Desultory and Impulsive

Cleaning into the depths of my PM box...

I happened upon this one sent spontaneously from someone in the shadows...

******** said:
The rhythmic hand squeezing. Cripes that’s incredible. You have lived some special moments

Just a little blurb about something I had written about something I had experienced.



And they were right. I have lived some special moments.

The truth is... we all have.

And we all do.




I've been contemplating the existence and the future of this thread.


Truth be told
It, along with everything in it wasn't supposed to happen.

Once my first thread ended I was set to be done. It couldn't have ended more perfectly.


And so I sit here this overcast morning wondering if I live my life only to give my life something to write about.
 
Reading
As I clean deeper
A reoccurring wish of hers
Was one that I would give her
The amount of grace
She has given me.

Over and over
She wished such from me

Over and over
I did not give it

I withheld it from her
For no justifiable reason

And I pushed her
Into a pool
Where she could do no right by me



All I had to do
Was forgive her for living
The messy life we live

Imperfectly

Like
We all do.

But I didn't.
 
An apology is owned

I should have given her more grace. I am sorry that I didn't. I am sorry for the times my behavior and reaction to her behavior made her feel less than.
 
An apology is owned

I should have given her more grace. I am sorry that I didn't. I am sorry for the times my behavior and reaction to her behavior made her feel less than.

Grace is hard to give, ego is hard to ignore.

I think it's easier to extend grace to someone you don't have to see again.

"I wish you well (away from me)."
 
Halloween is upon us

A question for you women who are into edge/knife play.

Is this something you'd like to be used around your clit, nipples, asshole...
 
In other news...

I met an old coworker for drinks last night.

She looked full of life and just as delightful as always.

Checking her phone she laughed just as we got our drinks.

"My husband wants to know if I'm going to let you feel my new boobs."

"Ha!" I laughed, just about spitting the first sip of my beer across the table.

"Tell him it's our first date! We're not that far into this relationship!"

And the two hours that followed had been the best two hours of my life in a very long time.

There is something ecstatic about a woman watching you with riveted eyes follow along with the story you are telling erupt into a lasting belly laughter throughout the rest of your story.

And it's so weird to be otherwise solitary and introverted and find yourself comfortably holding court in a bar. People looking on wondering what I'm saying that's so funny. Eyes of other women looking on as if to say... "that looks like a wonderful date that's going well"

And then having that moment of realizing that I've never been on a date. Like... one where you meet someone for the first or second time.

Finding myself laughing at her laugh at me and have that same feeling every one else is having... "This is going really really well."

And sex....
How it doesn't matter you know?

Not when there's a connection like that. A friendship like that.

Where you just cross someone and yeah... there is the thought because that's biology but the thought passes through and you find that person before you is just... someone important to you.

And you feel important to them. Not a conquest. Or stop-gap stepping stone. Or curiosity.

I'm glad there are people like that out there.
 
And upon review...

I realized that what you said here...
Idk. Every day yin and yang.

...really wasn't a statement that required further questioning. But; perhaps, rather one of observation to which... sought commiserate recognition?

I don't know. But I'm feeling that instead of asking you how so and in what way? I should have said--

--yes. yes it is.
 
You make me miss taking time for black and white shots and messy journaling. You probably won't understand the connection but thank you, anyways.
 
You make me miss taking time for black and white shots and messy journaling. You probably won't understand the connection but thank you, anyways.

I do not understand the connection
--or perhaps I forgot?

Either way I am open to being enlightened
--or reminded.
 
lol- you didn't miss the connection because it is in my weird mind. Your words and photos remind me of missing parts of myself. That's all.
 
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