Dick Demands

[Turks_baby_girl]

Epona's Chylde, you give very good advice, and i have decided to sit down and really analyze why this is such a prob for me. Its not something that i want to be a constant barrier between us, or for Him to feel like i am rejecting a part of Him. Its hard to explain, but i feel lesser of a submissive because this is something small that is required of me, and i can't fulfill it....... well actually i do fulfill it, just not with much enjoyment. i also don't want Him to see this as not submitting "enough" of myself to Him, even though He's never made mention of it in that way.
You have some valid points in your post, and i thank you for taking the time to share them with me.
baby_girl

 

[tempsbrat]

You haven't said or I didn't notice, but is it swallowing that is a problem? If so, I learned to overcome that issue in my marriage some years ago with some friendly helpful advice. My dislike for him cumming in my mouth was a huge turn off to oral for me. Once I got over that, I was able to enjoy it.

 

[Private_Label]

Maybe (possibly) there is something about the texture/taste/smell/position that is setting off a deeper reaction to something in your past - not necessarily sexually related - could be food issues you had as a child, or some playtime activity that went wrong once that left a scar that you don't understand how that scar got there. Maybe it is that he is holding your head in a way that causes a flight reaction to being immobilized?



The only way to isolate the problem is to slow things down and vary each part of the activity until you can pinpoint exactly what is causing the reaction, and think about it afterwards and compare each experience...

Sorry that is the scientist in my talking... I'd want to over analyze my reaction and discover why I was reacting a certain way, then figure out a way to change the reaction.

 

[Kajira Callista]

One thing jumped out at me...



If he is growing impatient, then yes he is being insensitive. If you have only spoken as D to s about this, then maybe it is time to set those roles aside for a bit and express your difficulty as equals. I can't speak to the defiance or not - I don't know either of you. But if you are having a visceral response - sometimes you don't have complete control over that.

[rant]

There are stereotype vanilla examples of this...

Wife constantly nags husband about watching too much football. (In my POV there are more important things to get angry over than watching sports).

Husband constantly beats down the wife's self esteem (isn't good enough/pretty enough, etc.) - Again - if she isn't good enough, then why did you marry her in the first place?


You say he has been patient in teaching you, ask yourself what is different now that he is getting impatient. Why is he calling you disobedient if you are performing the action requested?

I had to laugh at the "gotten used to it by now" comment - it sounds like a parent who sets raw onions in front of a child every day of the week for dinner, and when the child still refuses to eat it, punishing the child for "not getting used to it." Maybe the kid is allergic to onions, but the parent doesn't recognize it.

Maybe (possibly) there is something about the texture/taste/smell/position that is setting off a deeper reaction to something in your past - not necessarily sexually related - could be food issues you had as a child, or some playtime activity that went wrong once that left a scar that you don't understand how that scar got there. Maybe it is that he is holding your head in a way that causes a flight reaction to being immobilized?
[/rant]


The only way to isolate the problem is to slow things down and vary each part of the activity until you can pinpoint exactly what is causing the reaction, and think about it afterwards and compare each experience...

Sorry that is the scientist in my talking... I'd want to over analyze my reaction and discover why I was reacting a certain way, then figure out a way to change the reaction.

This whole post bothered me. Well maybe not the whole post but the first half at least.You are making assumptions that you shouldn't be making. I would assume she knows her man better then you do and that if she says he is not being insensitive then he isn't. She came here asking for help with cock sucking issues, not looking for someone to slam her Dom.

 

[Miss Diva]

Giving a bj is not my favourite thing but I do it because he has given me something I want and I want to give him something he enjoys. I also feel differently depending on the guy. One guy I hated to go down on and refused and another guy I absolutely loved (actually he splashed mouth wash on his penis, what a wonderful surprise!!)

 

[Private_Label]

This whole post bothered me. Well maybe not the whole post but the first half at least.You are making assumptions that you shouldn't be making. I would assume she knows her man better then you do and that if she says he is not being insensitive then he isn't. She came here asking for help with cock sucking issues, not looking for someone to slam her Dom.

Perhaps you are right.

Turk's baby girl, I appologize and will edit my post above accordingly.

 

[Turks_baby_girl]

Thanks to all

i would like to extend my deepest appreciation to all those who responded to my post and took it with as much as sincerity as i did in posting. There were several valuable suggestions that are worth considering, and things that He and i wil discuss further regarding this situation. This is something that i want to do desperately for Him, but i just can't accept the fact that there is no way for me to enjoy doing it...... even if the enjoyment comes purely from the act of service and submission.
tempsbrat mentioned the "swallowing" aspect...... what's really odd, is cumming in my mouth hasn't invoked such a strong negative reaction, as the bj itself. That part definately puzzles me. i have managed to swallow quickly and get it far enough back on my tongue that i don't really taste the cum itself. Talk about being jaded.... i can swallow the cum with no problem, but not suck the dick with no problem.
Again, thanks to all of you for your help.
Sincerely
Turks_baby_girl

 

[His_pita]

This whole post made me really think about my own situation. Not the BJ part because I have no problem doing that at all. But, I will be expected to do anal and in past relationships I have hated and rejected doing that. I don't want to take my past fears of it into my new relationship, but worry that I will do just that. We have talked about it and he promises to take things really slow with me because he is hoping I will come to like it. But, if not then I will have to learn to do it as part of my service to him.

Which is part of being a good submissive right? We might not want to do everything, but we do it to please our PYL.

 

[ghosst_K&H]

Become a Domme, end of trouble

 

[graceanne]

Become a Domme, end of trouble

You first.

 

[Turks_baby_girl]

Anal Apprehension

This whole post made me really think about my own situation. Not the BJ part because I have no problem doing that at all. But, I will be expected to do anal and in past relationships I have hated and rejected doing that. I don't want to take my past fears of it into my new relationship, but worry that I will do just that. We have talked about it and he promises to take things really slow with me because he is hoping I will come to like it. But, if not then I will have to learn to do it as part of my service to him.

Which is part of being a good submissive right? We might not want to do everything, but we do it to please our PYL.

His Pita...... i can speak on this because i was in exactly the same situation. i have to tell you from one anally-hesitant sub to another.... its not as bad as i (personally) thought it would be. i also rejected it, but knew that when Daddy took me as His own, it would be something that would be required. He took it slow, and was ever so patient and tender with me. Whatever "magic" He worked on me that first night worked, cause since then i've been hooked!!!
If i may, let me tell you how it was for me, as each person is unique: He took time to relax me first, talking me through the entire experience. My body was responding to the sound of His voice. He knew exactly what to say to relax not only my mind, but my innerds as well. It was one of the most thrilling things i had ever experienced, because (1) i swore that i would never let any man get me "back there," and (2) i truly wanted Daddy to be my first, especially since i knew that eventually it would happen.
i wish you luck and much enjoyment.
baby_girl

 

[His_pita]

His Pita...... i can speak on this because i was in exactly the same situation. i have to tell you from one anally-hesitant sub to another.... its not as bad as i (personally) thought it would be. i also rejected it, but knew that when Daddy took me as His own, it would be something that would be required. He took it slow, and was ever so patient and tender with me. Whatever "magic" He worked on me that first night worked, cause since then i've been hooked!!!
If i may, let me tell you how it was for me, as each person is unique: He took time to relax me first, talking me through the entire experience. My body was responding to the sound of His voice. He knew exactly what to say to relax not only my mind, but my innerds as well. It was one of the most thrilling things i had ever experienced, because (1) i swore that i would never let any man get me "back there," and (2) i truly wanted Daddy to be my first, especially since i knew that eventually it would happen.
i wish you luck and much enjoyment.
baby_girl

Thank you baby_girl I know I need to get over my past bad experiences and let my Daddy take control and trust him. If there is anyone who I feel can get me over any of my past hurts or fears it's him. I just hope it does become something I can also enjoy. I know that will matter to him since this will be something so intimate between us.

 

[FLButtSlut]

Epona's Chylde, you give very good advice, and i have decided to sit down and really analyze why this is such a prob for me. Its not something that i want to be a constant barrier between us, or for Him to feel like i am rejecting a part of Him. Its hard to explain, but i feel lesser of a submissive because this is something small that is required of me, and i can't fulfill it....... well actually i do fulfill it, just not with much enjoyment. i also don't want Him to see this as not submitting "enough" of myself to Him, even though He's never made mention of it in that way.
You have some valid points in your post, and i thank you for taking the time to share them with me.
baby_girl

The problem is that is NOT a small thing for you. It is wonderful that you want to "get over it" to please him, but this may not happen.

If he has not "mentioned" that you are not submitting enough by this, your posts certainly indicate he is implying it in his actions and other words.

He had a time limit in mind that he thought it would take for you to "get over it". His time limit was wrong. I agree that "backing off" some would probably be very helpful to you. I am not one of those who could do this for "hours", but I have done it just to please my partner. There are also times when I have been really "into it" and that has been good too.

The point is that everyone here can tell you how they feel about it, how they deal with it, but we aren't you.

NO sexual activity should feel like a chore, whether you are in a bdsm dynamic or not. I am quite likely to be the one people throw stones at here, but has the thought ever occurred to you that maybe HIS approach to this is the problem as opposed to your not being able to accept it?

For instance, obviously I like anal sex, like the girl who could suck for hours, I can have anal sex. Not everyone is like that though. If you had come in here saying how your master wants to have anal sex, and you were having problems learning to enjoy it, or do it everyday, no one would think that YOU were having the problem. They would talk about what your MASTER needed to do to make this activity better for you.

I think the same theory could possibly apply here. Just because you are a slave/submissive doesn't mean that your mind will automatically or forever more not have thoughts, likes, desires and dislikes that are all yours. They can only be worked on together. And together means by both of you, not by you trying to figure out what you are doing wrong, but by both of you working towards a common goal. You WANT to be able to do this and he WANTS you to be able to do this. Working together is a better approach than you feeling like you are failing him.

 

[Netzach]

I like to stick objects into penises.

I have 1 sub who loves to have clean appropriate objects (sounds, caths) stuck into his penis.

I have a bottom and a second slave who absolutely LOATHE the idea. The bottom has every right to say "fuck no way fucking NO" and I respect that.

The slave has no say in it, but I don't have any intention of stuffing his dick with a sound because I can't possibly see how anything good could come of it. I don't expect him to get over it. I don't expect him to wake up someday and beg for the sounds. I'm certainly not going to stop sticking fun things in guy no. 1's dick though, and I don't think guy 2 or 3 are jealous of an activity they absolutely wants to throw up thinking about.

I don't think this is necessarily the right answer, but it might open the box a bit wider as you ponder this.

 

[ghosst_K&H]

You first.

I don't have to suck dick, and don't have the boobs to pull of being a Domme

 

[His_pita]

NO sexual activity should feel like a chore, whether you are in a bdsm dynamic or not. I am quite likely to be the one people throw stones at here, but has the thought ever occurred to you that maybe HIS approach to this is the problem as opposed to your not being able to accept it?

I thought this same thing too when reading baby_girl's post. What is her Master doing to help her with this problem? I think this like anything else has to be handled by both people. As her Master isn't it his job to find a way to help her enjoy giving him a blow job or anything else for that matter?

I'm brand new to the world of D/s and so is my Dom. We know that we have a lot that we want to do and explore. But, until we actually do them we have no idea how we will feel about it. I have hopes to enjoy anal sex with him, but he also understands all my fears and dislikes about it. He knows he will have to be the one to help me get past those fears if I am to enjoy it with him. That is why he decided we would have the "five minute" rule for anything new that we do. Then we stop and discuss if it's working or not, or if there is something that will need to be changed or done away with. I would hope baby_girl’s Master would really want to get to the reasons behind her dislike and try to find ways to make her feel good about it instead of feeling alone and guilty.

 

[Servy]

Am i the really the only female in America who doesn't like performing fellatio? i certainly feel like i am, but here's my delimma: i keep getting into trouble for this very same issue almost on a weekly basis. i don't like, and never have liked, performing orally on a man. i did it, but up until now, it wasn't a daily requirement. Not only am i required to perform "dick worship," i am also expected to "deep throat" the thing at the same time! And no matter how hard i try to enjoy it with Daddy, i'm still left feeling a little grossed-out when i'm done. This has caused many problems, because the more i get my ass in trouble, the more of a chore it becomes, and the less i want to do it. i don't even think Daddy enjoys it as He probably should, its just making sure i do what i'm told. And when i don't in the time He feels it should be done..... its "assume the position!" i don't get physically punished all the time, but there are some long conversations about my responsibilities, and how my "defiance" makes Him feel.
There has to be a way to enjoy doing this. i love Daddy and He is very, very good to me. i do it as much as i can, but i want to be able to enjoy this and look forward to doing it more frequently so that He can enjoy it as well.
Don't blast me on this one..... this is a very sensitive topic. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Thanks
baby_girl

Here's how I feel and don't get mad at me. Please. I feel....if this is something that turns him on....and you care about him and know how much it drives him mad to have this done to him then..that in itself should be a turn on for you. And you should do it happily. Be a good little cocksucker because he loves it and when he calls you a good little cocksucker it's just as well he called you Beautiful...it's the same compliment. What turns me on is what turns him on. Now deep throating can be avoided. You have to learn how to work his penis. If he's shoving it down your throat then that is wrong, he isn't being a good lover. That's something that even I who love going down on him for the past 17..I have just learned to master that. Half way was all I would do. Sucking on his head softly showing him how much I loved him. "I Love when you make love to my cock!" Another compliment. The more soft gentle encouragement...the more I learned. The better I got. And I'm a full fledged oral servitude wife now. So you can not be blamed for the turn off. It's partly his fault to. he needs to sit back and close his eyes and let you do what you FEEL like doing with out pressure. Suck it the way you feel comfortable sucking it, watch his reactions..you'll know when it feels good..then do that again. and when you feel you have had enough...climb up on top of his lap..backwards and hump it...worked for me everytime. Good luck!

 

[chris9]

Here's how I feel and don't get mad at me. Please. I feel....if this is something that turns him on....and you care about him and know how much it drives him mad to have this done to him then..that in itself should be a turn on for you. And you should do it happily. Be a good little cocksucker because he loves it and when he calls you a good little cocksucker it's just as well he called you Beautiful...it's the same compliment. What turns me on is what turns him on. Now deep throating can be avoided. You have to learn how to work his penis. If he's shoving it down your throat then that is wrong, he isn't being a good lover. That's something that even I who love going down on him for the past 17..I have just learned to master that. Half way was all I would do. Sucking on his head softly showing him how much I loved him. "I Love when you make love to my cock!" Another compliment. The more soft gentle encouragement...the more I learned. The better I got. And I'm a full fledged oral servitude wife now. So you can not be blamed for the turn off. It's partly his fault to. he needs to sit back and close his eyes and let you do what you FEEL like doing with out pressure. Suck it the way you feel comfortable sucking it, watch his reactions..you'll know when it feels good..then do that again. and when you feel you have had enough...climb up on top of his lap..backwards and hump it...worked for me everytime. Good luck!

I'm not sure if you read the whole thread. But the way I understood it, the problem was exactly that she can't enjoy it only because he loves it. And we did discuss the gentle 'worship' part. She thinks she would feel more comfortable if he forced her.
So what you are describing as a remedy can only be the result. Not a way to get there.
I don't want to offend anyone, I just thought this post not really helpful for this thread. That is of course only my opinion, Turks_baby_girl might well feel different.

 

[Servy]

I'm not sure if you read the whole thread. But the way I understood it, the problem was exactly that she can't enjoy it only because he loves it. .[/COLOR]

I did and that's not what I got out of it....she just didn't like it at all. What I heard her say was that he was forcing it as punishment. <bad lover> he was mad she didn't like it still <bad lover> And she just couldn't get into it. My point was her approach. You go into something hating it...it's gonna suck. like a JOB. Blow Job! LOL....... but if you enjoy what you are doing. If you really want to please this dom you are submitting to then you would LOVE pleasing him. How are you sumbmissive if you aren't pleasing the man you are submitting to? My Idea wasn't the end result. If you READ what I said,my idea was to take it slow. Half way, suck the head..did I say that? well i thought it. Not helpful to the thread? well darling that is a matter of opinion. Did you read the whole thread? I doubt I helped her at all. But maybe it will help someone like me in the beginnings of my sexual experiences...I could have used my advice.

 

[FLButtSlut]

I did and that's not what I got out of it....she just didn't like it at all. What I heard her say was that he was forcing it as punishment. <bad lover> he was mad she didn't like it still <bad lover> And she just couldn't get into it. My point was her approach. You go into something hating it...it's gonna suck. like a JOB. Blow Job! LOL....... but if you enjoy what you are doing. If you really want to please this dom you are submitting to then you would LOVE pleasing him. How are you sumbmissive if you aren't pleasing the man you are submitting to? My Idea wasn't the end result. If you READ what I said,my idea was to take it slow. Half way, suck the head..did I say that? well i thought it. Not helpful to the thread? well darling that is a matter of opinion. Did you read the whole thread? I doubt I helped her at all. But maybe it will help someone like me in the beginnings of my sexual experiences...I could have used my advice.

Your suggestions, from my point of view, are only half right. Letting her learn to enjoy it at her own pace is certainly a good idea. Saying that she is not a "good submissive" because she doesn't love sucking his dick just because he likes it is insulting and ridiculous.

I always use the same example when people make these kinds of suggestions...If "he" LOVED you to make his shit one of your daily meals, are you going to LOVE eating it just because it pleases him? I do not meant to offend any of your scat lovers out there, but scat tends to be one of the less "popular" fetishes as well as one of the ones that most people can instantly say "fuck no, no fucking way" (to quote Netzach).

Whatever her reason, it is HER reason. Her desperate desire to try to overcome that desire is what tells anyone "how submissive she is".

 

[Sybarist]

Although I am also new to this whole lifestyle as well I would like to add my comment...

We all know that every relationship is different. Just because something is talked about or thought about or even desired by one partner in a relationship doesn't mean that it will ever happen in actual fact. For some of us (or all maybe?) there are just some limits that we are unable to push past no matter what we try. It's all about trust, caring, and respect. And what is that other thing you hear so much about around here???.. Oh yeah- COMMUNICATION!!

IMO, forcing someone to do something they so obviously cannot handle over and over and over just because you can is not about caring or respect. Even if you erroneously expect your barbaric method to work out in the end- what price has been paid to your pyl and your relationship??

Beating yourself up about not being able to convince yourself to enjoy something that so obviously distresses you so much is not respect either... For yourself. Just because you have chosen to submit yourself to someone doesn't mean you don't have the right to have boundaries does it?? If so, I think I have chosen the wrong road to travel big time!!

Really, just because his chosen method doesn't seem to be working doesn't mean it'll never happen, it just means you need to turn the page in your handbook and try something different. COMMUNICATE!! Be honest. Tell him that it's never going to happen for you this way and that if this is something he really wants to happen then he's going to have to back off for a bit and let it come on it's own.

 

[Servy]

You know...the last two posters on this topic....are right. And I was wrong. Now that I am rethinking it.

Oral to me..is such a natural part of sex that I couldn't ever view it at all as anything outrageous to ask of your partner. To deny someone oral to me would be as bad as denying them intercourse at all.

Now with that being said....I have never done Anal. Ever. I don't want to, I'm scared. Once it accidently slipped in and I went flying across the room like a canon ball and I cried for an hour and limped for two days, <he's huge> LOL and if he forced me to I'd probably run away screaming my head off. Thank goodness although he'd love to in all these years he never forced me. He never even asked me again after that fiasco.

So putting myself in her shoes and turning it around making it anal...which to some people is a perfectly normal part of sex where it's horrible to me....I can see I was wrong wrong wrong. LOL And I do apologize Turks!

 

[Private_Label]

I don't have to suck dick, and don't have the boobs to pull of being a Domme

Boobs are a requirement of being a Domme? That wasn't in any of my research so far!

Is it because they look so good in Corsets if they have some boobage to set it off? If that is the case, then the right cut on a corset could give you the illusion of them!

/me starts getting out the corset patterns

 

[Turks_baby_girl]

In Response to everyone

Sorry that i hadn't been active in my own post, but we were out of town for a few days. To try and address some of the other posters, let me clear up a few things: Daddy doesn't say that i am not "submissive enough," that was my own feeling. That feeling comes from being a very determined person and working hard at whatever it is i set out to do. It bothers me that i can't take that same approach to giving head to Him. W/we communicate about this issue, and He IS helping me to work through a few things.
Daddy does not force Himself down my throat..... there is no force involved in any way. When i mentioned it would be easier if being "told" to do it, instead of it being left to my own free will, it was because it would be easier (for me) that way. i drag my feet at doing some of those things that i hate doing.
He's not cold, insensitive, or barbaric. He understands that i don't like it, and He is patient with me, except for when i try to get away with not doing it at all, much less trying too. i don't want anyone to get the wrong impression of Him.
And on a side note: i did a VERY good job this past weekend at giving Him a blow job, and got several "good girl's" and praises for putting forth a good effort. That in itself was very rewarding for me. i'm still smiling, and pattin myself on the back for doing such a good (blow) job.
Thanks to everyone for their advice and for caring enough to offer it.
baby_girl

 

[Maxell46]

There is a major "something wrong" in your relationship!
Perhaps this entire "daddy" bullshit is wrong!
You may actually need a better relationship than this one where you call him "Daddy"!

Not trying to be cruel here or insensitive but if something is repulsive and he still has you doing it he is an asshole.
I would be so turned off by now that I'd be moving on to someone better suited for my "suck me now" desires!!!!