Devotion

[intothewoods]

Yes.

To me, devotion is learning what subjects to just leave alone, mutually. It's the small annoyances that pile up and make or break you in the mundane, and learning to let those ride. If I can make it 20 years and not actively hate this person, I consider that a success. It's kind of old-fashioned of me.

That's what I'm saying! Anyone can run in the rain in heels Bridget Jones style, but will she still love Colin Firth when he's in that horrible movie Love Actually?

I would still love him, btw, in case he's reading.

You're identifying with the woman who imprisoned him against his will and seduced him regardless. Why am I not surprised!

Bwa ha. I am dying to know what your major was in college.

 

[intothewoods]

Btw, good lord y'all are a bunch of nerds. Me, I'm just a simple hockey mom. Odyssey? Isn't that a minivan?

Bwah ha ha, I crack myself up.

 

[JMohegan]

That's what I'm saying! Anyone can run in the rain in heels Bridget Jones style, but will she still love Colin Firth when he's in that horrible movie Love Actually?

I would still love him, btw, in case he's reading.



Bwa ha. I am dying to know what your major was in college.

Lol @ "in case he's reading."

Not English.

 

[Netzach]

I feel like Voltaire got it right. We end up broken and broke and humpbacked and not what we thought we were and if we're still in it together at the end that's as much as we can hope for.

 

[Netzach]

English wasn't mine. I did art because I think reading between the lines is a good thing, but it's not all there is at the end of the day either. You still gotta make something. Still, handy skillset, sometimes.

 

[intothewoods]

Lol @ "in case he's reading."

Not English.

Engineering? And he might be reading!

I feel like Voltaire got it right. We end up broken and broke and humpbacked and not what we thought we were and if we're still in it together at the end that's as much as we can hope for.

I agree. I mean, I hope not to be humpbacked and all, but I just now big death-defying circus acts of devotion are a dime a dozen. Or something like that. If I clean your hair from the shower drain without mentioning it, that's love.

 

[Homburg]

If I clean your hair from the shower drain without mentioning it, that's love.

Or just proper service.

 

[BiBunny]

Or just proper service.

Who says the two are mutually exclusive of one another?

Yeah, I'm being deliberately bratty, but I'm a self-absorbed whore, so for me to serve, I must love. Deeply, madly, stupidly. That is all.

 

[Netzach]

If I clean your hair from the shower drain without mentioning it, that's love.

I'm really easy. If you do that and say "looka looka!" so I don't have to do it, I'm yours.

 

[ecstaticsub]

That is very, very interesting.

Perhaps I misspoke in using Dream as an example. I was just trying to think of SOMETHING where someone's devotion (or whatever) doesn't end badly.

I'm laying off the literary analogies for the time being. I think I'm only serving to muddy the waters at this point.



So let's try another tactic here...Devotion. In BDSM-type relationships. All D-types say they want a certain level of it, even though it obviously varies from person to person. What's good? What's bad? How much is *too* much?

Or is this a pointless discussion?

At the very beginning of my D/s relationship I asked him what exactly did he expect from me (I think we were in the middle of some sort of heated misunderstanding) and he said loyality and obedience, and eventually hopefully my love. He didn't mention anything about devotion.

It might just be about personal definitions--I can be polyamorous but not poly-devoted. I have one devotion--my family. Nothing else, not even my PYL matter as much as they do.

However I can be poly-loyal. (yeah, ok I'm making up words as I go along) I follow my PYL's rules, I am available when he needs me, i have no safe word when he and I are together. I am always completely honest with him. I give up sleep for him, spend money to visit with him, buy toys and clothes to please him, rearrange my work schedule so I have private time to spend with him. This is all good.

What would be bad? If I was to leave my devotion, my family, for my PYL. Or on the flip side if he were to walk away from his wife, children and grandchildren for me. Our families are more important then our selfish love and need for each other. It would also be bad if I were to lose my job and I would still spend 100's of dollars on stuff to please him. He feels the same way as I do. We have the same priorities.

 

[intothewoods]

I'm really easy. If you do that and say "looka looka!" so I don't have to do it, I'm yours.

Do you give out gold stars? 'Cause that will seal the deal for me!

Who says the two are mutually exclusive of one another?

Yeah, I'm being deliberately bratty, but I'm a self-absorbed whore, so for me to serve, I must love. Deeply, madly, stupidly. That is all.

I don't see anything bratty about that answer.

Or just proper service.

Yeah, it's tough to find good help.

 

[twysted73]

Keep yourself safe down there. Ike looks like he's heading FL way instead of up the coast like Hanna did. The locals were worried about Hanna here, and it turned out to be baseless. Ike, well, he looks like he might be nasty. Stay above water, Twysted.

Dodged another one. Hooha! *flips off Ike like Tina*

 

[SubKekiLee]

Let's talk about devotion for a minute, shall we?

Pretty much all people have some level of it, outside of maybe sociopaths. But some people/things inspire us to greater-than-average levels, be they Dom/mes, subs, switches, 'nilla SOs, children, or even our (non-human) pets.

It's really easy for someone to say, "Oh, I'd follow you to the ends of the earth" or some such. How often do we really mean it, though? How many people really would drop everything to run for the right person?

I have several questions I'd like to see discussed, but I'm not entirely sure how to tie them all together in a coherent way. I'll just take the cop-out way and list them here, and y'all can pick and choose what you'd like to answer. I may be able to articulate better once I see some responses.

1.) Where is the line drawn between devotion and stupidity? It obviously varies amongst people, but some folks are capable of being devoted to the point of what others WOULD consider stupidity or, at least, a lack of common sense. Barring things like "Would you kill someone if your Master/Mistress told you to?", where does it stop being devotion and start being foolishness? And does it really matter if the person is happy more often than not?

2.) What have you sacrificed in the name of devotion and/or love, and was it worth it for you? Would you go back and do it over?

3.) Is there a point where devotion becomes meaningless? Like, is it possible for someone to be so devoted to you that you finally just say, "Ok, fuck it, I get it. You're devoted. Now go away."

Anything else anyone would like to bring up as discussion fodder, feel free.

It's not that I don't enjoy the romantic notion of it.
Like "everlasting love" it's something only those who've seen it firsthand can attest to.

So my "sad state" is only one of inexperience. And that isn't something I would necessarily judge another for not having. Especially in this type of lifestyle.
Now, I do posess that appreciation for romanticism. I simply don't witness it on a daily basis like they do in the Netherlands.
What we have here is The Disney Effect. Where there's an often unattainable fantasy progression of happiness that's force-fed to most children at an early age.
And as I look around I see that the second this fantasy of "Meet Prince Charming, Marry Prince Charming, Have princes and princess's with aforementioned Prince, then living happily ever after" meets up with the trials & tribulations of life, one or the other of the two become disenchanted (odd how the term for it sounds fairytale-esqe as well, no?) and split never having the intestinal fortitude to stick it out and work through the rough spots. To make non-traditional allowances in-order to make the other person happy. Like allowing your S/O to have a Dominant if you're not up for or interested in being what she needs in the Dominant mindset.

Or like Hom's situation. Dissapproval from up and down the board in his familial unit if he were to reveal his secret poly identity. (Two-perman) <-- i just kill me when I'm on a roll **
And only his stubborn stance and guarded privacy allow coexistance between his tri-unit and their perspective familias.
I understand there are very few truly "unconditional" loves out there (mother to child, dog to owner, Republicans to oil companies).

It's just that most american relationships are built on the wrong things to begin with so I'm not suprised to see foundations crumble under stresses and a rising divorce rate in this country of mine.

*folds up that handy soapbox and stores it effortlessly*

I was simply saying that, as much as I love the honor, the strength, the courage and the depth of devotion such a death for a loved one embodies, (something I actually took with me each time we hit resistance in towns to fortify my resolve to push forth) I just don't see too many selfless acts of expression for such appear in the news or in the papers these days.
Atleast...not in the R&J scenario/mindset.

*realizes he dropped a quarter and decides not to change it out for 2 pennies*

First off I will say that I am a very devoted friend, wife, lover, mother submissive, employee and a person. When I commit to something I commit 110% of wether that it is work, love or relationships of any kind, my friends of many years will tell you no matter what I am always there. My kids will also tell you I am always there and they know it, if they need a hug, an ear, money or a shoulder to cry on no matter what and my Sir will tell you one of the many thing he loves about me is my attentiveness and willingness to try to anything it is my devotion to him that allows us to make it through things that most people would have given up on. We made it 9 months living 2442 miles apart and we made it work was it easy? Hell no it wasnt.. we didnt see each other every day, sometimes not even every month but we spoke everyday almost by text, phone or IM. When I got the chance to move to be closer to him it was a blessing and curse cause now that we are that close it is hard to not want see each other daily and it is a temptation..I will admit it is VERY hard living so close for both of us, to not want to see him everyday every moment. My devotion to him is one he knows I WOULD do most anything for him, barring that it wasnt illegal or immoral, that my love is unconditional when he is happy, upset, stressed , sad or mad. My love for him doesnt waiver or depend on what he says or does next. He has earned that love. Hell in my previous marriage I was so devoted I didnt want to leave even when he was threatening for years to leave me and not be the person I needed in my life.. I take committment very serious I don't committ to someone my devotion if I cant give 110%. I belive in any kind of relationship that you must EACH give 110%.... Now you say that doesnt add up to an equal 100%, it doesnt for all but well it does for me. relationships are hard and very trying if you give up at a whim youve lost something that youll never gain back. I know this.. personally. I dont think relationships are 50/50 I think you both have to give and sacrifice to a point, you are not always going to agree but it is part of life, learning to live with each others decisions, commitments to others and life. It is a give and take.

As for what I have sacrificed for devotion or love.. Sir hasnt ever made me sacrifice anything the choices in our lives Ive made due to my devotion to him I make sacrifices daily to show him how much I care. Now with my previous relationship I sacrificed many things, my submissive side, my family, and my life to give him the things I felt he needed. It was very weird that I had to hide myself with him. and that I had to sacrifice everything inside me to make him happy and I have lost alot in that but thats the kind of person i am I give give give until at times I cannot give anymore.. and I break and crumble.. I would not go back and give someone my devotion who would not cherish that devotion. I do give everyone WAY to much of me and I give them many a chances to keep that devotion if they throw it away then so be it.. Many people who Ive disassociated with have come back and said how sorry they were to have lost that devotion. It is always weird for me cause I am not one to take compliments easy...

which leads to the 3rd question... I give and give and then I feel I cannot give anymore is when it is like fuck it go away i've given and given and cant give anymore

To Twysted: I bolded the most important part of what you said I give you kudos to say the things you said and I belive what you have said as for all of my childhood it was just that meet Prince Charmin Marry Prince Charming and blah blah.... then my prince charmings left cause I was unconventional... it is what it is.. I cannot change it.. but I give you kudos... for saying the things most people are afraid to admit how america has decided to look at life..

Gets off her soapbox.. and hides it.. back to my knees.. where I belong..

 

[castagnus]

First off I will say that I am a very devoted friend, wife, lover, mother submissive, employee and a person. When I commit to something I commit 110% of wether that it is work, love or relationships of any kind, my friends of many years will tell you no matter what I am always there. My kids will also tell you I am always there and they know it, if they need a hug, an ear, money or a shoulder to cry on ...... QUOTE]


I am moved by your recounting the response of your children to your unquestioning devotion.

I married late in life, had a perfect 8 years of marriage to a woman who eagerly embraced all my kinks, we had as child together, and then, a few years after my son was weaned, my wife left me for a younger man and filed for divorce. Fortunately I was able to win primary custody of my boy and he is a cheerful, energetic young man who loves me deeply in spite of being treated with even-handed strictness. I spend a lot of time with him and when I have business visitors, he comes along for dinner - I never employ a baby sitter.

I do not consider the slight inconveniences being a single parent a sacrifice - his pure, spontaneous love for me more than compensates.

I think you'll agree, SubKekilee, that your devotion to your children and your Sir more than cancel out any sacrifices you have made.