Completely torn.

[lady_sensuous]

Give it (him) some time. He is doing what you asked him to. He probably is confused and angry. Wait a week or so. Then send him flowers or whatever (yes, women can do that too) with a note saying you made a huge mistake and although you still want to do right by your daughter, the two of you is something that she will have to accept. This gives you some time to talk to your ex and your daughter first, to set the record straight....

*smiles* I was the very first woman who ever gave him flowers. I will never forget his reaction. It was our first Valentine's Day together.

From him with some deleting of here and there...

I just wanted to say that I understand, and respect your decision. It doesn't make it any easier for me, but I will survive, I will be happy for the times we shared, and for how things ended... amicably, and with love. I can do this because I love you, because I want more than anything for you to be happy. I can promise not to write or call, but I can never promise to let you go... this I cannot do, for you hold a piece of my heart, you are special to me, and that will never change. I make you this promise not to write, but also with the request that if things change, if you ever feel compelled, please, do not hesitate to write me, to contact me again, to consider me being a part of your life again.

The reason he said he wouldn't write or call again is because I asked him to, afraid it would tempt me to go back. But I blew it and called him first.

This was not from an angry man. I called him after he wrote me because I was such a mess. He said he would call me later that night, which was Tues, and he never did. He probably thought it over, and is thinking more of the child. He has such a beautiful heart.

 

[M's girl]

*smiles* I was the very first woman who ever gave him flowers. I will never forget his reaction. It was our first Valentine's Day together.

From him with some deleting of here and there...

I just wanted to say that I understand, and respect your decision. It doesn't make it any easier for me, but I will survive, I will be happy for the times we shared, and for how things ended... amicably, and with love. I can do this because I love you, because I want more than anything for you to be happy. I can promise not to write or call, but I can never promise to let you go... this I cannot do, for you hold a piece of my heart, you are special to me, and that will never change. I make you this promise not to write, but also with the request that if things change, if you ever feel compelled, please, do not hesitate to write me, to contact me again, to consider me being a part of your life again.

The reason he said he wouldn't write or call again is because I asked him to, afraid it would tempt me to go back. But I blew it and called him first.

This was not from an angry man. I called him after he wrote me because I was such a mess. He said he would call me later that night, which was Tues, and he never did. He probably thought it over, and is thinking more of the child. He has such a beautiful heart.

OK... so...? If his words are true (which I don't doubt) then he loves you. You found yourself a man who can express himself like that. That's rare and you should hold on to him. I don't think he changed his mind that drastically, but of course only he knows; to both you and me it's all speculation. Men are far more uncomplicated in handling situations like this. They are probably far less emotional too, which makes it easier to take some distance without panicing. I bet he is just too busy or wants to give this whole situation some time to quiet down. Try to find a balance between letting him know how you feel and that you want him (back) and pushing it. You know him best...

 

[naamplao]

Well, I guess it's over. He won't return my calls anymore. He's probably doing this for my daughter's sake.

I'll get over it. I'll move on like I've done before with everybody else I've lost in my life. Maybe it's for the best. I don't know.

I thank everyone for your advice, the understanding and thoughtful pm's, and taking time to help me out here. It was appreciated.

l_s

He is hurt right now. He doesn't want to talk right now and that is probably a good thing since he really doesn't know what he wants to say now.

As M's Girl said, give him some time. Personally he is not someone who will dissappear from your life since you are still linked through your daughter. Once he resolves issues in his head he will hopefully be approachable again...just don't give him mixed messages as he is vulnerable right now. Keep firm about your SO but be friendly to him.

The common bond between you and your Ex is the welfare of your daughter keep the communication open because of that. He will realize this...it is important. I think your SO will understand this as well from what you said about him.

 

[lady_sensuous]

He is hurt right now. He doesn't want to talk right now and that is probably a good thing since he really doesn't know what he wants to say now.

As M's Girl said, give him some time. Personally he is not someone who will dissappear from your life since you are still linked through your daughter. Once he resolves issues in his head he will hopefully be approachable again...just don't give him mixed messages as he is vulnerable right now. Keep firm about your SO but be friendly to him.

The common bond between you and your Ex is the welfare of your daughter keep the communication open because of that. He will realize this...it is important. I think your SO will understand this as well from what you said about him.

Uugh. I wasn't talking about my ex. I was talking about my S.O.

 

[MagicFingers]

my 2 cents

You should not have given up your love for your SO because of your daughter's mental problems. No, I'm not calling her mental or crazy.
She needs counseling to get over your breakup with her dad. It's HER problem, although YOU must help her deal with it.

So, why should a girl ruin your life? She shouldn't. She's going to have the same problems wether you are with this guy, some other guy, or no guy.
I hope you can get him back, but it may be too late if you have chosen your daughter over him.

 

[wicked woman]

OK... so...? If his words are true (which I don't doubt) then he loves you. You found yourself a man who can express himself like that. That's rare and you should hold on to him. I don't think he changed his mind that drastically, but of course only he knows; to both you and me it's all speculation. Men are far more uncomplicated in handling situations like this. They are probably far less emotional too, which makes it easier to take some distance without panicing. I bet he is just too busy or wants to give this whole situation some time to quiet down. Try to find a balance between letting him know how you feel and that you want him (back) and pushing it. You know him best...

M's girl gives good advice. From someone who's had to write something like your SO did, that man obviously loves you. I sure wouldn't let him go if it was in my power.

I wish you well.

 

[lady_sensuous]

You should not have given up your love for your SO because of your daughter's mental problems. No, I'm not calling her mental or crazy.
She needs counseling to get over your breakup with her dad. It's HER problem, although YOU must help her deal with it.

Man, that's the most fucked up thing I've ever heard! Don't confuse mental problems with a little girl who has feelings.


And thank you, wicked woman.

I have no more comments. Thanks again, all.