D/s vs 'Daddy' fetish

[Stella_Omega]

you are probably more qualified to make that distinction than many other people here Stella, but I can think of three different possible definitions for 'light bondage' off the top of my head, and none of them are necessarily wrong, depending on the parties involved.

the very first things that comes to mind for me in terms of 'light bondage' is how escapable is it, how much is it going to dig in (broad cuffs vs. twine), and how much time/ effort/ fore-thought is actually spent on the preparations and actual bindings.

cold steel handcuffs to the bed frame might be called light bondage because they can be used on a whim while hardly skipping a beat in whatever else is going on, and hey, it's only one anchor, the person still has significant freedom of movement. Someone else might call that heavy bondage because it can't be easily escaped, can be quite painful, and can easily cause serious damage if leverage is applied to the limbs in the wrong way.

As a grain of salt though, I have a history of despising labels as excuses for poor communication.

as a post note, your remark about 'how tightly knots are tied' might be a reference to escapability... unfortunately any definition that describes knot work unnecessarily invalidates many forms of bondage; velcroe cuffs aren't always escapable, for instance, and what about buckles, ratchets, rings, clips, hair braids, and mental bondage.

What about 'gossamer bondage,' wherein the knotwork, while pretty perhaps, only functions as a focus to keep the bottom from moving less they snap the threads; how tight the knots are is moot. Where does that play in?

It was a bit facile, I guess. I tend to categorize bondage by its effect, really. Gossamer bondage can certainly be the strictest-- I couldn't do it!

 

[LordMhoram]

I made several false starts at writing this post. This a far deeper and more complex lifestyle than I had realized and I do not wish to appear insensitive. I really have enjoyed reading the responses; the variety of viewpoints is amazing.

Oddly, it is the respectful consideration everyone shows each other that has had a bigger impact. For all the variation in personalities, roles, identities, beliefs, and preferences, everyone shows a remarkable understanding, tolerance, and patience with the members of this community.

For me, the single biggest impact, has been discovering there is a certain grace to the whole thing I did not expect to find. It seems a contradiction, yet there it is; this odd elegance just below the whips and chains and punishments.

It is a dichotomy not easily reconciled, however. I shall need to consider this further.

 

[His_pet_slut]

There are indeed many nuances to the lifestyle, as you said. If you have never read further than what can be found in these forums, I would strongly urge you to. While there are a great many here with a vast wealth of experience, there are others that simply play at things and sometimes culling the grain from the chaff can be difficult, even for those well versed in the lifestyle.

I will confess that your initial post left me feeling antagonistic. While I am submissive, and deeply so, it is not something I give over lightly, it is not because I don't want to take responsibility for my own actions, and it is certainly not because I want a 'daddy'. That said, there is nothing wrong with ones that are into Daddy/little girl roleplay, etc.

I am a strong, intelligent and often outspoken woman. I am confident and own my business. I am considered quite knowledgeable in my field of expertise. I am also submissive to the right dominant. He has earned the gift of my submission by proving himself someone I can trust to relinquish the control I have to maintain in my day to day life too. It provides a level of release and fulfillment I cannot find in an ordinary/vanilla sexual relationship. In case you are wondering, this is a real time although not full time D/s relationship.

There are many excellent books on the subject as well as some wonderful people here that can further your education on it. Just don't confuse fiction stories with what the lifestyle is actually about.

 

[LordMhoram]

I will confess that your initial post left me feeling antagonistic. While I am submissive, and deeply so, it is not something I give over lightly...

I certainly apologize for that. I sense you understand it was done through ignorance, and not malice or spite of any type, and so I am especially happy you saw that and chose to respond in this thread.

I am a strong, intelligent and often outspoken woman. I am confident and own my business. I am considered quite knowledgeable in my field of expertise. I am also submissive to the right dominant. He has earned the gift of my submission by proving himself someone I can trust to relinquish the control I have to maintain in my day to day life too. It provides a level of release and fulfillment I cannot find in an ordinary/vanilla sexual relationship...

I think this is were I need to focus my attention. I am drawn to strong women; I have a very dominant personality, and a weak woman gets lost in the mix, and neither of us enjoys the relationship.

Thus it was from such women that I encountered this interest in being submissive. Yet while I can intellectually understand this, emotionally I struggle to take their interest as more than mischievous playfulness. That's something I understand, and thoroughly enjoy, having a playful streak myself (in a silly sense I mean; attempting to tie me up would be hazardous to your health ).

Does that make sense? I have a very fundamental and powerful drive to protect a woman. Aspects of BDSM appear to conflict with that, and yet...

...And yet, in small ways some of these women convinced me that they truly enjoyed certain things, and they were slowly, carefully introduced.

Very intense, very enjoyable. Yet persistently confusing to me.

There are many excellent books on the subject as well as some wonderful people here that can further your education on it. Just don't confuse fiction stories with what the lifestyle is actually about.

Maybe. Then again, though it takes longer, ongoing talk with real people provides the best material, and I am willing to put in the thought necessary to sort through the chaff.

Too, as I said, a part of my interest is merely literary; for that I am satisfied with having a handle on the subject, if not an actual true understanding.

 

[Stella_Omega]

What aspects of BDSM attract you most, LordMhoram?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I have a very fundamental and powerful drive to protect a woman. Aspects of BDSM appear to conflict with that, and yet...

I can understand how that would feel. I'm not entirely certain how to get past that though, how to separate those aspects out. I just know that I feel utterly safe and protected in my relationship, even when we engage in some of the riskier activities. I *know* that he'll take the best care of me he can, and afterwards he'll hold me close.

I know there's nothing he wouldn't do to take care of me, as a person, despite the shenanigans we get up to.

 

[LordMhoram]

What aspects of BDSM attract you most, LordMhoram?

That has to be one of the simplest, most straight-forward questions...

...so why am I sitting in my chair thinking, "How do I answer that?"

Every time I think of something to say, it strikes me as grossly simplistic, or requiring way too much explanation.

How about we start with the picture I have in my signature; why I like it...

I found that photo browsing the Your favorite BDSM Photos thread. You can find the source file here - thought I'd put that in in case I change my sig.

First, she is, IMO, stunningly attractive. Face, hair, body type, breast size, legs; if there exists 'perfect', then to me she is hanging there in that photo.

To address the BDSM aspects; let me preface this by saying what works for me is what works for her (meaning her arousal is the focus of my attentions). I will describe the fantasy that that picture triggers, but since I know nothing of her personality, the following discourse is entirely presumptuous.

I generally don't find gagged women to be at their most attractive; this is the first time I've seen an exception to that, and I like it. I would probably blindfold her as well.

I like bondage that immobilizes and exposes. For me it is about:

• Taking control of her arousal.
• Forcing her to remain exposed.
• Creating a muscular tension which intensifies orgasm.

What I describe so far is in my mind about focusing her attention on physical sensations, and being able to surprise her with input, and leave her unable to encourage or discourage what I do.

I like that control. I feel warm thinking about the trust she has shown me in willingly becoming so vulnerable. And I take deep satisfaction in observing her enjoy physical and emotional pleasure that I caused with my body, 'tools', and imagination.

Beyond this, it gets more difficult to describe. Once, an ex and I discussed some salacious activities for an evening's fun. The preparations included an entire afternoon of me teasing her, including shaving her. Our discussed intent was to pick up a third that evening (always male - and not the first time we had done this), and so I dressed her in a dress that wrapped around in front (thus could be opened easily) and a pair of pantyhose with the gusset cut out.

I took her out for dinner - romantic. We both knew what was for desert, but I found this classy, 'proper' environment drove her nuts in anticipation. When we got to a strip club later on that night, she was thoroughly willing to open her legs and flash the guy I picked for her.

Then it got interesting. Some random guy approached us, having picked up that something was 'going on', and indicated he wanted a blow job. This was not an agreed scenario, and I was ready to firmly chase him off, when my SO says to him, "It's entirely up to my Master." Just like that, she handed me permission to direct her sexual activities for the evening. Whomever, and however I pleased.

You could have knocked me over with a feather just then, I think. It also aroused me beyond anything I can recall in the past. For my ego, sure, but also what it told me about how she felt about me, how much she trusted me, and how successful my many hours of intense attention to her preparation and arousal had truly been. I'd never seen her this aroused or uninhibited before, and she wasn't really drunk, either.

I shan't bore you with the details of the night, but suffice to say we both had an excellent time, and the next weeks of 'normal' sex between just us was some of the hottest and most passionate of our relationship.

That experience went a long way towards convincing me of the reality of genuine submissive pleasure. Like His_pet_slut, this woman was very strong willed, intelligent, and successful.

She also had long, dark hair like the woman in that photo

Anyway, I've often wondered if our activities were really D/s, or even BDSM (we did play with pussy whipping - turned out she liked cumming that way). That is a part of what I am looking to answer with some of my questions.

 

[LordMhoram]

P.S. This is nice

Can't exactly put my finger on it, but it appeals to me.

 

[His_pet_slut]

*smiles* I am glad you understood the intent of my message. As I said, I am a rather outspoken woman and not all appreciate my brand of from the gut honesty.

As for fully understanding all of it or what drives the dynamics of a particular relationship? You may never fully 'get' it. After 7 years in this and being of an age where I have much more self awareness than I did in my youth, there are aspects of what drives me and what drives M~ that I do not 'get'. I just know that it works and leaves me feeling safe, secure and protected despite the type of play we indulge in.

 

[blonde_duchess]

d/s vs. Daddy

no its not the same, although in some cases they can be. I like rp daddy daughter but i dont want to be roughly dominated & REALLY treated like nothing, as i see in many D/S.
I like ageplay as well pretnending to be younger than I am, prefering to be a teen during sex.
I do like to be.... "play" roughly dominated & called whore slut filthy etc but it has to come from a man who I know really loves me and also half the time treats me very sweetly & spoils me like an adored teen. lol.

 

[Kojote]

It seems I have stepped into a rather complex, gray area.

On the one hand, and I have noted this over a long period of time, not just this thread, that there is great variation within any given classification. This makes sense; why should a fetish or BDSM be ay different from any other human interaction in regard to variety.

But then it begs the question; why make a distinction between D/s and 'Daddy' fetish at all?

Or could it be said that 'Daddy' is really a special form of BDSM, perhaps with little if any 'SM' involved, and the Dominant being specifically in the style of a Father-figure?

Maybe the difference is no more complicated than which label a given couple feels most comfortable with. Forgive me if I use 'label' inappropriately.

I fear I am becoming more confused rather than enlightened.

I do appreciate the responses thus far though. Thank you.

Maybe it would help to enlighten you to know that almost everybody inside the bdsm-drawer isn't much more enlightened than you.
Personally I came to the conclusion that the basic common ground for all those folks here seems to be that they are different from vanillas. And another almost universal things is that there is some kind of power dynamics/exchange happening.
In all other aspects the opinions differ widely and in fact one of the most appealing aspects for me is that you have to open your own internal drawer to fit in your personal preferences and lifestyle since the other ones only fit the terms of another couple.

Since you seem to be interested in this stuff I’ll give a little more insight into my personal point of view to confuse you just a little more:
I tend to think about this whole bdsm community as people who actively give more thoughts to power dynamics which happen to all and every couples and are part of universally all sexual encounters.
This crowd just isn’t happy with the general rules of engagement. They think about their own needs and wants and decide to actively follow a path to their fulfillment.
From the outside it appears to be common in the group that equality is given up for imparity. From the inside I found out that it’s far more complicated and more like a subtle change in responsibilities that just happens to look like imparity for the people who are good dogs and trained to think that equality is what society tells us it has to be.
As you can see I have a strong preference as to which point of view is the superior one…

It’s a very personal thing to allow those thoughts and decide to actively oppose the common point of view. Besides the common rules (which are actually common sense like playing safe and stuff) the specifics of a given couple seem to almost never be identical to those of another couple.
That’s because lots of thought is put into a given relationship. The needs, wants and desires of both partners are taken account for and there’s much communication. More communication than ‘normal’ in my opinion.
If it works out the result is something much more detailed than the typical relationship. Something personally tailored for the people involved.
Somehow it’s like an excuse to craft a better relationship instead of working with what mom and dad and the tv taught us.

There are larger internal drawer like the D/s, the Master/slave or the Daddy/girl ones. Common… well… features that happen to strike the fancy of large groups and allow a better presorting for discussions about the specifics.
If I want to talk about my relationship and search for insight I’d better not ask somebody who’s into Master/slave. That’s not my kink. D/s is closer and often much more helpful, since the people in that drawer happen to understand my thoughts better.
But that’s about it. There are for sure some Master/slave couples or even petplayers whose personal structures are pretty close to mine. It’s utterly individual.

And of course it’s about kinks. It’s about taboos and to break them. It’s about fun and about ‘not being vanilla’. It’s an excuse to gather like being gothic (called Gruftie over here back in those days) was in the 80’s.
It’s even becoming ‘in’. Which isn’t very desirable but was inevitable nonetheless. Because being a little more considerate and thinking about relationships and following sexual desires openly is just… cool.

As for your initial questions:
I got the impression that you are not only interested but also looking for stuff you want to write about.
So regardless of all common impressions keep one thing in mind: Every bdsm couple is unique.
You can gather together clichés and that will gain the favor of an audience. Most people have expectations when reading something regarding bdsm. Even most people into bdsm have common expectations. But there’s no real whatever and since the crowd here is pretty much into earnest discussions about the topic you won’t find ultimate general infos here.
What you can get here is really deep insight into really complicated and beautiful people. So the confusion will prevail…

I hope that helps to confuse you and please don’t forget: My opinion. Nothing general in that. Very personal instead.

 

[LordMhoram]

Somehow it’s like an excuse to craft a better relationship instead of working with what mom and dad and the tv taught us.

...

Because being a little more considerate and thinking about relationships and following sexual desires openly is just… cool.

If I have understood what you've said, it would seem to distill down to those two sentences, which I really like, BTW.

Thank you for your post; it was helpful to read your thoughts, and I appreciate your effort to put them together and share them here.

 

[Kojote]

If I have understood what you've said, it would seem to distill down to those two sentences, which I really like, BTW.

Thank you for your post; it was helpful to read your thoughts, and I appreciate your effort to put them together and share them here.

Yeah...
Thank you for reinforcing my feeling that I tend to express my thoughts a little lengthy...
You're right. That's about it.

And it was as much an effort as an opportunity to formulate my own thoughts not only for you, but for me as well.
So thank you for asking.

 

[StrayKat]

I must say I am rather miffed with D/s vs Daddy title.
What about us Mommies?

 

[Stella_Omega]

I must say I am rather miffed with D/s vs Daddy title.
What about us Mommies?

I just met someone who is desperately searching for you.

 

[StrayKat]

I just met someone who is desperately searching for you.

I already got the entire kindergarten of applicants...

 

[Stella_Omega]

I already got the entire kindergarten of applicants...

I can well believe that!

 

[LordMhoram]

I must say I am rather miffed with D/s vs Daddy title.
What about us Mommies?

Apologies Kat. Did not mean to get your fur frazzled

I've been pleading ignorance. Is it still working?

 

[Boundlife]

Apologies Kat. Did not mean to get your fur frazzled

Kat, if I want a Mommy I'd be all over you


Thanks for asking about this... I was wondering how the BDSM community saw Daddy play...I just have my own ideas made from my wants and needs on a Daddy/baby girl relationship...
I guess that's all that matters.

 

[HottieMama]

I must say I am rather miffed with D/s vs Daddy title.
What about us Mommies?

I would LOVE to find a woman willing to take the "Mommy" role who was NOT straight. Maybe it's just me but I find that most women that identify as "Mommy" tend to be VERY hetero...

*sighs*

 

[StrayKat]

Apologies Kat. Did not mean to get your fur frazzled

I've been pleading ignorance. Is it still working?

I have enough of those who stroke my fur the right way right now so I will let it pass this time

Kat, if I want a Mommy I'd be all over you

I am easy my dear, I can play almost any way as long as its kinky

I would LOVE to find a woman willing to take the "Mommy" role who was NOT straight. Maybe it's just me but I find that most women that identify as "Mommy" tend to be VERY hetero...

*sighs*

I am anything but straight