Connection

[SilkVelvet]

incubus_dark and Goddess Helena, I see the point that you both make of course and of course both of you have experience in the lifestyle which I have not. Reading is not a substitute for the real experience, but since it would be foolish of me to leap in blindly to any situation in life, I am being cautious. I am sure that both of you must have come across wilful bratty subs in order to have the viewpoint that you do.

Goddess Helena, you refer to a pet, so I will take that literally to maybe make the question I was asking clearer.

Labradors are dogs who need a close bond with humans and to please them, in order to be happy. They most definitely need security and rules. However no Labrador arrives in a household trained and must be taught. As an inexperienced puppy and playful as all puppies are (and with Labs this stage seems to last longer than most) there is a tussle of wills. My reward for having persevered with my puppy is to have a dog who now obeys my commands, wants to spend as much time around me as possible and looks to me for reassurance and comfort when he is frightened by fireworks or a storm.

Horses are even more difficult. In my teens there was a mare who definitely thought she was the boss and was the stubbornest critter I have ever known, equine wise. yet in the end, not only did she submit to my wishes, she would park herself with her head in my lap to be stroked if I sat in her loose box, and she foaled in my presence which would go against her every natural instinct.

Not being a Dominant myself I didn't gain the trust of those animals by beating them, but by patience, persistence and reward. I could never be a switch, let alone a Dom !

But in wanting a pet/slave/sub/bottom to be always completey subservient from the off, I wonder where the reward and satisfaction for the Dominant kicks in. Surely unquestioning and total obedience all of the time must get boring ??? And if the person is always always obedient to every command, what happens to the discipline that both parties want and need from their respective angles ?

I am not wishing to be argumentative here in any way btw, I don't consider myself to be a brat. However questions are constantly popping up in my brain the more I read, and it does seem to me that we live in a wider world with little discipline and therefore for some people, BDSM will be the first real discipline they have encountered and conflicts of will are bound to occur in some instances ???

 

[Goddess Helena]

Perhaps I should have explained a bit more. After a trail period, if a submissive is not willing to obey me or questions my every statement, he will be set free. I do not want a doormat. In fact, I always look for an equal palymate and lover. However, after a long day, the last thing I want is a battle of wills at home. Francisco, my last submissive was a switch who is very agressive IRL. He bowed to my will because he craved submissive to me. An ongoing battle of wills does not interest me.

SilkVelvet, please call me Helena. I do not think you are trying to be argumentative. I think you are asking honest questions. That is encouraged around here last time I checked.

I use the term 'pet' to refer to a submissive slave. He does not get a name unless I decide to keep him. If I worked with a Lab for a year to get him into the show ring and he was not willing to remain standing while being shown, I would find him a pet home. No matter how pretty or loving, if he could not do the job I needed him for, he would be placed.

I think you made a good point by talking about the differences between a Lab and mare. All submissives are different. All are have a special gift to offer the One they serve. However, if I cannot make that gift shine, that submissive may be better off with another Dom/me.

Did any of that make sense? I'm not sleeping well and tell cannot anymore. Please forgive this sleepy Domme.

 

[dragonlace]

being a submissive/slave i have a tendancy to do for others before myself but that does not mean that i submit to anyone but Master. I am His and will do as He asks no matter the reason or task but others i do for because it pleases me but they can ask something of me and i will say no point blank because i am not theirs and will never be. I have had a really hard time with my submission because i cannot submit to a weaker individual and am a very willful, stubborn individual(also a scorpio which doesn't help). It has taken me a while to find a Master who can control me and who i can submit to with all that i am. In the past i held back because they were not strong enough to take all of me completely and that was unfullfilling for both them and me. Now that i can give myself totally with perfect trust i am fullfilled and blissful just being His.

My meaning in this is that sometimes the perfect match takes time and even though i have always been a submissive, until i found the Dom that was right for me i could never fully submit to another. Master has my submission and myself to do with as He sees fit and i wouldn't want it any other way.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Hello Helena,

I am very curious about the relationship you describe here. It is very different then the one's I have had in the past and am having now. I for example do not mind my slave questioning me; in fact it is one of the rules she has to live by. Of course this does not mean that she is allowed to be disrespectful or not obey me without question, if I so desire and that is easily accomplished by the tone of my voice.

Maybe battle of wills is putting it too strong. However what makes me so curios about your statements is the following. Suppose that you make a mistake, let’s say something simple, you are at a crossroad and to reach the place you are heading you need to make a left turn. Let’s say that you make a mistake, and we can all make mistakes we are not gods, and you make a right turn.

Is your slave allowed to correct you?

You see in my case, I encourage my slave/partner to correct me when I do make mistakes or am about to, even more, if I find out that she knew that the correct turn to make was the left turn, and she let me make the wrong turn without warning me, I would punish her.

Francisco.

 

[Netzach]

I'm the same as Francisco in this regard. I said to M once,

"if you ever think I'm smoking something, when words come out of my mouth, dude, I *demand* that you say so."

Another thing I thought of here is that my *wants* are really dynamic. Maybe it's an age factor, I'm 29, full grown, yes, but not certain of a lot. I might point M down a road one day and then realize that it's not getting me or him anywhere good, and then backing up is in order.

Most of my life is a trial period. It's founded on experimentation, there's a lot of room to discover and err and improve on both our sides. One of my needs is to be entertained and engaged and kept company. A constant yes-sayer will never be able to do that. I should, as the party leading this tango, retain the right to decide NOT to decide something. I have been in a vanilla relationship where I made the decisions because they *fell on me* not because the right was *transferred to me* and there's a huge difference.

He's going to have to be able to fill in that blank, sometimes, and make a decision I don't care to make, and to do that he's got to feel like he has license to.

 

[Richard49]

Life is a labortory in wish I confront my spirituality