Crying...Good or bad?

[babiesmiles]

i need extra aftercare if i'm crying...but i'm just a big baby

me too .... I was just trying to be cynical !!

 

[blue kat]

I like tears. A LOT!

But you know what the best part is? I take my girl and beat her, tease her, scare her (she cries when she frightened. I try to scare her GOOD at least once a month. ) and then she comes back for more. Begs even.

 

[shy slave]

I like tears. A LOT!

But you know what the best part is? I take my girl and beat her, tease her, scare her (she cries when she frightened. I try to scare her GOOD at least once a month. ) and then she comes back for more. Begs even.

Luckily girls are weird like that !

 

[sunfox]

I am not a crier. I suppose it would be possible to hurt me enough to bring tears to my eyes, but I'm more likely to scream than I am to cry.

It generally takes emotional distress of some kind to bring tears.. not the mindfuck kind of distress.. just the loss kind of distress, losing a friend/family member/pet. And C doesn't like it when I cry, because I am so self-possessed most of the time that any tears mean I'm falling apart.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

.. bite him and you'll be in a scolds bridle for a year.

And you can bet the body part of your choice if i chose to go there, it wouldn't be the flat spoon variety.

I want the Scary Monster

*Stamps foot*

You can't have him. Keep stamping your feet though and you might get lucky and hit your own foot ...

 

[babiesmiles]

You can't have him. Keep stamping your feet though and you might get lucky and hit your own foot ...

Here is a true Sadist !!

 

[Trinique_Fire]

Mmhm. I'm scared to fucking death of losing control of my emotions like that. But it's same thing as something I mentioned to Luna last night while I was reading a glossary of BDSM terms. I came across the definition of needle play and freaked out. Luna, in all Her good nature looked over at me and basically wanted to know how I could refuse to try something that I had no idea about. There's major logic in that one. I thought about it for a little bit and went back to say that if it ever came down to it, I'd try just about anything, at least once, sans any "toilet play."

Losing control of emotion, especially in a sexual situation, is something that, IMO should only be done with someone you truly trust. I'm talking about real trust, not sitting there for hours, convincing yourself that you trust this person. If you trust them, you shouldn't have to think about it too much. Personally, I think in such a situation, I could handle losing control of my emotions, breaking down, crying, what have you. In order to overcome a fear, sometimes it's best to face it. Fear is a natural reaction to things that sound unappealing to us. Fear is the reason I denounced needle play last night. Fear also hinders us and blurs our thinking pattern. We panic and say or do the first thing that comes to mind, like the stupid chicks in horror movies who run up the stairs or back themselves into a corner while being chased.

Your initial response to something that's alien to you is almost always going to make you feel a bit apprehensive. Embrace it. I'm serious. Embrace whatever fear or apprehension you have and think seriously about the situation. If you trust your boyfriend, you should be able to sit down, talk about it, or sit down and write him a letter or e-mail (I'll admit, it can be a lot easier to talk through writing) discussing your fears on the topic. Talk about it, read up on it, and then do it. And the best part is that if you don't like it, you never have to do it again.

Best of luck

 

[schmerzgarten]

Tears of submission v. tears of rage...

I can think of scenes in which tears flowed and I felt a profound release. Those were the moments in which career goals, facades of outward success ceased to exist. Perhaps, that sounds selfish, but for me it was a time of connection and inspired me on every level toward greater submission to the dominant.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Tears don't happen all so easy for me. When they do, it means that the other person got in ...they found "me" and I'm frightened and excited and i don't what whatever is happening to stop.
When i feel the tears rolling down my cheeks i feel calm and peaceful and ready to step further into what is going on at the moment. I do not sob or whine or scream, just silent tears.
Often, after, i feel too opened and exposed and aftercare is something that would make me cringe. Left alone to put my pieces back together usually works best for me.
Normal every day me would rather die then to let someone see me cry. I feel that shows the world a softness that i shouldn't expose, so i reserve my tears and all that they mean for only the ones i truly trust.

 

[dolf]

Normal every day me would rather die then to let someone see me cry.

so true...it's what makes the experience so intimate.

 

[YinandYang]

The tears arouse a desire to bring more. While i may enjoy the cuddling thereafter, i rarely don't "turn on" when i've drawn tears from a partner through pain. If i can get said partner to scream herself hoarse into a snot dripping, bawling her eyes out mess, all the better. Whether i do so as a surgeon in a methodical, meticulous, layer by layer, stripping to the core ordeal; or claw for the heart of the matter all at once depends on my mood.

When I read your post AA, I get a familiar feeling rising that is hard to describe. This feeling I get isnt really just about the sexual or physical, its also about the spiritual and emotional. When the above happens, it ALWAYS has me looking inside deeper, sometimes I find it a scary place to look. But also understand that this is perhaps the intention also? Its a feeling of being completely feminine to his mascualine. Its not just pain that can make me cry, but also sheer longing too, or even the emotion. I guess thats what you mean by stripping away the layers? As in not just a physical way? So, for me, crying is good, because it is me open and honest, there is nothing I can hide. Which kind me makes me feel like I am submitting with everything. Its a relief.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Its not just pain that can make me cry, but also sheer longing too, or even the emotion. I guess thats what you mean by stripping away the layers? As in not just a physical way?

Close, and i'll buy a vowel for your definition. Yours works. kittycat opines/alludes a little closer to my stripping of layers. Well chosen words stripe (intended) painfully with truth, although i wouldn't recommend walking that razor's edge without knowing your partner very well. The humiliation/degradation twist can spin a relationship out of control in the middle of a hairpin turn. Always nice to know you can grab some hair to get it back in control in a hurry if need be.

 

[snowy ciara]

Suppose you have a pyl who is not a crier. I've cried I think three times in the 18 months. Once was from pain, once was from betrayal and I'm not even gonna go into what happened the last time. But in general, I don't cry and I fight it tooth and nail or find other ways to express the emotion. Some more healthier than others, but that's not so unusual. Anyway.

So, if you have a pyl that doesn't cry and fights it, and by extension, you, where do you go from there? Force the issue or let it go? Would a refusal to give in trigger a punitive response?

 

[catalina_francisco]

The humiliation/degradation twist can spin a relationship out of control in the middle of a hairpin turn. Always nice to know you can grab some hair to get it back in control in a hurry if need be.

Very true....is good to be in the hands of an artist who seems to magically know when to apply a bit of the blunt rescue talk before proceeding with his plans with someone who trusts he will be there no matter what happens simply because he enjoys the roller coaster ride as well.

Catalina

 

[Marquis]

Suppose you have a pyl who is not a crier. I've cried I think three times in the 18 months. Once was from pain, once was from betrayal and I'm not even gonna go into what happened the last time. But in general, I don't cry and I fight it tooth and nail or find other ways to express the emotion. Some more healthier than others, but that's not so unusual. Anyway.

So, if you have a pyl that doesn't cry and fights it, and by extension, you, where do you go from there? Force the issue or let it go? Would a refusal to give in trigger a punitive response?

I think you just need a more skilled tormentor. I've yet to meet a little girl I couldn't make cry.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Suppose you have a pyl who is not a crier ... So, if you have a pyl that doesn't cry and fights it, and by extension, you, where do you go from there?

You strip, stripe, strip until said pyl teetered on the edge of breaking.

 

[snowy ciara]

I think you just need a more skilled tormentor. I've yet to meet a little girl I couldn't make cry.

It wasn't presented as a challenge, Marquis. You may make me cry from pain, but it took some pretty severe injuries to do that one. I think you'd probably stop yourself before it got that far.

 

[snowy ciara]

You strip, stripe, strip until said pyl teetered on the edge of breaking.

Scary thought. 'Specially if you don't shatter, you explode.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Scary thought. 'Specially if you don't shatter, you explode.

A good horse never knows it's been broke, and my kudos to the whisperer that tamed it.

 

[Marquis]

It wasn't presented as a challenge, Marquis. You may make me cry from pain, but it took some pretty severe injuries to do that one. I think you'd probably stop yourself before it got that far.

I find that childish humiliation techniques work wonders.

Take this simple game.

Sit of top of victim as she lays on her back and pin her down with your weight. Then grab her wrists and force her to slap (or punch, depending on how she holds her fists) herself repeatedly, all while taunting "Why are you hitting yourself? Why do you keep hitting yourself?" in the most annoying fashion you can muster.

The slaps can get harder to taste, but this game will force tears of frustration out of even the hardiest of souls. There is something very humiliating about being struck by your own hand and not being able to do anything about it. Coupled with the unpredictability of the hits, it becomes a VERY difficult annoyance to ignore.

 

[snowy ciara]

In this case, the reaction you get would NOT be the one you were looking for.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I find that childish humiliation techniques work wonders.

Wouldn't work with snowy. You'd find yourself in the middle of an 8 second ride to rodeo hell. Then, you'd have to deal with the circus clowns that came to the rescue of the "bull" not the rider. And no, i'm sitting in the stands laughing my ass off watching.

 

[Marquis]

Wouldn't work with snowy. You'd find yourself in the middle of an 8 second ride to rodeo hell. Then, you'd have to deal with the circus clowns that came to the rescue of the "bull" not the rider. And no, i'm sitting in the stands laughing my ass off watching.

Did you send that PM yet?

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Did you send that PM yet?

No need.

BOT, shall we all huddle together for a group cry?

 

[snowy ciara]

AA's right, Marquis. Now I'm sorta worried that the man knows me that well. Now then, it wasn't really presented as a personal challenge, gentledoms, more of request for general information.

To take it further. The pyl has a problem with tears. The PYL wants them. The pyl fights the tears. They're not doing it to be willfully disobedient or to defy the PYL. They're not doing it to piss you off. That's more a sam or brat behavior; not really a problem internally. Do you push past 'til they break and "break" the pyl, possibly causing long term damage? Especially if the collateral damage of the incident is the relationship. Do you let it go for now and continue to work towards that edge, over a period of days or weeks, much like flowing water wears down a stone? (Correct me if I'm wrong please, AA, but I sorta thought that's maybe where you were leading when you said:

You strip, stripe, strip until said pyl teetered on the edge of breaking.

)

Or do you let it slide, and come back and visit it again later, maybe when you've gotten your "hooks" a little deeper into the pyl's psyche? Once those hooks are there, you can use them maybe to tweak a little bit or something I guess. I don't know, I've never tried it.