De-cluttering

[gracie920101]

I have more of an issue with the adult children, who for some reason, that's foreign to me, insist on bringing all of their parents' stuff (when they die) to their house, even though they have no room for it...take years to go through it deciding what to keep and what to let go of and then feel guilty about every item they declutter. Just because something belonged to a parent doesn't make it special. We don't need things to remember our loved ones. We have our heart and mind for that.

I'm that adult child. If everyone gets rid of the detritus of the prior generation, I feel we will lose tangible history over time. But now I've reached the point I don't want to haul it any longer. I want to move again like I could when I was 22 with 5 or 6 boxes and a trashbag of hanging clothes.

My mom resisted cleaning out as Cookie's mom. She said "you and your sister can clean out when I'm gone" then just laughed her ass off. She knew what she was doing to us.

Cookie, tell the guy I feel his pain!

 

[Tallcajun]

Yep, sentimentality gets in the he way of living the life of a minimalist.
I’m guilty to a degree.
Holding on to way too much stuff.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Project ”Declutter and clean the fridge” was just finished here. Lots of sentimental bottles of expired fishsauce, I tell you…

I read somewhere that clutter is the physical manifestation of defered desicions.
I think there is a lot to that.
Another thing that makes a difference in our house is the two minute rule, as in ”if it takes 2 minutes or less, do it now”. When everyone follows that rule, there is exponentially more order in our house.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I need to work on my bedroom. . This is where everything ends up when I don't know where to put it.

Clothes. So many clothes.
Blankets. Pillows. Sheets and pillowcases.
Books.
Paperwork.
Stuff to go to Goodwill.
A literal shopping bag of scented candles.
Nightstand baskets overflowing with I don't even know what.
I probably have seven lamps in here, and five more in my closet.

*

 

[twister947]

Y'all are amateurs; I dated a woman off and on for several years who was a compulsive shopper. She lived in a lovely home on Cape Cod that was stuffed full of her treasures. There were literally aisles through the clutter. That was too much, even for me. That, and her temper.

 

[wicked woman]

I'm that adult child. If everyone gets rid of the detritus of the prior generation, I feel we will lose tangible history over time. But now I've reached the point I don't want to haul it any longer. I want to move again like I could when I was 22 with 5 or 6 boxes and a trashbag of hanging clothes.

My mom resisted cleaning out as Cookie's mom. She said "you and your sister can clean out when I'm gone" then just laughed her ass off. She knew what she was doing to us.

Cookie, tell the guy I feel his pain!

We clearly have different Moms. Over 20 years ago, my Mom was lying on her bed, knowing she was terminally ill but feeling fine, and had me pull out each item of her clothes from her closet. She'd tell me who they should go to and I'd fold them and put them in the right pile. Might sound morbid to some, but just seemed logical to us. I was just upset that none of her fabulous clothes fit me!

I wish you well in lightening your load.

 

[cookiecat]

We clearly have different Moms. Over 20 years ago, my Mom was lying on her bed, knowing she was terminally ill but feeling fine, and had me pull out each item of her clothes from her closet. She'd tell me who they should go to and I'd fold them and put them in the right pile. Might sound morbid to some, but just seemed logical to us. I was just upset that none of her fabulous clothes fit me!

I wish you well in lightening your load.

This was my husband. He was terminal and wanted to deal with everything related to his death while he was alive and emotionally able to. From the music he wanted at his service to cleaning out stuff, he wanted to get 'r done. From talking about difficult things like his obituary to going through old pictures, clothes, tools - it brought us closer together.

Part of it was his desire to control what he could, since so much of his life was uncontrollable. The other part was his love for me and his kid. He didn't want us to deal with the weight of his stuff after he died.

It was one of the greatest gifts he gave me.

 

[wicked woman]

This was my husband. He was terminal and wanted to deal with everything related to his death while he was alive and emotionally able to. From the music he wanted at his service to cleaning out stuff, he wanted to get 'r done. From talking about difficult things like his obituary to going through old pictures, clothes, tools - it brought us closer together.

Part of it was his desire to control what he could, since so much of his life was uncontrollable. The other part was his love for me and his kid. He didn't want us to deal with the weight of his stuff after he died.

It was one of the greatest gifts he gave me.

Hugs Cookie. I've always thought it takes a very strong person to approach their death in such a matter. And a loving person to go along for the ride with them.

 

[IrisAlthea]

We clearly have different Moms. Over 20 years ago, my Mom was lying on her bed, knowing she was terminally ill but feeling fine, and had me pull out each item of her clothes from her closet. She'd tell me who they should go to and I'd fold them and put them in the right pile. Might sound morbid to some, but just seemed logical to us. I was just upset that none of her fabulous clothes fit me!

I wish you well in lightening your load.

This was my husband. He was terminal and wanted to deal with everything related to his death while he was alive and emotionally able to. From the music he wanted at his service to cleaning out stuff, he wanted to get 'r done. From talking about difficult things like his obituary to going through old pictures, clothes, tools - it brought us closer together.

Part of it was his desire to control what he could, since so much of his life was uncontrollable. The other part was his love for me and his kid. He didn't want us to deal with the weight of his stuff after he died.

It was one of the greatest gifts he gave me.

If you can manage to do this together I think it is a great gift, from both sides.

 

[Acktion]

Just got approval for new digs so I can get up out of this place. Moved in six years ago with a wife, a dog, and four cats. Moving out with one surviving cat. It's time.

Let the de-cluttering commence!

 

[twister947]

It has crossed my mind, more than once, to sell this place and drive away with what I need for life on the road. Let the new owner deal with the detritus of a lifetime.

 

[wicked woman]

Just got approval for new digs so I can get up out of this place. Moved in six years ago with a wife, a dog, and four cats. Moving out with one surviving cat. It's time.

Let the de-cluttering commence!

Perfect reason to declutter. Enjoy your new digs.

 

[Acktion]

I think I just found a cookie sheet older than some of you.

Just sayin'.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I think I just found a cookie sheet older than some of you.

Just sayin'.

Haha, I know the feeling.
Once when decluttering at a place I worked, I found a protocol from a meeting that had taken place abot 30 years ago. The funny (or not so funny depending on where you stand on the half full half empty issue) was that I could have retyped it with new date and names and handed it in, without anybody noticing.

 

[cheekygirl75]

I love this thread. I like the original list of what to bring if having to leave quickly... I also sell online like cookie (I think? I can't find it again) does and would probably try to take some of my inventory if I could. Though there have been times lately when I've wished it would all just go up in flames Lol

I've lived overseas, just being able to bring one (very large) suitcase. That experience and a comment from a Chinese friend have made me even more aware of having too much stuff and getting too attached to it.

My friend said that when she was growing up, people who wore a different outfit all the time were seen as bragging about how many clothes they had... I wouldn't want to wear the same thing every day, but it did make me realize that I've always had way more clothes than I need. I've been working on re-vamping my wardrobe ever since. I want things that can do multiple duty and that I love. They all have the "spark joy".

 

[Acktion]

In all seriousness, I definitely understand sentimental attachment to things. Very, very little of what I own was actually purchased by me.

Except for the books, of course. Still remember when some co-workers were helping us move and one asked me, "have you read all these books?" I paused and looked at the twelve boxes (at the time) of books and tried to calculate if it was worth mentioning that maybe two of them were my wife's. Then shrugged and told them truthfully that was the ones we liked well enough to keep and maybe re-read someday.

Yeah, I could name some small public libraries that would have been jealous at a couple of points.

I mentioned those cookie sheets that I know for damn sure made snickerdoodles in the seventies, but are probably older than that. I figure Mom probably brought them as part of her trousseau. I know for damn certain my current silverware was one of their wedding gifts.

Before I had to worry about not only slicing myself up but wandering off and forgetting what I am doing (or even where and who I am), I was actually only a little short of gourmand. And to give more of a hint about the kitchen, I actually have one of those old plastic measuring sheets for rolling out pie crusts (which, yes, I did). Your guess is as good as mine at this point whether it was passed down from Mom, one of my grandmothers, or the lady who kept me before I was old enough to start school (all teachers in the kitchen).

Hell, my bedroom furniture is the same my parents bought for me when I outgrew the tiny bunkbeds and baby dresser! All the paintings on my walls were painted by my mother.

I could keep going. But, my point is that (with the exception of books) probably 99% of what I own is stuff that has collected from gifts from someone else at some point across my life. And the memories of them, of who they were to me, of who I am, where I've been, and what I've seen, are ingrained in the wood and metal.

And, quite frankly, many nights sitting here in this place where I lost most of them, it has been like a ghostly hug when I needed them.

The problem along the way...

When I first moved out on my own, I did so into a little one-bedroom apartment.

Then marriage. And, oh, the stories I could tell about my fight to not put up some kind of wedding "gift registry" or even have people sending more stuff! But, of course, we did.

And we needed more space. Even without the possibility of kids, we got a two-bedroom. Then had to move to a larger two-bedroom when the sprawling collection of stuff spread to fill the available space.

George Carlin had the right of it, folks.

Then, it was a house. And then a bigger house! Not because the two of us and the furbabies needed any more space to live, mind you. But, because we needed it for our stuff that just kept accumulating.

Then, we both faceplanted into some medical crap. And ended up losing the house.

And, guess what? We had way too much stuff for the little rat-trap roach-motels we could afford. We'd already sold what we could in order to afford the medical costs. Now, it was down to donating and giving away stuff that we really didn't need and hadn't used (or in some cases even seen) in the years since we'd moved it in.

And, it kind of brought me to a realization.

If ya haven't used it (or even looked at it) in over a year, then it's probably costing you more to house it than it would to replace it when you eventually needed it.

And, yeah, I say that even though I just unearthed a freaking Sportster 56k Modem in the electronics closet of the library. **sigh** Gave away a crystal cake stand/punch bowl, not to mention about a thousand books, but still have a freaking Sportster 56k Modem in a box with a bunch of damn cables that don't (as far as I can recall) actually go to anything anymore.

Any road, the little place I'm moving to is even smaller. Ergo, not as much room for stuff I haven't used (or even seen in many cases) since we moved in.

My baby sister had the perfect solution... just leave it all and buy new stuff when I got there.

Tempting...

But, no. The bedroom suite and dining set are going. The paintings my mother painted. I might (might!) trim down my library a little more. Maybe. Or I may just have books tucked where the kitchen stuff would have been stored...

**shrug** My early post with my "bugout/survival bag" is actually a real deal. And in an emergency, I'd use it in a heartbeat.

But, having a little more time to plan... I don't know. I just really feel my epiphany when we lost the house is still the best route to go. If I haven't even seen it, much less used it, in over a year, then it's time to cut the sea anchor.

But, some physical representations of memories we need to make room for.

 

[twister947]

George Carlin.
Love you, Puck.
https://youtu.be/MvgN5gCuLac

I hadn't watched that in years...lotta wisdom there.

 

[twister947]

Pearl of the day:
"If ya haven't used it (or even looked at it) in over a year, then it's probably costing you more to house it than it would to replace it when you eventually needed it."

 

[gracie920101]

Pearl of the day:
"If ya haven't used it (or even looked at it) in over a year, then it's probably costing you more to house it than it would to replace it when you eventually needed it."

Puck is wise.

 

[twister947]

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/...getting-rid-of-almost-everything-decluttering

 

[twister947]

That’s Twister.

I am not wise; I was quoting Puck.

 

[gracie920101]

I am not wise; I was quoting Puck.

Yes, but you have your moments.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I think I had a teensy breakthrough last night. I felt something shift inside of me and I think I'm going to be able to let go of things I couldn't previously. I'm hoping to hang on to that place in my heart long enough to make some headway and create more forward momentum.

I'll let you know how it's going!

 

[ultramarineblue]

I’m really hoping to start doing more of this during this week and through the summer as I have time.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

New project!

The owner of my house is having it refinanced, so an appraiser's coming out to have a look at it next week.

I'm taking some time off of work to deal with it. It'll be worth it.

Step #1: Assess The Mess! That's what I'm going to do today.

Wish me luck!