT going to get that, but if I as a trained 'poet' were voting, that would likely be my number one, or at least in the top three.

I'm poking at the final review set now. The shop is sadly not all that busy, so I have a bit of spare time.

more in a bit.

bj

 

[unpredictablebijou]

OOOOOkay. Here we go.

I have to tell you, as soon as I printed them all out for the contest, I crossed out everyone's name, and aside from some people with such distinct styles that the authorship was obvious, (Tzara, Eve, UYS come to mind) I deliberately forgot who the authors were in most cases. I should say also that they weren't handed to people in a particular order; after the first couple of reviewers spread them all over a table, they were completely randomized.

So I seem to have saved a whole bunch of sassy's poems for this particular review. On the other hand, I haven't counted, but didn't you put in like thirty-seven pieces for this challenge? One might suspect you of enjoying writing poems about underwear. Just a theory.

Firstly, Sassy's Undone generated some discussion about one of its concepts. As an aside, those who knew me often thought this one was mine since it made a reference to Tantra. I loved being able to gleefully assure them that yes, there was at least one other person in the world who might make reference to that. YOu got a pretty big complement of stars and "good", "nice" etc., and at least one four star rating on this. But more interesting is the specific editing that happened here.

Your line "descended on bent knees" got the actual editorial comment "maybe bended" which would indeed be an interesting change. Not sure if I agree, but there ya go. But more importantly, someone wrote "makes the mistake of putting the pussy on a pedistal" [sic] and then, continuing the lecture at the bottom of the page where there was more room, the same person wrote "if you have to put it on a pedistal that means you can't look it in the eye naturally." I suspect they thought they were addressing a male author, which is interesting in and of itself.

The line "Listen with all five ears" got a "wtf?" from someone, to which another person responded "holes/ openings? brilliant." Someone said 'meh' to the line "speaks volumes/ of your technique" and you got a "woo! entertaining read!" from another one. As to specific stats, you got two people's number 2 vote, an A and a B.

Baby Blues got some basically good scores but not a great deal of commentary. Two A's, four stars, a "Pretty sexy, my #3" and a "My #2 I love it!!! very good rhythm to it". That was in adorably loopy sorostitute font, by the way.

Dora's Panties and Hot Wax got a great deal of momentum from the title, and some very positive response. An A-, a four star rating with the comment "I like the idea of waxing-muslin-as-thong. Cool imagery." and an "OW! 2!" which I found hilarious. Someone underlined "my readiness trembles" and wrote "I don't know" and one reviewer wrote "the name suggested so much more. Nice twist though." Our moron English major wrote "Give me a vocalization here - pain" in the break between "neck falls long to gasp / / at this delicate torture" because of course she hadn't noticed that "gasp" is in fact a vocalization. Verbally, this one got a lot of comments, and several people would specifically hand this off to someone else and say, "you gotta see this one."

Sassy's Eargasm got some specific editing attention. They took out your second line entirely. They adjusted your second stanza to "Instantly, / souvenir, gift to you / for restless nights" which basically made it unintelligible, but there ya go. Actually someone disagreed with the cut there of "slipped under your pillow" and said "no i like this detail". They found "osmosis grants me your headspace" grandiose, (though I suspect that's our English major again) and they loved "my smile slices darkness." You got two A's, an A-, a smiley face, a number one, a star and a four star rating with "Awesome!".

loststar's "i didn't mean to" got quite a positive response as well. It got a "short, sweet but nuts" and a "learn to and too", among other things. It was another one that got passed around a bit and set aside to show other people. Most favorable were the two star rating with "liked this. would be better if longer" and an "I love this. My top 3."

Before I discuss the very last piece, I'm going to clarify how I'm judging the various drunken scrawls to choose an actual top three. Here were my basic criteria, amorphous as they must be:

Most commentary and discussion, both written and verbal
Most positive comments, grades, stars etc.
Fewest negative comments (I have discounted the English major and the one guy who just wrote "lame" on every single piece.)

So with that in mind, let me announce our first place winner: Sassy's Sweet Sticky Thing. This one was a major front runner in absolutely every group I observed. Three A+'s, a big fuschia "BROOKE'S FAV #1" in Valley Girl font, three #1 ratings, a four star with "mmm... tasty" and numerous other positive comments made this one obviously a winner even just with the written scoring. One reviewer said "My #3 It's good SWEET! words last stanza is my fav." This was also the one most likely to be passed from hand to hand with an "oh, you gotta read this one."

Major congratulations to you, Sassy, and the right to call yourself "Poetry Forum's Top Underwear Poet of 2008 or until someone does this again." or something to that effect.

As to others who may wear a laurel crown here, I'd have to say that in clear second place was UnderYourSpell's "She eases on each silk stocking", which was very nicely received, passed around a lot and received many positive and no negative comments at all.

Tied, I suppose, for a third place spot would be Pandora's "Panties and Hot Wax" and Sara's "The Deconstruction of my Panties", the latter a particular surprise because of its length and complexity, neither of which generally go over well with drunks.

Major congratulations to everyone in the contest and particularly you four, who may now parade through the streets in chariots. Just keep in mind that there's a guy whispering in your ear the whole time: "Remember, thou art mortal."

There are bottles of Champagne (she's tasty) and some Chippendale dancers in the Bistro for the winners circle party. We may get our second place winner to pole-dance for us later...

bj

 

[UnderYourSpell]

OOOOOkay. Here we go.

I have to tell you, as soon as I printed them all out for the contest, I crossed out everyone's name, and aside from some people with such distinct styles that the authorship was obvious, (Tzara, Eve, UYS come to mind) I deliberately forgot who the authors were in most cases. I should say also that they weren't handed to people in a particular order; after the first couple of reviewers spread them all over a table, they were completely randomized.

So I seem to have saved a whole bunch of sassy's poems for this particular review. On the other hand, I haven't counted, but didn't you put in like thirty-seven pieces for this challenge? One might suspect you of enjoying writing poems about underwear. Just a theory.

Firstly, Sassy's Undone generated some discussion about one of its concepts. As an aside, those who knew me often thought this one was mine since it made a reference to Tantra. I loved being able to gleefully assure them that yes, there was at least one other person in the world who might make reference to that. YOu got a pretty big complement of stars and "good", "nice" etc., and at least one four star rating on this. But more interesting is the specific editing that happened here.

Your line "descended on bent knees" got the actual editorial comment "maybe bended" which would indeed be an interesting change. Not sure if I agree, but there ya go. But more importantly, someone wrote "makes the mistake of putting the pussy on a pedistal" [sic] and then, continuing the lecture at the bottom of the page where there was more room, the same person wrote "if you have to put it on a pedistal that means you can't look it in the eye naturally." I suspect they thought they were addressing a male author, which is interesting in and of itself.

The line "Listen with all five ears" got a "wtf?" from someone, to which another person responded "holes/ openings? brilliant." Someone said 'meh' to the line "speaks volumes/ of your technique" and you got a "woo! entertaining read!" from another one. As to specific stats, you got two people's number 2 vote, an A and a B.

Baby Blues got some basically good scores but not a great deal of commentary. Two A's, four stars, a "Pretty sexy, my #3" and a "My #2 I love it!!! very good rhythm to it". That was in adorably loopy sorostitute font, by the way.

Dora's Panties and Hot Wax got a great deal of momentum from the title, and some very positive response. An A-, a four star rating with the comment "I like the idea of waxing-muslin-as-thong. Cool imagery." and an "OW! 2!" which I found hilarious. Someone underlined "my readiness trembles" and wrote "I don't know" and one reviewer wrote "the name suggested so much more. Nice twist though." Our moron English major wrote "Give me a vocalization here - pain" in the break between "neck falls long to gasp / / at this delicate torture" because of course she hadn't noticed that "gasp" is in fact a vocalization. Verbally, this one got a lot of comments, and several people would specifically hand this off to someone else and say, "you gotta see this one."

Sassy's Eargasm got some specific editing attention. They took out your second line entirely. They adjusted your second stanza to "Instantly, / souvenir, gift to you / for restless nights" which basically made it unintelligible, but there ya go. Actually someone disagreed with the cut there of "slipped under your pillow" and said "no i like this detail". They found "osmosis grants me your headspace" grandiose, (though I suspect that's our English major again) and they loved "my smile slices darkness." You got two A's, an A-, a smiley face, a number one, a star and a four star rating with "Awesome!".

loststar's "i didn't mean to" got quite a positive response as well. It got a "short, sweet but nuts" and a "learn to and too", among other things. It was another one that got passed around a bit and set aside to show other people. Most favorable were the two star rating with "liked this. would be better if longer" and an "I love this. My top 3."

Before I discuss the very last piece, I'm going to clarify how I'm judging the various drunken scrawls to choose an actual top three. Here were my basic criteria, amorphous as they must be:

Most commentary and discussion, both written and verbal
Most positive comments, grades, stars etc.
Fewest negative comments (I have discounted the English major and the one guy who just wrote "lame" on every single piece.)

So with that in mind, let me announce our first place winner: Sassy's Sweet Sticky Thing. This one was a major front runner in absolutely every group I observed. Three A+'s, a big fuschia "BROOKE'S FAV #1" in Valley Girl font, three #1 ratings, a four star with "mmm... tasty" and numerous other positive comments made this one obviously a winner even just with the written scoring. One reviewer said "My #3 It's good SWEET! words last stanza is my fav." This was also the one most likely to be passed from hand to hand with an "oh, you gotta read this one."

Major congratulations to you, Sassy, and the right to call yourself "Poetry Forum's Top Underwear Poet of 2008 or until someone does this again." or something to that effect.

As to others who may wear a laurel crown here, I'd have to say that in clear second place was UnderYourSpell's "She eases on each silk stocking", which was very nicely received, passed around a lot and received many positive and no negative comments at all.

Tied, I suppose, for a third place spot would be Pandora's "Panties and Hot Wax" and Sara's "The Deconstruction of my Panties", the latter a particular surprise because of its length and complexity, neither of which generally go over well with drunks.

Major congratulations to everyone in the contest and particularly you four, who may now parade through the streets in chariots. Just keep in mind that there's a guy whispering in your ear the whole time: "Remember, thou art mortal."

There are bottles of Champagne (she's tasty) and some Chippendale dancers in the Bistro for the winners circle party. We may get our second place winner to pole-dance for us later...

bj

Ooooooh thankyou

 

[sassynyc]

So I seem to have saved a whole bunch of sassy's poems for this particular review. On the other hand, I haven't counted, but didn't you put in like thirty-seven pieces for this challenge?

the 30/30 and a simultaneous undies challenge are dangerous things, in close proximity to me.

One might suspect you of enjoying writing poems about underwear. Just a theory.

hmm....you might be on to something. it is the safest of all my compulsions.


thank you. i'll wear the crown proudly. tiaras and roses for my fellow sexy undies poets.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Proudly displaying my ass ...ets

 

[unpredictablebijou]

*actual party moved to the Bistro*

However, those who would like to put more underwear poetry up, or critique this set, or discuss entries, or pick their own top three entries are more than welcome to do so.


bj