Cuckold Appreciation

[eaee]

Rather seems to me the proportion of men who are able to accept sex without the trappings of commitment are much higher than the proportion of women. Would that explain the difficulties experienced by the husband of Policy Wank in finding satisfying fucks?

 

[PapaRomantic]

Rather seems to me the proportion of men who are able to accept sex without the trappings of commitment are much higher than the proportion of women. Would that explain the difficulties experienced by the husband of Policy Wank in finding satisfying fucks?

I'm not going to speak for Policy Wank. But I've spoken to several couples who have opened up their marriages for both partners, and the women always have an easier time finding partners than the men. One husband in particular went several months trying to find a partner, while his wife found several in that time. So he insisted they close the marriage. She told him that wasn't going to happen.

 

[Wishingbox]

I suppose society puts pressure on all of us. But I think that men in particular face unique pressure to live up to an expectation of sexual prowess and mastery that is unachievable for many.

I agree that there are a lot of expectations put on both men and women. We expect like in the movies that both people will simultaneously orgasm from PIV (Penis in Vagina) sex and if it's not expected it's at least "The goal". And that a guy should just be able to last long enough and plow away with penetrative sex to make a woman orgasm. The expectation that PIV organisms are the ideal and toys or oral or admitting are forms of failure in performance. That's a really unhealthy expectation and puts so much pressure on men to last long enough doing something so overwhelmingly focused pleasure-wise.

Then we also mix in the sometimes complex nature of the female orgasm. For men, it's so much easier and clearer when It happens (a bit more difficult to fake). But there are so many parts to the woman's orgasm that have nothing to do with the performance of the man at all. Maybe their minds are elsewhere or their hormones from their cycle are in a weird place making it more difficult etc. It can also be tempting and an unhealthy expectation to blame the man for the woman's not orgasming (and sometimes that's is the case).

All that to say it's so complex and each pairing has a unique set of characteristics that make it difficult to apply monolithic expectations by gender.

 

[Wishingbox]

I'm not going to speak for Policy Wank. But I've spoken to several couples who have opened up their marriages for both partners, and the women always have an easier time finding partners than the men. One husband in particular went several months trying to find a partner, while his wife found several in that time. So he insisted they close the marriage. She told him that wasn't going to happen.

^ My fear lol. The ratio of available women to men with desires appears quite unbalanced (at least as applied in culture today). That's not to say that maybe a similar number of women aren't satisfied in their marriage sexually but maybe because for myriads of reasons aren't as willing to explore alternatives.

 

[policywank]

Rather seems to me the proportion of men who are able to accept sex without the trappings of commitment are much higher than the proportion of women. Would that explain the difficulties experienced by the husband of Policy Wank in finding satisfying fucks?

I think that is indeed a factor. However, if it weren't for external factors I think that women would be substantially more willing to engage in no strings attached sex. And in many cases we already are but feel more obliged to be discrete and strategic in how we go about it.

Reality is that there are significant social and societal consequences for women who engage in no strings attached sex. We will be judged, potentially ostracized and in extreme cases put at greater risk of sexual assault. Meanwhile, women are generally the gate keepers when it comes to sexual activity so men are used to us setting the terms of engagement and are somewhat conditioned to follow our lead if that means they get the pussy.

These factors may be magnified if one or both parties are married. A woman having sex with a married man is a home wrecker and a Jezebel. That maybe slightly less so if the man is in an open marriage but many people still struggle to understand such circumstances. Meanwhile a man fucking a married woman might be regarded as a jerk, but understandable in the context of male urges. Society is actually more inclined to judge the married woman a slut or her husband inadequate. And frankly that won't change much even if it is explicitly an open marriage. So, it is easy to imagine a single woman being very wary of a married man regardless of the terms of his marriage. And it is equally easy to imagine a single man being willing to follow the lead of a married woman if it will get him laid.

 

[policywank]

I agree that there are a lot of expectations put on both men and women. We expect like in the movies that both people will simultaneously orgasm from PIV (Penis in Vagina) sex and if it's not expected it's at least "The goal". And that a guy should just be able to last long enough and plow away with penetrative sex to make a woman orgasm. The expectation that PIV organisms are the ideal and toys or oral or admitting are forms of failure in performance. That's a really unhealthy expectation and puts so much pressure on men to last long enough doing something so overwhelmingly focused pleasure-wise.

Then we also mix in the sometimes complex nature of the female orgasm. For men, it's so much easier and clearer when It happens (a bit more difficult to fake). But there are so many parts to the woman's orgasm that have nothing to do with the performance of the man at all. Maybe their minds are elsewhere or their hormones from their cycle are in a weird place making it more difficult etc. It can also be tempting and an unhealthy expectation to blame the man for the woman's not orgasming (and sometimes that's is the case).

All that to say it's so complex and each pairing has a unique set of characteristics that make it difficult to apply monolithic expectations by gender.

Yes, the female orgasm is very different and I would say more complex than the male orgasm. Not to be trite but if I am with a guy chances are very high that if I keep stroking or sucking or fucking for long enough, he will cum. But I am not like that at all. Sometimes I am just not in the right headspace or mood. And many women don't know our bodies as well as the typical male knows his (we are more complex in that way and are generally shamed for anything sexual).

Obviously each person and each couple is unique. So, I am not suggesting that I am representative of all women. But I would say with a fair amount of certainty that overall men are much more likely to orgasm consistently than women.

Unfortunately, society's attitudes about sex have largely developed around the male view of sexuality. That has created unrealistic and misplaced expectations. For the most part men should not expect to bring a woman to orgasm every single time and that isn't necessarily their fault. The female orgasm is a mutual thing (I have to participate not just wait for the guy to get it done) and sometimes it just isn't going to happen. When that is the case the last thing I want is some dude
feeling compelled to keep at it when I just want to get on with my day.

For me baseball provides a useful analogy. What would you think of a guy who tells you that he plays competitive baseball and gets a hit every time he goes up to bat no matter who he is playing against? Anyone who knows baseball would know that he is full of shit. It is not because we would discount the prospect that he is an excellent ball player. But baseball just doesn't work that way. Now imagine if that dude threw a hissy fit and claimed foul play of some kind every time he didn't get a hit because he needed to maintain his delusion. Nobody would want to play with him right?

Maybe that is overstating it a bit, but the last thing most women want is some dude who is so intent on maintaining some ridiculous delusion that we have to either fake orgasm or face the wrath of some immature man child.

 

[BongoGal]

....Meanwhile, women are generally the gate keepers when it comes to sexual activity so men are used to us setting the terms of engagement and are somewhat conditioned to follow our lead if that means they get the pussy....

That is very true. I have heard guys mutter that they would crawl across broken glass to get some girl into bed. I know some guys have felt some version of that for me, and I have always wondered how far I could push it. Would so-and-so run naked across the quad to my dorm room if it meant that I'd let him have his way with me? The problem is, if I wanted to be with some guy, and we were both available, I'd just hook up with him. It's not as if debasing himself for me would make him more attractive and turn a maybe into a let's do it.

 

[policywank]

I'm not going to speak for Policy Wank. But I've spoken to several couples who have opened up their marriages for both partners, and the women always have an easier time finding partners than the men. One husband in particular went several months trying to find a partner, while his wife found several in that time. So he insisted they close the marriage. She told him that wasn't going to happen.

I think that this is a fairly common outcome. It is often the case that the man's fantasy is the woman's reality.

Think of it a little like going back to being single. Chances are that the husband tried to get laid as much as possible when he was single or was at least open to the prospect. Nothing has changed from that time except that more of the women he knows now are married and "off the market." Meanwhile chances are that whether or not the wife got laid a lot when she was single was her choice. The opportunities were abundant. It is within her power to change things from the way they were when she was single by simply by being more inclined to embrace the opportunities available to her.

All other things being equal women always have more sexual opportunity than men. Because fewer of us are inclined to take advantage of the opportunities we have, those of us that do so have more opportunities. Maybe if all women embrace those opportunities the balance will change. But until that happens the only thing holding any woman back from outpacing a roughly equally attractive man is her own choice.

 

[BongoGal]

Yes, the female orgasm is very different and I would say more complex than the male orgasm. Not to be trite but if I am with a guy chances are very high that if I keep stroking or sucking or fucking for long enough, he will cum. But I am not like that at all. Sometimes I am just not in the right headspace or mood. And many women don't know our bodies as well as the typical male knows his (we are more complex in that way and are generally shamed for anything sexual).

Obviously each person and each couple is unique. So, I am not suggesting that I am representative of all women. But I would say with a fair amount of certainty that overall men are much more likely to orgasm consistently than women.

Unfortunately, society's attitudes about sex have largely developed around the male view of sexuality. That has created unrealistic and misplaced expectations. For the most part men should not expect to bring a woman to orgasm every single time and that isn't necessarily their fault. The female orgasm is a mutual thing (I have to participate not just wait for the guy to get it done) and sometimes it just isn't going to happen. When that is the case the last thing I want is some dude
feeling compelled to keep at it when I just want to get on with my day.

For me baseball provides a useful analogy. What would you think of a guy who tells you that he plays competitive baseball and gets a hit every time he goes up to bat no matter who he is playing against? Anyone who knows baseball would know that he is full of shit. It is not because we would discount the prospect that he is an excellent ball player. But baseball just doesn't work that way. Now imagine if that dude threw a hissy fit and claimed foul play of some kind every time he didn't get a hit because he needed to maintain his delusion. Nobody would want to play with him right?

Maybe that is overstating it a bit, but the last thing most women want is some dude who is so intent on maintaining some ridiculous delusion that we have to either fake orgasm or face the wrath of some immature man child.

Just to add a little bit to this, I'll say that while I've learned that it's much easier to make me come than the average woman, it obviously doesn't happen every time. I may wish that I did have an orgasm when I didn't, but I don't feel a big sense of being deprived the way that a guy would. I mean, if I had an orgasm, and he wasn't there yet, and we stopped, he would act/feel much more frustrated than I would if the situation were reversed. "Sorry, Jim. Maybe next time?"

 

[policywank]

Just to add a little bit to this, I'll say that while I've learned that it's much easier to make me come than the average woman, it obviously doesn't happen every time. I may wish that I did have an orgasm when I didn't, but I don't feel a big sense of being deprived the way that a guy would. I mean, if I had an orgasm, and he wasn't there yet, and we stopped, he would act/feel much more frustrated than I would if the situation were reversed. "Sorry, Jim. Maybe next time?"

My orgasms have certainly become more consistent with time, but so too has my grumpiness, lol. I find absolutes oddly off-putting because it comes across to me as a sort of adolescent way of communicating. That isn't fair and everyone has their own way of communicating. But to me always applies to things like where the sun sets, not things that are intrinsically variable. There are so many other words like "mostly", "usually" or phrases like "almost always" that convey the point without overstating the point.

 

[kathyisgr65]

Agreed. Just read any number of stories in the LW area. In most cuckold stories, she turns into an evil cunt. And you and I both know that is not normally the case. I believe, maybe except for the humiliation/sph types, most husbands actually suggest/encourage this from a position of strength, the strength of their love, and desire to see her satisfied.

This is the situation I think of... thanks for putting that out there

 

[eaee]

Policy Wank, it is hard to say whether your name or your writing is more impressive. Let me rephrase that. Your user name is very intriguing. Your comments are very well done.
Given enough time, are there things your partner can do to help get your head into a frame of mind to allow you to cum? My question is prompted by experience with a lady who shared intimate moments with me YEARS ago. Easiest cum ever. She climaxed once while sitting quietly with my cock in her. If she was in the mood for sex, she climaxed. She would let me fuck her when she wasn't in the mood. Idiosyncratic, seems to be applicable. Sigh.
Thank you for your comments.
e

 

[policywank]

Policy Wank, it is hard to say whether your name or your writing is more impressive. Let me rephrase that. Your user name is very intriguing. Your comments are very well done.
Given enough time, are there things your partner can do to help get your head into a frame of mind to allow you to cum? My question is prompted by experience with a lady who shared intimate moments with me YEARS ago. Easiest cum ever. She climaxed once while sitting quietly with my cock in her. If she was in the mood for sex, she climaxed. She would let me fuck her when she wasn't in the mood. Idiosyncratic, seems to be applicable. Sigh.
Thank you for your comments.
e

Thank you for the compliment.

Yes there are things that my partner can do to help me get in the right headspace for sex. But I would say it varies based upon circumstances. Sometimes just making me laugh is most helpful. Other times it might be a massage or nibbling on my earlobe or touching me in just the right way. Or if I have had a stressful day it may be a matter of slowly winding down over casual conversation. In all cases I would say that it works best if there is no expectations. In other words, whatever a guy is doing for me if he seems to be chomping at the bit thinking 'are you ready yet?' that will take away from it because I feel the pressure and it implies that he is only doing whatever he is doing to get laid as opposed to for my pleasure.

Over time I have learned that I also need to drive my own orgasms. So, I have my own ways of trying to put myself in the mood or to communicate effectively as to what I want a man to do.

I would also make the point that there are situations where I am just not going to get into the mood. Like your lady friend, if I am with an intimate partner I will often have sex even if I am not in the mood. I don't think it is something that a woman needs to be too precious about. Nor does it need to be a chore. It doesn't always need to be a big production. A quickie is not a significant inconvenience and is usually at least moderately pleasurable even if I am not fully in the mood.

 

[BongoGal]

....I will often have sex even if I am not in the mood. I don't think it is something that a woman needs to be too precious about. Nor does it need to be a chore. It doesn't always need to be a big production. A quickie is not a significant inconvenience and is usually at least moderately pleasurable even if I am not fully in the mood.

If I get offered a slice of cheesecake or pizza or whatever, I might say no because I am full having already eaten or I plan to eat a meal soon or I am simply not in the mood for whatever they are offering. But if someone wants me just to try a little bit to let them know if, say, the recipe was good or not, I might have a bite to be helpful and nice. And dammit, even if it's not that great, it will probably still be pretty good. One bite may be plenty, or I may decide that I want a whole slice after trying just a bite.

 

[Wishingbox]

In all cases I would say that it works best if there is no expectations. In other words, whatever a guy is doing for me if he seems to be chomping at the bit thinking 'are you ready yet?' that will take away from it because I feel the pressure and it implies that he is only doing whatever he is doing to get laid as opposed to for my pleasure.

I think this and your next quote are so critical for women and men to understand. Partners can be amazing supporters in helping a woman move through her stages of arousal and you provided some of those. The challenge as you also mentioned is when the motive is overly focused on moving them along through those stages. It's about the journey of pleasure not the destination of orgasm.

It's important for the supporter to learn the art of being present in the journey stage as much in the same way it's important for a woman to own her journey which leads me to you next quote...

Over time I have learned that I also need to drive my own orgasms. So, I have my own ways of trying to put myself in the mood or to communicate effectively as to what I want a man to do.

^ This is hugely important. So many women and men assume that a competent man should be able to just get a woman there by his performance. That's way too much pressure and can contribute to the do this to get me there dynamic. It's difficult for men not to feel like "If I were just better looking, skilled in bed (insert insecurity) then she would want to show up to have sex." But the truth is a large part of that showing up starts with the woman owning her mind, body and drive before she enters the bedroom.

I think it can be common for women to oversimplify the reason they do not want sex right now as simply low drive "I'm a woman". When it could also largely be part of a responsive drive that requires intentional stimulation prior to desire and a personal awareness of inhibitors and exciters.

(Just to be clear there are plenty of times it's the asshole guy too. He can negatively contribute if he doesn't shower, help out with responsibilities, checks out emotionally, and excuse his disgusting behavior "I'm just a guy".)

It's easy/acceptable to blame the guy or "That's how woman are" than to do the individual work to understand the common complex female sex drive.

 

[eaee]

Heard this not too long ago. "If you can understand a round pizza, delivered in a square box, served as a triangle, you can understand women {and their orgasms}."

 

[Escierto]

Thank you for the compliment.

Yes there are things that my partner can do to help me get in the right headspace for sex. But I would say it varies based upon circumstances. Sometimes just making me laugh is most helpful. Other times it might be a massage or nibbling on my earlobe or touching me in just the right way. Or if I have had a stressful day it may be a matter of slowly winding down over casual conversation. In all cases I would say that it works best if there is no expectations. In other words, whatever a guy is doing for me if he seems to be chomping at the bit thinking 'are you ready yet?' that will take away from it because I feel the pressure and it implies that he is only doing whatever he is doing to get laid as opposed to for my pleasure.

Over time I have learned that I also need to drive my own orgasms. So, I have my own ways of trying to put myself in the mood or to communicate effectively as to what I want a man to do.

I would also make the point that there are situations where I am just not going to get into the mood. Like your lady friend, if I am with an intimate partner I will often have sex even if I am not in the mood. I don't think it is something that a woman needs to be too precious about. Nor does it need to be a chore. It doesn't always need to be a big production. A quickie is not a significant inconvenience and is usually at least moderately pleasurable even if I am not fully in the mood.

I must say that I always enjoy reading your posts even on topics that don't especially concern me. Like this topic. I am not a cuckold nor have I any desire to be one. I just like reading what you have to say!

 

[policywank]

I think this and your next quote are so critical for women and men to understand. Partners can be amazing supporters in helping a woman move through her stages of arousal and you provided some of those. The challenge as you also mentioned is when the motive is overly focused on moving them along through those stages. It's about the journey of pleasure not the destination of orgasm.

It's important for the supporter to learn the art of being present in the journey stage as much in the same way it's important for a woman to own her journey which leads me to you next quote...



^ This is hugely important. So many women and men assume that a competent man should be able to just get a woman there by his performance. That's way too much pressure and can contribute to the do this to get me there dynamic. It's difficult for men not to feel like "If I were just better looking, skilled in bed (insert insecurity) then she would want to show up to have sex." But the truth is a large part of that showing up starts with the woman owning her mind, body and drive before she enters the bedroom.

I think it can be common for women to oversimplify the reason they do not want sex right now as simply low drive "I'm a woman". When it could also largely be part of a responsive drive that requires intentional stimulation prior to desire and a personal awareness of inhibitors and exciters.

(Just to be clear there are plenty of times it's the asshole guy too. He can negatively contribute if he doesn't shower, help out with responsibilities, checks out emotionally, and excuse his disgusting behavior "I'm just a guy".)

It's easy/acceptable to blame the guy or "That's how woman are" than to do the individual work to understand the common complex female sex drive.

Another version of the blame men dynamic sometimes comes through in criticism of what he isn't doing outside of the bedroom. Is he doing his fair share of household chores, child-rearing etc. and if not might that contribute to her level of exhaustion or frustration and therefore lack of interest in sex? It is a legitimate question and one that requires an honest assessment. If I am feeling exhausted is it really because he isn't doing his fair share? Maybe. But I shouldn't ignore the possibility that I am spreading myself too thin and prioritizing other things over our sex life? If as a woman I find myself taking on multiple non-essential projects or volunteering for every event at the kids' school, isn't that partly on me? If it is valid to say he should help more with life's essentials is it not valid to say that I shouldn't fill all the open gaps with non-essentials? Am I letting other people in my life demand my time and making my husband pay the price for not saying no?

As much as we would love for sex to always be spontaneous and contingent upon being in just the right frame of mind, I don't think those are reasonable expectations. It is incumbent upon us both to make room in our lives for one another. Many times that involves one helping the other make that room, but it is still incumbent upon both of us to own that objective. The fact that we are having a problem finding that space does not automatically mean one partner is carrying to much of the burden.

 

[SlutAddicted]

Another version of the blame men dynamic sometimes comes through in criticism of what he isn't doing outside of the bedroom. Is he doing his fair share of household chores, child-rearing etc. and if not might that contribute to her level of exhaustion or frustration and therefore lack of interest in sex? It is a legitimate question and one that requires an honest assessment. If I am feeling exhausted is it really because he isn't doing his fair share? Maybe. But I shouldn't ignore the possibility that I am spreading myself too thin and prioritizing other things over our sex life? If as a woman I find myself taking on multiple non-essential projects or volunteering for every event at the kids' school, isn't that partly on me? If it is valid to say he should help more with life's essentials is it not valid to say that I shouldn't fill all the open gaps with non-essentials? Am I letting other people in my life demand my time and making my husband pay the price for not saying no?

As much as we would love for sex to always be spontaneous and contingent upon being in just the right frame of mind, I don't think those are reasonable expectations. It is incumbent upon us both to make room in our lives for one another. Many times that involves one helping the other make that room, but it is still incumbent upon both of us to own that objective. The fact that we are having a problem finding that space does not automatically mean one partner is carrying to much of the burden.

This is an interesting perspective. I have no doubt that when couples run into this dynamic it often is the case that the man is not doing enough to help his wife find space in her life in order to give their sex life more attention. But we do seem to jump to that without much inquiry or even considering the possibility that she just isn't investing herself in their sex life. Surely there is a point at which it becomes less about whether he is facilitating her efforts and whether or not she is actually making any efforts.

 

[Wishingbox]

It is a legitimate question and one that requires an honest assessment. If I am feeling exhausted is it really because he isn't doing his fair share? Maybe. But I shouldn't ignore the possibility that I am spreading myself too thin and prioritizing other things over our sex life? If as a woman I find myself taking on multiple non-essential projects or volunteering for every event at the kids' school, isn't that partly on me?

Totally! Sometimes and often men can be guilty of not doing more to support the family but that can also come from the wife hero-ing and doing too much. I also think sometime individuals men and woman can double down on the thing they want and are good at for showing their love instead of doing the one thing that takes some effort or change on their part.

Like a partner overworking to provide when the other partner wants more quality time. Then they feel justified in not showing up because we’ll look how much I’m doing for you!

Every situation is different but there is plenty of this behavior across all genders and pairings.

 

[policywank]

Totally! Sometimes and often men can be guilty of not doing more to support the family but that can also come from the wife hero-ing and doing too much. I also think sometime individuals men and woman can double down on the thing they want and are good at for showing their love instead of doing the one thing that takes some effort or change on their part.

Like a partner overworking to provide when the other partner wants more quality time. Then they feel justified in not showing up because we’ll look how much I’m doing for you!

Every situation is different but there is plenty of this behavior across all genders and pairings.

One of the areas where I think that women in particular can be guilty of doubling down on the "wrong" thing is oddly enough by focussing too much on the man's physical pleasure as a way of avoiding exploring our own sexual pleasure.

Obviously it is important to focus on your partner's physical pleasure. But men want to provide pleasure to their sexual partners too. And I think that, especially for women, that requires us to be willing to focus on ourselves, open ourselves up and get to know our own bodies. If we don't do that it is going to be far less likely that we will actually achieve orgasm and that is detrimental to our partner. If he feels like a failure in part because his partner isn't making herself available to the experience she can't adequately make up for that by sucking his dick.

Unfortunately, I think that sometimes between the fact that the female orgasm is more complex and elusive and women are arguably more inundated with feelings of shame when it comes to sex it can be much harder for us to open ourselves to the experience. That doesn't just short change us in the bedroom. It short changes our partners as well.

Arguably the worst manifestation of this is when a woman finds that pleasure with another man because she is less concerned with what he thinks or he doesn't come with the baggage of 20 years of marriage. I understand how that works and I am not here to shame any woman for whom that has happened. But I think we need to look at ourselves honestly and consider whether we need to do more to overcome those resistance points. Even if our partner hasn't always made that easy we also need to look at why that might be. He may be partly to blame, but it is usually a two-way street. If a man is genuinely making the effort, but eventually gets discouraged from all the rejection it isn't fair to compare him to another man with whom you have no history.

I know this is a little off topic to the theme of this thread, but not entirely. The stereotype of a woman who finds pleasure with men other than her husband often involves the premise of her husband being inadequate. And anybody who has been married can probably relate to the notion of a woman who is very sexually restrained and perhaps even repressed when she gets married as a young woman, but then slowly opens up over time. But by the time that happens all those years of oppression have sucked the life out of their bedroom. So, was he really inadequate in an objective sense or is she at least partially responsible for wearing him down and putting their sex life on the rocks? If the roles were reversed and he used that as an excuse to have an affair he would be regarded as a piece of shit whereas she is much more likely to be celebrated or at least tolerated for finding her groove.

I hate that portrayal of the reasons why a woman might seek to be a hot wife or cuckold her husband by cheating. In that situation she shouldn't get to that point without making a real investment in their sex life including acknowledging the harm that her own repressive years have done to their sex life. She needn't blame herself, but she should be aware of how her behaviour affected things. Failing that she should leave him. But letting her own repressive attitudes break him down and sap his will then fuck around on him when she is finally ready to have a grown up sex life is super fucked up.

To me the hot wife lifestyle is a reflection of a woman not wanting to be monogamous and man who prefers to be monogamous. It might also include some fetish elements. But underlying all that she be a deep appreciation of my cuckold. In my case I do deeply appreciate him in the bedroom. But even if I didn't I think it would be wrong to just force him into cuckoldry to feed my needs.

 

[Wishingbox]

I couldn't have said it better. I'm in such agreement with a lot of what you're saying.

I think there are two pervasive ideas that can damage a wife's perspective before marriage. 1. Sex is a man's thing and generally ok at best for woman. and 2. that men tend to be the dissatisfied partner in marriages.

With 1 this perspective really robs woman and minimizes the beauty that is their own sexual power, desires and needs. They see exploring their own sexual desire is bad but when a guy does it it's just a guy being a guy.

With 2 I think there is a confusion around quantity and quality. A woman can have way more "Meh sex" than she could care for so if you asked her if she wanted more sex she'd say no because she doesn't really believe in "Amazing sex". So this idea that men are the ones wanting more sex may be generally true but can you blame a woman for not wanting more of something that's "just OK"?

Then suddenly they find themselves X years into marriage. Having issues with their spouse. Having said and heard a lot of hurtful comments. The more the man wants the more pressure she feels to base sex around his needs and wants etc.

But then some door is opened for an affair or sex outside of the marriage and it's free from all of those constrains. It's not confused with mixing in all the ideas of livin partners and splitting parental responsibilities etc. It's can be the first time she is actually focusing on what she wants for herself sexually especially after experiencing and discovering what she doesn't like. That's where affairs, hot wifing, swinging etc creates this safe space for a woman to focus just on her own sexual wants/needs/pleasures. If she doesn't like the sex she can move on without as much risk. She can also be totally transparent and open because it's not an existential life issue if that third person goes away.

I try not to blame anyone for growing up exposed to ideas in culture. We don't know what we don't know.

 

[FlirtyWordy]

Why are people who can comprehend a couple who has an open marriage (even if it isn't their thing) seemingly unable to comprehend this lifestyle?

If you ask me, it's entirely because of male sexual insecurity. No person would see me as a "sissy," I am not fem, and while I enjoy some sub action, I'm a fit, masculine man with a large cock (7x6c). I also adore the cuck fantasy (not the humiliation bit) and my wife is moving slowly toward trying it out.

 

[FlirtyWordy]

Lately there has been a real dearth in well written, realistic cuckold stories. The vast majority (and not even well written) are fetish or BDSM stories that just happen to have cuckolding in them. Because most cuckolding relationships have very little of that stuff in them.

Also, I have not seen a one-off cheating story, such as wife hooks up with the guy flirting with her at lunch, or a one-off while out of town, from the wife's perspective, for a long time.

I love cheating stories from a wife's perspective. Maybe I'll write one (I've written many erotic stories, but have never posted on Literotica).

 

[policywank]

I couldn't have said it better. I'm in such agreement with a lot of what you're saying.

I think there are two pervasive ideas that can damage a wife's perspective before marriage. 1. Sex is a man's thing and generally ok at best for woman. and 2. that men tend to be the dissatisfied partner in marriages.

With 1 this perspective really robs woman and minimizes the beauty that is their own sexual power, desires and needs. They see exploring their own sexual desire is bad but when a guy does it it's just a guy being a guy.

With 2 I think there is a confusion around quantity and quality. A woman can have way more "Meh sex" than she could care for so if you asked her if she wanted more sex she'd say no because she doesn't really believe in "Amazing sex". So this idea that men are the ones wanting more sex may be generally true but can you blame a woman for not wanting more of something that's "just OK"?

Then suddenly they find themselves X years into marriage. Having issues with their spouse. Having said and heard a lot of hurtful comments. The more the man wants the more pressure she feels to base sex around his needs and wants etc.

But then some door is opened for an affair or sex outside of the marriage and it's free from all of those constrains. It's not confused with mixing in all the ideas of livin partners and splitting parental responsibilities etc. It's can be the first time she is actually focusing on what she wants for herself sexually especially after experiencing and discovering what she doesn't like. That's where affairs, hot wifing, swinging etc creates this safe space for a woman to focus just on her own sexual wants/needs/pleasures. If she doesn't like the sex she can move on without as much risk. She can also be totally transparent and open because it's not an existential life issue if that third person goes away.

I try not to blame anyone for growing up exposed to ideas in culture. We don't know what we don't know.

I have often said that when I hear men complaining about their wife's lack of interest in sex I tend to wonder, is she not interested in sex or just not interested in the sex that is available to her? Not that it is necessarily his fault either (although chances are he is at least part of that equation). But women are much more likely to experience "meh" sex that doesn't seem worth it. Even if sex is sub-optimal for guys the orgasm is still usually worth it.

In that circumstance the fling can be very tempting and may be just what she needs to rekindle her interest. I see the betrayal, but I also see that it isn't a black and white matter, so I am not willing to condemn her either.

However, I do wish women were encouraged as much as men are to take responsibility for their own sexual fulfillment and how their sexual attitudes have affected the intimate relationship they have with their husband. I can certainly see the scenario where he hasn't been an open and constructive partner or who has said hurtful things. But I can also see the scenario where his actions are at least partially a by-product of frustration with lack of engagement or sexual maturity on her part.