D/s Vs Abuse, Ignorance, Learning.

[James G 5]

<arches a brow back> You're not my Dom now, are you?

Nope!
Was thinking of it as a matter of general principle LOL
As in something you shouldn't say to YOUR Dom

Some people, no sense of humor

 

[kitty4ever]

Nope!
Was thinking of it as a matter of general principle LOL
As in something you shouldn't say to YOUR Dom

Some people, no sense of humor

Ah, but you referenced the thread titled "Things a sub should NEVER say to her Dom", not to Doms in general. Since I don't have a Dom, I can say pretty much whatever I darn well feel like. <smiles sweetly>

 

[incubus'_sub]

Tiger, you asked a question earlier about care & concern about my limits. No, I can't really say it was like that. I don't consider my jaw problem to be a limit but more of a health limitation and anyway Incubus doesn't like to break his toys.

I freely gave myself to him to use as he pleased and no he didn't lead me gently at all. In fact it was very full on from the first session. I had never been fisted before, nor whipped leaving heavy & substantial marks, nor bound & restrained for long periods (but not gagged). Perhaps it was his intention to decipher whether I was just a talker or a doer, I don't know, I've never asked him.


For us, B&D is a sexual thing. It flavours our lives but doesn't rule them. I do know that after very many years living with the occasional pretend play with well meaning but not really into it partners, that I finally felt whole & real & free to be myself & be loved for it. I drifted into subspace that first time, described how I was feeling & was truly surprised to find out that it had a name and was experienced by others. I became educated about the lifestyle as things happened, not by reading or talking about it beforehand.

Only prior to munches & play parties did he explain various protocols as we don't strictly observe such things. As they are based on good manners, most came naturally anyway, but it's best to know how others may behave in such social situations so as not to offend.

We do talk, all the time, about anything & everything and I am encouraged to express my own desires & ideas, however he is The Master and as such his desires will always take precedence over mine. Should he choose to use me simply for his own gratification he will & does and my physical pleasure may or may not be satisfied. My mind & emotions however are always satisfied with this arrangement because that is who we are.

 

[Netzach]

I'd turn to men full time but they are just as neurotic in their own ways and habe one less orifice

Early am coffeespew.

They are easy to decipher, but such pains in the ass.

 

[FungiUg]

Ah, but you referenced the thread titled "Things a sub should NEVER say to her Dom", not to Doms in general. Since I don't have a Dom, I can say pretty much whatever I darn well feel like. <smiles sweetly>

Does that mean that since you don't have a Dom, we can say anything we darn well feel like to you?

 

[TigerClaw]

Since when did Doms get God-like powers?

It is nurtured.

 

[TigerClaw]

Tiger, you asked a question earlier about care & concern about my limits. No, I can't really say it was like that. I don't consider my jaw problem to be a limit but more of a health limitation and anyway Incubus doesn't like to break his toys.

Thank You for explaining. I dont want to break "my Toys" either so I understand.

It sounds like you two are a match. I am happy for both of you and continued good luck.

 

[TigerClaw]

Big problem I keep having is women who expect me to read their minds, so not only do they not tell me things they should, they often don't accurately answer direct questions, then they get pissed at ME

Isnt that the truth. I think that is Woman's nature. I avoid the ones that are obviously like that.

 

[kitty4ever]

Does that mean that since you don't have a Dom, we can say anything we darn well feel like to you?

Like that ever stopped you before.

 

[James G 5]

Early am coffeespew.

They are easy to decipher, but such pains in the ass.

Not if you pick smaller ones, stay stretched with a plug between sessions, and use lots of lube
Then they're just pleasantly filling (to use one of my friend's words)

 

[James G 5]

Isnt that the truth. I think that is Woman's nature. I avoid the ones that are obviously like that.

Problem is, women so infrequently speak their minds and so often are all about the subtext they assume we're the same way

Believe me ladies, most of us guys are SHALLOW and WYSIWYG

 

[Netzach]

Not if you pick smaller ones, stay stretched with a plug between sessions, and use lots of lube
Then they're just pleasantly filling (to use one of my friend's words)

Very cute! My hankies go in my left pocket though, I'm a pitcher more or less always.

 

[TigerClaw]

And the Sub text

is in any other language then the one you know. lol.


The difference between Men and Women is more then the physical. It is also the way in which we look at things. If your lucky enough to find each other the conversations and difference in which things are perceived can have interesting.

 

[James G 5]

Very cute! My hankies go in my left pocket though, I'm a pitcher more or less always.

Yeah, I know, but it wasn't funny THAT way LOL

 

[soapstar]

Problem is, women so infrequently speak their minds and so often are all about the subtext they assume we're the same way

Believe me ladies, most of us guys are SHALLOW and WYSIWYG

Snap! Im as shallow as a er... sink?



Ya know, one of those things they use to wash plates and stuff in.

 

[FungiUg]

Ya know, one of those things they use to wash plates and stuff in.

A dishwasher? That would make you as shallow as a dishwasher. Yup, sounds about right!

 

[TaintedB]

Originally posted by TigerClaw

I also feel a sub has to be able to express her feelings at some point. A sub who is suppressed or dismissed everytime she tries to say what she liked or disliked is in a dangerous spot. A sub should not have to figure out what it is that you want. A Dom should be guiding her in their lifestyle.

Please post your opinions.

You're talking about keeping communication lines open after the relationship is already established, rather than making one partner play guessing games. Absolutely! But I would wager that if such a couple had talked _enough_ before one of them ceeded power to the other, the gameplayer might have been spotted and avoided.

Talking doesn't have to be something awkward and fun-stealing, such as just discussing limits or negoitiating. It usually involves fun stuff sharing your fantasies and desires and ideas for play and seeing how the other responds to them. The big enemy of clear communications in the "before we get involved" stage seems to me to be infatuation. It's so easy to overlook or utterly ignore those little hints a person gives you that they're not quite as you see them, that their personality and interests are not exactly identical to yours. You want so badly for them to be completely compatible with you. I agree, it's very hard to stay critical during the "getting to know this really cool person" stage, but if you don't, you sure pay for it later. :/

Taint

 

[graceanne]

Isnt that the truth. I think that is Woman's nature. I avoid the ones that are obviously like that.

I want to say, that yes most women expect men to read their minds. (My hubby says I'm one of the few women who doesn't.) But on the flip side, sometimes you can get in the guy's face and say what needs to be heard, and they STILL won't hear you. Sometimes with my hubby he doesn't hear me till I'm so mad I'm screaming, and then he's like, well why didn't you say something before.

A small example, he and his brother (who lives with us) will get a beer, walk past the trash can, into the living room, take the lid off, and throw it on the floor. I asked him three times not to do that. Then I told him that I was getting really mad about this (all in a nice tone-just a warning), then finally I got so mad that we ended up in a fight over it. (And he said, well why didn't you just ask! ARG) Now he doesn't throw his god damn beer tops on the floor. (excuse my french)

My point? It's not always the women that have communication problems. I have multiple other examples of this kind of thing, but from my experience theree are a lot of guys like that. Yesterday I was talking with a sub I know, and she and her dom are only having sex like once a month. She's told him that she needs sex more, she even threatened to go out and get a switch to take care of her when he doesn't (which he actually liked that idea). He still has no idea that she's getting mad at him.

Well that's my two cents.

 

[TigerClaw]

Re: Re: D/s Vs Abuse, Ignorance, Learning.

Youve said a mouthful here. No one is going to be that perfect match but I will still say someone is perfect for me if they meet and give certain things. Each woman can be perfect and give different things to a relationship.

Ive been teaching myself to hold back a bit. It sounds cruel not to go with the "Love" or "Feelings" but I have noticed something. Usually, something will pop up that I will see clearer and have to decide is this ok or not. So far it has not been ok. I dont know how common it is for a Dom to be romantic but I am. I dont like or feel it is natural to hold back. But having one disaster in my life is all I want to experience.

Hints can be nothing at all or they can be hiding a whopper of a problem.

I am finding as I get older my attraction to differences is what is getting in the way. Am I getting more set in my ways? Not as understanding? I am not sure but I have begun to see it and I am started to look for women who have more of a similar out look.

Talking doesn't have to be something awkward and fun-stealing, such as just discussing limits or negoitiating. It usually involves fun stuff sharing your fantasies and desires and ideas for play and seeing how the other responds to them. The big enemy of clear communications in the "before we get involved" stage seems to me to be infatuation. It's so easy to overlook or utterly ignore those little hints a person gives you that they're not quite as you see them, that their personality and interests are not exactly identical to yours. You want so badly for them to be completely compatible with you. I agree, it's very hard to stay critical during the "getting to know this really cool person" stage, but if you don't, you sure pay for it later. :/

Taint

LOL, Ok I admit it I am at fault on this one also. Usually I hear, I have been told. But it seems I do miss some important things. I like your response though. I like it a great deal. I actually said if I am not getting or hearing what it is that you are saying hit me upside the head until I understand. She didnt. We are no longer. I am not a good judge as to how big a role this played in it being over. But I will stand my ground that the price I paid was way too big for anything I may have done with out realizing it.

In a normal relationship ~ I think your being able to say this and knowing he did stop for you is wonderful.

I am talking to a woman as friends and we got into a discussion. I pressed my point and she kept countering what I was saying. I kept challenging her. She kept countering. I finally gave in and let her know I saw how important it was to her by her not giving in. I was wonderful. You want a sub or submissive but I want to know also that this may be an important topic for her. I was exstatic because if I had not been getting it I now know she will make sure I understand her eventually. All of this with out a fight. Yeah.

I want to say, that yes most women expect men to read their minds. (My hubby says I'm one of the few women who doesn't.) But on the flip side, sometimes you can get in the guy's face and say what needs to be heard, and they STILL won't hear you. Sometimes with my hubby he doesn't hear me till I'm so mad I'm screaming, and then he's like, well why didn't you say something before.

 

[Netzach]

I want to say, that yes most women expect men to read their minds. (My hubby says I'm one of the few women who doesn't.) But on the flip side, sometimes you can get in the guy's face and say what needs to be heard, and they STILL won't hear you. Sometimes with my hubby he doesn't hear me till I'm so mad I'm screaming, and then he's like, well why didn't you say something before.

A small example, he and his brother (who lives with us) will get a beer, walk past the trash can, into the living room, take the lid off, and throw it on the floor. I asked him three times not to do that. Then I told him that I was getting really mad about this (all in a nice tone-just a warning), then finally I got so mad that we ended up in a fight over it. (And he said, well why didn't you just ask! ARG) Now he doesn't throw his god damn beer tops on the floor. (excuse my french)

My point? It's not always the women that have communication problems. I have multiple other examples of this kind of thing, but from my experience theree are a lot of guys like that. Yesterday I was talking with a sub I know, and she and her dom are only having sex like once a month. She's told him that she needs sex more, she even threatened to go out and get a switch to take care of her when he doesn't (which he actually liked that idea). He still has no idea that she's getting mad at him.

Well that's my two cents.

Oh, god, are you sure these are not really super butch women?

Butches are the masters of this art, since we're off in generalization land.

 

[FungiUg]

When I was married, my ex used to leave tea-bags in the kitchen sink. That meant that whenever I needed to use the kitchen sink, I had to clean out her tea bags. It annoyed me. Why couldn't she just put them straight into the rubbish bin?

We were together 8 years. I asked her repeatedly not to do it. We even fought over it. She still did it.

Sometimes... it's not about listening.

 

[A Desert Rose]

... rubbish bin...

Rubbish bin?

aaaaaahahahahaha

now that is funny.

 

[FungiUg]

Yeah, what you yanks would call a "trash can".

Stomps off to have a wee tantrum

 

[TigerClaw]

Been there, experienced something similar. In my case she just didnt care. Said she did and was sorry, but really didnt.

When I was married, my ex used to leave tea-bags in the kitchen sink. That meant that whenever I needed to use the kitchen sink, I had to clean out her tea bags. It annoyed me. Why couldn't she just put them straight into the rubbish bin?

We were together 8 years. I asked her repeatedly not to do it. We even fought over it. She still did it.

Sometimes... it's not about listening.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Been there, experienced something similar. In my case she just didnt care. Said she did and was sorry, but really didnt.

and did she call it a rubbish bin too?