D/s W/O BDSM!

[catalina_francisco]

Body worship is generally seen as something done by the sub for the dom/me. Ex. a sub might gave a dom/me a shave on command or that might be one of the things s/he is expected to do. Or the sub might be expected to keep him/her self shaved. So what if dom/me wants to shave sub and sub is afraid but of course, let's dom/me do it? If subs body is being adored against his/her pref and in a way s/he would pref not? That seems like either D/s or being bottomed from the top. Any thoughts?

This idea is not that unusual in that many Dominants will shave their submissive, massage them, physically dress them, sometimes paint fingernails etc. It varies in what the intent is, some it is a type of worship, some it is just their whim or wish, some a reward, some it is to torment in ways they know will work.... lol, like his tendency to like to get out the tweezers and demand I present for plucking in delicate places when he knows it is just about time to do it myself, but not quite ready for the machine job....he knows it sends me into the horrors and has me begging in 5 seconds, not to mention promising anything to avoid his plucking. You might also find some relevant views on this thread https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=224387

Don't think I see it so much as bottoming from the top as recognising a Dominant has the right to do what s/he pleases. It really doesn't come down to whether the submissive thinks it appropriate or not as they are not the ones in charge, the Dominant is, so they are not bottoming as much as enjoying their toy in the way which pleases them to. If it is a limit that has been stated previously, then it goes into a whole new area of discussion about consent , pushing limits, etc.

As an aside, I did understand what you were looking for as in 'how to', but as I said, it is not that easy to photograph (which much on the net is backed up by...the visual), nor is it as easy to always translate into the written word. Even physical means are rarely presented in list form...a lot of the literature is about making sure people know what they are doing so they don't end up in prison. Though the mind and psyche are just as easy to damage, if not more so, it is not that easy to provide ways for people to tap into as in safety and what signs to look out for, so it is not so out there so to speak, but often in the body of other writings. If you are looking for stories etc., you may like to check some I have featured on the Shameless Plug thread, barbarian queen in particular as she dwells very much on the mental interactions etc.

Catalina

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Don't think I see it so much as bottoming from the top as recognising a Dominant has the right to do what s/he pleases. It really doesn't come down to whether the submissive thinks it appropriate or not as they are not the ones in charge, the Dominant is, so they are not bottoming as much as If it is a limit that has been stated previously, then it goes into a whole new area of discussion about consent , pushing limits, etc.

I'll check out the thread you linked. Calling it bottoming from the top wasn't a value judgement or insult, just a convenient short name for something I'd seen and experienced. Seemed mighty fine to me, aamoff (as a matter of factoid)! Recognizing that the Dom/me does as s/he pleases was a given, so it seemed perfectly 'appropriate' to me, even if I bothered to think in those term, which I don't. Too much work -- and boring work -- to go around trying to figure out what the 'appropriateness police' might say (edited to say -- let alone, join their ranks). This part seems key to me in what I've been experiencing: "enjoying their toy in the way which pleases them to."

Just curious to hear reactions around the subject, as I haven't heard it discussed as much, and except for the painplay, the rest is right on (D/s, no pain, no bondage) subject.

As an aside, I did understand what you were looking for as in 'how to', but as I said, it is not that easy to photograph (which much on the net is backed up by...the visual), nor is it as easy to always translate into the written word. Even physical means are rarely presented in list form...

Huh? Then what are all those lists I've seen that keep popping up of items for limit setting, contracts, things to try etc? This was where I started to get frustrated. They are very painplay and bondage oriented, and except for roleplay have almost nothing on them that's not. I can bring a couple up for inspection if you wish. My frustration was many of the lists had Nothing on them that I'm into -- which made me question belonging here -- except when I read the, also abundant, info about underlying control and D/s issues, I'd feel I belonged here again. Then started noticing posts from people who felt similar.

a lot of the literature is about making sure people know what they are doing so they don't end up in prison. Though the mind and psyche are just as easy to damage, if not more so, it is not that easy to provide ways for people to tap into as in safety and what signs to look out for, so it is not so out there so to speak, but often in the body of other writings.

AGAIN -- I'm not talking about mental only. (This appears to be part of a continuing misunderstanding between us.) It doesn't have to be mental At All. Non-painplay, non-bondage D/s can be quite physical -- as demonstrated by the still incomplete list at the top of this thread.

If you are looking for stories etc., you may like to check some I have featured on the Shameless Plug thread, barbarian queen in particular as she dwells very much on the mental interactions etc.

Catalina

Will check them out. Thanks. (So far, I seem to be stuck in Reluctance/non-consent, which is just a personal fetish that doesn't necessarily belong on this list -- anymore than say, scat. Or in Non-human, as a lot of those ghostie, werewolfy stories seem to have non-painful non-bondage force or Mental Control, or mental bondage in them, even if they aren't separated out on the list. Anal, too. The Bdsm story list I don't even bother with because it gets tedious trying to pick through for non-pain, non-bondage, as painplay and bondage DO seem to be the norm. (See I don't think I or people like me or special -- I think we are non-normative perves. Actually, if anything Perve-lite. Inadequate Perves, who can't even perve fully and with committment. There, is that humble enough for ya? And yeah, I STILL call it Good. mm-hmmm. That's me licking for how good it is, not sticking my tongue out, btw.)

 

[catalina_francisco]

For the record I didn't think you were making a value judgement or insult, nor am I familiar with this mysterious appropriateness police, was just trying to answer the question you posed. Guess I just need to get out there and get more familiar with the world of D/s as living 24/7 is keeping me too closeted. As to being a pervert, baby I think you got a ways to go yet, but you'll get there if you really want to, lite or otherwise.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

I do think you may want to revamp ideas like "lite" if you mean without painplay, I mean look how damn elusive what you're talking about is to pin down. Anything "lite" is a lot more straightforward.

Second, I think that overexposure to wordy internet boards rather than people who share your affiliation more than you may realize, might sensitize you to the idea of a "correctness police" which in face to face communities, (at least the ones I'm in, so far so lucky) we just call those dumb enough to impose their values on everyone "arrogant assholes" I happen to be good friends with a lot of people completely unlike me in relation to D/s SMBD desires, because we happen to find ourselves a little outside the norm, which IS, I find, Mdom/femsub emphasis on sexual control, light painplay.

So I find myself friends with a couple who does NO D/s whatsoever in their painplay. (Her on D/s, "I spent 40 years pleasing other people, it's over.")
They are popular and well liked and tolerate all the assumptions about their power status with a smile.

I find myself with a submissive who I can't hurt very well whatever I do, because his pain management history is so long and storied, and he's not a masochist, just patient with my need to whack things sometimes. If I want to see him crumple to the ground, sexual turn on is the way to make it happen, and there are many channels for that.

I find myself befriending someone whos overrriding interest in all this jazz is that it allows him to wear his paraphernalia. Which ranges from Goth PVC to hip waders. One of the nicest, most literate, and most insightful perverts I know, who has endeared himself to a lot of lifestyle people who poo poo dressing as a part of BDSM. Someone who remains patient with the handful of idiots who think of him as a poseur, when he's been playing lightly and dressing heavily for years.

It's a very big tent, the BDSM thing. because human sexuality is such a massive tangled thing when you get on the net, you find that whatever your freaky thing is, you are not alone. At the same time, whatever it is, it's still totally unique to you, and you're never going to be completely understood because you're you. It took me a long step back to realize that part again, and to make peace with that, that there's no community that's going to be perfect for me, it's mainly about overlap and best possible solutions.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

I do think you may want to revamp ideas like "lite" if you mean without painplay, I mean look how damn elusive what you're talking about is to pin down. Anything "lite" is a lot more straightforward.

Prefer 'obscure"?
Not attached to labels, just trying to use them to figure. Meant w/o painplay (or some painplay-lite) and without bondage. Which leaves a lot of territory, as noted in the list I finally managed to sift my way through various places to compile.
What's been most elusive, has been both my ability to articulate (label?) 'it', and, once I could (at least for myself ), the hunt for 'how-to' on say, control techniques that don't involve pain or bondage, was somewhat hard to come by.
And certainly not all in one place, or clickable category, the way one can find, say, a bunch of info on whips, or the broader category of impact, technique all in one place. When I click on D/s on various sites, I get either discussion of motivation, psych and such, or a comparison of say, TPE, 24/7 with non.

Also called it lite because it's about doing stuff that is generally at the less hardcore (or pick your label) end of the continuum. I'll call it 'milk chocolate,' if that helps.

I
Second, I think that overexposure to wordy internet boards rather than people who share your affiliation more than you may realize,

I DO realize. We just get there differently. Different means, same end. Which is why I can relate to a lot here, without wanting to Do most of the stuff that gets discussed to do. Makes interesting reading, just goes farther than I seem to need. Hell, I'm even beginning to understand scat fetish, which I never woulda thunk. Just glad I don't haveta go there. Feel like I understand the means that others on the boards are into, they just leave me personally unmoved in my own little corner when I try them, like vanilla but from the opposite direction, I guess. What floats my boat is most of the stuff listed above (and the Fantasy of no-pain, no-bondage reluctance/non-consent.)

might sensitize you to the idea of a "correctness police"

Was sensitized before I got here (partly because I'm just such a sensitive flower, but mostly from some reading on a different bdsm board, not at literotica). Which is one reason I was soooo reluctant to check out bdsm or literotica, even though the guys at rapedungeon kept telling me it's where I belonged, based on my posts. (And, no, for anyone who wondered, they weren't trying to get rid of me. It was the ones whom I Didn't piss off there, who seem to like me, who said it. The others were quite unsubtle in telling me where they thought i oughta go. )

But more to the point, I DON'T think we have much in the way of correctness police here, and the rare a-hole gets shot down pretty quick. We, including me, do get a little sensitive and defensive about possibly being Thought to be the correctness police, though.

I swerve between wanting to give every possible caveat before posting, and just going ahead and saying stuff, hoping my good, inclusive intentions are a given, unless i specifically state otherwise.
(Right now, I"m Still wanting to go back, start a new thread or pm a particular somebody, just to Thoroughly explain exactly what I meant and intended by something i said months ago, when I was caught up in the moment -- and by other stuff that was going on -- on another forum at lit, to have neglected to give said caveats and pre-explanations. Whewh. And THEN I'll get in trouble for talking too much. Btw, Purposefully mean or negative stuff, I don't take back. If I mean something meanly, I stand by it. Or apologize, if I've changed my mind or think I was wrong. I don't pretend not to have said it. Or pretend it didnt mean what it did mean. Communication get complex, but being for real and true is important to me.

which in face to face communities, (at least the ones I'm in, so far so lucky) we just call those dumb enough to impose their values on everyone "arrogant assholes" I happen to be good friends with a lot of people completely unlike me in relation to D/s SMBD desires, because we happen to find ourselves a little outside the norm, which IS, I find, Mdom/femsub emphasis on sexual control, light painplay.

That doesn't surprise me. It seems to be less the norm on the boards, at least among the people who post. Perhaps because there is less community for it? Also, I think a lot of the normatives you mentioned get off on the Idea of the heavier stuff, and the hardware and such, even if they don't take it as far.
I'd rather have a LOT of D/s, heavy domming (pick your label), in the form of say, obsessive mental games, insistance on all day reminders, lots of uh bossing me around, exams whenever he feels like it, service demands with intent (any type), humiliation, etcetera, etcetera, than a little pain play.
A spanking ain't gonna get me there. Being on my ass, keeping me on my knees, pushing my exposure limits, etc. will. It's not about just playing a role for me, any more than it is for you, even if my end of things, is pardon-the-expression, lighter. Is that true for the normatives you meet, too? If so, I'd like to meet some people.
(My husband wouldn't though. I'm not sure he's Ever, voluntarily, joined, or gone to a meeting, for anything. When he has to, he goes, gets the info, and gets the hell out. And in such a pleasant way, that noone notices the disappearing act.)

So I find myself friends with a couple who does NO D/s whatsoever in their painplay. (Her on D/s, "I spent 40 years pleasing other people, it's over.")
They are popular and well liked and tolerate all the assumptions about their power status with a smile.

I find myself with a submissive who I can't hurt very well whatever I do, because his pain management history is so long and storied, and he's not a masochist, just patient with my need to whack things sometimes. If I want to see him crumple to the ground, sexual turn on is the way to make it happen, and there are many channels for that.

I find myself befriending someone whos overrriding interest in all this jazz is that it allows him to wear his paraphernalia. Which ranges from Goth PVC to hip waders. One of the nicest, most literate, and most insightful perverts I know, who has endeared himself to a lot of lifestyle people who poo poo dressing as a part of BDSM. Someone who remains patient with the handful of idiots who think of him as a poseur, when he's been playing lightly and dressing heavily for years.

It's a very big tent, the BDSM thing. because human sexuality is such a massive tangled thing when you get on the net, you find that whatever your freaky thing is, you are not alone. At the same time, whatever it is, it's still totally unique to you, and you're never going to be completely understood because you're you. It took me a long step back to realize that part again, and to make peace with that, that there's no community that's going to be perfect for me, it's mainly about overlap and best possible solutions.

I love the descriptions of the people you know in the life. For the last, I didn't expect it to be perfect or even relevant, it just is what it is. So I said, "this is what I'm looking for, you guys seem to be doing some related stuff, veer into the same territory occasionally, many of you seem to be coming from the same place, emotionally, even if you act it out differently than I'd choose -- so, since you've been around a lot longer than I have -- do you know where my door is?" (ok, I made up this quote but am paraphrasing what I was thinking.) Just asking the question repeatedly led to noticing there were others asking with me, which lead me to say that 'hmm, there doesn't seem to be a thread, library link or whatever, specifically for our subtype/group, or did I miss it?' Then decided to start this very one myself.
(And attracted what appeared to be affront at my noticing there was an info gap. Also got told that I'd been given the info numerous times but wasn't listening. Which was because the info that had been provided, while very nice, was off-topic.)

Btw, naming stuff helps. Being able to say, from the descriptions, that one guy has a bdsm outfit fetish and likes light play (still to be defined.) Or that the other couple likes heavy sensation 'play' or SM, w/o D/s, would give me some ideas of what they might like to click on or learn about, or do a thread on.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

If I want to see him crumple to the ground, sexual turn on is the way to make it happen, and there are many channels for that.

about overlap and best possible solutions.

Yeah, figuring out the channels, even knowing what streets to look down, has been the challenge. Like figuring out, oh, at least exposure, including forced exposure is one, which I may find down 'humilation street' even if I don't find it humiliating, or 'exhibitionism street' even if I'm not flaunting or wanting to show myself to the unwilling, but instead yearning for exposure to my beloved, the way NCShin described it:

"...exposing yourself as much as can be done in different ways. Allowing another to see any physical flaw you may have up close and personal in an exam, someone looking at you as you've likely never been looked at before.

Humiliation is exposing your mental flaws, your fears, your most inner wants and desires, things that no one else in the world may ever see. Exposing yourself more to someone than just taking your clothes off could ever expose you. I think that being willing to be humiliated and show yourself that way is a wonderful thing. "

And Netzach, if we could do some graphs, it would really help, too.

Your x-axis, I think, would show strong 'sensation-giving/painplay/sadism' intersected by mild dominant D/s on y-axis. Z would be intermediate clothes/paraphenalia fetish. (Is that close?)

Mine then: mild M (x-axis), intersects intermediate to strong D/s (switch?). My Z would be strong, but so far latent, reluctance/non-consent fetish.

 

[Etoile]

Don't think I see it so much as bottoming from the top as recognising a Dominant has the right to do what s/he pleases. It really doesn't come down to whether the submissive thinks it appropriate or not as they are not the ones in charge, the Dominant is, so they are not bottoming as much as enjoying their toy in the way which pleases them to.

*gasp*
Thank you, Catalina. That is an excellent way of putting it. These are words that match the abstract thoughts I've had on the matter.

 

[Netzach]

Yeah, figuring out the channels, even knowing what streets to look down, has been the challenge. Like figuring out, oh, at least exposure, including forced exposure is one, which I may find down 'humilation street' even if I don't find it humiliating, or 'exhibitionism street' even if I'm not flaunting or wanting to show myself to the unwilling, but instead yearning for exposure to my beloved, the way NCShin described it:

"...exposing yourself as much as can be done in different ways. Allowing another to see any physical flaw you may have up close and personal in an exam, someone looking at you as you've likely never been looked at before.

Humiliation is exposing your mental flaws, your fears, your most inner wants and desires, things that no one else in the world may ever see. Exposing yourself more to someone than just taking your clothes off could ever expose you. I think that being willing to be humiliated and show yourself that way is a wonderful thing. "

And Netzach, if we could do some graphs, it would really help, too.

Your x-axis, I think, would show strong 'sensation-giving/painplay/sadism' intersected by mild dominant D/s on y-axis. Z would be intermediate clothes/paraphenalia fetish. (Is that close?)

Mine then: mild M (x-axis), intersects intermediate to strong D/s (switch?). My Z would be strong, but so far latent, reluctance/non-consent fetish.

I always sucked at this trig stuff, is it even trig?

I'd say your assessment is fair enough. What's interesting to me, though, I'm reiterating, is that you consider yourself "mild" in the overall BDSM world when your desires do go a bit further out on the limb than a hedonistic good time, which is what most I meet pretty much want. Whether you're getting what you want or not, whether we're all able to pinpoint it or not, it seems more "201 level" than "101 level." If you want to insist you're playing a more "lite" game than most here, simply because you're not playing as often, go ahead, I just beg to differ, and I think the extremity of what you seek is part of why it's harder to get than a spanking.

Not that "101 level" is a bad thing, I hang out there a lot.

I may want to get more than that by leaving cuts, you may want more than that by feeling like, to one person anyway, your saying "no" holds no validity. Both are playing with fire and require caution.

Your trig is fair, however in my own case I'd say it's not really a "mild D/s interest" so much as an interest in service over control/coercion. D/s with a high expectation of "you yourself said you're here to do what I say and if you act counter to that too much get out of here." In my personal philosophy, getting the slave to be a slave is not my job. Giving direction and having expectation and training them subtly into what I like should be my job.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

I always sucked at this trig stuff, is it even trig?

I'd say your assessment is fair enough. What's interesting to me, though, I'm reiterating, is that you consider yourself "mild" in the overall BDSM world when your desires do go a bit further out on the limb than a hedonistic good time, which is what most I meet pretty much want. Whether you're getting what you want or not, whether we're all able to pinpoint it or not, it seems more "201 level" than "101 level." If you want to insist you're playing a more "lite" game than most here, simply because you're not playing as often, go ahead, I just beg to differ, and I think the extremity of what you seek is part of why it's harder to get than a spanking.

Not that "101 level" is a bad thing, I hang out there a lot.

Hunh.

I'm hoping first, that people get it that i don't think one or the other(101 or 201) is bad or good, just are. Just what one happens to be hungry for or not. (Even if when I eat my orange jello I say, 'damn that's good, doesn't mean I think it's theoretically better than the rich apple cake I ignore.' Ya know? There's taste and then there's absolute value, etc.
(I grew up around someone who insisted that chocolate and Van Gogh are Better than vanilla and Renoir, on some grand universal rightness-wrongness scale. Which she held. So i try hard not to get my taste confused with the Word from on-High.)

I guess I've just been assuming I'm mild -- which of course, doesn't mean a less deep need. And it's interesting to me that you see it differently. I'm probably over-weighting what I don't do as being More somehow. Hard to see yourself. Especially if that view differs from whatever pic you carry in your head. Like even looking in a mirror, some still see themselves as fatter or skinnier than they are. (My brain stays on however I was before. Like I probably look younger to myself than i do for others. A common perceptual problem, i suspect.)

I may want to get more than that by leaving cuts, you may want more than that by feeling like, to one person anyway, your saying "no" holds no validity. Both are playing with fire and require caution.

Probably why he's the first person who's known this about me. I keep shying away from thinking about this one, except in terms of, say, Mindgames or Mindfuck, despite it being what got me here. (Just feel like I have to keep mentioning it, as a sort of caveat, to keep self-honest and on-track, even if just revving my engine.) It's why the interest in Pure's limits threads, SMACK, Topopolis, etc. Really appreciated Sigsauerprincess simultaneously pushing gently and encouraging me to say it, even here, where one would think it would be safe to admit.

Your trig is fair, however in my own case I'd say it's not really a "mild D/s interest" so much as an interest in service over control/coercion. D/s with a high expectation of "you yourself said you're here to do what I say and if you act counter to that too much get out of here." In my personal philosophy, getting the slave to be a slave is not my job. Giving direction and having expectation and training them subtly into what I like should be my job.

Got it.
And since I'm in a much valued relationship that pre-dated my admitting that this wasn't just a phase I was going through -- there's the challenge of figuring out if any of that trig overlaps or intersects between my partner and i. (Hopefully it wont turn out like that asymptote thingy, where the numbers approach the line, infinitely closer and closer, without ever managing to touch.)

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Let's Play Bumpity Bump!

Anyone interested in the actual topic, please refer to page 1. (More meat, less intermural chit-chat.)

Please add items to list, or give opinions on listed items (see NCShin post, for one lovely example).

(Just a thought. Of course everyone else, PLEASE feel free to do as you will. I do. )

Will keep coming back and adding links, kinda like, say, a thread Librarian.

Thread topic? Dominance and submission, without bondage or painplay. (How, when, where-to. And whatever else works for you.)

 

[s'lara]

I looked through all the links quickly and while interesting, at first glance, most are more the psychological underpinnings side, (which is what Catalina thought I was looking for -- and I'm not, because I can find that). As you mentioned here, How-to is more 'it,' and when-to and where-to and what-to. (who and why I've got covered. )

Good point about looking for info from the Dom's pov, for bringing about these things. (I guess I've been trying to answer the question 'if there was a movie about D/s w/o the other stuff, what would it look like?' They wouldn't just be sitting there thinking, or doing the Vulcan mindmeld, I hope.

Btw, the mild reluctance/non-consent I've been reading on Lit (which seem more like not admitted consent/reluctance, rather than true non-consent) seem to fit the bill, as they have been typically no-violent, no-pain, no-bondage but lots of D/s. (Hope no one is offended by my reading those stories that way, and including reluctance as D/s rather than offense or abuse. They seem to be purposely designed to exploit this angle.) Does this kind of force belong here? I don't know. Maybe a question for a different thread.

PS, i'm not sure if you're just skimming the links or really reading them. Either way, i did say that many of the links could be applicable to your brand of D/s. Please see below for the various "How To's" that were contained in some of the links:

a) http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/handb_tw.html

"NEGOTIATING A SCENE

Once you and your partner have read over the lists of fantasies, roles, scenes and fetishes, and you have decided which elements you would like to incorporate into your scene, you can begin play. You can begin play with anything from a general idea of your partner's likes and limits to a complete and elaborate script. Most people like to at least work out a rough "script" for the scene, including the roles and elements that will be introduced. Here are some examples of possible scripts.

S&M FANTASY #1: Sensory deprivation, bondage, sensation play

He is dominant. He will tie her up and blindfold her, then alternately tickle and sexually tease her. Some of the props include a blindfold, soft nylon ropes, a feather, a rabbit fur, an ice cube, and possibly a whip or paddle.

You don't have to use a whip/paddle/rope but the rest applies to your comments about wanting some kind of force/sensation play.

S&M FANTASY #2: Body worship, whipping, sexual teasing

She is dominant. He is harshly ordered to his knees, from where he must kiss and lick any part of her body that she tells him to. She will then whip him until he begs for mercy. When he finally begs for mercy, she will sexually tease him until he has an orgasm.

Substitute the "She" for "He", remove the whipping and you have what you want.

S&M FANTASY #3: Role-playing (principal and schoolgirl), spanking

He is dominant. He is the headmaster of a private school, and she is a naughty schoolgirl. He administers a stern lecture and an over-the-knee spanking. Props might include a ruler (great for giving a light spanking) and a cute schoolgirl costume.

You said you weren't opposed to light pain, so this might work for you.

S&M FANTASY #5: Role-playing (burglar and victim), rape fantasy

He is dominant. He puts on a ski mask and "breaks in" to her bedroom. He then rapes his "unwilling" partner and generally does whatever he wants, stopping only when she uses the safe word or safe signal.

You said that rape was a possible fantasy and this might work for you, or not.

S&M FANTASY #6: Role-playing (medical fantasy), submission

She is dominant. She is a doctor who must give him a complete physical exam. She pokes and prods him in various private places, and he can do nothing but submit to her. She handles his cock and balls with authority, giving him pleasure at her whim. Possible props for this scene include latex gloves and lubricant for anal play.

These are just a few examples of the S&M scenes that you can create from the ideas given here. Let your imagination be your guide.

i don't understand how none of these are "How To" material. Unless i, and others, continue to read you wrong, the above examples are either direct or close hits to what you want to explore.
________________________________________________
More "How To" from the same link:

BEGINNING PLAY

Once you have decided to play, negotiated a scene and worked out a basic script with your partner, how do you begin? It is not always easy to make the transition from being Mr. and Ms. John and Mary Smith to playing the roles of an Amazon priestess and her temple slave. Even if you are doing a straight S&M scene as opposed to a fantasy, getting mentally and emotionally into your dominant and submissive roles can take some work. Unless you live a total S&M lifestyle, you have probably spent the day thinking of your partner as your spouse, lover or friend. Switching over to thinking of him or her as your slave, your Master or your Mistress takes some doing. Careful preparation is the key.

If you are playing out a specific fantasy, it helps to set one room such as the bedroom aside for your play. Make sure that all of the props that you will need are already in the room. Remove or temporarily hide any obvious items in the room that will detract from your fantasy. You don't have to do a complete redecoration, but if you are playing the roles of a medieval princess in a dungeon and her rescuer, you should probably at least drape a cloth over that television and VCR that is sitting on the dresser. Likewise, the Exercycle and digital scale should get put out in the hall for the time being.

If you are not playing in a fantasy world, you don't have to be quite as drastic in what you remove, but keep in mind that some things are not sexy under any circumstances. Put the dirty clothes on the floor in the hamper, make the bed with crisp, new sheets, and take the cat's litter box out to the garage for the evening. Messes are a turn-off.

You would be surprised how sexy a change of bedroom scenery can be. You don't have to put mirrors on the ceiling, but a new, erotic painting or poster for the wall or outrageous pink satin sheets on the bed might put some extra spice in your lovemaking.

Costuming is also important. A simple outfit consisting of black pants and a black sweater can be the basic backdrop for a dozen different roles, with the addition of a few simple props. If your fantasy role is that of the headmaster of a private school, try putting on an appropriately sober-looking business suit. If you are expressing the "naughty", blatantly sexual side of your nature, wear a garter belt, fishnet stockings and a bra. Keep in mind that both of these costumes can be appropriate for either sex! There is no reason that she cannot wear the business suit while he puts on the filmy lingerie. Playing with gender as well as fantasy roles can be a stimulating addition to your sexual repertoire.

To actually step into a fantasy, both of you will go into the room that you have designated for play. Discuss the final details of the scene and check the scenery for any obvious flaws (the Exercycle in the castle dungeon, et cetera). Then, one partner leaves the room for a few minutes. It is agreed that when he or she steps back in, it will be in role, and the fantasy will have begun.

HOW TO PLAY

QUICK REFERENCE - STARTING A SCENE

Using the lists given in this document, agree on the elements of an S&M scene that mutually excite you.

Choose a safe word that ends play or signifies that it is time for the dominant partner to ease up on what he or she is doing. If you are playing out a fantasy, you may want to decide on an additional word that temporarily allows you to exit the fantasy. A typical S&M safe word is "mercy," while any out-of-context word or cue such as "sunrise" can be used as a signal to step out of a fantasy.

Decide who will be dominant. Some couples prefer to switch roles, whereas some will be more comfortable in set roles. Neither is inherently "right" or "wrong", although I do recommend experimenting at least initially with both dominance and submission. There is no shame in playing the submissive role in a fantasy game, and it can be an awful lot of fun besides. Switching roles is also a good way to show your partner what you would like to do or what you want to have done to you when you switch back.

Put together some basic idea of what you will do in the scene. This can be anything from agreeing on a few elements ("Let's explore bondage and cross dressing") to a very complex and detailed script.

Prepare the room for play. Tidy it up and make it as much of an appropriate setting for your scene as you can. Gather all of the props and toys you will need to do your scene. Nothing is more annoying that not finding the toy you need at an intense moment.

Enact the ritual that begins play. A ritual is anything that you decide it will be, from putting on a slave collar to verbalizing the titles of your dominant and submissive roles. ("You are a slave" - "Yes, Master/Mistress.")
Have the most fun, sexual arousal, emotional fulfillment and thorough enjoyment that you possibly can.

All of the above is dead on ... so i am confused as to what didn't work and what was all mental/psychological.

b) http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/position.html

The same with this link. It gave a number of positions you could assume to physically express your submission. You did mention that being on your knees was something you enjoyed. These positions take that idea further:

A Submissive's Sample Set of Positions for Memorization

For Submissives of any Gender. Intended for Consensual Fantasy Play Only.

"Attention" Positions
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
0
Standing upright, legs spread moderately, hands clasped behind back, above ass.

1

As 0, but hands are clasped behind neck.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Spanking Positions
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10
Over my lap, hands and feet on floor.

11

As 10, but with hands clasped behind neck.

12

Over my lap, inside leg trapped between my legs. Hands on floor.

13

Over my lap, genitals together.

14

Straddling me facing my feet, hands on floor, ass slightly raised in front of me.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Paddling Positions
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
20
Standing, legs spread moderately. Bent at waist, hands on legs below knees.

21

As 20, but with hands clasped behind neck.

22

As 21, but in a partial squat.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Crawling Positions
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
30
On hands and knees, legs vertical and moderately spread. Head is hung in shame.

31

On knees and elbows, arms stretched forward. Legs slightly spread. Back arched.

32

As 31, but with hands on elbows (not stretched forward).

33

As 32, but with hands pinching opposite nipples.

34

On knees, leaning forward with face and breasts on floor. Hands reaching back to grip ankles.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fucking Positions
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
40
On back, legs spread very wide, legs straight. Hands clasped behind head.

41

As 40, but with knees bent moderately.

42

As 40, but with knees bent completely, feet against ass.

43

As 41, but use your hands to spread your hold genitals.

44

On back, hugging knees to chest, feet against sides of ass. Legs together.

45

As 44, but with knees against shoulders.

46

On back, arms hugging bent legs, widely spread.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kneeling Positions
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
50
Kneeling upright, toes pointed. Hands placed behind arched back.

51

Kneeling upright in front of named object (bed or desk), chest touching surface. Arms held straight out to the sides. Legs slightly apart.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Bicycle" Positions
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
60
On back, hips in the air supported by hands. Legs together, pulled back toward head.

61

On back, hips in the air supported by hands. Legs in the air, splayed widely.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Supine Positions
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
70
Lying face down, hands clasped behind neck. Legs spread widely.

71

As 70, but with legs together.

72

Push-up position, legs apart and arms extended, ass slightly raised.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Arched positions
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
80
Back walkover position, back arched greatly, legs spread moderately.

81

On knees, back arched greatly. Hands grasping ankles.


____________________________________________
c) http://www.bestslavetraining.com/attitude.htm - This link explores training a slave and adjusting attitudes/behavior. i thought you mentioned mild mind control, hypnosis, conditioning and other methods which include psychological domination, etc. These techniques could be used to spin you mentally if you were open to it:

Techniques for changing attitude:

If you change a slave's attitude, then you can change her behavior. According to social psychology, a Master can change a slaves attitude by one of the following techniques: (Note: I don't consider it a complete list)

1) Foot-in-the-Door Technique. To get someone to change an attitude or grant a favor, begin with a small attitude change or favor. The theory is that a second change is easier after the first one. This is the method used on American POW's during the Korean War.

2) Door-in-the-Face Technique. First, ask for an outrageous attitude change or favor, then reduce it to a much smaller and more reasonable one. It works best if there is not much time between requests.

3) Ask-and-you-shall-be-given Technique. People will respond by giving to what is seen as a good cause.

4) Lowballing Technique. A person is influenced because they perceive a low stake in it. Once the decision is made, the stakes can be increased.

5) Modeling. Modeling the behavior of someone else increases the likelihood that they will change.

6) Incentives Techniques. Incentives work well for changing behavior but not attitude. A person can go to work for the money, but still dislike the job.

7) Role Playing. Role refers to behaviors that are expected of someone in a particular social setting. A slave is expected to act as a slave and therefore her behavior will change to meet her behavior.


i could go through the rest of the links to root out the information you need, but i think that is best left to you as you will know exactly what would be helpful and what wouldn't. These links and their "How To's" all could be used in the D/s of your life and demonstrate how to implement these tools during your activities/explorations. Whatever the case PS, i hope these are helpful to you and others who are looking to engage in D/s without the S/M or B/D. i encourage anyone else to come forward and discuss/theorize what possibly would work for them in their need for non-pain, non-bondage D/s. Good luck.

lara

 

[s'lara]

my post above should be in keeping with the topic and i (hopefully others as well) will add their own ideas, links, etc.

lara

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Didn't dig deep enough...

A lot of this certainly fits. Thank you.

And my apologies for not doing deep enough due diligence. And for whining. (And lack of appreciation.)
Thank you also for doing so much work.

Wish Betticus and others (Beloved?) with similar taste in general, would come back and say if they've found what they want here. That would help me to make sure we've got it covered.

(Several of these still tend toward the mild painplay side, and are heavy on the roleplay for my taste, so will do own digging for my particular stuff.)

 

[s'lara]

http://www.frugaldomme.com/esoteric/techniq2.htm

Humiliation Ideas (will cross reference to RR's thread on a similar subject). Some of these will apply and some will apply to others. The idea is to create a bevvy of information useable by many to make it their own or tailor it to their tastes.

I. Clothing the sub can be made to wear:
1. Black or dark colored bra under thin white shirt.
2. Black or dark colored panties under thin white pants or shorts.
3. Pantyhose worn with shorts.
4. Wear a frilly bikini at the beach. [or just the bottom.]
5. Naked or dressed in lingerie beneath a cape or raincoat.
6. Wearing an obviously feminine blouse (malesubs).
7. Little girls' dresses with high heels

8. Baby hats/bonnets.
9. Obvious female flat heel shoes, worn with everyday male clothing.
10. Standard male shirt, tie, jacket, with obvious female trousers.
11. Diapers, noisy plastic pants.
12. High heels.
13. Females, braless, with a sheer white or light colored blouse.
14. No underwear or lingerie, while wearing very thin white or light colored pants, shorts, or skirt.

II. Toys.
1. Slave collar ( can add owner tag.)
2. Narrow cat collar with bell.
3. Single handcuff on each wrist.
4. Butt plugs. Can be worn at a business meeting.
5. Feminine necklaces and bracelets.
6. Feminine rings.
7. Cock rings.
8. Baby pacifier. Carry or tied around neck. There is a doggie "squeak toy" like this available.
9. Baby rattle.
10. Nipple clips. [even better when seen through a sheer shirt or blouse]
11. Clip on earrings [for the pierced impaired.]
12. A "kitty" collar with bell, worn around the cock and balls.


III. Shopping scenes. [The assumption here is that it should be obvious the purchases are for the sub.]
1. Shopping for and trying on lingerie or dresses.
2. Trying on high heels while wearing nylons or pantyhose under male clothing. Works better at times other than Halloween.
3. Shopping for makeup, perfumes, and other female items.
4. At adult toy stores, purchasing buttplugs, cock rings, and BD gear, while she watches from a distance. [see #7]
5. Having a manicure or facial.
6. Buying adult incontinent supplies. [works for both genders]. Have the sub ask the clerk what size would fit best.
7. You are taken shopping for a new bondage outfit at one of those famous stores [insert shameless plug for Stormy Leather in San Francisco. Hey, forgive me, it is the one store I never miss when I am working in the City.]
8. She walks up to him in the check out line at the grocery store, holding a pair of pantyhose and says "these are what I picked up for you to wear tonight. Ok?"


IV. Other activities or scenes.
1. Must use "Mistress", Madame", or "Ma'am" at all times.
2. Handcuffed to the shopping cart, while shopping.
3. Handcuffed or tied to a pole outside store. (waiting for Mistress)
4. Handcuffed, hands in front or back, while shopping.
5. Metal cockrings, collars, chains, or leashes when going through airport security.
6. Having him get a good tan while wearing a bra, for later exposure at the beach or while washing the car without a shirt.
7. When at a restaurant, eating in an unusual way; being fed by the Mistress; using your non- dominant hand, no utensils.
8. Forbidden to speak in public.
9. Kneeling and kissing her boots, shoes, feet, or hands, at odd moments.
10. Kneeling, massaging her feet at the mall.

11. One arm tied or cuffed under your shirt. Or cuffed obviously behind you.
12. Pockets cut out of pants, and hands tied or cuffed to your thighs so you can't remove them from the pockets.
13. Binding your cock inside your pants with the string or rope end available to tug on.
14. Wearing a vibrating butt plug, with the controls in your pocket or available for her use. [still dreaming of a source for a remote control plug ;} A Vibrating Beeper was recently suggested]
15. Your right [left?] hand is tied to your cock and balls through a hole in your pocket. Might look like you are playing with yourself.
16. Being forced to masturbate beneath the table cloth while at a restaurant.
17. You both are sitting in a restaurant, dressed completely normal. She hands you a bag of 'stuff' and tells you to go to the restroom and change. You worry that everyone who enters will know what you are doing.
18. You are sitting drinking a beer or apple juice. When the glass is empty, she orders you to take it to the men's room and fill it up. You must return and then consume your "new" beverage with your meal.
19. You must take your beverage to the men's room, masturbate, and cum in the glass/cup. Return and then consume it, This would also work with the special sauce from that famous place.
20. You have to take your panties or underpants off, return to the table and hand them to her. She leaves them on the table in plain view.
21. Female subs in skirts, ordered to remove panties while seated at the table, hand them to the Mistress, then sit with naked ass on the seat.
22. On a special evening, as you travel around in a rented limousine, you are required to masturbate, trying not to be seen by the driver.
23. You are required to masturbate in your panties and continue wearing them, disregarding any spots that may appear.
24. You are diapered, taken out to a restaurant or bar and have to consume a large quantity of liquid, and are not allowed to use the restroom.
25. Traveling by car naked or dressed in lingerie.
26. You are obviously hand cuffed to the car as you travel, or are parked waiting for her to finish shopping. A key can be attached to a thread for emergency purposes.
27. Wearing lipstick or make up so that it appears you have just tried to remove it, but missed some.
28. Having your picture taken in Santa's lap at Christmas time.
29. She hands the controls of your vibrating plug, dildo to another person.
30. Having to show another person what you are wearing beneath the raincoat or cape.
31. Shining her boots at the mall.

32. She spanks you.
33. She slaps you.
34. You have to eat a doggie snack at lunch.
35. You have to kiss the ground whenever you leave a car.
36. You kiss the seat of her chair whenever she stands.
37. Ordering warm milk, or some other almost impossible item, claiming dietary need.
38. You have to eat a bite of something that has had an ash flicked on it.
39. The Mistress takes her female sub into the restroom and performs an on the spot vaginal/rectal examine, attaches a variety of 'toys' or clamps.
40. You are taken on a nature walk, tied to a tree, for a quickie spanking.
41. One hand is cuffed to the chair or table when you are eating.
42. At a cocktail lounge, you have to sit at the bar next to the serving station and you are cuffed to the rail.
43. You are instructed to eat a meal alone, reading a copy of Domination Directory International, other Dominatrix publication, or a transvestite magazine.
44. Smoking long, obviously feminine cigarettes.
45. In a parking lot or similar location, just before you will be safely hidden from spectators, she has you pause and wet yourself. You have to walk the last few yards with wet clothes.
46. On your 'x' anniversary, you renew your wedding vows, this time _you_ are dressed as the bride.
47. When you travel alone, you are required to leave lingerie or stockings drying in the bathroom.
48. You are instructed to buy a Halloween maid's costume. Whenever you travel you must leave it hanging in the hotel room along with your regular clothing. Leaving a pair of high heels out would work too.
49. Tape rough felt or very very fine sandpaper inside a shirt over the nipples. Effect should be stimulation, not damage.
50. Reciting all your rules in front of others, at her whim.
51. Temporary "slave" tattoos or other markings, hidden or not.
52. Always walking a foot or two behind her. speeding up to open doors.
53. She pays for everything, with possible comments like "Oh I never allow him to carry money!"
54. If no seats are available, puts you on all fours and sits on your back.
55. Doing some of the "hidden" little things like plugs, nipple clamps, cock rings, in the church of her/your choice.
56. Keeping your legs shaved.
57. Keeping the genitals shaved.
58. Having ribbons/bows braided into the genital hair.
59. Carrying a doll around, brushing its hair, playing with it.
60. When dining out, sub is not allowed to order, is fed little bites from her plate.
61. While she is sitting on a chair, you sit on pool deck beside her, even though there are chairs available next to you.
62. Wear a cock ring with a very long, strong, almost invisible thread attached. She can pull on this anytime. Use it like a leash.

 

[s'lara]

More How To from this link http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm_scenarios.html

(Edited to remove pain/bondage references in order to focus on the D/s without BDSM.)

Dice and cards also add all kinds of potentially interesting variation to your sex life. I like using things like dice and cards, because they can create an element of surprise and tension. You can make your own cards from 3x5" index cards; or, better still, get a deck of blank playing cards from a hobby shop.

A punishment box is a good way to keep a submissive in line. Make a set of cards, each of which has an erotic punishment written on it. If the submissive misbehaves, he or she has to draw a punishment at random from the box. Or, if you prefer, make your submissive create the cards--preferably while aroused, as people who are aroused will think of devious things that people who aren't aroused won't.

You can even make a game out of creating the punishment box! Tell the submissive to create a certain number of punishments each day. The dominant will review each one to make sure it is actually a punishment, and reject any that are really rewards in clever disguise. Of course, the submissive will need to be punished for each rejected card...

Meta-punishments can be fun, too. For example, one punishment card might be "Draw two more cards and accept both punishments," or "Flip a coin: heads, you draw one card; tails, you draw two."
___________________________________________________
Ritual can be a very powerful technique in domination and submission. A submissive can be required to perform certain rituals, automatically and without prompting, at certain times or during certain events.

For example, you might create a ritual where the submissive is required to masturbate to orgasm every time he or she showers or bathes. This is an expected and required part of the process; the submissive should not need to be prompted.

A more risque ritual might require a submissive to find some way to masturbate to orgasm at least twice per week while at work.

Dice or other randomizing elements can be integrated into ritual, as well, One possibility, for example, is to require the submissive to roll a die each morning; the submissive's responsibility then becomes to have exactly that many orgasms that day, by whatever means necessary.

Orgasm Denial

This is a fun, and frustrating, technique that can bring some of the spark back into sex. There are a hundred variations, but the basic idea is simple: prevent your partner from having an orgasm for a length of time (a day, two days, a week, whatever you want). You shouldn't make it easy; you can, for example, require that your partner have sex one or more times a day, or masturbate regularly (this works well when combined with a ritual of some sort), but your partner is not allowed any sexual release. Over time, the sexual tension builds up, and your partner becomes perpetually aroused.

When done over a period of several days or longer, this technique creates a very powerful level of sexual excitement. When you do finally allow your partner release, it's an extremely intense experience.

Human Sex Doll

This is a good way to explore your partner and get your feet wet in D/s. The premise is simple: the submissive partner is a living sex toy, and allows the dominant to put him or her into any position and take any action, and the submissive partner remains completely passive throughout. The submissive partner simply remains in whatever position the dominant places him or her into, and does not take an active role in any way whatsoever as the dominant explores the submissive.

Enforced Availability

This works best with a female submissive, and is especially good for those of you with an objectification fetish.

Choose a specific period of time, such as one particular day, when your partner is required to be available for sex at all times, regardless of her state of arousal. During this time, she is required to do whatever is necessary to keep herself ready for sexual penetration or intercourse. Periodically throughout the day, you should take advantage of her availability by taking her sexually, without warning and regardless of what she's doing at the time. Keeping herself available and well-lubricated is part of her responsibility; she should be ready for you constantly, at any time.

Eroticising everyday activities

There are a number of ways you can integrate D/s into things that normally don't have any connection with sex, eroticising them. For example, you might go into a pet store and have your submissive try on various collars right there in the store, then buy the one that looks the best. Or, you might send the submissive partner into a grocery store to buy innocuous things which suggest a sexual context--such as a cucumber and a box of condoms. This creates a psychological effect where the submissive is convinced that everybody knows exactly what's going on (and he or she may be right...).

Sensation play

This is a technique suited for anyone with a very sensual approach to sexual exploration. The idea is very simple; start by blindfolding your lover (and tying him or her down, if that sounds like fun to you), then subjecting him or her to a wide variety of different sensations. For example, you may stroke your lover'sbody with ice, or drip hot wax on his or her body, or caress your lover's skin with soft fur, coarse sandpaper, and other textures.

Public play

There are many techniques involving D/s in a public space, particularly where feelings of vulnerability are created.

For example: Take your partner out to a very ritzy dinner at an upscale restaurant. Midway through dinner, quietly slip your partner some sort of sex toy. Order your partner to go to the restroom, go into a stall, strip naked, and masturbate to orgasm. As a particularly evil twist, you can order your partner to return to the table still wearing the toy. Doing something like this is a very effective way of creating a delightful sense of vulnerability.

Conditioning (part I)

The human brain is a remarkable organ; creative, good at pattern matching and association, and capable of learning. This affords all manner of ways to have some kinky fun.

One idea that works particularly well is to condition your partner to want something which he or she normally wouldn't want, and to anticipate and even ask for things that test limits.

Pick something that's within your partner's hard limits, but that normally your partner would never vountailry want or ask for. Something that you might otherwise use as a punishment is good; something your partner finds humiliating, for example, or otherwise challenging to endure.

Describe how you are going to do this thing to your partner. Take your time; let the apprehension build. Explain in loving detail what you're going to do, and how it's going to feel. When your partner is writhing and twisting in apprehension, explain that you're not going to do it until they ask you to. And tell them to make it convincing.

Don't give it to your partner right away. Order your partner to keep asking for it until you are absolutely convinced that they want it. Tell them to beg for it, and to describe how badly they want you to do it. Only after your partner is begging and pleading should you do to them whatever it is.

The interesting thing about doing this is that human responses work both ways; our emotional state influences our actions, but our actions also influence our emotional state. A person who finds himself or herself begging for something will really begin to want that thing, even if he or she would not ordinarily want it at all!

Conditioning (part II)

Another fun and kinky way to play with the mind's incredible flexibility is to use good old-fashioned operant conditioning in the bedroom.

Pick a word, or a name, and say it when your partner reaches orgasm. Keep saying it as your partner comes. Continue to do this every time you have sex; gradually use the word just the instant before your partner comes, then a little bit longer before orgasm, then a little bit longer...

With work and practice, it's often possible to train your partner to orgasm whenever they hear that word. Like, in the mall, in the office, anywhere.

_____________________________________________________

Again, helpful ideas for non-pain/non-bondage D/s.

lara

 

[barcaboy]

objectification

Let me toss out submission to use as an object - table, foot stool, chaise lounge, and so forth, often without acknowledgement of one's human presence.

 

[Tanuki]

Pick a word, or a name, and say it when your partner reaches orgasm. Keep saying it as your partner comes. Continue to do this every time you have sex; gradually use the word just the instant before your partner comes, then a little bit longer before orgasm, then a little bit longer...

With work and practice, it's often possible to train your partner to orgasm whenever they hear that word. Like, in the mall, in the office, anywhere.
Again, helpful ideas for non-pain/non-bondage D/s.

lara [/B]

Does this really work? I'm skeptical.

 

[s'lara]

Does this really work? I'm skeptical.

Given the time, tenacity in conditioning another and a willing subject, this is an area of sexual/mental domination that may be possible. i wouldn't discount it. If you believe hypnotism is possible, then the "coming on command" practice could be as equally possible.

Just a quick note that the ideas i presented are from various websites and are meant to inspire some creativity in non-pain, non-bondage D/s.

lara

 

[FungiUg]

Does this really work? I'm skeptical.

I've done a variant on it, with counting down to orgasm. And yes, it can work. I think conditioning does require the right mental framework though.

 

[Tanuki]

I read that once in a book, I think it was Mind Guest by Sharon Green, where a woman was conditioned to get aroused by a certain word. I loved the idea but I wasn't sure if it was based in reality. I'll have to use it in a story.

 

[s'lara]

More on D/s ideas that do not include pain.

http://www.vanilla-not.com/dominantvoices/ritual.html

Rituals (edited some to take out references to practices of an S/M nature)

------shaving of the pubic hair ( classic submissive ritual) many Doms prefer bare
------meditation for 15 minutes before retiring to bed ( always kneeling)
------sleeping in a collar (one made of quick release and large enough for safety)
------always using the Dom and His reference in UPPER case
------always referring to the submissive in lower case and third person
------journaling everyday
------words of control and meditation :Breath, Focus, Float and Roll
------giving control over not having an orgasm without permission FIRST
------Kneeling at the Doms feet or bed and outside of the bathroom
------waiting at the door for permission to enter first
------not speaking until the Dom/me gives permission
------asking permission to or eat and drink
------foot worship and sexual worship
------waiting in position before play
------stating when submissive is sexually stimulated eg. 'i am Your wet slut Sir"
------asking permission for a sexual release
------always carry the Dom/me bag, smokes or business card
------walking behind the Dom/me and to the left
------driving the Dom or preparing the car for travel ( air conditioner or heat)
------accepting curfews, bedtimes, diet and exercise
------writing all fantasy's and limits both hard and soft
------disrobe when entering the house and remain naked until told to dress
------accept dress requirements as the Dom seems fit
------not using furniture when in the house ( sitting lower than the Dom/me)
------do not sit until the Dom/me is seated first
------serve the Dom/me food first
------kneel to the Dom/me and confess behavior and accept correction/discipline
------kneeling with the Dom/me drink in palm, kiss edge and present, eyes lowered
------proper positions for training and pleasure
------sleep at the Dom/me feet or foot of bed (with/out pillow and blanket)
------wearing a butt plug for as long as the Dom wishes and think that He is in your ass
------wearing of the collar in the house and during training
------never approach the Dom/me without permission (ask first and granted)
------never speaks first waits for the Dom to acknowledge
------falls to a kneeling position when their Dom/me enters a room
------NEVER leaves the presence of a Dom/me without permission first

These are just a few of the rituals that this girl has or does now perform.

Tips for the Dom: be creative and personalize the rituals to suit Your needs and the submissive's growth. They will be most honored to do these every time with encouragement and praise. A firm hand will allow the submissive to see the importance of the ritual.

Tips for the submissive: take these very seriously and express your joy in what your Dom/me allows you to have. Discuss possible problems and concerns immediately to the Dom for further discussion on modifications if necessary. Each rituals allows you to bond and grow with your Dom/me. This is about a relationship. Trust and submit all that you have.
Lastly, never stop communicating.

______________________________________________

Interesting ways to keep the mindset of submitting outside of the bedroom and infuse D/s throughout the day.

lara

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Oh, I like these! Thank you. Very interesting. (Many won't work for us because of kids, so need to be subtle, but can look for variations, and got me thinking.)
And should certainly be of use to others!

 

[Phoenix Stone]

bumpity bumpin'

especially of newbies who might not have seen this yet. Gotta keep it up.

(Too busy jobhunting to do much serious posting lately. Note to AA: that's how to keep my posts down to a paragraph or less -- rl. Preferably, through dh and I managing to take the rl edge off. So here's hoping you hear a lot less from me, for all the right reasons.

 

[Lian Ikari]

Hope it helps

I know this falls out of many people's rules in Domination, but...

I praticed light BDSM in my first experiences with a Domme/sub I knew (switch?)... But, as we found out, I was much more into it when I was dominating another slave she had, a woman so little experienced as myself then. I was becoming harder with her. What really got her to experience submission much deeper (that was one of your questions, as I understood them) was the day she had become too submissive to switch. I was on my knees naked and she had a whip, but didn't do anythiing. I told her "loose the whip". She obeyed. Told her to be on her knees, and she did it too. I got up and never have I been a sub again. Nor she a domme.

The "last switch", you can say, was the non-painful experience she needed.

 

[Lian Ikari]

filling a gap

The "her" in "I was becoming harder with her" is the domme/sub, I knew. Sorry about that