crying after sex

[BiBunny]

Apparently, all the "talk to her" advice in the other thread was for naught.

 

[Felix_Jones]

So my wife and I were "playing" me dom and her my captive slave tied to the bed teasing the hell out of her with oral and not letting her cum and making her beg for me to let her cum and after she came she said thankyou in a whimpering and relieved voice then curled up and cried.....? WTF?

has anyone else have this happen?

Chicks are weird, man.

 

[micia_sira]

Yea we did talk about it afterward but not in great detail.

I wont go into detail of what exactly we did atm but we hadnt done anything really at this level that night. Only very light bondage and spanking we have done before. This time I suppose it was more physchological.

She didnt say the safe word at all and afterwards told me she was humiliated and didnt want to do things like that again.

Now I feel awful because I got off on it and she didnt.

I thought being in a 8 yr relationship she would be able to be honest during sex and now I feel I cant trust her anymore not to mention she will never be a part of my world.

Hi bdsm_lover

I just stumbled over this thread. I'm not into bdsm or D/s, so I apologize if I might not get all the points.

I was just wondering if Catalina might be right about all this. I read the other thread, too, and I asked myself, how I would react to something so new. If it's really only two days ago, that you were fantasizing about "spicing up" your sex life, but you hadn't done anything like it until then, and you just had a baby (I guess it's maybe one or two months old), I wonder how it's possible that you say here differently, because you mention that you have done light bondage and spanking before. So what is it?

I, as "outsider" to this world, have to say, that before trying something like this with my partner, I have to be able to completely trust him. I would need time to talk about it, maybe try one single thing, then wait a few days before talking about it or doing it again. I can't imagine, that she had enough time to prepare herself to the situation. I mean, only 2 days?!
You know, even using the safe word, needs trust. How should she know you wouldn't refuse her, if she used the word? From what you wrote here, I don't see much reassurance for her, that whatever happens, she would always be safe with you. I can understand, that she feels humiliated, because in some way, you made her gift become a humiliation.
Instead of staying with her, telling her that everything is ok, that you still love her and more, you write here, that you feel betrayed by her. I just ask right back at you..WTF?!

The way you show yourself here, doesn't feel honest and right, sorry. Maybe you should work on that first, before you blame your wife.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Either way, for someone saying they are new to this and asking advice, it seems a major over reaction and judgemental. So he sees it OK to himself be new and unsure and ask advice, but she dare do something like not use a safeword or cry and she has no hope of being part of his D/s world, or possibly real world, depending what he meant?! Not a good way of thinking if you want a successful relationship, either vanilla or D/s. Being a PYL does not give you an automatic pass to make mistakes or bad choices without consequence while learning, but expecting your pyl to suffer consequences for doing the same. Perhaps this could be his first lesson if he is for real. Wonder what type of father he makes with this short a wick?

Catalina

I have to say, I read it more like him freaking out over getting off on something that she didn´t enjoy at all and beeing afraid that they will have a hard time finding common ground when it comes to this.

 

[Allyourbase]

D/s. Being a PYL does not give you an automatic pass to make mistakes or bad choices without consequence while learning, but expecting your pyl to suffer consequences for doing the same.

I have to say, I read it more like him freaking out over getting off on something that she didn´t enjoy at all and beeing afraid that they will have a hard time finding common ground when it comes to this.

See, that's what I meant too. I really don't really see the 'suffer consequences'-part. But that's just me, and we might very well be miscommunicating here while speculating about something. Way to spend an evening, hm I reckon bdsm_lover himself can enlighten us on how he meant it.

 

[bdsm_lover]

I have to say, I read it more like him freaking out over getting off on something that she didn´t enjoy at all and beeing afraid that they will have a hard time finding common ground when it comes to this.

You have hit the nail on the head! Thank you for not being an ignorant bastard and judging when you dont know everything that happened : )

Also just so people know I mad her a cuppa and fed her chocolate and cuddled and told her i love her so much and that i was sorry she didnt enjoy it afterwards.

she said she didnt like it straight after while she was still emotional but seemed to love it whilst doing so. upon talking to her i have realised that she just had a hard time dealing with letting go of control as she likes to have control of everything in life and was a huge relief at the end of it.

People who judge my parenting skills based on this are ignorant and please come back when you actually see what i do for our baby. the bub is also 10 months old not 2 months but i suppose lets to jump to conclusions and start the flaming.

 

[Stella_Omega]

If you are going to take exception to people's inferences, I would suggest being more careful and more complete when you write your posts.

Also just so people know I mad her a cuppa and fed her chocolate and cuddled and told her i love her so much and that i was sorry she didnt enjoy it afterwards.

You didn't say this in the comment people are reacting to, and I am very glad to hear it.

What you are dealing with is a need for "aftercare" and you did good!

Dom/sub play is a bit different than top/bottom, in that you are playing with the mind. A post-natal woman has hormone influences that... krist, I hate to remember those days, personally. I would never have dared let someone mess with my brain two months after having my babies. Spanking, slapping, forced orgasms, bondage-- I was a pig for the physical, any time I had the extra energy. But I had to reserve my emotional sensitivity for the baby.

 

[IrisAlthea]

You have hit the nail on the head! Thank you for not being an ignorant bastard and judging when you dont know everything that happened : )

Also just so people know I mad her a cuppa and fed her chocolate and cuddled and told her i love her so much and that i was sorry she didnt enjoy it afterwards.

she said she didnt like it straight after while she was still emotional but seemed to love it whilst doing so. upon talking to her i have realised that she just had a hard time dealing with letting go of control as she likes to have control of everything in life and was a huge relief at the end of it.

People who judge my parenting skills based on this are ignorant and please come back when you actually see what i do for our baby. the bub is also 10 months old not 2 months but i suppose lets to jump to conclusions and start the flaming.

Like Stella says, It´s a good idea to try to be as clear as possible in your posts, because it´s really very easy to misunderstand when all you have to go on is text on a webpage.

 

[bdsm_lover]

Also in My other thread I may have exaggerated the never in the mood for sex part just feels like it to me.

I dont have the net and an using this forum on my crappy $50 phone so please forgive me if dont in to lengths to explain everything as I would be here for a week trying to type on my crappy phone. Lol

 

[teknight]

Also in My other thread I may have exaggerated the never in the mood for sex part just feels like it to me.

I dont have the net and an using this forum on my crappy $50 phone so please forgive me if dont in to lengths to explain everything as I would be here for a week trying to type on my crappy phone. Lol

No worries.
You're learning.
And don't let negative presumptuous comments daunt you.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Also in My other thread I may have exaggerated the never in the mood for sex part just feels like it to me.

I dont have the net and an using this forum on my crappy $50 phone so please forgive me if dont in to lengths to explain everything as I would be here for a week trying to type on my crappy phone. Lol

We'll try to remember that!

Yes, she will surely have less energy for sex. She has a baby. YOUR baby. Her instincts are driving her to make sure that baby survives and thrives, just as hard as you were driven to knock her up by all that wonderful fucking!

That's a tough noogies situation for you, I'm afraid. But these are the times that seperate the men from the boys.

Don't stop wooing her, try your damndest to not take it personally when she turns you down, and give her the best possible sex when ever she gives you the chance. Don't let her sex drive slip away.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

You have hit the nail on the head! Thank you for not being an ignorant bastard and judging when you dont know everything that happened : )

Also just so people know I mad her a cuppa and fed her chocolate and cuddled and told her i love her so much and that i was sorry she didnt enjoy it afterwards.

she said she didnt like it straight after while she was still emotional but seemed to love it whilst doing so. upon talking to her i have realised that she just had a hard time dealing with letting go of control as she likes to have control of everything in life and was a huge relief at the end of it.

People who judge my parenting skills based on this are ignorant and please come back when you actually see what i do for our baby. the bub is also 10 months old not 2 months but i suppose lets to jump to conclusions and start the flaming.

You know, if you actually put all the details in your original posts, instead of leaving massive gaps that people have to fill in on their own, people might not be so "judgemental".

We're not fucking mindreaders, champ. Think about that.

And stop throwing tantrums. If you bothered to actually read this board much, other than being a completely self serving jerk, you'd realise these people will always give honest advice, even if it's something you don't want to hear, and most of it will be OF HELP TO YOU.

 

[subish2009]

FWIW, it took me until my baby was about 18 months before my sex drive really came back, but when it did, it came back with a vengeance! And it has stayed that way (she's 3 1/2 now)...at the levels it was at when I was a teenager (i.e., HIGH).

And again, FWIW, I've cried occasionally during/after orgasm. I completely agree with everyone who says that it can be just a part of the huge physical and emotional release. That's a good thing. But if BDSM is new, and she's trying to come to terms with who she is (becoming someone's mother is a HUGE change in self-identity! HUGE!!!! CanNOT be overestimated!), what she wants, what YOU want, probably is feeling some guilt about not being as "into" sex as she thinks she "should" be (that's presumptuous of me, but I'm taking a stab, since I'm assuming she's at least a little bit pyl, and therefore likely eager to please you). I've had BDSM tendencies as long as I've had ANY sexual awareness, and it took until my 30s to start really making piece with my desires and accepting my sexuality. It's not that way for everyone...but then some people take even longer.

And I'm just gonna throw this out there on the off chance that it sticks...are you feeling pretty confident that there's no post-partum depression here? I'm not seeing HUGE flashing warning signs, but it's something that can be easily missed, so just something to consider.

Good luck to all three of you.

 

[vintage63]

ok so just saying...

I wanted sex, badly at that, about 4 days after giving birth. Maybe I am the freak

cheers

 

[bdsm_lover]

You know, if you actually put all the details in your original posts, instead of leaving massive gaps that people have to fill in on their own, people might not be so "judgemental".
We're not fucking mindreaders, champ. Think about that.
And stop throwing tantrums. If you bothered to actually read this board much, other than being a completely self serving jerk, you'd realise these people will always give honest advice, even if it's something you don't want to hear, and most of it will be OF HELP TO YOU.

what happened to ppl asking questions before assuming things?

this is a forum for discussing+which+invloves+asking+questions+as+well+as+making+statements.

 

[teknight]

what happened to ppl asking questions before assuming things?

this is a forum for discussing+which+invloves+asking+questions+as+well+as+making+statements.

Oh, come on.
Don't assume high mindedness as a means to chide. We're all humans, and have faults.
You weren't clear with your story- that's your fault.
Some jumped on you 'cause of your flawed story, and how they chose to fill in the gaps.

None are "innocent," so, please don't do that.

 

[Stella_Omega]

what happened to ppl asking questions before assuming things?

You're expecting people to do your communication for you. You will be forever disappointed, sorry to say.

 

[bdsm_lover]

Again sorry about the + signs. I have no idea why it does that On my phone

 

[bdsm_lover]

im sorry, i didnt realise this was a courtroom where you have to have the perfect statement without flaws or you will be thrown in jail without questioning.

wait even in a courtroom you are questioned. maybe i should open this forum at my local courthouse. might actually feel like im not a criminal there. which is saying something.

i will say thanks to the people who actually gave me advice. i do appreciate it. the other people though, saying things like what kind of father am i, that is an insult not advice.

i dont have much experience using online forums and+didnt+expect+people+to+act+like+this.

when+i+talk+to+a+friend+face+to+face+and+i+am+telling+them+a+story+they+will+usually+ask+"and+what+happened+next"+etc,+they+wouldnt+just+start+getting+up+me.

so+i+ask+if+you+were+listening+to+a+friends+story+face+to+face+would+you+simply+start+telling+them+what+they+did+wrong+and+grilling+them+for+it+or+would+you+listen+to+them+then+ask+questions+if+you+missed+something+or+didnt+quite+get+the+whole+picture?

i+get+that+it+is+different+using+a+forum+than+what+it+is+talking+face+to+face+but+really+its+not+that+different.+the+only+thing+you+dont+get+is+facial+expressions+and+tone+of+voice+but+i+dont+think+even+with+that+in+this+case+wouldnt+have+made+any+difference.

 

[ViolentCupcake]

The one time I cried it had been a VERY long time since I had sex. I think that's why I cried.

 

[teknight]

im sorry, i didnt realise this was a courtroom where you have to have the perfect statement without flaws or you will be thrown in jail without questioning.

wait even in a courtroom you are questioned. maybe i should open this forum at my local courthouse. might actually feel like im not a criminal there. which is saying something.

i will say thanks to the people who actually gave me advice. i do appreciate it. the other people though, saying things like what kind of father am i, that is an insult not advice.

i dont have much experience using online forums and+didnt+expect+people+to+act+like+this.

when+i+talk+to+a+friend+face+to+face+and+i+am+telling+them+a+story+they+will+usually+ask+"and+what+happened+next"+etc,+they+wouldnt+just+start+getting+up+me.

so+i+ask+if+you+were+listening+to+a+friends+story+face+to+face+would+you+simply+start+telling+them+what+they+did+wrong+and+grilling+them+for+it+or+would+you+listen+to+them+then+ask+questions+if+you+missed+something+or+didnt+quite+get+the+whole+picture?

i+get+that+it+is+different+using+a+forum+than+what+it+is+talking+face+to+face+but+really+its+not+that+different.+the+only+thing+you+dont+get+is+facial+expressions+and+tone+of+voice+but+i+dont+think+even+with+that+in+this+case+wouldnt+have+made+any+difference.

OK.
Now you're just acting petty.
You've explained yourself, you've been hurt.
If you want me to apologize, fine: I'm sorry for picking on your attempt to exonerate yourself.

Happy now?

 

[bdsm_lover]

The one time I cried it had been a VERY long time since I had sex. I think that's why I cried.

do you think you were emotional because you finally had sex after so long and you were happy/ relieved? or for another reason?
i know why my partner cried now but never knew people did this and am curious now about other peoples experiences with this...?
had you engaged in some form of bdsm or was it vanilla?
does this happen with vanilla sex as well or only with more hardcore stuff?

 

[cromsgirl]

It happens with vanilla sex. I use to do this occasionally and that was long before I'd even heard of BDSM. It is just a way to relieve stress period, any of the stresses she might be experiencing. Of course, crying has always been my stress release no matter the situation.

 

[Etoile]

Hey bdsm_lover, you have PMs turned off, so I'll just ask you here. What phone do you use? I've never seen the + thing but I'm curious to investigate it further. Just wondering what brand and model it is so I can google around for that particular problem.

 

[bdsm_lover]

how do i turn pms on? didnt know i had them turned off : (