Depression. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. etc

[Quoll]

nothing really

[rant]
I hate not been stable emotionally, you can be up, so up nothing can get you down.
Then some little thing happens and flick off goes the switch and you are down, way down, no gentle slide, no time to adjust, just down, I hate it, I am so,so, so tired of it.
How can you work through that, it`s not like when you can feel the depression creeping up on you, I can fight that, I may not stop it but I can slow it, control it.
But this, it`s like every time you walk out the door you are a different person.
I have been so happy these last couple of days, right up until now, one little thing goes wrong and I`m fucked.
I thought I had you beat you fucker.
Maybe that`s it, the higher you go the harder you fall.
Well let me tell you, the last two days have been some of the best, so fucking look out below.
Of course once you get down here it`s almost nostalgic, like Kiki said, all those old friends drop in, fucking parasites.
I`m sure I`ll be back, something somewhere will flick the switch and whee up I go again, frankly i`d rather feel nothing at the moment, emotionally anyway.I don`t know if this is helping or not but I can`t really be bothered doing anything else.
Whats really fucking me off is how inconsequential the thing was that dropped me I mean shit it`s not like anybody died or anything serious, cant be too bad I`m still anal enough to correct my spelling mistakes if I see them, anyway back to shit, it was nothing,absolutely nothing, on a good day this should have annoyed me a bit, at worst made me a little sad, BUT NOT DROP ME ON MY FUCKING ARSE LIKE THIS, no I haven`t missed any meds I don`t know I think I`m winding down now, I should be finished soon, so long as the switch isn`t thrown again. It`s just so fucking pointless, waiting till next time, whats it going to be up or down up or down......................

 

[Quoll]

cant even get this right

 

[Quoll]

[rave]
Don`t ever let someone tell you that there is no such thing as soulmates, because there are they are linked together,I am sceptical about a lot of things but right now I am telling you we are connected.
She is over 300km away we spoke on IM an hour ago, we were happy, now you tell me how, at the exact moment I hit the submit button on the above post, when I am at the lowest I have been for years, the phone rings, it is her, "Are you okay" she asks, I asked her why she rang, " I needed to hear you voice."

 

[Quoll]

Wow, I can`t believe I wrote that, and posted it too.
I had sort of forgotten that it is public, until a darling sweet lady PMed me to see if I was ok. Thank you sweet thing, I`ll be ok, just going to get a bit more off of my chest.



I write the following for me, I am not writing this to elicit sorrow or sadness, nor to imply that in some way our life is either better or worse than anyone elses. I feel I need to write, and to display these thoughts. I choose to do this here, because this is where I am most comfortable.

My Wife, My Life.
At 15 when my mother died, and my girlfriend walked out, you were my best friend, you comforted me.
I knew even then that you loved me, but I said I couldn't go out with my best friend, that could ruin everything. You were 9 months younger than me.
I wish I knew then that you had been abused since you were four, I wish I knew then that you had hit him in the groin, to finally put an end to it.
Yet you still comforted me.
Not once did you falter in your determination to have me by your side. Somehow you chased me until I caught you. To this day I don't know how you got me but I am so glad you did.

You were 17 the day that man ran into you. You wanted me to go with you that day but I was to shy to meet your friends. You were caught between the trailer and the back of the car, the trailer crushed your leg, his car crushed your chest, you should have been safe in the emergency lane, he never even braked. You never lost consciousness. You saw and heard the man that brought his children over for a look, you were bleeding, gasping for breath, you heard him tell his children that, this, is what happens when you are bad.
You thought you were being punished for the abuse.

I heard on the news about the accident, I knew it was you. I didn't go to your house like I usually did I sat at home, I knew someone would come for me.

They wouldn't let me in ICU because I was not family.
How did you get them to let me in, you couldn't breathe by yourself, you couldn't talk, you could only blink, yet somehow you got me in there. I still have nightmares where I hear that machine, when it stopped, to make you breathe, and you didn't. And yet you comfort me.

When we couldn't have the one thing you have wanted since the day I met you, eight years of trying, I felt I had let you down and you comforted me.

Through all the IVF cycles you never gave up hope, even when none of them worked, you tried everything you could to fulfill your most treasured dream.
When that dream finally came true, I cried, you, the one who cries at anything sad, not a tear, why should you, you were holding in your arms the thing you had wanted all your life. Yet you comforted me.

When the depression took over my life, you were scared, unsure, at times terrified, you tried to comfort me, but I wasn't really there. You had every right to go, I gave you too many reasons to go, I almost broke your heart, and yet you stayed.

If ever a woman was meant to be a mother it was you, for four more years you did whatever it took until again I was amazed at your strength, as I fell apart, you sat there, glowing with pride at our newest child.

When I finally started to come good, but walked away from all decisions, you did what needed to be done even though it scared you.

When I wake in the night drenched in sweat, you comfort me.
When I am afraid, frightened, you comfort me.

When I am in desperate need, no matter where you are, you find me and comfort me.

There is nothing on this earth that can separate us, no matter how far apart we are.

You are my soulmate, but that is something you have always known.













edited only for spelling, she deserves no less.

 

[Xectxny19X]

Have any of you tried self hypnosis or Yoga for your panic attacks?

I had a friend who was practically housebound and having frequent panic attacks till she tried Yoga and self hypnosis to relieve some of the worst panic attacks.

Learning to breathe properly helped her too.

http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Anxiety/panicplace/alternative.asp

At her Drs and therapists suggestion she tried these things.
Next port of call was meds.



It worked wonders for her.

But always consult your Dr and discuss with them what is going on.
We all need a bit of help every now and then.

Thanks for the link.

 

[Quoll]

We now return you to your normal viewing

 

[Quoll]

What a week.
Anyway I have been skimming through these and other post. One thing that keeps popping up is the meds*smirk*(downunder, that is a brand of feminine hygiene products. I hope all you girls are using your meds) There does seem to be a real stigma attached to taking anti-depressants. I know I used to think, how sad to be taking anti-depressants, just get on with your life.
I have learnt (note to self, potential new thread) the hard way that for some there is no option. If it wasnt for the meds.. my life would be so different, I hate to even think about where I would be if I had continued on the way I was going.
Addicted to anti-depressants, perhaps in a way I am.
I have tried on several occasions to reduce my dosage, but I can feel it all flooding back, so yeah in the fact that I am too scared to go off them, I guess I am addicted.
At the time I was diagnosed I would have accepted anything, lobotomy, whatever to make it stop.
The meds don`t make it go away completely, but like my doc said " If you have a broken leg, why try and walk without crutches".
So I`ll keep using my crutches because I know I will fall without them.
If you are sitting thinking I am not the sort of person who needs anti-depressants, please think about where you will be in a few years, if you don`t like the answer perhaps its time to re-evaluate things.
I know they are not the answer to everything and not necessary for everyone I am just saying dont shut the door on that option, some of us would not be here today if it wasn`t for our little happy pills.


Please feel free to vent, rant, rave or say whatever you need to say. I have never been able to express the feelings I have had before, so it is a new experience for me. A very positive experience. The other plus is all your friends come charging in to see if you are ok. (thanks guys. )

 

[SnoopDog]

Well, what can I say about depressions.

I got them, I'm sick. I know that and I'm glad I know now. Because that was the first step to help. I'm regretting the fact that I had to let it come down to the lowest point in my life to realize but it made me get professional help. Doctor, therapist and medication.

I needed that help badly and it made things better. I learned how to deal with it. But all I can say about my case, every help, especiallly the medication, is only there to help improve the situation, they don't do it alone. For me only to get rid of the reasons for my depression will help me improve to a point where I might be able to live without that help from medication and docs. But I'll probably always have to live with my desease because it's also a state of mind that will not just go away. It's how my body and psyche react to certain emotions, i.e. they can't deal with it properly.

So it will always be there and until I get rid off the reasons for me feeling down, I'll always have to take pills.

It's a sad truth but it's also a relief to know it's just a desease and not 'You're-going-slightly-mad' like someone already said.

Snoopy

 

[JustSkye]

I hate going from one extreme to another.. but I have. I was doing so well.


*sigh*

 

[Quoll]

I hate going from one extreme to another.. but I have. I was doing so well.


*sigh*

Skye Hon

You ARE doing so well.

We all stumble.
But we are here to help you up

 

[SnoopDog]

I hate going from one extreme to another.. but I have. I was doing so well.


*sigh*

The good thing that I have learned from my depression is that everytime I get a new push of depression, I know it is DEFINITELY gonna go away some time and a good mood prevail.

Of course there will be another push of depression but everyone feels bad sometimes. It's just that when 'we' have a moment when we feel bad, it's not just a 'bad day' but 'we' are REALLY down.

It's like the feelings of normal people, just multiplied by a hundret times.

So 'we' are not so unnormal as some might think.

Snoopy

 

[JustSkye]

Skye Hon

You ARE doing so well.

We all stumble.
But we are here to help you up

Thank you, sweetheart. You are the most wonderful friend.

 

[JustSkye]

The good thing that I have learned from my depression is that everytime I get a new push of depression, I know it is DEFINITELY gonna go away some time and a good mood prevail.

Of course there will be another push of depression but everyone feels bad sometimes. It's just that when 'we' have a moment when we feel bad, it's not just a 'bad day' but 'we' are REALLY down.

It's like the feelings of normal people, just multiplied by a hundret times.

So 'we' are not so unnormal as some might think.

Snoopy

how very true! That was very well said.

 

[JustSkye]

Quoll ( notice the green color? )

I hope you feel lots better! Thank you for checking in.

 

[Quoll]

Well, what can I say about depressions.

I got them, I'm sick. I know that and I'm glad I know now. Because that was the first step to help. I'm regretting the fact that I had to let it come down to the lowest point in my life to realize but it made me get professional help. Doctor, therapist and medication.

Why do we do that?
Don`t know, but it seems to be a recurring theme.
Maybe because depression is so isolating, if you hate everything including yourself, we are just not interested.
It`s only when the real world starts to intrude and we see the damage we are doing.
I just hope the damage can be undone.

 

[Quoll]

Quoll ( notice the green color? )

I hope you feel lots better! Thank you for checking in.

Okay, a little thought, eat well and sleep when you can.
So far that`s the only explanation I can come up with for my rollercoaster week.
I have had too many late nights and broken sleeps, some can`t be helped, I like my job but as someone once said "Man, you have some funky hours."
Food. Guilty, coffee and toast is not a staple. It is not lunch. It is not tea.
So after a week of abusing my body my mind fought back, not good let me tell you, just go back one page and you will see what I mean.
It was an emotional week but not the sort of thing that would normally send me out of control.
I am hoping that the food and sleep issue is the cause, otherwise I may be moving on to another phase and I don`t really want to deal with that.
So eat and sleep when you can..



On a totally unrelated note, there is no such thing as good leftover macaroni.
Thanks sweet thing for your kind thoughts

 

[babydoll2u]

I'm diagnosed with clinical depression/panic-anxiety disorder.
I'm on meds. I struggle.

That's the best I can do now, as I don't feel comfortable about talking about it here yet.

 

[SnoopDog]

I'm diagnosed with clinical depression/panic-anxiety disorder.
I'm on meds. I struggle.

That's the best I can do now, as I don't feel comfortable about talking about it here yet.

Even if you should never feel comfortable about it, just know that there are people out there/on here that know your suffering and can understand you. You are not alone.

Sometimes that single thought can help.

Snoopy

 

[Lynxie]

Even if you should never feel comfortable about it, just know that there are people out there/on here that know your suffering and can understand you. You are not alone.

Sometimes that single thought can help.

Snoopy

How true this is.

 

[Quoll]

I'm diagnosed with clinical depression/panic-anxiety disorder.
I'm on meds. I struggle.

That's the best I can do now, as I don't feel comfortable about talking about it here yet.

{{{{{{{Peg}}}}}}}

Peg Hon, you don`t have to talk here or anywhere, you have let us know, that is more than enough.
You now have a huge group of friends ready to help anytime you call.

 

[geishaGirl]

Although I believe I am no longer depressed I still feel I can relate to many of you who post on this thread

I just want to say that the courage it takes to be as open as you have, publicly (even if there is some anonymity about it), is something beautiful

Having this kind of support here is a wonderfully positive thing for all of you, sharing the thoughts and feelings that you do is a good step to take if you feel like expressing yourself

 

[babydoll2u]

{{{{{{{Peg}}}}}}}

Peg Hon, you don`t have to talk here or anywhere, you have let us know, that is more than enough.
You now have a huge group of friends ready to help anytime you call.

thank you, Q... and everyone...

*tears*

 

[Feistyred16]

I too, can relate to all being said here.

Its been about 4 years since I have taken meds for depression and anxiety.
I remember the day my doctor told me I would be on meds the rest of my life. I also remember the day I "woke" up and said oh hell no I won't be on meds the rest of my life!

I was physically attacked at work by someone and that is what started it. I also think hormones had a big part to play in it too.

Lots of work, love, good support system of family & friends and an excellent doctor was what pulled me out of it.

I know that it can all come back at anytime...that is why I pray each and every night, thanking God for allowing me another day depression free.
One day at a time...

 

[takemyvirginity]

Any suggestions on meds to treat social anxieity? Going to see the doctor next week and i think i may finally try and get help for it.

 

[Quoll]

TMV, Welcome to Lit and the thread, I have to say that someone here will have the information you need. If you are heading off to see your doctor don`t be afraid to ask, there is no reason to live with these problems if you don`t have to. good luck and let us know how you get on.




I have known since my teens that the depression came in waves or cycles, this sparked a bit of an interest in biorhythms. after last weeks little trip down memory lane I thought I would check and see what my chart said.
To say I am stunned is an understatement, as I am usually quite sceptical.
It will be interesting to keep track of these cycles over the next few months.
The day that I feel I hit bottom was the 13th, and I guess I am slowly creeping back up, interestingly I have also been unwell for the past few days.

Thank you to everyone who has posted or even viewed this thread, I hope something good comes of it.Weborhythms