Childhood Question

[rakess]

What I remember

I remember I played extensive "slave" games with my neighbor and maybe those were the beginnings? I think what has played a bigger part is that my parents never made me feel uncomfortable about sex or desires I had. They have and still are incredibly accepting and so I never thought that my sexual urges/desires were "wrong" or "dirty." If I hadn't been raised that way I don't think I would have the courage to explore my fantasies.

 

[naughtycakes]

Lots of interesting stuff here...

As for me, I love getting spanked and fucked roughly, but I also enjoy giving it back... only to girls, though, for some reason roughing up a guy doesn't do anything for me, I'd much prefer he do it to me.

I got plenty of attention as a child. I'm the oldest of four girls and it took my parents 5 years of trying to have me, so when I came along, holy shit, I was like the prize baby!

There's like 80 million pictures of me as a baby & kid... less and less pics for each sister. So I got sooo much attention as a child. But my mom did instill in me her own biases and crazy paranoias about men only wanting one thing, blah, blah, so I guess I felt guilty about wanting sexual attention from men and being told to take it takes that guilt away....

Another random thought... both of my parents were always very loving and affectionate, but my dad is huge (6"3, 230 lbs) and never knew his own strength and any time he would tickle me it was like torture. I'd end up bruised, but it was fun and I liked it....

He was & still is a total pushover - there was never any discipline in my house - NEVER - of any sort. We could do whatever the fuck we wanted, eat anything, stay up as late as we wanted, skip school for days if we wanted.... so I crave discipline & attention.

In my real life I'm super confident and very bossy... I run my own business and never take shit from anybody... behind closed doors I wanna get put in my place

As a diehard feminist, this bothered me for a while... no longer, I've grown to revel in my kinks. In the end my submissive sexual nature allows me to stay in control... when I'm having sex, I'm the main event... all attention is on me... whether it's spanking me, teasing me, fucking me... whatever... it's all about mois... and that's how I like it!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I remember I played extensive "slave" games with my neighbor and maybe those were the beginnings? I think what has played a bigger part is that my parents never made me feel uncomfortable about sex or desires I had. They have and still are incredibly accepting and so I never thought that my sexual urges/desires were "wrong" or "dirty." If I hadn't been raised that way I don't think I would have the courage to explore my fantasies.

I had awful trouble accepting my submissive streak. I thought for a long time that is was a post-Christianity throwback and an insult to feminism. I treated it as something that was 'wrong with me' and that I should therefore seek to 'cure' myself of. Finally deciding that my sub streak was not going to go away and that it need not be oppressive or a negative trait was a total revelation.

 

[smotherman]

Well, If I understand the question correctly, Yes my BDSM lifestyle is an direct result from my childhood. I remember once got into a wrestling match with a girl and she did the schoolgirl pin and I guess that stuck with me because I started to long for that helplessness and to lose control to an woman in my adult years!

I think for the most part, the myth about what happens to you in your childhood stays with you in your adult years is true. At least for me anyway!

 

[3113]

Well, If I understand the question correctly, Yes my BDSM lifestyle is an direct result from my childhood. I remember once got into a wrestling match with a girl and she did the schoolgirl pin and I guess that stuck with me because I started to long for that helplessness and to lose control to an woman in my adult years!

LOL! I love this story.

And I've been really moved and impressed by all I've read, and I really connected with what we see in our grandparents (or parents) and see in ourselves. I entirely agree that there's no complete separation between nature and nurture. Our genetics will out, as will the way we developed in the womb. Likewise, we'll pick up ways to deal with the world from how we're raised, and from our own experiences along the way.

I remember my father once telling me about his grandmother, my great-grandmother (maternal). He so rarely talked about his mom or grandmother that I was surprised. I was even more surprised when he bluntly informed me: "She was a real bitch." What? Turned out this woman was just awful. But hearing all about her I had some thoughts. She was a domineering bitch and her husband, great-grandad, was a really sweet doormat (or so my dad described him); so there you have your D/s relationship though I don't suppose it was a happy one. I had to wonder what it was like for a natural Dom to be stuck in a village where, given the patriarchal society, her opinion was usually ignored except for in her own home.

What if she was ambitious or smart or talented? And couldn't express any of that in her circumstances. That would certainly make me into one hell of a bitch. Especially if I was surrounded by people who didn't understand me. What if she'd been raised badly, come to that? Taught to yell and scream if she wanted to get what she wanted and needed? And then there was the fact that one of her daughters had some mental problems. So now I had to wonder...was great-grandma depressed? Had extreme hormone problems? There are meds to deal with that now, but not back then.

I'm a appalled that great-grandma was such a bitch, but I also feel sorry for her that she didn't know or couldn't be any other way. She just didn't have the options there in her backward village that any of us have. And I have to hope that whatever genetic factor that made her so, and that might have come down to me, has found a better way to express itself than being the god-awful bitch Which is all to say, thank heavens for the modern world where we find our place and our outlets, BDSM included, to sate our genetics or our upbringing. It makes life a hell of a lot easier on ourselves and on everyone else in our life....I'm sure glad Homberg doesn't feel like he needs to shoot his kids, however badly they fuck up

 

[Homburg]

I'm sure glad Homberg doesn't feel like he needs to shoot his kids, however badly they fuck up

That would be an affirmative.

 

[Marquis]

Responsibility, control, determination.

Conversely, an arena to act out, to be more primal, to do things that aren't necessarily smart or cool or proof of my intellect, which was of monolithic importance in my childhood.

A chance to take risks - stupid teenage risk taking was delayed and never really took place in my life.

Totally, on all of this.

 

[SouthernDom]

I can't look back into my childhood and see any correlation between anything that may have happened in my childhood, and/or within my family unit..............or because of the parenting techniques I was subjected too that could be responsible for my longstanding Dominant sexual orientation or Dominant personality traits.

BTW.............I am the oldest of my siblings and the oldest grandchild within my family as well. Some studies suggest birth order and/or the childhood pecking order within the family unit during the impressional years of growing from a child into an adult has affected adult sexual orientations.

My first fetish fantasies were of bondage and spankings started when I was 9 years old. I fantasized about spanking a female's ass until she cried, then consoling her afterward.

That was the extent of what I wanted to do at that time...............nothing more,nothing less. These thoughts were in my head even though I'd never witnessed anything BDSM related or even learned the basics of sexual intercourse.

Soon after the power based fantasies of spanking and bondage started, I experienced my visual contact with anything BDSM related when I saw the rape scene in the TV version of the movie Billy Jack.

Although I knew rape was hellishly wrong in too many ways to fathom..............I was still sexually excited beyond words by the brutal,bondage themed rape scene within the movie.

Watching the rape scene solidified things for me in a big way. I then knew these things I had been thinking about were going to be more than a fantasy to masturbate too. I took it as a precursor to my destiny in regards to my core sexuality....................and I was right!

To sum it all up.................It's my belief that I was genetically predisposed from birth to be Dominant in sexual and non-sexual venues alike.

YMMV..................

 

[Miss Diva]

I was thinking about this and my father was there financially but he was old school. I really never felt protected by my parents. They owned a restaurant and worked day and night and i was left alone at the age of 8 with my 11 year brother to take care of me. It is not that my parents did not care or not love us but financially they needed to work. In fact money is mother's lifelong concern.

I used to watch the TV shows were the father's were strong and offered guidance.

My mother was (is) extremely domineering and controlling and this made my father seem weak and cowardly.

So yes I am searching for a man who will be a man, who will make me feel safe and protected and who will guide me through this adventure called life. I do not have daddy issues and certainly try to avoid men you describe themselves as dadddy-dom.

So yes my childhood issues may the reason why I am into BDSM.

 

[smotherman]

LOL! I love this story.

Glad you loved that story! I've one more story that'll put this story to shame

Maybe I should start a whole new thread lol

 

[twysted73]

I was tightly wrapping myself in my sheets like a borrito at age 8 just to sleep happily.
I love items that wrap and tighten around wrists and ankles as well as complete body.

I did some oddly experimental things (sexually) as a pre-teen that give me a "taboo jolt of euphoric excitement" when I feel I'm doing something I'm not supposed to but I'm about to anyway.

Yes. There are ties (no pun intended) to my past that I find gratification through BDSM for.

Gay, bi or strait, I think we are all "pre-wired" to be as we are. And familial/societal conditioning, i feel, has very little to do about creating those feelings. If anything, it hampers and supresses them thus causing such strife for the posessor.

My 2 cents

 

[Marquis]

All the fucking time. Amazing isn't it? I think I've managed to channel her worst into something more aggressive-aggressive and less passive aggressive. Dunno if that's an improvement, but I think it is.

I think so too, this is essentially what I try to do with the control needs I inherited from my father, which he in turn inherited from his mother.

Homburg, I know what it's like to see those things peek out of you, recognize it and hate it. That's some heavy shit.

 

[Homburg]

Homburg, I know what it's like to see those things peek out of you, recognize it and hate it. That's some heavy shit.

*nods*

There are days I wonder just how much of what I do, what I want to do, is me, and not just my frikken genetic inheritance? How much is the guy I see in the mirror, and how much is a long string a sadistic bastards that contributed to my DNA?

And, like I said above, how long before I see those eyes peeking out at me from my kids' faces?

*shrug* It's just something else to think about. Like I said in another similar thread, my folks raised me to be a good guy. It' sup to me to raise my kids the same way.

 

[Marquis]

*nods*

There are days I wonder just how much of what I do, what I want to do, is me, and not just my frikken genetic inheritance? How much is the guy I see in the mirror, and how much is a long string a sadistic bastards that contributed to my DNA?

And, like I said above, how long before I see those eyes peeking out at me from my kids' faces?

*shrug* It's just something else to think about. Like I said in another similar thread, my folks raised me to be a good guy. It' sup to me to raise my kids the same way.

True, true.

Like death, some of this shit is too beyond our control and inevitable to worry about, and yet we do anyway.

Best to love your folks, no matter what, I say. You can love and see room for improvement, no matter what Rush and O'Reilly say.

 

[graceanne]

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall. I am my mother after all . . . '

My sister continually reminds me of my mother. She freaks out over the STUPIDEST stuff! [warning - part rant, part narrative] Once, we took her son with us to California to visit family. We were on our way home and going through the siskyou mountains, so we didn't have a cell phone signal for a couple of hours. When we got to the other side, their were several RUDE messages and my sister almost instantly called, "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?" (fyi we weren't running late, and we called to tell her we were on our way when we left) I hung up on her. Anyone who knows me knows I won't be screamed at over a phone. You want to talk to me, keep a civil tone in your voice. She called me back and I picked up the phone and said 'you yell at me again and I will hang up and turn off the phone'. In a quieter tone of voice she started to freak out because there'd been no contact for a total of TWO HOURS! I said 'we killed your son and dumped in on the side of the road, WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU THINK WE WERE?'

The irony? My sister always SWORE she'd be nothing like mom. And then she'll do something, like drive, smoke, and smack her son's leg all at the same time, and IT GIVES ME CHILLS. The only difference between her and mom is she doesn't abuse her kids. She's just an adrenaline junkie who enjoys being freaked out. She'll tell me 'that's how I am' and I'll normally say 'then be that way somewhere else'. Patient? No I'm not. But then I've been dealing with her melodrama all my life. If their is an proof that being related doesn't mean you're anything alike - WE'RE IT.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall. I am my mother after all . . . '

ROFL

Yep, if you're a woman it's the only other certainty of life apart from death and taxes.

Probably even if you never knew your mother. I know we're mixture of genetics and learned character traits but I always think that those sneaky chromosomes have the edge over everything else.

ETA: Now that I'm co-habiting for the first time I can hear my mother when I am forced to (very quietly and respectfully, while backing away slowly) nag Master about domestic stuff. "Did your mother never tell you that there are no fairies assigned to the specific task of rinsing your scum down the plughole after you take a bath?" If I ever have kids that'll be it. I'll start cackling and never be myself again.

 

[Homburg]

Egads, talk about genetics expressing themselves incredibly, my eldest daughter is my mother-in-law in so many ways, but the eeriest way is her voice. Not only does she sound like a younger version of my MiL voice-wise, she mimics her tone and accent on occassion too. The truly weird part is that she used to to do this when she was just learning to talk, and the MiL was almost never around her. It wasn't amatter that she was picking up this tone, it was like it was always there and just came out in certain occassions. Nowadays it is much less common, but it was so very disconcerting to hear my 4yr old daughter suddenly sound like my MiL.

They are alike in a number of other ways too. Very weird. It's odd to watch behaviour patterns expressions, vocal structure and so forth and see similarities to my folks, her folks, grandparents, etc. Sure, it is a human tendency to produce connections and coincidences where none may exist, but when the kid has the exact facial expression of a directly ancestor, it's creepy. When it is a behaviour, it is even more creepy.

Luckily, if the girls become like their mother, they'll be doing okay. "v" is awesome. And, so far, "v" shows her mother's behaviours, but is more like her dad overall. Very, very good thing.

 

[3113]

There are days I wonder just how much of what I do, what I want to do, is me, and not just my frikken genetic inheritance? How much is the guy I see in the mirror, and how much is a long string a sadistic bastards that contributed to my DNA?

Well, but it's all *you*. All the sadistic bastard stuff, but also all your Dad's good guy stuff and all that you got from your maternal line as well. And you have to figure, going back far enough, that sadistic DNA might be why your father's line survived to produce you

The important thing, I think, is that we live in a period of time where we can recognize and control (or channel) those inherited impulses in better ways. We don't have to just echo them because we don't understand them or have no better choice. So long, of course, as we aren't purely selfish like graceanne's sister who obviously *enjoys* her adrenaline highs no matter what they do to others.

I'm not saying it's easy to recognize when the genetics are urging you to act a certain way. Nor, come to that, is it easy to avoid what we learned in childhood. If a kid is raised in an inconsistent household where spilling something can one day earn him a beating and the next day get him nothing more than "Well, clean it up," then the kid learns to be ultra sensitive to people's moods, paranoid and defensive. Those things can't be turned off. But they can be recognized and mitigated in adulthood if said adult is willing to really, objectively look at themselves and understand where they got the habits they've got.

There may be no way to totally avoid being like your terrible mom or dad, but then it's unlikely that everything about mom or dad was bad in each and every circumstance. It take a lot of work and self-examination, but I think that a person can find ways, as so many here seem to have, to make good use rather than repetitive bad use of what we couldn't help but inherit--genetically or from how we were raised.