Desultory and Impulsive

[Blueeyesrenee]

I sit here
At home

The house is quiet
A fall winter rain
Plinks and tinks upon the steel roof
Of this old farm house

I am sitting on the couch
Next to a now empty chair

There are no eyes to look into
No denim clad thigh to touch
No seam to follow along with my finger

I sit here left feeling...
...this was not how I wanted to say good-bye

But then... is there ever a good way to say good-bye?

No....no matter how hard to prepare yourself for it.

 

[Wife of Bath]

There are so many dark thoughts that never make it here because they’re too violent. Too coarse. Too real.

But that doesn’t mean they don’t happen.

And there is no goodbye. There’s only the long wait until the next time.

 

[y=mx+b]

They do happen
And you would think
That having them happen would lessen the want
...weaken the desire.

But it doesn't.
It makes the want stronger.
The trust greater.
The love
...deeper.

 

[Wife of Bath]

They do happen
And you would think
That having them happen would lessen the want
...weaken the desire.

But it doesn't.
It makes the want stronger.
The trust greater.
The love
...deeper.

 

[Wife of Bath]

You see, some people are born with a piece of night inside, and that hollow place can never be filled - not with all the good food or sunshine in the world. That emptiness cannot be banished, and so some days we wake with the feeling of the wind blowing through, and we must simply endure it as the boy did.
Leigh Bardugo, The Language of Thorns

 

[y=mx+b]

I'm not sure where to go with any of this anymore.

I'm stuck
Lost in the shadows

The pain of having to endure
Wind blowing through that hole
...watching as others take the steps to fill their own

Grasping
Slipping
Sliding further down

Like a spider being beat down by the rain
Trying to climb back to safety under the eaves
After taken another chance
To feel sunlight
Upon it's body

 

[y=mx+b]

Sleeplessness

 

[Moochienanu]

Sleeplessness

Weary eyes
Close without rest and open again,
Seeing truth written upon
Walls yet to be erected.

To sleep, perchance to dream?
What are dreams filled with
But emotions we dare not touch
With an outstretched finger?

 

[y=mx+b]

 

[y=mx+b]

She thinks about me cutting wood

 

[Wife of Bath]

A final comfort that is small, but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works. ~T.E. Kalem

 

[y=mx+b]

Yes.
It is.

 

[y=mx+b]

Imagine if I were able to grab hold of her
The same way I have to grab hold of things at work...

 

[y=mx+b]

This.

https://cdn07.bdsmlr.com/uploads/photos/2019/10/660140/bdsmlr-660140-dLOb4s4f2i.gif

 

[Misshotndeep]

https://cdn07.bdsmlr.com/uploads/photos/2019/10/660140/bdsmlr-660140-dLOb4s4f2i.gif

That is hot as fuck! Good choice!

 

[y=mx+b]

I can see her moving
And moving on.

Letting everything go
Reinventing herself
Parting way from all the paths she's known

Becoming a different woman.

I can see that.
I can see me in that
Where I am in her

A memory
Perhaps a thought that sometimes moves her
To want to reach out to me
To relive what she thought she once had to be

I can see her
...not letting that memory go

But letting that memory be
Letting me be

Be there
Seeing it
And letting it sit as the island as it is

As she came home

...to her home

To her husband
Her family
Voices of children
A couple dogs
...sporting, working-class
The kind of dogs that are gentle
But have purpose

Perhaps one her husband takes to hunt pheasants
...or some other game bird

The other
...for her children to play
And crawl upon
And be protected by

A beautiful little brownstone family
Rustic
...but contemporary urban

Fashionable and perfect
Where disagreements are always happily concluded
And passionate love making follows
With thoughts of no one else
But for the one
With whom they are with.

I can see that
In the many eyes
My mind peer from

And I touch the surface of the ocean
And watch the ripples.

 

[Wife of Bath]

I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you're going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.
C. JoyBell

 

[Blueeyesrenee]

I'm not sure where to go with any of this anymore.

I'm stuck
Lost in the shadows

The pain of having to endure
Wind blowing through that hole
...watching as others take the steps to fill their own

Grasping
Slipping
Sliding further down

Like a spider being beat down by the rain
Trying to climb back to safety under the eaves
After taken another chance
To feel sunlight
Upon it's body

I've been thinking about this since you wrote it.
My apologies here since I'm not the greatest with words, but damn this resonated with me to my core.
Thank you for your writing.

 

[y=mx+b]

I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you're going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.
C. JoyBell

Indeed
⚘

 

[y=mx+b]

I've been thinking about this since you wrote it.
My apologies here since I'm not the greatest with words, but damn this resonated with me to my core.
Thank you for your writing.

Thank you. This means a lot to me tonight.

 

[y=mx+b]

My clothing smells of diesel fuel
And spent motor oil

Grease stains my hands
Under my nails
Between the loops and swirl prints of my fingers

Patterns of me
Touching and registering memory
Gauging degrees of pressure
Adjusting the precise measure of strength
Needed to grasp
To take hold
To twist and pull and tear
...and pound

These things
They change
Degrees change
Angles change
The position of my body changes
Everything changes

And so I adjust
But I come home the same

The same man
The same body
The same thoughts
The same feelings

The same memories

 

[Blueeyesrenee]

 

[y=mx+b]

There is a truth to this.

 

[y=mx+b]

I watched her intently
As she spoke of an online app she discovered

She was young
But adult enough

And she was dirty
Behind those dead eyes of hers

The kind of dirty
That made me smile

It came and went
As she was interrupted

"Yeah... well I just met him tonight
And he's listened to me longer than you ever have..."

My eye never left her
As she turned back to me to tell me about her discovery.

With a thoughtful motion of my hand
Waving off her interruption
And giving her the table to speak
I said
"Go on..."

There was a clarity to her eyes
And a smile that was so subtle
It was difficult for me to not feel as though
I was the first ever to make her feel
...interesting.

And she was.

 

[y=mx+b]

I came.