Chipbutty wants to know: what is the shape of madness?

[UnderYourSpell]

morning i must go write my fool poem in a minute but i'd like to ask you something, if i may?

has anyone ever suggested/have you asked/have you tried hypnotherapy before?

is it possible to erase those memories?

is it possible to distance you from them so they no longer cause direct pain and suffering?

is it something offered on the NHS at all, or would it all be private?

I paid to have hypnosis to give up smoking and he couldn't even put me under perhaps a better hypnotist could I don't know.
I only have partial memories now I sometimes wonder what I am blocking and that is a very weird feeling a sort of amnesia ... as hard as I try I can't bring it all back.
I tried a counsellor a while back who was crap although not completely I suppose as I know she was right in the fact that nothing was my fault but knowing it still doesn't quench the guilt in me. It doesn't always bother me anyway I've learnt to live with and bury it .... I just know it's there and funnily enough it may be what attributed to my sense of humour as I learnt a long time ago if you are making someone laugh they are not hitting you. As for the other 'stuff' outside of the home well best not discuss that too much on a public board. PM me if you want to know I'll tell you.
Doubt if anything is available on the NHS although when I first asked for help before it was for a little while then I had to pay

 

[Palba_Noruda]

Narrative therapy is really not different from cognitive therapy in that they both aim to correct thinking that can result in harm to self or others. What I like about narrative therapy though is the notion that my thinking isn't "wrong" per se, but the particular fiction my mind has invented to deal with whatever trauma I've had (like my sister's death, for example) is faulty and I need to invent another story that works better for me.

My therapist (who is also a descendent of a famous 19th-century American poet lol really--we were made for each other!) believes that Carl Rogers is the natural father of narrative therapy, but he (my therapist) has shaped his therapy to meet his interests in meditation. And it's really a winning combination because meditating teaches how to shut off the endless rattle of one's thinking and narrative therapy helps you see thinking for the fiction it mostly is. After all the enlightened state, that one tries to achieve when meditating, is awareness that is not thinking-focused. It may not make sense for someone else, but it works great for me.

God, this is very nice. I'm glad you posted more on this Angeline. I'm glad to know there are others out there who think this way LOL!

I can only speak for myself but I know many people here in the USA who either are in therapy or were at some point. I think even more people take whatever psychotropic drugs they take (Prozac, Xanax, whatever it is) because their primary care physician has prescribed it.

:

Mostly the primary care physician, yes. At least in the part of the U.S. where I live, it is impossible to see a psychiatrist (the shrink who CAN prescribe meds) unless you have a very serious disorder such as schizophrenia or unless you get admitted to the hospital. So if you want therapy, you see a psychologist. And if you want drugs you see your primary doc.

That's an interesting concept/approach. Gets me to ask the question - what is thinking and how does it differ from feelings? There are some pars of my past which my rational mind can dismiss and argue is no longer relevant, the the feeling thoughts remain and often are triggered by a variety of external stimuli.

That is a great question EO. From a physiological standpoint, I don't think there is THAT much difference between thinking and feeling. Both are changes in the electro-chemical energy of the body. Basically, nerve cells communicating with each other. They say there are slight differences in locations of the nerve cells and types of chemicals that are moving around between them. It's all very mysterious, isn't it? And there is certainly cross over between thinking and feeling... It feels a certain way to think, and feelings can become thoughts...

do any of you guys (i do believe UYS mentioned something about this before) consider you write better in one of your manic or odd phases than when swinging through that point of equilibrium? i've italicised all the words that are used as blankets here instead of plasters.

Kinda, but since my little phases are generally drug induced, and since I can't actually handle my drugs, I try to work around that. For one thing, I try not to worry about better/worse good/bad categories when it comes to poetry. I am interested in working towards just letting it be what it is, you know?

Still there has to be something to work toward. I like to revise, but what am I revising toward if I'm not trying to make it better? Some personal feeling of rightness, divorced from better or worse? But still, then you're there with rightness wrongness. Well, at least rightness takes into account the circumstance ... "Personal rightness" is dependent on context whereas goodness is not? So a poem one writes when feeling kinda average can be right for that time, whereas a different poem one rights when feeling manic can be right for THAT time...

EDIT: a painter I interviewed once said that he had done a certain painting to match exactly the vision in his mind... I found that very inspiring... He wasn't concerned about if it was good, I also found that inspiring... I think a person can consider everything they write to be "good" from some perspective. I like to imagine printing off and stacking up everything I ever wrote... I hope to have a very giant stack at the end... The individual pieces of writing can be considered, but so can the dimensions of the stack. As far as stacks of paper go, mine will be very good LOL

EDIT: For me there is an element of trusting what I have done or what I have said is valid. Not being embarrassed or ashamed. That I am a valid human being. That's actually been a big struggle for me for a long time. Sorry to get all Oprah on your asses LOL.

EDIT: As far as writing prose... For me, the reward of a prose practice is that over time, especially by methodically following form, patterns emerge that I wasn't aware of during the day to day writing... This happens really regardless of feeling manic or being high or sober or whatever... The pleasure is there from the practice more than anything, and I'm not overly concerned with if something is good. Again, though, there is revision, and I do read prose at a monthly workshop group, and I do want it to be good or at least moving, but I think I am trying to make it more in keeping with the form I am working in. So instead of considering if it is good or not, I try to evaluate it on how close it came to being like Alice Munro. LOL.

for sure many people feel they write better, some think they do then read their stuff when they are feeling more stable and um... disagree with themselves.


My question remains: how many would trade in their better work for a sense of stability? I am not sure. Of course it is not really a choice.

Look at Townes VanZandt. Fucking genius. Electro-shock treatment. Suffering. What would he have have chosen? I have no idea. I am just glad something good came out of his struggle.

we all got holes to fill
and sometimes them holes are all that's real

would he have filled in the holes if it meant never writing that song?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JGc2CvM0EQ
such a beautiful song... my friend put it on a cd he burned for me... (he burns some damn dark CDs

It's funny how music can be so much more popular than poetry... This song as much as any just has a little guitar playing and a little melody thrown into the poetry... It would be fun to try to sing some poems you have written, huh? Just see what kind of melodies come out of your mouth? One time when I was a little child, a visiting minister at my parents church played the guitar while the bible verses were being read... It was an awfully poetic passage and the guitar playing behind it made me about fly from my chair... I wished they did that all the time... Like a soundtrack or something.... That would be a fun challenge, to write a song...

 

[EroticOrogeny]

I paid to have hypnosis to give up smoking and he couldn't even put me under perhaps a better hypnotist could I don't know.
I only have partial memories now I sometimes wonder what I am blocking and that is a very weird feeling a sort of amnesia ... as hard as I try I can't bring it all back.
I tried a counsellor a while back who was crap although not completely I suppose as I know she was right in the fact that nothing was my fault but knowing it still doesn't quench the guilt in me. It doesn't always bother me anyway I've learnt to live with and bury it .... I just know it's there and funnily enough it may be what attributed to my sense of humour as I learnt a long time ago if you are making someone laugh they are not hitting you. As for the other 'stuff' outside of the home well best not discuss that too much on a public board. PM me if you want to know I'll tell you.
Doubt if anything is available on the NHS although when I first asked for help before it was for a little while then I had to pay

I've found that sharing my thoughts/feelings with my sponsor has helped me considerably with my key 'ghosts'. I write my 'story' and then read it with him. (AA 4th & 5th steps). For me that's part of my recovery from alcoholism, but the process should be usable in other situations. Again, its not total relief from my woes, but helps greatly, as do prayer and meditation. Perhaps you have an understanding minister/priest you can work with. Not sure, but perhaps since its not a 'professional' association may help.

 

[Palba_Noruda]

I've found that sharing my thoughts/feelings with my sponsor has helped me considerably with my key 'ghosts'. I write my 'story' and then read it with him. (AA 4th & 5th steps). For me that's part of my recovery from alcoholism, but the process should be usable in other situations. Again, its not total relief from my woes, but helps greatly, as do prayer and meditation. Perhaps you have an understanding minister/priest you can work with. Not sure, but perhaps since its not a 'professional' association may help.

It sounds like you have a good sponsor, EO. It must be very challenging to go through those steps. I applaud you for your courage.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

It sounds like you have a good sponsor, EO. It must be very challenging to go through those steps. I applaud you for your courage.

Thanks - its a lifetime thing, a day at a time. That day at a time really helps - just today - not tomorrow, next week, or back in the past. This month I'll be celebrating 28 years - over 10,000 days.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Palba I used to paint what was going on in my head all the time when I was a child (i.e the child in the deep dark wood) that one even got chosen to go into a show at school, but still nobody picked up on where that was coming from. Even when I told, when my mother denied it her word was taken over mine and I was branded a liar and sick in the head and forced to see a pshychiatrist.
Perhaps I should have told more to him but I never spoke about it again to anyone for another twenty years.

 

[Palba_Noruda]

Thanks - its a lifetime thing, a day at a time. That day at a time really helps - just today - not tomorrow, next week, or back in the past. This month I'll be celebrating 28 years - over 10,000 days.

Palba I used to paint what was going on in my head all the time when I was a child (i.e the child in the deep dark wood) that one even got chosen to go into a show at school, but still nobody picked up on where that was coming from. Even when I told, when my mother denied it her word was taken over mine and I was branded a liar and sick in the head and forced to see a pshychiatrist.
Perhaps I should have told more to him but I never spoke about it again to anyone for another twenty years.

Well I'm glad you're both here. It's a unique place to talk about such things when sometimes there isn't always a good place for that.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Well I'm glad you're both here. It's a unique place to talk about such things when sometimes there isn't always a good place for that.

Strange isn't it and ironic ...... a porn site?!!

 

[Palba_Noruda]

Strange isn't it and ironic ...... a porn site?!!

LOL. Oh the stories this porn site could tell!