Definition of a sadist

[DVS]

Ask? Because people always tell the truth about themselves?
Test? Too late if you misjudge your playmate.
I'd add 'observe' to your list, but I know that would rarely be possible if your potential other doesn't play in public.

I've noticed from what I've read on this board that people are people, no matter what they prefer in the bedroom - there are those that are honest and trustworthy, and those that are liars and cheats. The problem I see is that in a sadist/masochist encounter, the physical risks taken by the bottom are potentially high and it is evident from this little thread that nothing definite can be inferred by the use of certain terminologies.

And it was pretty much a rhetorical question as I stated earlier.

I've never been really proud of how many of my gender act in relationships, long term or short term. Some men (sure, some women too) seem to be seeking a "quick fix" to their sexual needs, with little thought of how their desires might affect someone else. I know all men aren't this way, but there seems to be enough that are...enough that it results in a kind of social wall in prospective D/s encounters.

When someone doesn't know you, you first have to get past this wall and sometimes that isn't possible. I've found there are things I can say in the initial conversations that cause women to recoil and then reject me, thinking I'm just another of those untrustworthy types. And the introduction of the Internet just made things worse, because it's so easy for someone to fabricate an identity. If people don't do their due diligence, they can end up as another statistic. This only makes my search more difficult and in recent years, not really worth continuing.

When seeking someone who will ultimately tie you up and inflict pain, you really have your work cut out for you. And those unsavory types take advantage of unsuspecting and trusting women. Many women new to the scene are unaware of just how good some people can lie.

Of course, this isn't just in BDSM relationships. Vanilla relationships see this same thing. Sadly, it's just people being people.

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

I've never been really proud of how many of my gender act in relationships, long term or short term. Some men (sure, some women too) seem to be seeking a "quick fix" to their sexual needs, with little thought of how their desires might affect someone else. I know all men aren't this way, but there seems to be enough that are...enough that it results in a kind of social wall in prospective D/s encounters.

When someone doesn't know you, you first have to get past this wall and sometimes that isn't possible. I've found there are things I can say in the initial conversations that cause women to recoil and then reject me, thinking I'm just another of those untrustworthy types. And the introduction of the Internet just made things worse, because it's so easy for someone to fabricate an identity. If people don't do their due diligence, they can end up as another statistic. This only makes my search more difficult and in recent years, not really worth continuing.

When seeking someone who will ultimately tie you up and inflict pain, you really have your work cut out for you. And those unsavory types take advantage of unsuspecting and trusting women. Many women new to the scene are unaware of just how good some people can lie.

Of course, this isn't just in BDSM relationships. Vanilla relationships see this same thing. Sadly, it's just people being people.

Dating is an exhausting prospect for sure. But your post pressed play on this song and I haven't heard it in a while, so thank you, DVS.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Ask? Because people always tell the truth about themselves?
Test? Too late if you misjudge your playmate.
I'd add 'observe' to your list, but I know that would rarely be possible if your potential other doesn't play in public.

I've noticed from what I've read on this board that people are people, no matter what they prefer in the bedroom - there are those that are honest and trustworthy, and those that are liars and cheats. The problem I see is that in a sadist/masochist encounter, the physical risks taken by the bottom are potentially high and it is evident from this little thread that nothing definite can be inferred by the use of certain terminologies.

And it was pretty much a rhetorical question as I stated earlier.

How do you figure out if someone you want to date is trustworthy?

Lally, there are some people for whom the need is so great they have to learn to deal with the risks. Some people put off their exploration for a while. Some people are so aware of the possible repercussions that they never take the step from fantasy into practical exploration.

None of these are bad responses. Each person has to decide what is best for them.

Some people only ever play in public, or they hire a sadist from a reputable dungeon, (yes, women can do that too) or they talk to the women they meet at munches, get names of men they have heard are good. You can go to a few parties, and NOT play but only observe.

 

[LallyH]

How do you figure out if someone you want to date is trustworthy?

Lally, there are some people for whom the need is so great they have to learn to deal with the risks. Some people put off their exploration for a while. Some people are so aware of the possible repercussions that they never take the step from fantasy into practical exploration.

None of these are bad responses. Each person has to decide what is best for them.

Some people only ever play in public, or they hire a sadist from a reputable dungeon, (yes, women can do that too) or they talk to the women they meet at munches, get names of men they have heard are good. You can go to a few parties, and NOT play but only observe.

That's why I'm glad I came to this later in life. My younger self was a bad judge of people and took enough stupid risks in vanilla relationships that I would probably have ended up in a mess. If I had known how to begin to satisfy my masochistic desires I would have thrown myself at the first guy who offered to 'help'.

It's good to know that there are at least some 'safer' avenues for beginners.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Interesting discussion.

My son spent a career killing people for the military. They sent him places to eliminate human problems. That's pretty drastic. But he isn't a sadist. I have the same talent for separating the deed from the emotional component. I think doctors must have that ability, to do their work. Ditto assassins. Ditto lovers. You gotta know when to use the knife, and when to lay it down.

 

[LallyH]

Dating is an exhausting prospect for sure. But your post pressed play on this song and I haven't heard it in a while, so thank you, DVS.

Going off at a tangent, our tickets to see DM later in the year arrived today

 

[LallyH]

I've never been really proud of how many of my gender act in relationships, long term or short term. Some men (sure, some women too) seem to be seeking a "quick fix" to their sexual needs, with little thought of how their desires might affect someone else. I know all men aren't this way, but there seems to be enough that are...enough that it results in a kind of social wall in prospective D/s encounters.

When someone doesn't know you, you first have to get past this wall and sometimes that isn't possible. I've found there are things I can say in the initial conversations that cause women to recoil and then reject me, thinking I'm just another of those untrustworthy types. And the introduction of the Internet just made things worse, because it's so easy for someone to fabricate an identity. If people don't do their due diligence, they can end up as another statistic. This only makes my search more difficult and in recent years, not really worth continuing.

When seeking someone who will ultimately tie you up and inflict pain, you really have your work cut out for you. And those unsavory types take advantage of unsuspecting and trusting women. Many women new to the scene are unaware of just how good some people can lie.

Of course, this isn't just in BDSM relationships. Vanilla relationships see this same thing. Sadly, it's just people being people.

Thanks for your thoughtful answer

 

[southerncharm77]

Although I am not in a BDSM real life relationship now nor have I ever been, I have been in one online (if there is such a thing). I myself have and always will respect the limits of my partner. I would never just jump into a relationship as this always causes problems later due to not knowing the limits, likes and dislikes of the other. This would of course carry over into real life if I choose to go to that next level. No matter what is being done, to me if everyone involved is not enjoying what is happening then what is the point? I could never enjoy causing someone pain in any amount if they were not in agreement with what was happening.

 

[DVS]

Interesting discussion.

My son spent a career killing people for the military. They sent him places to eliminate human problems. That's pretty drastic. But he isn't a sadist. I have the same talent for separating the deed from the emotional component. I think doctors must have that ability, to do their work. Ditto assassins. Ditto lovers. You gotta know when to use the knife, and when to lay it down.

I agree with what you are saying, here. But, these are all professionals (with the exception of the lover) doing a job and are able to keep their emotions in check. It's part of being a professional.

When dealing with sexual acts, some people will let their own arousal take precedence over their common sense and as a result, they might disregard someone's safe word or otherwise prefer to indulge their own sexual enjoyment over someone's safety. This is close to how a pure sadist might feel, but I should also say that a pure sadist would never enter into an agreement to abide by someone's limits in the first place.

And even though I hate labels, I guess I'm going to introduce yet another one. For lack of a better description, I have called myself a social sadist and I should also add that I'm a sexual sadist. The pain I enjoy inflicting is based in sexuality, for me at least. The basic tools such as whips, crops, paddles, etc. (not to forget bondage and electroplay) as well as vaginal and anal sex on a rougher scale than some might enjoy.

Personally, I don't enjoy inflicting other kinds of pain just for the sake of causing pain. For example, I don't enjoy punching someone in the stomach or twisting a finger or an arm just to see the painful reaction it would produce. None of this is sexual for me. Causing this type of pain isn't enjoyment for me and I also see it as inappropriate and even abusive in some cases. But, while I might not seem like much of a sadist because of my own limits, within that vein of my expertise, there is a sadistic finesse to my enjoyment.

So, I guess I'm a socially, sexual sadist (SSS)? Seriously...I don't like labels.

 

[Stella_Omega]

A sexually social sadist?

A sexy, sociable sadist?

 

[LallyH]

A sexually social sadist?

A sexy, sociable sadist?

Don't know about you, Stella, but he sounds like a fun guy with his head screwed on to me....if anything ever happened to husband I might have to go looking for this man!

 

[Stella_Omega]

A sweet, sexy, sadist!
And he can introduce you to electro play, too.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Don't know about you, Stella, but he sounds like a fun guy with his head screwed on to me....if anything ever happened to husband I might have to go looking for this man!

I know his general location... Would love to see DVS hooked up with a good woman who knows which side her bread is BUTTered on

 

[LittleSparks]

Well I can't say that I have much to add to the conversation, but this is a really great thread! Some of the posts people have written, especially DVS, have made me think about things master has done in the past. He's been heavy on the topdrop on a few occasions, and anything helps when it comes to understanding what is going on in his head during those moments.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Well I can't say that I have much to add to the conversation, but this is a really great thread! Some of the posts people have written, especially DVS, have made me think about things master has done in the past. He's been heavy on the topdrop on a few occasions, and anything helps when it comes to understanding what is going on in his head during those moments.

Topdrop. Good expression. At my age and level of senility, I don't know that I've seen that one often before, but I like it.

I've seen a lot more threads/comments about subdrop, but IME, topdrop does happen, too... I've had it a couple of times, though not to any real depth, just a sense of mental fatigue and letdown after (usually) a long intense session or a public play performance/demo, especially with two or three pyl "targ..." subjects I think part of it, for me at least, may have been a sense of not wanting to screw up something that was rather important, and therefore being tense throughout, and then a sense of relief and release afterward in realizing that yes, it worked for all involved.

 

[LallyH]

I know his general location... Would love to see DVS hooked up with a good woman who knows which side her bread is BUTTered on

If only the Atlantic wasn't so wide.....I'd act as understudy/target practice whilst he was waiting for someone permanent!!

 

[IrisAlthea]

Well I can't say that I have much to add to the conversation, but this is a really great thread! Some of the posts people have written, especially DVS, have made me think about things master has done in the past. He's been heavy on the topdrop on a few occasions, and anything helps when it comes to understanding what is going on in his head during those moments.

Perhaps these could help too?

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=287554

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=121312