D/S relationships...

[Alana_]

LRider, thank you for your lovely reply..I feel like the lemon sitting on the side looking on right now lol..but this is wonderful, and everyones being so positive in how they express their replies.

Rider, you have helped, thank you. You actually hit on something. I have a problem, a major problem, which I've actually included in my do's and don'ts on my own OOC. I can't abide the names..Master and Mistress in the bdsm context, and I definitely don't like Pet.. Oddly enough I call my husband and my kids pet , like I call them babe, or love, or honey.. But in the Pet context, it brings to mind instantly a sub on their hands and knees, and the dom being condescendingly kind to them. I don't know why, and forgive my take on the use of the word. It's just an instant reaction in my head.

But thank you for sharing with me Rider..Despite my lack of understanding why people would embrace the bdsm life, it doesn't stop me understanding everything you all explain, please understand that. I respect the choices made, and I truly hope your relationships bring you all the happiness a person by right has a right to.

I can't help but worry about the subs, and resent the doms..( sorry doms), but at least with each conversation I have about the subject, especially as everyone is allowed to express themselves with out argument, I'm learning a bit more, as I'm sure others reading will.

Just be happy and safe..Then the little vanilla romantic in me can relax and breath again.


Minxi, thank you for the link hon..I'll read that as soon as I can as I would prefer to read it in bulk. Thank you also sweetlady for being as you are in listening to my thoughts, and not being offended by my questions and views.

 

[Alana_]

Sorry to Trixi and Luna...I hadn't read your replies at my time of the last post. I've not ignored, and am reading now.

 

[fuckmeat]

The 'S.M' how ever terrifies the living day lights out of me, plain and simple..I think that's just pure degradation..Its where I have most of my fears I think..The sub, be it man or woman , in my mind is just mistreated. I can't see how anyone can find that attractive to look at, or experience. When I read some of the scenes, and my experience is pretty limited to what I read in forums like Lit I admit, I just feel I've witnessed an abuse. I can't shake that feeling, I'm sorry..Well I'm not sorry, it's how I feel.

It's abuse if the party on the receiving end doesn't want it and doesn't enjoy it. When a person is a masochist though, the pain and the cocktail of adrenaline and endorphins heightens everything so much. It's a really intense but exquisitely enjoyable experience. It's actually cruel to completely deny that to a masochist. In the same way, sadists can't enjoy genuinely abusing someone for whom it does nothing. It's no fun for them. They need the masochist to enjoy the abuse.

 

[Leopald]

I don't want to be rude and cut you off, Alana. But the core of the thread was directed at online poly and mono D/s relationships. The point most have been trying to make is that for most Dom/mes, using, abusing, and whatever else they do IS caring for their sub, in a different but no more or less meaningful way than a standard vanilla relationship. If you have further questions or concerns, a new thread (or one already existant in the bdsm section) would probably be your best bet.

Unless VT scolds me for it, I'm gonna try and steer the thread a little more back on topic.

Online is an extension of who we are as individuals, more and more every day, as we find new places, sites, games, chats, whatever to fill that need to escape. Some can seperate their real lives from their online lives, some can't. Either way, people enter relationships to fill needs, whether its closer support and a feeling of belonging, rough kinky sex whenever they want, or anything in between. It all comes down to what each individual perceives as their needs and the best way to fill them.

Sometimes real physical and emotional pain can come from this, but certainly not always. Its our responsobility as adults to decide who to trust, and who's trust not to break.

I sound like Dr Leo all of a sudden...

 

[Rayne_Clowd]

Point One: Right now, as always, it's the subs place in a relationship that troubles me..And troubles is the right word for me to use..Because I can't understand where the love is, or the joy, or the pride in a relationship or indeed in oneself is.

Point Two: It goes back to my being perhaps a little older than some of you, and maybe, or obviously that I'm a bit old fashioned in my expectations in a relationship.

Point Three: The 'S.M' how ever terrifies the living day lights out of me, plain and simple..I think that's just pure degradation..Its where I have most of my fears I think..The sub, be it man or woman , in my mind is just mistreated. I can't see how anyone can find that attractive to look at, or experience. When I read some of the scenes, and my experience is pretty limited to what I read in forums like Lit I admit, I just feel I've witnessed an abuse. I can't shake that feeling, I'm sorry..Well I'm not sorry, it's how I feel.
Oh, and I find reading about it is the better education than watching some piece of porn that's designed for that market.

Point Four: I hope also, I've not hurt anyones feelings, if so it wasn't my intent. It's something when depending on the written word is easy do, when there's no tone...but Im absolutely fascinated by the topic, even if I can't fathom the why's in it.

Firstly I will apologize if I am not as articulate as others with my answer, I am new to exploring anything relating to BDSM so I can not claim years of experience or even extensive knowledge on the topic, it is still very much the beginning of the journey for me both online and offline.

I have a Master online who I connect with deeply he knows me better then I know myself but this connection also goes both ways. We trust each other, he also accepts me as I am if I am angry upset hurt happy crazy what ever I am feeling or thinking is accepted as being part of me, he may not always agree with me or like how I am thinking or feeling but that is when he sets about helping me, so it is just as much about him taking care of me as me taking care him. I can honestly say he at times feels like he is in my head and apart of me,.....this is why he can dominate me without physical contact.

I also have a Husband offline, who I have explored aspects of BDSM with and who is completely aware of my online Master and is actually grateful for him as he knows he has helped me with things that he himself was not able to do....and those are his words not mine. Nothing is hidden from my husband he has access to lit and IMs he knows who is who.

The reason my husband is not my master is because a) we are both learning about the life style b) he isn't sure if he is submissive or dominate or like me a switch c) but mostly we like most marriages have problems that need to be worked out without adding the complication of sexual growth and education to the mix. (and without going int details before it is asked - I can honestly say no it is nothing to do with my online exploration, that has actually been something that has aided us through this rough patch).

I can also say I have stood where your standing and looked at the life style from the outside and thought "omg how could they subject themselves to that" I would have laughed had you ever told me I was submissive, I possibly would have even been insulted.

A few things that relaxed my view and actually lead to me exploring and then embracing being Submissive was

a) partly what Chronie said about the different titles and them not all necessarily linking but going together just the same.......I am submissive, BUT I am in no way a door mat, just like minx I am a strong woman who will stand up for those she cares about and can quite easily make up my own mind about things, I even run a successful business where I train and support others. I like you was curious about what others saw in the life style, so I began to read threads, forums, websites and to talk to people who both experienced it online and offline.

Submission to me is a choice, it is an expression of trust, a desire to please someone else and from that gaining pleasure myself, it is about giving someone else control, allowing them to lead me, and to push my limits and show me things about myself I may not have known or acknowledged or experienced before.

b) Just because I am submissive does not mean I am Masochistic or Sadistic, as I am neither. Until recently (again part of my growth) I shied away from having pain inflicted on me, Lets face it the thought of being hurt doesn't appeal to most people. And if I was to be humiliated or chastised by my Master or anyone it cut me deeply, as to disappoint him goes against my desire to please him and it is not in my nature to enjoy upsetting anyone. That is not to say that I don't have a bratty spirited side that enjoys taunting and teasing my Master or Husband at times but it is in a playful manner. Something once said to me has stuck with me through this growth "Just because I am submissive does not mean I let it make me any less of a woman."

However that said I have actually now stepped into the world of experimenting with pain, for me it is not about punishment or my masters desire to inflict pain on me for the sake of pain or even punishment. It has been about release, recently I have had a very chaotic time and found myself erratic, unfocused, confused, tormented, hurting and it was ripping me apart I felt consume and very much like a frightened animal ready to bite the head off anyone that came near me. My Master was able to center me through becoming rough with me mentally, he triggered things that allowed me emotional release.......as someone else said to me it was a reset it for a time let my mind shut off to anything but the sensation of pain and when the pain cleared so too did my mind and I was not only centered again but felt very much closer and connected to my Master as it was a journey together.

I hear the groans of not understanding how this can happen without him physically touching me but I can only say its not for everyone and is simply something that fits my master and myself.

I can try to clear some of the confusion by saying a) I give him control mentally I submit and no matter what I am thinking or feeling if he commands of me I obey and submit.....it is through the act of giving him this control that opens me to experience it without physical stimulation from him. b) I have also experimented with some of the physical aspects in the real world with myself and at the hands of my husband, so I know how they feel so even when written I can recall on the memory of the sensory exploration when Master describes something. c) my responses are real, if he does something that pushes a hard no or a fear......that is my response, if he for example described putting me up high and making me look out over something my fear of heights would be my primary response to what was going on, I would try to comply but there is no doubt that the fear would win out mostly and control my responses, so he would work around it either by pushing at a limit he knows I can concur or by caring for his submissive and tending to my well being. I wouldn't suddenly be enjoying the view and responding with only fake pleasing responses of enjoyment and sexiness.

This is far longer then I intended it to be SORRY........but the next part of my growth is important also I have discovered I am not a pure submissive, like you at times I like to be in control. So I also have a Dom side this is known as a "Switch" and even in BDSM communities is only accepted by some as a legitimate choice. So I am sorry if this confuses things more but it is honestly who I am.

For me being a Mistress is about taking care of my submissive, feeling adored and their focus of desire, it is having control, it is about confidence. Mostly it is about trust and a bond. Like with my Master I do not feel I could submit to just anyone and I do not believe I could Dom just anyone. Just as not everyone can submit and not everyone can dom.....they are very personal things and as individual as we all are and humanity is known for....we may have some common links but still you can not say any two people are exactly 100% alike.

I have also explored this online and offline, my growth and exploration is very much real it is just stimulated and fueled by what I have explored online and the trust and bonds I have built here.

I also do not think you have offended anyone by having your own opinion because it is simply that. And I am sure your questions have not offended either, as you can see even by the responses from those taking part in BDSM online and off we all vary in our opinions and not everyone has to agree with everyone else.

Any way this is my experience I hope it helps in some way or at least gives you another point of reference to help with your curiosity.


I am sorry its so long winded really it just kinda flowed out once I started trying to answer your questions........OOPS.

 

[monique_minx]

Minxi, thank you for the link hon..I'll read that as soon as I can as I would prefer to read it in bulk. Thank you also sweetlady for being as you are in listening to my thoughts, and not being offended by my questions and views.

Of course darling I have come across people with similar viewpoints, it's not uncommon. But I find getting upset about it is completely pointless, it's not going to affect me in the least and I prefer to educate rather than get aggressive or defensive.

I never have a problem with answering questions so you can always PM me if you like, I hope the link helps a little and maybe answers some questions that can't be put to words. Until I did that thread, I didn't actually think I could ever put my own thoughts on being a submissive to words, it's a pretty tough thing for me to explain but doing it creatively and being granted the opportunity makes it a lot easier and I have enjoyed it immensely.

With my partner Bsquad, we've not yet met in RL but I am planning to do just that and it has taken us a long time to get to the point we are at now. But understanding and discussion have left us at a point where he knows my hard limits, he knows what will hurt and what will arouse, he knows when to stop and give me love, he knows when I am just frustrated and needing him to be rough with me. So I am very much connected to him

 

[Ausus_girl13]

VT and everyone else, I may be late to this party, but let it never be said I don't make an entrance.

Uniquely, I am in both a RL and online D/s relationship. The two developed seperately and very differently, I find though that I have yet to find the person that can combine the skills that both of them so exquisitely hold.

My RL partner is also my dominant, and his sadistic streak delights and devours me. He can give me the pain I seek, because I do indeed seek it. He delights in my pain almost as much as I do. But he doesn't seek to control me, he is my lover and together we live in an egalitarian relationship. I don't want to change this for it is what works for us.

My online dominant, well, he was a bit of a surprise. I tend to think of all of this as a game, a simple distraction, only then it wasn't. His control is different and I found that I needed it. He and I are still formulating our relationship and what it means to both of us.

Of course having two men, especially two very strong men, can create a dynamic that isn't always easy to deal with. I have had to be honest, create boundaries, and the three of us have a lot of work a head of us.

The rules for me, are honesty with each of my partners. And then giving them both the love and attention they deserve. To be sure in my eyes, they don't compete for my attention, rather they compliment each other (though don't tell them that).

As for my submission, in every arena it is a different thing. Though to be sure, I am a brat. To me this means that I will make whomever I submit to work for it. I love the attention, the care and love that I receive as a submissive, even if I relish the moment I give. When I no longer care about where, who, and what is happening, and I will do anything to make my top happy. And what makes them happy, fulfills me.

I didn't say this next thing, but I trust the person who did say it, will allow me to use.

The only difference between vanilla and D/s is trust. A higher level of trust is required.

 

[Last_Rider]

I have to disagree with one thing you said Ausus, I don't think D/s requires a higher level of trust than vanilla. It simply takes it in a different direction than vanilla. Actually I think some elements of vanilla require more trust than D/s does, and vice versa of course. It's just different from one to the other, but I don't thinkg that inheriently makes one better than the other.

Maybe that's just me liking to ride the fence so to speak and I'm totally wrong, but there's my further two cents on the issue.

 

[Ausus_girl13]

I have to disagree with one thing you said Ausus, I don't think D/s requires a higher level of trust than vanilla. It simply takes it in a different direction than vanilla. Actually I think some elements of vanilla require more trust than D/s does, and vice versa of course. It's just different from one to the other, but I don't thinkg that inheriently makes one better than the other.

Maybe that's just me liking to ride the fence so to speak and I'm totally wrong, but there's my further two cents on the issue.

I totally don't think you are wrong. You could call it a different direction, if you so wish, but the connection is still that.

Online it's all mostly in the mind, and don't get me wrong that connection can be bloody intense. But when you are in a RL D/s relationship and that person is standing over you with a flogger, with the intent to hit you, I am sorry, I simply cannot think of anything in a vanilla relationship that can require the same level of trust.

Literally, I am bound and placing my life in that person's hands on a regular basis, and expecting them to not only keep me safe, because I won't be able to, and get me off? TRUST- higher, deeper, different direction but it better be strong, otherwise, don't touch me. (Also why the power of a dominant feels too big for me).

Am I totally off?

 

[Last_Rider]

I don't think you are off Ausus, and I feel totally inadequate when it comes to discussing anything relating to RL given I've never even been kissed.

I just think it's a disservice to those who don't enjoy D/s relationship to say that it requires a higher level of trust. Some people aren't interested in D/s, just like some aren't interested in vanilla (incidentally I fucking hate that description). I think you're exactly right about having that trust before you're bound, struck, whatever, it is the single most important thing as far as I'm concerned.

Disclaimer: the following is a result of my pragmatic nature and ability to argue virtually anything.

I think it's wrong to place one level of anything as better or higher or worse when people on the whole are incapable of fully understanding. Allow me to explain, people who enjoy D/s are drawn to that by a combination of nature and nurture, and at the end of the day D/s is what fulfills them. Consequently that person will never be fulfilled by vanilla and is unable to experience it to the depths of it's potential. The reverse is also true, people who are at their core not into D/s, will never experience it to it's potential. There is nothing wrong with either position, it just limits what one can experience first hand. Some of the biggest arguments come from people's inability to recognize their own limitations, and in cases like this there is nothing at all wrong with either point, but within any one person they are usually irreconcilable.

And with my need to spout off circular logic temporarily sated, my other disclaimer, feel free to ignore any and everything I say

 

[Ausus_girl13]

Rider. Aptly said. To hold one above the other is unfair of me. I do this, perhaps because I am biased. Thank you for catching it.

Sighs It is the romantic, ridiculous subbie in me that loves it. The heady power exchange no matter the forum, I am so addicted.

It is important to note, that you can enjoy the different forms of Kink, without ever being into D/s. It doesn't always mean pain, or leather, or handcuffs or whips and chains.

It's about allowing yourself to, in the moment, surrender and this happens in D/s and vanilla relationships.

 

[scarletnym]

I saw your Thread, VT and couldn't help but put my two cents in...hope you don't mind. It's just my opinion but I feel very strongly and wanted to put it out there. I hope I don't offend anyone.

1. The fact that you were basing your first impression of D/S on someone who does it because it is 'cool' is probably not the best thing. If you spoke to someone who is in a RL D/S relationship, you would know it's not a fad, it's not the same as any other relationship and it's certainly not frivolous. There are probably a lot of people who think those same things but I'm sure none of them have ever been in a serious D/S relationship. It's more than your general vanilla relationship. Yes, trust is needed for both, but a D/S relationship you are putting your mind and body completely in the hands of another person. If you truly are involved, your mind is on a completely different level. I've actually lost track of time when with my Master, my body actually stopped feeling the pain and the pleasure almost took me into unconsciousness.

For me it is a higher level of trust and of love. I crave certain things a normal relationship could ever provide...the complete loss of control, the need to please my partner and the bit of pain, sometimes even intense pain.

2a. As I said earlier...I don't feel it is the same. Talk to a true couple and you will see the differences. Some who are true doms or subs can not find a person in rl to fulfill those needs and lit is another outlet. For those who think it's the same may not be able to understand but if you can truly let yourself go...the feelings are much the same.

2b. I think the difference between the stories and the lounges can be compared to an email and an IM. The lounge makes it much more personal, not just a story you are writing but a scene you are living.

3. Some of the scenarios may seem like drama to those who are not involved. For those who take their D/S relationships seriously and not as play obviously would be upset when someone tries to come between them and their partner. If you can understand that it is real for some...then you can understand why. Would you be ok with another trying to come between you and someone you love? If you see that someone has a master or pet, then follow normal relationship etiquette. Obviously if they found their relationship important enough to give it a label...then the rest should respect that. If you wish to play...ask first. Simple as that.

4. For the first part of that question...if someone has a significant other in RL and still wish to play on lit, they need to be the one to set the boundaries. Again, just ask. To the second part, whoever came up with the quote you found has some serious trust issues. I don't think it's a difficult thing for those who truly love eachother. It is possible to love two people. Now it may not be the same, but each person is different so the way you love them should be different. I think if you believe that quote, then you are not the type of person who can be in that kind of relationship. It takes understanding, love and trust as well as self confidence. If you are constantly thinking...does he love her more...or things of that nature...then you are not ready for a relationship with more than one person.

 

[scarletnym]

I think it's wrong to place one level of anything as better or higher or worse when people on the whole are incapable of fully understanding. Allow me to explain, people who enjoy D/s are drawn to that by a combination of nature and nurture, and at the end of the day D/s is what fulfills them. Consequently that person will never be fulfilled by vanilla and is unable to experience it to the depths of it's potential. The reverse is also true, people who are at their core not into D/s, will never experience it to it's potential. There is nothing wrong with either position, it just limits what one can experience first hand. Some of the biggest arguments come from people's inability to recognize their own limitations, and in cases like this there is nothing at all wrong with either point, but within any one person they are usually irreconcilable.

And with my need to spout off circular logic temporarily sated, my other disclaimer, feel free to ignore any and everything I say

And what do you say to those who are perfectly capable of being fulfilled by both? I think unless you have truly experienced and given yourself over to both sides...it's hard to understand.

 

[Last_Rider]

I would say you're incredibly lucky my consort, but again as I lack any kind of RW experience I'm speaking purely hypothetically about the inherient inequalities and lack of understanding prevalent among humanity.

 

[scarletnym]

I would say you're incredibly lucky my consort, but again as I lack any kind of RW experience I'm speaking purely hypothetically about the inherient inequalities and lack of understanding prevalent among humanity.

I just think they are both two different types of relationships and don't need to be compared. They are each important in their own right and both deserve respect. One is not better than the other, just different. I find joy in both.

 

[Chgris]

1. Why are you in a D/S relationship? My first time hearing about having a 'pet' was a little less than two years ago. I had first started on Lit and was on IM with a writer that no longer writes here.

The conversation went something like this:
Writer: Man... I want a Lit slave.
Me: A what?
Writer: A pet, you know... on Lit.
Me:... Why?
Writer: Because it'd be cool! I wonder if _____ or _____ would be my pet....

After hearing that... I had the impression that this D/S thing was a fad on Lit. Because all the 'cool kids' were doing it, and therefore to fit in, I should too. Not being one to try for the mainstream, I ignored it. Obviously since there are plenty more people involved in this, D/S relationships are not just a fad.

From the outside looking in at this whole thing, it seems that a D/S relationship is just like any other relationship with a significant other. However, there seems to be a level of... frivolous-ness accompanied with it. I personally found it strange that someone could cycle through a couple names to think about if they'd be his pet. But of course, that's only one case.

Strange isn't the word for it. Said person probably isn't/wasn't a dominant. And they were wanting the latest 'new fad' to look cool.

But there certainly are true dominants and submissives on this board, just as there in out in the RW. You may not know that the person in the next cube, or car, or seat at the opera is into the lifestyle. Quite often we choose to wear a non-threatening persona so as not to 'scare the mundanes' to steal a term from my Renn Faire experiences. We keep our play 'behind the bedroom door'. Yes, just like that old saw "A woman should be a Lady in public and a harlot in the bedroom."

2a. The follow up question goes - If a D/S relationship is just like any other relationship with a significant other, then why bother titling one as dom and the other sub? Does a relationship through Lit necessitate such things? (If it is not like any other relationship please explain how so)
Oh, it can certainly be a recognized title. But there are many interchangeable words. Master, Sir, Mistress, Princess, Dom, Domme, sub, slave, Pet. In fact there's an acronym for it these days. PYL/Pyl (Pick Your Label). The names are as various as the 'petnames/nicknames' in any other relationship.

2b. I understand that a lot of people show up on Lit to express, and experiment with the things they would never experiment with in RL. I am one of them. However is there a reason why the D/S relationship is not limited to the thread but also to the overall interaction within the Lounges? Is there a difference between playing the role of a sub by experimenting with it in a story and playing the role within the lounge?
Covered by others, but yes. In a thread I am a character, a fictional creation, who will react to the story, not always as "I" truly would. In the Lounges, you might get a bit of that, but mostly it's the "person behind the character". I'm going to react as I would in real life. It's also as was previously mentioned, better suited for quick spur of the moment 'scenes'. Some of which we would never even consider in RL or a thread.

3. Drama. Obviously the frivolous-ness from my first example before was not as frivolous as it seemed. Evidence given by the amount of drama I'm sure plenty of people have seen or dealt with in their time on Literotica. This title given upon a fictional meeting place by itself sparks issues when new comers or even old timers transgress the line of a master and pet's connection. Where is this line drawn? To what etiquette is followed?
Standard relationship etiquette. And honestly, plain old-fashioned manners will avoid most drama. Or as I say when my 'gamer' side shines through. "Don't be an asshat!"

Seriously though. Transgress that line, mistreat a sub, and you are liable to have multiple dominants tear you a new and rather bloody orifice where one didn't exist.

Of course, I'm not one who takes any mistreatment lightly. Having once conducted a "wall to wall counseling session" with a young soldier who mistook his wife for a punching bag, before sending them to the chaplain for 'professional' counseling.

4. What about people who already have a significant other in RL? People who have more than one Master or Mistress?
"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other."
I'm sure no one likes to be 'second' in a relationship, how do you balance between a girlfriend/wife (or boyfriend/husband) in RL and a sub on Lit?
Piss poor quote. It is quite possible to love more than one person. I've known couples who were Master/Mistress to a single sub. I've known folks similar to what Minxie described. A true dom, a switch and a true sub in a relationship. Honesty and trust, as Niri and FM showed. The same things that let a 'vanilla' relationship survive.

Now as an aside, this thread has also shown there a different types of PYL/pyl(s). Luna is a "Daddy Domme with a sadistic streak." I am a "Loving Master". From what I've seen of Leo's play with FM, he's a bit of a sadistic Dom. FM, Minxy and Scarlet all profess to masochistic tendencies in their submission, Rider doesn't.

The common thread? Each has needs that the other helps to fulfill. Whether it is a need to feel the pain receptors fire, or to please emotionally, to push to the heights of pleasure, or hear yourself called a 'naughty little girl/boy/etc."

And yes, the sub is the final arbiter. That safeword stops it all. But... the dom also has to watch, because if the sub is indeed a masochist, then they can lose track of the pain/pleasure response, and it is the dominant who is responsible for safety.

That's long enough I think.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Now as an aside, this thread has also shown there a different types of PYL/pyl(s). Luna is a "Daddy Domme with a sadistic streak." I am a "Loving Master". From what I've seen of Leo's play with FM, he's a bit of a sadistic Dom. FM, Minxy and Scarlet all profess to masochistic tendencies in their submission, Rider doesn't.

The common thread? Each has needs that the other helps to fulfill. Whether it is a need to feel the pain receptors fire, or to please emotionally, to push to the heights of pleasure, or hear yourself called a 'naughty little girl/boy/etc."

And yes, the sub is the final arbiter. That safeword stops it all. But... the dom also has to watch, because if the sub is indeed a masochist, then they can lose track of the pain/pleasure response, and it is the dominant who is responsible for safety.

That's long enough I think.

*applauds wildly*

I keep thinking there are certain things I should add and yet, every time I get an idea of just what it is, someone else comes along posts what I would say (if I could ever get the words out in time.)

 

[Chgris]

*applauds wildly*

I keep thinking there are certain things I should add and yet, every time I get an idea of just what it is, someone else comes along posts what I would say (if I could ever get the words out in time.)

Why thank you, Miss Luna. Have a Frostbite on me.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Why thank you, Miss Luna. Have a Frostbite on me.

I have every intention of drinking something...that for sure.

 

[Rayne_Clowd]

I'm with you Luna I keep thinking of something and the come back to post and it has been covered already, Chgris I thought your post was brilliant. Its good to see an interesting topic get many different responses and to have everyone being respectful and open.

 

[VampiricTouch]

Wow. So I vanish for the weekend, and come back and I have 2 pages of posts to read through on this subject! I'm very thankful for the feedback of everyone's opinions. I'm even more grateful that this can be expressed in a polite and literate manner.

On subjects to note, I don't mind people taking detours to answer questions people have on this subject... Heck, I'm asking questions, why can't someone else do the same. As long as it's about this subject of D/s relationships on Lit, I don't see a problem with it. So, Alana, ask away, and Leo I certainly can't scold you for redirecting tangents back.

We are all entitled to our own opinion on this matter, and as seen, opinions vary drastically from people to people. So, feel free to drop your comments, questions, opinions and violent disagreements in... just ... do try to keep the violence to a minimum.

Thank you again everyone for your answers and even more so of being able to discuss this topic without excessive drama.

 

[Niriate]

Piss poor quote. It is quite possible to love more than one person. I've known couples who were Master/Mistress to a single sub. I've known folks similar to what Minxie described. A true dom, a switch and a true sub in a relationship. Honesty and trust, as Niri and FM showed. The same things that let a 'vanilla' relationship survive

Thanks, I suppose

I've wanted to stay clear of this thread because of my limited real experiences, but now that you've dragged me into it

It's true what Chgris says though. To my Master, I'm a very gentle Pet and loving friend. To my husband and children, I'm a devoted mother and caretaker. To my RP partners, I can be anything you could imagine.

I have stated several times, and I'm still convinced about that fact, that I'm a switch in heart and soul. I enjoy both sides of the D/s coin in equal measures, there is no preferance for me to what role I take.
And while I partially came to Lit for a specific reason regarding those preferences, I will stay a switch.

I realise this post isn't as insightful as some others, but I thought I'd atleast respond to the compliments from Chgris

 

[monique_minx]

I will go with the masses and declare that a beaut response Chgris!

Wish I was that eloquent when it comes to explaining things, I think half the stuff I have said thus far could have been compacted much more!

So just to keep this awesome thread going (brilliant idea VT) I reckon we should throw the floor open to questions and opinions. Here is one to kick us off, I am trying to write psychological thought processes for a submissive masochist who is having trouble accepting who she is.

This is especially for those of you who experienced pain play in a roleplay setting first, how did you know you'd enjoy it? And what did you first think of it? How would you describe your experiences and thoughts?

I'm hoping to get a little more inspiration, I know how I feel but I don't think I can describe it accurately. Basically my character is coming to grips with her 'freak' side and taking it from a role play board into real life...in a role play - it's doing my head in a little lol!

She is having trouble deviating from what society and all her friends consider 'normal' so I'm hoping someone can help me put things to words. Hope you don't mind this VT

 

[Niriate]

It's not really matching to your inquiry, but I know that the story "Culture Shock" has a very, very detailed description of a normal girl developing her submissive natures.

 

[scarletnym]

So just to keep this awesome thread going (brilliant idea VT) I reckon we should throw the floor open to questions and opinions. Here is one to kick us off, I am trying to write psychological thought processes for a submissive masochist who is having trouble accepting who she is.

This is especially for those of you who experienced pain play in a roleplay setting first, how did you know you'd enjoy it? And what did you first think of it? How would you describe your experiences and thoughts?

I'm hoping to get a little more inspiration, I know how I feel but I don't think I can describe it accurately. Basically my character is coming to grips with her 'freak' side and taking it from a role play board into real life...in a role play - it's doing my head in a little lol!

She is having trouble deviating from what society and all her friends consider 'normal' so I'm hoping someone can help me put things to words. Hope you don't mind this VT

Just my opinion on this...

While I feel I've always been a sub at heart, I've just come to realize my mas side. I live a very vanilla lifestyle according to those around me but inside I struggle with the feelings and wants that go along with being a mas. I would not be surprised to find many who struggle to come to terms with their 'freak' side just as I do. Being raised how I was...you do not do certain things...getting pleasure from pain would be high on that list.

I've played scenes on line that included masochism but it wasn't until I actually experienced it that I knew. Just like any other play, you can find it arousing to rp online but actually playing it in rl can be completely different. So until you feel it...it's hard to know if you will truly enjoy it or not.

My first time, I remember lying face down, cuffed and trembling in fear. The anticipation was almost more than I could handle. The feel of the flogger just caressing over my skin, not biting into it yet had me panting and whimpering. When I first felt the first slap, it took my breath away, not from the pain but from finally feeling the sensation. Each slap grew harder, more painful, almost to the point I wanted to stop and then it changed. The heat from the marks seemed to spread throughout my body, turning the pain into something more...something so intense and wonderful.

It took a lot of trust to be in that situation but I knew I would always crave that feeling after that first time.