Daddy's Little Girl: Second Edition

[cascadiabound]

That's perfect! There's a time for each one of those!

*I put my toes out, I don't want monsters to get the entire foot! I love candles, but use an oil lamp at night to warm the living room while keeping the bedrooms cool.

*You made it back! Did you get caught in a snow storm?

*I sleep with several! I never used to...but, have found they comfort me. There are five there now, but I've thought about changing them out to give others a chance.

So glad this resonates with so many of you. I love to curl up with a book or my knitting, candles or oil lights, hot cocoa or hot chai.

There seem to be a few more littles/ Dd/lg folks about....
Shall I bring forward a discussion topic?

 

[Bluebird369]

Glad to see you again






Now that our two crazy dogs sleep in bed with us, I don’t keep a stuffie in bed but I have one that I like to cuddle to sleep when I’m feeling really emotionally drained or sad.
It’s spritzed with hubby’s cologne too, that scent helps soothe me along with snuggling my soft stuffie

Oh! I'll have to try spritzing some cologne on my bear! I have to have a dog and a cat that likes to get in bed with me but they are more interested in each other then me!...

 

[barefootgirl69]

So glad this resonates with so many of you. I love to curl up with a book or my knitting, candles or oil lights, hot cocoa or hot chai.

There seem to be a few more littles/ Dd/lg folks about....
Shall I bring forward a discussion topic?

Hot chai latte is like comfort food to me.

Yes, I think a discussion topic would be great. Help us to learn, grow, discuss, share....

 

[cascadiabound]

smart submissive...an essay

An essay for your consideration.
What of this rings true?
Do you think you are a smart submissive?
What do you think of the distinction between being a smart submissive and a submissive with intellect?


What does it mean to be a smart submissive?
It means that you…..

1. Ask questions.

- If there is any doubt about what you’re doing, and it was instructed by your Dom, get clarification.

2. Are aware of what you need and what you want.

- A necessity and a desire are two very different things.

3. Remain observant.

- Be aware of your Dominants usual behavior, if something is off, mention it. Dominants are human too, they equally need and deserve comfort and understanding during rough times. D/s dynamic aside, be a good partner, care for each other on an intimate level, otherwise the relationship won’t last long.

4. Don’t shy from problems, even though confrontation makes you uncomfortable.

- It is important to address issues within the dynamic. If there is a conflict of interest, let it be known, otherwise it will never be resolved.

5. Allow your Dom to bend your limits, not break them.

- A gentle push is healthy, a rough shove is abusive.

6. Remain realistic.

- Your Dom can be in control of your world, do not let them be the only thing in it. Have hobbies, interests, work, school, something you can invest yourself into for your own benefit/growth and development. Also have other people to converse with, otherwise you are being isolated by your Dom, something that is common among abusers.

7. Do your own research about safety for certain activities. You are the first person responsible for keeping yourself safe.

- It’s like safe sex, never expect the other person to always have a condom when you can carry one yourself. The internet is a very useful/educational tool, if you’re reading this then you already have this at your disposal. Use it.

8. Remember to respect yourself while respecting your Dom.

- Retain your sense of self while you are with your Dom. Don’t let your need to submit blind you to an inadequate “dominant” who just wants to take advantage of you.

9. Communicate.

- Communicate your needs, your discomforts, your concerns, your interests, your perspective, your likes, and just your thoughts in general. Regardless of how good your Dominant is, they are not a mind reader. It is imperative to communicate, especially if you are in a long distance relationship.



However, there are times when you can be “too smart” of a submissive. Sometimes that’s a good thing, other times, not so much. This means that you’re beyond analytical, you never allow yourself to fully submit, and you obsess over being “the perfect submissive,” even though there is no such thing. This cautiousness can go from keeping yourself safe, to restricting yourself, very quickly. It is important to find that balance and more important to be with a Dom who has earned your trust.

Now this leads to the ultimate point that was to be made to me by writings this. I’m an educated, yet inexperienced, submissive. Am I a smart submissive? According to what I’ve written, it seems so, but I still disagree. I don’t see myself as being a “smart submissive,” I see myself as being a submissive with an intellect, an impulse to question the majority of things, and a reserved demeanor.

Source: lostluna1397

 

[Bluebird369]

Wow! So much of this is on point for me! Thanks for posting! The only two things I would add that has helped me is one...know your worth...and two try not to overthink everything, if given a chance I can take for ever to weigh all the pros and cons and miss out on the joy of being in the moment.

 

[Nzerxx]

Just wondering if anyone sleeps with a stuffy?...mine is silly looking white bear with a big velvet nose and a squishy tummy!...I havent slept with a stuffy in years but I've found that it gives me some comfort to have him in bed with me,!....

me Me ME!! Like BFG I have lots of stuffies and they have to take turns!!

I always knew I was a big kid even before I discovered I was little

And now I'm a Scentsy consultant its even worse! Their Scentsy Buddies are so darn cute

https://nicegifts.scentsy.co.nz/shop/c/4636/scentsy-buddies

These are in NZD $$$ so are cheaper in USD or English Pounds

 

[Nzerxx]

An essay for your consideration.
What of this rings true?
Do you think you are a smart submissive?
What do you think of the distinction between being a smart submissive and a submissive with intellect?


What does it mean to be a smart submissive?
It means that you…..

1. Ask questions.

- If there is any doubt about what you’re doing, and it was instructed by your Dom, get clarification.

2. Are aware of what you need and what you want.

- A necessity and a desire are two very different things.

3. Remain observant.

- Be aware of your Dominants usual behavior, if something is off, mention it. Dominants are human too, they equally need and deserve comfort and understanding during rough times. D/s dynamic aside, be a good partner, care for each other on an intimate level, otherwise the relationship won’t last long.

4. Don’t shy from problems, even though confrontation makes you uncomfortable.

- It is important to address issues within the dynamic. If there is a conflict of interest, let it be known, otherwise it will never be resolved.

5. Allow your Dom to bend your limits, not break them.

- A gentle push is healthy, a rough shove is abusive.

6. Remain realistic.

- Your Dom can be in control of your world, do not let them be the only thing in it. Have hobbies, interests, work, school, something you can invest yourself into for your own benefit/growth and development. Also have other people to converse with, otherwise you are being isolated by your Dom, something that is common among abusers.

7. Do your own research about safety for certain activities. You are the first person responsible for keeping yourself safe.

- It’s like safe sex, never expect the other person to always have a condom when you can carry one yourself. The internet is a very useful/educational tool, if you’re reading this then you already have this at your disposal. Use it.

8. Remember to respect yourself while respecting your Dom.

- Retain your sense of self while you are with your Dom. Don’t let your need to submit blind you to an inadequate “dominant” who just wants to take advantage of you.

9. Communicate.

- Communicate your needs, your discomforts, your concerns, your interests, your perspective, your likes, and just your thoughts in general. Regardless of how good your Dominant is, they are not a mind reader. It is imperative to communicate, especially if you are in a long distance relationship.



However, there are times when you can be “too smart” of a submissive. Sometimes that’s a good thing, other times, not so much. This means that you’re beyond analytical, you never allow yourself to fully submit, and you obsess over being “the perfect submissive,” even though there is no such thing. This cautiousness can go from keeping yourself safe, to restricting yourself, very quickly. It is important to find that balance and more important to be with a Dom who has earned your trust.

Now this leads to the ultimate point that was to be made to me by writings this. I’m an educated, yet inexperienced, submissive. Am I a smart submissive? According to what I’ve written, it seems so, but I still disagree. I don’t see myself as being a “smart submissive,” I see myself as being a submissive with an intellect, an impulse to question the majority of things, and a reserved demeanor.

Source: lostluna1397

Thanks Cass I love discussions like this and I was just about to reply and say YES put up a discussion topic and then there it was!

All of it rings true for me

Yes I'm a smart submissive...maybe not in the beginning but I have spent close to 3yrs now reading and learning from you all and I am smart now. In no way am I a doormat and any LDRs I've had they certainly know when and why I can't or won't do something

Smart vs Intellect - in the vanilla world some of the most intelligent people I know are not smart! They have no common sense! And in BDSM common sense plays a big part Does this feel right? Good? Bad? Do I need to get out? So I think I prefer to be a smart submissive in our general conversations I would hope my intellect comes through anyway

 

[barefootgirl69]

me Me ME!! Like BFG I have lots of stuffies and they have to take turns!!

I always knew I was a big kid even before I discovered I was little

And now I'm a Scentsy consultant its even worse! Their Scentsy Buddies are so darn cute

https://nicegifts.scentsy.co.nz/shop/c/4636/scentsy-buddies

These are in NZD $$$ so are cheaper in USD or English Pounds

*runs to give a big ol' hug*

NZERXX! I missed you!

 

[wallflower6]

Glad to see you again

You made it back! Did you get caught in a snow storm?

Thanks ladies. Just dealing with some stuff.

 

[wallflower6]

Just wondering if anyone sleeps with a stuffy?...mine is silly looking white bear with a big velvet nose and a squishy tummy!...I havent slept with a stuffy in years but I've found that it gives me some comfort to have him in bed with me,!....

Love stuffies! Winston sleeps with me from time to time. I've had him since I was 14. I don't have any stuffies from a Daddy.
I do sleep with a little pillow every night.

 

[Nzerxx]

*runs to give a big ol' hug*

NZERXX! I missed you!

SQUEEEEE! BFG That's quite the welcome back! Thank you! I've missed you too *Hugs you back!*

*blushing its just lil ole me...nobody real important*

Want some CaraMilk Chocolate?

 

[Elgirldani]

Hi

Just wanting to say hi

I’ve very recently discovered that I’m a little, so I’m happy that there’s a thread like this. I recognize a few names from the thread my Papa just started for me, so thank you to those who have commented there to welcome us

Hope you don’t mind if I just curl up here in the corner for a bit with my blankie and stuffies while I read through the thread a bit more

 

[Nzerxx]

Just wanting to say hi

I’ve very recently discovered that I’m a little, so I’m happy that there’s a thread like this. I recognize a few names from the thread my Papa just started for me, so thank you to those who have commented there to welcome us

Hope you don’t mind if I just curl up here in the corner for a bit with my blankie and stuffies while I read through the thread a bit more

Of course! Lots to read learn and share in here including food, drinks, stuffies, hugs and laughing You'll love it here!

 

[Elgirldani]

Of course! Lots to read learn and share in here including food, drinks, stuffies, hugs and laughing You'll love it here!

I does like all those things

 

[Bluebird369]

Just wanting to say hi

I’ve very recently discovered that I’m a little, so I’m happy that there’s a thread like this. I recognize a few names from the thread my Papa just started for me, so thank you to those who have commented there to welcome us

Hope you don’t mind if I just curl up here in the corner for a bit with my blankie and stuffies while I read through the thread a bit more

Hi El I'm going to share your corner for a bit if that's alright! I have a stuffie named Daddy bear and I'm just not tired enough to go to bed now!...

 

[Nzerxx]

Big News...Kinda

I've been thinking....it happens occasionally

NZerxx doesn't really tell you anything about me so I decided


You can call me kiwi

How cute is she??

 

[Elgirldani]

Hi El I'm going to share your corner for a bit if that's alright! I have a stuffie named Daddy bear and I'm just not tired enough to go to bed now!...

Sure! *scooches over and lifts the corner of the blankie for you to share

 

[Elgirldani]

I've been thinking....it happens occasionally

NZerxx doesn't really tell you anything about me so I decided


You can call me kiwi

How cute is she??

Hi kiwi! Ummm I’m sure she’s very cute, but I can’t see whatever it is

 

[Acktion]

Re; Smart Submissives or Submissives with Intellect

Thank you, cascadiabound, for (yet another) interesting discussion starter.

I am forced to admit that it took me a bit to get past the first line.

The thing is, while I had a few decades of practice in being a D-type, it was all off-line and very organic until this past couple of years. I had barely any experience with on-line at all, much less LDR. Much, much less trying to interpret the D/s I'd practiced into distance.

And I accrued a lot of scars that are, perhaps, still tender while trying to find my way and bring this new realm of distance into balance with what I knew, what I'd been.

And the very first statement landed right on a sensitive scar.

1. "Ask questions."

But, the reason it hit a sensitive sore spot was that I didn't actually read it, instead filtering it through the perceptions left behind by ill-thought "relationships" where they didn't just question anything, but every single thing no matter what it was. To the point where it reached a point that they obviously thought they knew better than me and that they couldn't trust me. And, more, that I couldn't trust them to fulfill even the simplest of tasks set, such as "drink a bottle of water for me over the course of the next thirty minutes" or "buy a bar of dark chocolate, and break off a square. Don't eat it, but let it dissolve on your tongue."

Or, "let me know when you leave and when you get back home."

And what I would get back was "why?" Every. Single. Time. Even after I had explained the why (sometimes in the overbearing lecture mode that is a leftover from my time as an instructor at a local college that I tend to sometimes). And all I could think was, "we've covered this. Several times. If it's a problem for you to do it now, then you either aren't a submissive or, at the least, aren't MY submissive." And the "relationships" didn't last. Often leaving me scratching my head, wondering what I had done wrong that they couldn't take a fucking drink of water, eat a piece of chocolate, or just give me the courtesy of letting me know when they weren't going to be around and when they were back.

But, then I stifled my impulse and made myself clear my head as well as my heart and actually read what was being said.

Should a submissive be allowed to question when they don't understand, or when a task is threatening to press buttons? Damn straight they should. However, all things in moderation, including moderation. I think it's incumbent on the submissive with intellect to recognize the why behind their own question. Is it this one thing being questioned or everything? Is it in order to better understand what the D-type is asking for in order to better serve? Is it because this is a problem area for the submissive, and one that s/he would rather not give? Or is it because there is a lack of trust in the D-type for one reason or another? If the latter, then how can the D-type trust the s-type?

2. Is the submissive aware of what s/he holds as a need versus a want?

This is... still, I think... a problematic area for me.

In the off-line, face-to-face, organic interactions that I was used to, I was able to read non-verbal cues. And, as such, was able to successfully interpret (more often than not) what was a need, what was a want, and what was just some pipe-dream that she'd picked up from a book or movie or something somewhere.

In LDR, what I had to face was that I had to trust the purported submissive to know and understand herself because I was relegated to taking what they represented. And in text-based relationships, that was even harder. And more than once, this lead to a miscommunication when what they presented themselves as they then couldn't or wouldn't follow through on. And often because they, themselves, didn't know.

Don't get me wrong. Some of that happens in off-line dynamics as well where the bottom thinks they enjoy a good spanking, and they do right up until the first stroke is delivered. And then it's "ow, fuck! Red! Red! Red! Fucking Red!"

And I'm thinking, "uh, I started really light on you. Not even a red mark. So, we'll just mark this one as 'tried it and didn't like it' and move on."

But, when an on-line submissive came to me and told me in no uncertain terms that they have a problem organizing their life, and that they needed my help in doing so... I'm still just amazed at what they must have thought might have been going to happen as I set about giving them exactly what they asked for. From a firm bedtime to a wake-up call, to organizing their clothing in their closets and drawers, to managing their meal plans and shopping excursions.

(The less said about the one who claimed to be into humiliation, the better. I didn't want to do it in the first place. But, she presented it as a need. Hopefully, her therapist has helped.)

3. I didn't really have anything to add to. (I know! Shocked me too!)

4. This is a big, big, big major dealbreaker for me.

I understand, all too well, that many "people pleaser submissives" cringe from the thought of disappointing their Dom/me. However, if I've said it once, I've probably said it a thousand times over the years to a variety of submissives. Both mine and friends who were between Dom/mes. "If I am your Dom in truth, and not just a bedtime playtoy, a dial-a-Dom-dildo, then I get everything. The bad as well as the good."

Hiding something from me, not coming to me with something, shows a lack of trust in me. In us. And without trust, whatever we are doesn't match the labels ascribed to it.

And, by the same token, don't throw something at my head and then disappear for days, even a week, and then come back and expect to slot right back into where we were without some serious discussions. As a purported submissive, you owe your chosen D-type that. And as a purported D-type, you owe your chosen s-type that.

If ya can't take the bad times that are a natural part of any growing, thriving relationship, then ya don't deserve the good times either.

***shrug*** That may seem harsh to some, but that's the way I see it. Sex is the cherry on top. Granted, a pretty damn fantastic cherry. But, what use is the cherry without the whole banana split? Not to mention the whole main course of the meal. Eventually, you're gonna sicken with nothing but a steady diet of cherry. And so will your relationship if sex is all it is. (And think about the fact that a diagnosed sex addict says THAT for a minute.)

5. Yup. 'Nuff said.

6. Ahhhh... just a small note of caution. Hobbies, friends, and other outside interests, yes. HOWEVER, if you have other outside interests, then don't get your knickers in a twist when your Dom/me has something else going on when you get around to them. That is just the way it works. The more outside of the two of you that you have, the less time you have to devote to each other. And the more outside interests the one left behind is going to develop to fill the time when you are busy.

Does that mean that you shouldn't have friends, hobbies, and outside interests that aren't shared between both of you? Not a damn bit. Any healthy relationship should.

However, it's been my experiences that self-described "people pleaser submissives" are the absolute worst about overbooking their daily schedule because they hate to let anybody down. And as a D-type, I have had to put my foot down that no she didn't just have to attend her yoga/reiki instructor's third cousin's combination wine tasting and wake for her goldfish rather than spending some time with me this week.

Hobbies, friends, and outside interests, yes. But, beware of minimizing the relationship that you claim is your priority while you rush around trying to get to everything else. Or you may swing back by eventually to find the relationship nothing but a desiccated skeleton sitting in a lawn chair with only cobwebs and mold holding it in place.

7. A qualified yes.

I do, and have, fully expected that my submissives will take what I say in a discussion as a starting point for their own thoughts.

However, I also have more sexual experiences than some reading this have had hot breakfasts. And if I say something is NOT safe, then I expect that my submissive will abide by my decision, regardless of what she might have stumbled across somewhere where someone said that they do it all the time. And pushing me in that way will have them shown to the door with best wishes that she will find someone willing to do that for her, because I already said I'm not going to.

By the same token, however, if she runs across something that indicates that something that I have asked from her is dangerous, and it has become a hard limit for her due to that, then as her D-type, it is incumbent on me to respect that limit. To not try to push or coerce her into it.

I don't know. Perhaps I'm being oversimplistic, but I think this comes down to a question of limits. You expect me to respect your limits? Then respect mine.

8. Still kind of just stuns me that it even has to be said. In my world view, if I, as your chosen Dominant, don't help you to respect yourself even more than you did without me, then you have chosen the wrong D-type.

However... **sigh** I have become all too uncomfortably aware that there are submissives that have been driven into a frenzy, that give themselves away too freely to the wrong people. And that there are purported D-types out there that aren't really interested in any given submissive beyond that when they are in a frenzy are like wanking fish in a barrel.

And more than once, I have been given something, sometimes unasked, that the submissive in question then couldn't look herself in the mirror the next morning. Which, if I asked it, I felt some guilt over despite her assurances that she wanted to prior. But, if it was given unasked, then I don't.

So, yeah. Respect your Dom/me and respect yourself. If either of those isn't true, then run like Hell is coming after you. Because it will be if it isn't already.

9. Holy fuck, where do I even start?!

Jesus H. Christ on a crutch, I couldn't even begin to hazard a guess at the number of purported submissives over the last two years that want to just drop that one word like it tells me everything I needed to know and then just wanted to clam up. Seriously! Several got pissed at me and started bashing me for not being "a real Dom" (whatever the fuck that is) because I asked questions of them rather than giving them orders right out of the fucking first PM box!

Nope. Nope. Nope. I am not your cookie-cutter, factory-style Dom in a box. And several learned the hard way that if they weren't willing to communicate with me, then I wasn't going to care enough to even try to Top them, much less Dom their pillow princess ass.

But, what really got me was the number of those submissives who would be first in line to bash D-types for failure to communicate, when I knew damn well that they didn't know how to answer a question, but only wanted an order to follow. From somebody. Anybody would do.

This is not submission, but intellectual (as well as sexual) laziness. And I have absolutely zero time to waste on the inherently lazy that think that tits in my in-box make up for a lack of wits.

All of this, however, it should go without saying (but I'm going to anyway) is just my perceptions.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Can I get back with you on everything related to the current discussion tomorrow or soon?

Today, I'm sad and, maybe because of that, a little bit more sensitive. I have so many thoughts and emotions right now, but it can be summed up in two phrases. I don't feel like playing games (not directed at you, Bear --- not Dani's bear, mine); and what if time doesn't do what it's supposed to do.

 

[DarkSimian]

Hey all....I've been on a bit of a Lit sabbatical, but I just wanted to stop by and say "hi", and if y'all ever need me....y'all know where to find me

Second star on the right, and straight on til morning....

 

[Nzerxx]

Hi kiwi! Ummm I’m sure she’s very cute, but I can’t see whatever it is

What about now E? It worked for me when I posted, didn't work this morning when I read your reply ....and is now back again!

 

[Nzerxx]

Can I get back with you on everything related to the current discussion tomorrow or soon?

Today, I'm sad and, maybe because of that, a little bit more sensitive. I have so many thoughts and emotions right now, but it can be summed up in two phrases. I don't feel like playing games (not directed at you, Bear --- not Dani's bear, mine); and what if time doesn't do what it's supposed to do.

*Hugs BFG tightly*

 

[Elgirldani]

What about now E? It worked for me when I posted, didn't work this morning when I read your reply ....and is now back again!

No, still just a blank little box

 

[barefootgirl69]

*Hugs BFG tightly*

Thanks, sweet lady.

And, I can see the little animal. Is that really a kiwi? I know YOU are lol.