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Daddy's Little Girl: Second Edition

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Musings about DD/lg

redirecting to conversation....
(I may have posted this or something like it in the past - can't remember)

I very much see the various aspect of BDSM as different parts of an elaborate buffet. A big table of DD/lg over here, a long table of restraints and bondage stuff along the back wall, a large array of pain implements of every description at a well lit center piece table, another long table of costuming and play clothes for pet play and pony play and so on, and so forth.

I figure I get to eat off of all of the tables and pick and choose the stuff that I like from each part.

Mr T and I have had conversations over the years about the things that appeal to me about this dynamic… why it works for me. There are quite a few things that seem a bit “classic” for the type (disney stuff for instance) that hold no appeal for me. I am not a girly girl and I do not want to be treated like a “little girl” or a princess. (In fact both Mr T and I have a bit of a negative feeling about the princess idea for ourselves - love Princess Bride though.) I do not want teddy bears, children’s toys, wear tiaras, bobby socks, pig tails, or anything that smacks of infantilism. I am a grown woman with grown up interests and know how to adult and be responsible with the best of them. I do not want to be treated like I cannot take care of myself or am unable to make decisions.

However… neither am I a classic tom boy. I like to look like a woman. I like dresses and skirts and jewelry. I particularly love earrings - mostly hand crafted art earrings - not cheap, but also not generally high end jewels. (for instance - I am not a diamond girl). Even in this pandemic when I am only at home I change my earrings every day. I like my long hair. (omg… recent revelation about just how vain I am about my hair…)

Being a competent person is really important to me. Competent in all kinds of ways. Able to take care of myself in the wilderness. Fearless. Able to master skills. A leader. A strategic thinker. A planner.

About submission: this both comes naturally to me and is a little bit of a struggle - especially initially. It seemed intellectually wrong for a bright, competent, feminist woman to crave this kind of sexual submission. But there you are. I do and I am.

Part of the DD/lg stuff that appeals to me and works for me are the guidance, mentoring, caring, tender dominance aspects. Yeah, hard fucking and demands of complete sexual submission with all kinds of other sprinkles - restraint/bondage, humiliation, exposure, cmnf, spanking/ pain, control of all kinds… but also I need and want someone who will just be kind to me. I thrive on praise. I am a high touch person and so I have a big need for close aftercare and sweetness… soothing and stroking my hair. I am so much of an over achiever, high performer in most things, I am often not all that great at taking care of myself. I am the caretaker. Of most everyone. So… in part I crave a certain amount of being cared for even as I make myself available to my dom/daddy.

I feel so fortunate that we have been able to make all of this work for us. The way we have interpreted DDlg. It is so good for me to be relieved of some decisions in this narrow realm. Times when I just have to do what I am told. And that in so doing… I will be a good girl.

I was initially dubious about the DD/lg dynamic. (And I would have to say that I am really grateful for having found this thread in the PG - not that I was afraid of the BDSM board - which was my first and most natural home here at Lit). Like many people new to the dynamic - I had some questions and confusion about what a Daddy/ little girl relationship meant. I had a really complicated relationship with my dad. I loved him… but I cannot say that I liked him. So the idea that any part of my sexual stuff might be related to my relationship with my dad is obviously a huge ick factor. There is nothing about “Dad” as in “parent” in this dynamic for me at all. (Dd/lg is NOT about adults and children nor does is have anything to do with incest.)

Perhaps part of what I crave in this is stuff that I might have wanted from my dad as a younger person, but he was utterly unable to give me. Things like unadulterated praise, the ability to “see” me. Having a person in my life who I respect, who protects me and with whom I can be ultimately vulnerable with. Someone who will both push me and keep me safe.

Partly in the dynamic, I want/need stuff like… “do what I say…and I will spank you and give you all kinds of funishments" and this is out of my need to please... and a committment from him that he will never try to break me by truly undermining my self esteem or ask me to do anything that will cause me to fail… because the idea is to have me succeed.

It kills me to not be able to do what I am asked. Or to make a mistake in what I have been told. My face gets red… my belly tight. I feel half ill.

Part of what I find I need in him as I struggle to figure stuff out is a trusted sounding board. I do not want to be "fixed" and I do not want/ need problem solving advice unless I ask for it.

Sometimes I just need to cry. This… is a weird need. And I really kinda hate it. I have not really been much of a girl to cry… but something about these years, I find I am more emotionally volatile than I have been in earlier years. I think this is part of what makes me crave being spanked so much. It feels so… cleansing… to have that pain, that heat… that ability to have it just wash over me and I can just stop thinking and I can let go and feel… and… in classic DD/lg style, I very much prefer OTK the best. I want that intimacy… to feel him against me. To be able to clutch his legs and feel his hardness against me as I am spanked again and again. I find that certain point where I just let go and relax into the pain as I just go limp and quiet absorbing the heat of the blows on my ass. Hitting subspace…

okay… now I am just rambling.

what does anyone else think?​

cb:heart:
 
geronimo_appleby said:
it's okay! i know CPR!

:D

although rescue breaths are a bit dodgy at the moment. let's stick to chest compression's alone.

;)

how are you this fine morning? (6:33 a.m. in UK)
Click to expand...

Current CPR protocol is no rescue breath anyway.

Apparently there is no guiding this thread to discussion. :rolleyes:
 
cascadiabound said:
redirecting to conversation....
(I may have posted this or something like it in the past - can't remember)

I very much see the various aspect of BDSM as different parts of an elaborate buffet. A big table of DD/lg over here, a long table of restraints and bondage stuff along the back wall, a large array of pain implements of every description at a well lit center piece table, another long table of costuming and play clothes for pet play and pony play and so on, and so forth.

I figure I get to eat off of all of the tables and pick and choose the stuff that I like from each part.

~snip~

what does anyone else think?​

cb:heart:
Click to expand...

So...

A few months after my wife died, I was talking to a woman that I met on here. She'd found me in the Author's Hangout and How To forums since I just didn't stick my nose out of them. Well, maybe to play "Marian the Librarian" in the "looking for a story" sub-forum. But, nowhere else. I wasn't here to play after all and just didn't see a point in wandering around rather than sticking to what I was here for. Least of all in the playground, which must be what the people there were there for after all. To "play." I mean, a forum clearly labeled "playground" on a sex site. Duh. It seemed like a no-brainer to me.

During our late-night discussions,... actually, I don't remember how the topic of DD/lg came up. (I've got some memory issues. And while I can still remember moments from my childhood, teenage years, young adulthood, and professional life with eidetic clarity, more recent events...blur. If I can recall them at all.) But, I do remember very clearly that, when it did come up, I mentioned that I just didn't understand the DD/lg thing at all.

And I remember that it took her about five minutes to stop laughing. (Even snorting a few times.) Before stating very clearly that I was the most Daddy Domly of anyone she'd ever met.

Affronted and no little offended, I went off on a research binge with the intent to prove her wrong. First and foremost, I am a survivor of... that which shall not be named in Lit open forum. And the mere hint that I might have a fucking thing to do with perpetrating what I survived on someone else, even in "play pretend," made me not only nauseous but furious.

And the thing was... I should have known better. In college, I went the way of coursework that studied relationships the same way most studied English or Math. And my specific interest was sexuality. I intended to go on to graduate school to become a Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in Sex Therapy. As such, I took every course I could manage to find across the various disciplines that had to do with sexuality. Sadly, not enough to count as a minor, so I had to settle for a Substance Abuse Specialization.

At the time, BDSM was viewed as anomalous, deviant sexual behavior. And what scant tidbits there were about what is today referred to as DD/lg... I'm afraid I read the cover of the book and moved on to fry up other, more delectable, fish.

But, now I had a reason to look within the book, all those years later. To bring factual evidence to debate with a very intelligent woman in an effort to prove that I most certainly was not a Daddy Dom.

The internet is the epitome of a vanity press. Anyone with a keyboard and an ax to grind can find their spot in the sun and gather like-minded followers around their soapbox while they drum the book of their choice for a holy writ against their thigh. Hell, take my posts for example, this one included since I have absolutely no intention of going to the trouble of gathering up and citing a minimum of ten sources that you lot are perfectly capable of finding if you care to look.

However, I did find some viable sources, some in reputable journals from personages who piled something higher and deeper judging by the Ph.D. tacked onto their names.

And what I found made me distinctly uncomfortable. Uncomfortable? Nay, it outright disturbed me. Because the deeper I dug, the more it was looking like she was right. I could have used the checklists for Daddy Dom as a personality profile inventory.

Hell, my deceased wife had called me Daddy. And I just flat didn't get it.

In my defense, I'd always thought it was supposed to be ironic since she was thirteen years older, but people that saw us and didn't know us assumed that I was the elder. As Mom would say, before she died, I was born a wizened, grumpy, little old man.

Ironically, nine months after she had laughingly pointed out that I was a Daddy Dom, in another discussion, she said that I wasn't. That I was, in fact, no kind of Dom at all. Rather loudly and borderline hysterical. But, that is not really germane to the specific topic at hand.

With the aid of an eidetic memory (up until the time period affected by my brain turning to tapioca in my skull), I took a little time trip and re-evaluated my past relationships. And what I found surprised the fuck out of me.

The birth of that "Daddy" aspect in me wasn't tied to sexuality at all.

While I was still in college, and reeling from the abandonment of my second ex-fiance (and my first experience with a 24/7 M/s TPE [in the "how NOT to" category]), I had the rather poor taste to fall in love with a lesbian classmate. And with her lover as well once I met her. Now, the thing is, I wasn't really hanging around in the hopes that I would change their minds about "swinging southpaw." I honestly and truly loved and respected them as people, accepted them as who they were. I enjoyed their company. Both the original two and the four friends (two more lesbian couples) that eventually became a shaping force behind that time period in my life.

I acted as... well, I started to say "beard," but I'm sure that's an old fashioned term and irrelevant to lesbians anyway. Each of the six was "in the closet" with family and jobs and would occasionally trot me out as "not my boyfriend, Mom. Just, you know, a friend" to fend off the discussions about weddings and grandchildren for just a little while longer.

However, the longer our relationship went on, the more I was... something akin to a Den Father. Not just the designated driver (as well as keeping the Frat Rats at bay), but holding their hair while they puked. And not just from alcohol. The week all six of them came down with some virus... ***shudder***

And, yeah... they all called me "Daddy" too. Which, again, I was obtuse enough to think was meant ironically. (The youngest was a year older.)

Until that is, I looked back across the sandscape in the hourglass with a new understanding of just what I'd been for them. I had been their motivator and protector, their nurturer... Well, the list of what I gave them (and what they gave me) is pretty well a checklist of a Daddy Dom and a little girl (if sex is not only taken off the table but booted out the house).

But, I didn't think of it that way. I just thought of it as being a good person and a good and caring friend.

And the thing is... the only time that labels become important is when you are talking about something. And back in those days I didn't have have time to talk about it, 'cause I was too busy living it.

However, labels become an inherent trap as well. Because everyone "knows" what the labels mean, and as with jargon from time immemorial spit them out with and assume that what everyone else "knows" that label to mean is the same thing they meant when they said them.

***sigh***

For a time, I lost my ever-loving mind. And I mean more than just Parkinson's eating away at my brain cells. I spiraled out of control in the textbook "Dom frenzy" interacting with submissives around the world via text, voice, and video.

However, even at my worst, "Daddy" was something... special. Something reserved for only a very special few. Far from insisting on "Daddy," or any label, I would refuse to allow the overwhelming majority to use it. Despite the temper tantrums from a fair few.

Perhaps ironically I garnered the rather dubious distinction of "little whisperer" amongst the submissives (and no few Dom[me]s) on another site I sojourned on for a while, one dedicated to BDSM, as I have... rather, had... a rather remarkable (as well as disturbing to me personally) tendency to call out the "littleness" in submissives that hadn't ever experienced it before. This despite my categoric refusal to assume that role for anyone ever again.

The overwhelming majority never got any more from me than Top. We used each other to scratch that itch, to get off, and then log off. Or at least they would while I wandered around looking for something else to fill my time. To me, we gave each other access to our bodies. But, our mind, heart, and soul were off-limits.

Some managed to get me to relent to Sir, with the added aspects of our minds becoming involved.

Occasionally, I would find one that resonated with my inner Master and I allowed myself to take responsibility for her soul, or perhaps I should say her spiritual development, as well as her body and mind.

But, it was rare that I would allow them to see to my heart where my inner-Daddy lives. So rare that I can count the number (after my wife's passing [without my permission, damn it!]) on one hand and still have my thumb free to suck. And, for me, tantamount to allowing them to call me "husband." With that sort of commitment from me. And the expectation that they would feel that same commitment to me.

Sadly, I failed three of them in some way and they abandoned me, moved on to have a need met that I was in some way lacking.

The bottoms and submissives, when they moved on, left me pretty well unaffected. The slaves caused me some doubts as my collar is roughly equivalent to a wedding band in many ways, surpassing them in some, in my world view.

The littles, though... The littles scarred my damaged heart. Both figuratively and literally (takotsubo cardiomyopathy), resulting in me being bedridden until the damn swelling went down once more.

***shrug*** It is what it is and was what it was and I hold them no personal rancor. Far from it. I love them still and always will and hope that whomever they found to fill the void I couldn't make them happy.

I don't know. I can certainly see the point behind those that say "but that's just a relationship!" Which is true. The core is always going to be the relationship. The rest is just bells and whistles. And if the bells and whistles don't suit both in the relationship, then buying that particular options package would be a mistake.

And I see absolutely no reason that anyone should adopt a label for their relationship that doesn't work for them just because it works for someone else. Hell, I flat out stated that I was offended the first time someone pointed out to me that I am a Daddy Dom despite being one (unlabeled) for my wife of two and a half decades and six lesbians before her.

Each of which, by the way, was a strong, beautiful, intelligent, wonderful (and variously successful in their chosen fields and lives) woman that I was blessed to have relied on me as the cornerstone of their worlds for a time. And feminists. Hell, my wife got a minor in what I would refer to as "femi-nazi" when I wanted to wind her up.

I, personally, don't do "windsocks" (a personal term for those weak-willed enough to point whichever way the wind is blowing) looking for just anyone to tell them what they should know to do. But, to have a strong, beautiful, charming, intelligent, feminist woman who chooses to lean on me when she is so viable and independent, courageous to the point of defiance, to the rest of the world...

And there was/is a certain... not "innocence" so much as a joie de vivre, a zest for living large, to a little... a way of being in the moment that doesn't always take account of the future (that's what they had me playing Jiminy Cricket for, balancing their workaholism, taking care of everyone else besides themselves, and self-care... to be the anchor to their sail as well as the wind filling it)

But, here's the thing... just because I identify as a Daddy Dom (past and for one present) doesn't mean that every submissive who identifies as a little will resonate that I am. And another D-type who identifies as a Daddy Dom may have very little in common with me and his little may look at me and see just another asshole. That's absolutely no skin off my nose (or any other part of my anatomy). It's all about having a need met, on either side of the slash as well as those relationships without a slash, and the "fence humpers" too. And, I have zero interest in being anyone else's Daddy or telling anyone else what they should or should not do in a bedroom that I'm not in so long as informed consent is viable. I blurrily recall once giving a damn about safety, but figured out you can't forcibly cure willful stupidity, and so just refuse to be a party to that I deem unsafe. And sanity? What use is sanity when everyone has bats in their belfry in their own distinctly individual way?


Oh, and for the record... It isn't serious when she introduces "Daddy" to her stuffies. It is serious when a few stuffies move in with "Daddy" so her plethora of "travel" stuffies will have someone to visit when they tag along. Just sayin'.
 
I've got way too many things going on at the moment and find it hard to be in this space.

cb said it eloquently, though I know we aren't all alike. I'm glad we are all different, it makes it interesting. But, the part about having responsibility and being in charge...and having a place to come to after. A place to set all my cares down and just BE. Be cared for, be safe, be "un" responsible for a time.

Coloring is my activity to helps soothe my mind, like some crochet or bake. I'm not into pacifiers, sippy cups, baby stuff...but, tell me I have your attention and a lap even if it's LDR...and it makes me feel cared for.

I have to go be adult. :rolleyes:
 
barefootgirl69 said:
I've got way too many things going on at the moment and find it hard to be in this space.

cb said it eloquently, though I know we aren't all alike. I'm glad we are all different, it makes it interesting. But, the part about having responsibility and being in charge...and having a place to come to after. A place to set all my cares down and just BE. Be cared for, be safe, be "un" responsible for a time.

Coloring is my activity to helps soothe my mind, like some crochet or bake. I'm not into pacifiers, sippy cups, baby stuff...but, tell me I have your attention and a lap even if it's LDR...and it makes me feel cared for.

I have to go be adult. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Thanks for saying aa much as you did bfg and thanks to Aktion for his wall of text, some of which resonated with me.

These days are very hard here in he US. Extremely anxiety provoking.

These are days all a girl really wants is a lap to curl up in as her hair is brushed.
 
Posted this in the are Dom or sub thread, but thought it might be a useful explanation here as well. I would really like to know what the LGs think of my description of a great follow.

Dom, but in a nurturing, mentoring, and guiding way. Sub does not equal doormat, no interest in that. It's like dancing. I'm a very strong lead, but the worst possible partner is someone who is wimpy. A great follow is someone of strength who wants direction and who loves the ride.

This is a very late in life discovery, so I am still figuring it out.
 
Booboobear84 said:
Posted this in the are Dom or sub thread, but thought it might be a useful explanation here as well. I would really like to know what the LGs think of my description of a great follow.

Dom, but in a nurturing, mentoring, and guiding way. Sub does not equal doormat, no interest in that. It's like dancing. I'm a very strong lead, but the worst possible partner is someone who is wimpy. A great follow is someone of strength who wants direction and who loves the ride.

This is a very late in life discovery, so I am still figuring it out.
Click to expand...

I think it's lovely...thank you for sharing your post here. I like how you liken it to dancing. I remember a Dom who didn't prefer doormats, either. He once told me that if he asked what I'd like to order for dinner when we were out, he didn't want me deferring it to him. He hated that type of thing. Submission is also doing that little thing of ordering what pleases me.

But, then, I also realize there are those Doms who prefer to do the ordering.

I think the most important thing is finding someone that's compatible with your "style" - for lack of a better word.
 
barefootgirl69 said:
I think it's lovely...thank you for sharing your post here. I like how you liken it to dancing. I remember a Dom who didn't prefer doormats, either. He once told me that if he asked what I'd like to order for dinner when we were out, he didn't want me deferring it to him. He hated that type of thing. Submission is also doing that little thing of ordering what pleases me.

But, then, I also realize there are those Doms who prefer to do the ordering.

I think the most important thing is finding someone that's compatible with your "style" - for lack of a better word.
Click to expand...

I agree it's style, but the controlling aspect of male female interaction which is almost the only way the general public sees Dom sub depicted was part of my not figuring out that I had a Dom streak. I rejected the control thing, and thought it was the only option. I am sure that can be a loving relationship, but I think all too many would be doms take advantage of their subs.
 
Booboobear84 said:
I agree it's style, but the controlling aspect of male female interaction which is almost the only way the general public sees Dom sub depicted was part of my not figuring out that I had a Dom streak. I rejected the control thing, and thought it was the only option. I am sure that can be a loving relationship, but I think all too many would be doms take advantage of their subs.
Click to expand...

Were you afraid to experience things because some outsiders look at Dom behavior as "controlling/domineering" and in a bad light?
 
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