Criticism on robertreams' excerpt [Split from another SF thread]

[lowphat]

You guys are missing Robert's whole point. He posted his "Graph" and we were supposed to be awed and inspired. The master wordsmith has shared a piece of his perfection with us.

I went and read more of the story, and it seems awful "Wordy" to me, and the dialog is straight out of the 60s or something. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong but who says, "Good Buddy," to their friend, or "Ol Pal" and stuff like that? A nun that doesn't know what the middle finger means, seriously?

The river has a strong current but its as smooth as glass? The lowering dusk? Dusk is a moment in time caused by an action, the setting sun. So we have two guys wrapped in towels covered in grease from stomach to chest, oh but wait Robert, you said they were naked right? Nope, they're both wrapped in towels, which last I looked cover more than most summer shorts or trunks would.

The whole scene is a disaster if you ask me. The two guys are remembering a nun and the middle finger, both talking, and somehow they laughed so hard beer shot from their noses? They told the joke, took a mouthful of beer, and then started laughing?

They never wash up after you made this big deal of them eating like pigs, now they're touching each other, and out of the blue one of them says they've never spent an entire day together until today? Life long best friends that have never spent an entire day together?

No sexual confusion for a couple straight guys deciding they're into each other, they just accept it the first time it comes up.

Sorry, beyond the realm of belief in my eyes. You're the last guy that should be giving story advice to others. Now that's just my opinion, which didn't cost you a dime.

I didn't even mention the spelling errors or the bad grammer, but you already know you can't edit your own work, so I'll leave that alone.

 

[sr71plt]

I didn't realize that it was the moderator who split off the discussion and started a new thread, so maybe Robert wasn't the one pushing the discussion on this.

lowphat does because the history of that poster is to tear at both Robert and me (and, if you check into lowphat's posting history, you'll see that this what this account name is all about), so I can't get past that as a motivation for lowphat's continued posts.

I would hope that Robert would lose steam on this now so that lowphat will run out of attack and we can move on. I think, in general, that Robert messes too much with the content of what folks ask for reviews of on this board, but at least he's trying to help.

 

[lowphat]

I didn't realize that it was the moderator who split off the discussion and started a new thread, so maybe Robert wasn't the one pushing the discussion on this.

lowphat does because the history of that poster is to tear at both Robert and me (and, if you check into lowphat's posting history, you'll see that this what this account name is all about), so I can't get past that as a motivation for lowphat's continued posts.

I would hope that Robert would lose steam on this now so that lowphat will run out of attack and we can move on. I think, in general, that Robert messes too much with the content of what folks ask for reviews of on this board, but at least he's trying to help.

So you agree with me, but I'm the asshole? Go get a life fuck nut. Better yet, go write something for the story side, and quite blathering on the forum just to boost your post count.

 

[lovecraft68]

I didn't realize that it was the moderator who split off the discussion and started a new thread, so maybe Robert wasn't the one pushing the discussion on this.

lowphat does because the history of that poster is to tear at both Robert and me (and, if you check into lowphat's posting history, you'll see that this what this account name is all about), so I can't get past that as a motivation for lowphat's continued posts.

I would hope that Robert would lose steam on this now so that lowphat will run out of attack and we can move on. I think, in general, that Robert messes too much with the content of what folks ask for reviews of on this board, but at least he's trying to help.

I think its great Robert participates here and takes the time to read and critique-which is what is being asked for here- but sometimes it seems he does it insincerely as if he is more trying to 'show off' then to be helpful, maybe I'm wrong in that, but he does seem to take delight in shredding things and being hard handed when he does.

But there is no stipulation here the feedback has to be glowing or even polite.

 

[sr71plt]

So you agree with me, but I'm the asshole? Go get a life fuck nut. Better yet, go write something for the story side, and quite blathering on the forum just to boost your post count.

Thanks for illustrating my point.

And, let's see, I had an entry post to the story side yesterday and another one will post tomorrow, and your point, ye of only one story posted ever, is what?

 

[lowphat]

Thanks for illustrating my point.

And, let's see, I had an entry post to the story side yesterday and another one will post tomorrow, and your point, ye of only one story posted ever, is what?

Quality not quantity Can you read that numb nuts?

So what point did I make for you? That I call you and Robert on your bullshit? That's no secret, I'll tell the whole world I can't stand you. Your time spent here is a complete waste of bandwidth.

Do you have anything important to say, or do we get more of your regurgitated BS?

You piss and moan about your poor scores, and you crank out a story every 48 hours? No wonder they get so few views and low scores. Maybe you should get Robert to help you out, he has all the answers.

 

[sr71plt]

Annnnd, you just keep on illustrating my point. Thank you.

(Oh, and in case you haven't been paying attention, you're getting close to the edge of the moderator trimming this thread way back. You haven't noticed him doing that of late on threads you and Hatecraft send into frenzied hate land?)

 

[lowphat]

Annnnd, you just keep on illustrating my point. Thank you.

(Oh, and in case you haven't been paying attention, you're getting close to the edge of the moderator trimming this thread way back. You haven't noticed him doing that of late on threads you and Hatecraft send into frenzied hate land?)

Like I give a shit, trim away mods

Robert stated that in prior "Graphs" he explained that the two men were naked. He said it not me, so I checked. It was bullshit, he was just trying to defend himself against you. Did I give him a harsh review? Sure I did, but no harsher than the reviews he gives others.

Now you, you just jump in and try to climb up my ass like some 70 year old perv, and act like you're some holy light in the darkness.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I didn't even mention the spelling errors or the bad grammer, but you already know you can't edit your own work, so I'll leave that alone.

"Grammar"

 

[lowphat]

"Grammar"

Yep, I'm not perfect either, but I'll admit it.

 

[sr71plt]

"Grammar"

(thanks)

 

[lowphat]

(thanks)

Aren't we petty athetic smiley goes here

 

[lovecraft68]

"Grammar"

What about Gramma? I didn't think this was the incest section

 

[sr71plt]

Aren't we petty athetic smiley goes here

Funny that you mention petty, seeing as how you go after my writing (why the hell should I care that you sink to attacking me on my writing? You haven't read my writing and wouldn't be honest about it if you had, seeing as how you obviously just want to use it as an avenue of personal attack) when my writing isn't remotely relevant to the discussion. You're the one who brought up submitting stories to Lit.--and stupidly brought it up too, considering that I've posted more stories to Lit this week than you've posted in your lifetime. And who are you stupid enough to think will be impressed by your invoking story quality?

You're just crawling in the sewer--and continuing to illustrate my point on your behavior toward Robert and me on the forum. You're doing kindergarten posting.

 

[lowphat]

Funny that you mention petty, seeing as how you go after my writing (why the hell should I care that you sink to attacking me on my writing? You haven't read my writing and wouldn't be honest about it if you had, seeing as how you obviously just want to use it as an avenue of personal attack) when my writing isn't remotely relevant to the discussion. You're the one who brought up submitting stories to Lit.--and stupidly brought it up too, considering that I've posted more stories to Lit this week than you've posted in your lifetime. And who are you stupid enough to think will be impressed by your invoking story quality?

You're just crawling in the sewer--and continuing to illustrate my point on your behavior toward Robert and me on the forum. You're doing kindergarten posting.

Absolutely nothing you've posted today is relevant to the thread, you just jumped in and jumped me, so you got jumped back.

As for your writing, you brought mine up first, so like I said, you got jumped back. Now run along and let the grownups talk.

 

[sr71plt]

As for your writing, you brought mine up first,

I'm game. Point to where I've ever said anything about your story writing.

 

[robertreams]

all right goddamnit . Now who is being pissy. This is so much fucking bullshit. Everyday messages me offering an olive branch and then attacks me personally me every time he sees my name. There are at least a dozen authors on Lit. who are very satisfied with the editing I have done for them YOU get over it! Now I have bubbles, also offended by my critique. On a forum like this , when one is asked to critique the work of others, there is always the chance that someone will be offended, but tho I may have said something about someone's writing, I hav never said anythif personal about anyone here, except maybe JBJ. Now you attack my life and my career. You know nothing about me. I am ashamed of all of you. Several of you have not even read the post in question. I know I said I would not speak on this again, but that was before bubbles from left field came on board with his stinging vitriol about my life and career, again, about which he knows nothing. This is completely uncalled for.

 

[Everyday_Man]

all right goddamnit . Everyday messages me offering an olive branch and then attacks me personally me every time he sees my name.

I haven't pm'd you in months, and that was to decline your offer to edit my story .... I recall saying, we got off on the wrong foot, no hard feelings. This was back in April.

It's been awhile, and I don't 'attack' I offer counter advice that doesn't completely destroy yours, but says you go to far sometimes on your willingness to cut from writing. Trimming is good, but sometimes a little fat is good to have. At the end of this I made some comments that might have offended you, but you're so over the top, it had to be said.

Good luck to you Robert (you do have an ego).

 

[sr71plt]

Ah, gee. I thought we were waiting for lowphat to back up that "attacked my writing first" claim.

 

[lovecraft68]

Ah, gee. I thought we were waiting for lowphat to back up that "attacked my writing first" claim.

You made a remark about him only having one story here....

That's all I noticed that was said. So you may have been making a "what do you know" point, but that was all I saw, not an attack on his actual writing.

This thread is getting to be pop corn worthy, but confusing...I still don't see what he big fuss is over,

 

[sr71plt]

I'm surprised the later part of this thread is still here. The moderator stripped down an earlier thread--twice--for just this sort of off-topic attacking.

That lowphat has only one story posted to Literotica is simply a fact--and noting it was prompted by lowphat's suggestion that I needed to go off and work on Literotica stories, when I'd already had more posted this week than lowphat had posted in a lifetime. I thought/think that was worthy of highlighting for lowphat-initiated horse laugh value.

Absolutely no comment by me, backbiting for attack value or otherwise, anywhere or at any time on lowphat's writing ability--which I can't say for lowphat (or for you, for that matter).

 

[lovecraft68]

I think the thread is still here because SB split it off as a "here you kids can argue here" thread.

 

[sr71plt]

Well, this conversation is fun--and worthwhile if it gives Robert time to cool down and resist putting his fingers on the computer keyboard.

 

[lowphat]

Well, this conversation is fun--and worthwhile if it gives Robert time to cool down and resist putting his fingers on the computer keyboard.

You think this thread is fun because it gives you a chance to draw attention to yourself.

Now you can have the last word, since you derailed yet another thread.

 

[sr71plt]

No, lowphat, that's not backing up your claim that I attacked your story writing first, or at all. You have one assignment to show that you don't just make up shit, and you're failing at that.