Does a dom need sub experience?

[Abdelkaoolomocro]

I wish I had more sub experience, one because I think it would be a lot of fun to be on the other side, but yes to get a better understanding of what the sub is experiencing.

Some things I've tried on myself to understand, like nipple clamps or wax play. But I've never had the experience of being taken down into the mental aspect of submission. Maybe I can't, but I'd be interested in trying to get there.

Well, I tried but it did not work at all…. That is what you mentioned with mental aspect of submission. And things likenpiss are really groce….

 

[darkride]

The first Mistress I served - I was her first sub, as she had previously subbed only. I should add the word "online", however she herself had served in real life. I think her experience as a sub helped her to Domme me.

 

[honeyandfur]

I find I'm a lot more trusting with a dom who's had some experience as a sub - or at the very least they hold an empathetic understanding of the experience they're partaking in with their sub... it makes me more confident in putting my trust in them. When I'm exercising my dominance I don't like to dole out what I haven't recieved myself - it makes me feel more confident in dom space that way.

For example, more sensory and impact play: do they know what a paddle feels like compared to a cane, or a hand spank? Do they know what a violet wand feels like? What hot wax feels like?
Do they know what a little butt pluggin' feels like? But it's also like, I don't think you HAVE to be fisted before you fist someone. You don't HAVE to know what it feels like to be elaborately tied up (you just have to know how to do it safely!).
I don't think it's absolutely necessary to experience subbing before domming, you just have to make sure you're communicating honestly and openly with whoever you're playing with, and respect one another's limits.

 

[seekingAlpha]

A Dom absolutely does not need any experience being a sub and a sub does not need any experience being a Dom. If you enjoy both then you are probably a switch.

 

[slavemelanie]

dishing out pain and humiliation doesnt make someone a dom. There is countless amounts of people out there that do those things that are basically just assholes, abusers or sadist. Just like being pushy or bossy makes someone a domineering dick but not a dominant. The D/s dynamic is about a lot more than just what kinks we enjoy in the bedroom

It's easy to fall into the trap that fetishes and kinks equate to Dom/sub. It's completely a mental surrender on the subs behalf and a commitment to care for and lead on the Dom's behalf. Capture her mind and all the physical kinks happen very consentually.

As for a Dom trying to be submissive, in most cases if the Dominance is deep it won't come across as natural or sincere. Personally me trying to dominate a partner would be a udder failure. I could be kinky or engage in fetishes that may appear dominant but there is always the underlying factor that I know I'm doing those to please Him and that inspire me to go to those places.

Some people might argue that they can switch. And I totally agree they probably can but it's probably within fetishes and kinks and not the ability to go back and forth from subspace and domspace.

This is all just my opinion from experiences....I may be full of hot air and totally wrong but it's my two cents.

What's most important if finding the happiness in whatever role you feel completes you.

 

[FilthyTires]

I was a sub pre-transition, and very insistent I was a sub. (Narrator: it was a dysphoria cope.)

I spent 10 years like that, though. I'd written tons of stories from the f sub's perspective. I'd read theory. I'd submitted to pain play. Made attempts at exploring all my kinks, but from the other side.

None of it was ultimately satisfying in the end, because I'm actually a hetero man. Fast forward several years into my transition, and I'm finally on the administering end of control, authority, and pain. I'm experiencing everything from the *correct* end of things now. And it's great!

But my stories were pretty fucking popular with other subs. I was good at getting into the headspace in the same way an actor can, and that resonated with people. So I can't fully discount my time on the right side of the slash because it provided me with really valuable insight. I know exactly what a my subs and bottoms are looking for (if I don't, I don't play with them, obviously.) My first pickup play bottom (and second bottom ever) told me I was one of the best tops she'd ever had - high praise!

One of my current subs had this very same conversation with me, about whether or not I had a better idea of what's going through a submissive's head than the average male dominant. Being new, I said I honestly wasn't sure, but after talking some more she seemed reasonably convinced that I did.

I think if nothing else, I know exactly what it takes for a man to make or break a woman's trust, at the very least. And that goes a long way.

 

[Boonerboy]

I don’t think it necessary to have experience being a sub. Personally, being a switch, I definitely feel it helps me understand what a sub might need, especially if they have a hard time vocalizing it.

 

[PintlerMan]

I was a sub for an amazing Leather Daddy, No idea if he had ever subbed. But through our time together, he taught me how to be a Dom top. Seems to be a lot of men like men out here, when two subs meet up, both being subs and wanting nothing more then to pleasure the other, both knowing what the other seeks and wants, I can Dom a guy, take what I need, do him how he wants without him even knowing it. I think it's a bonus.

 

[JasonTAlexander]

"That's like saying a guy has got to go out and take it up the ass like he is gay so he can be a better straight guy." Hey, I'd vote for that!

 

[magic_rat]

I've recently tried it. Not because I thought I'd enjoy it but because I thought that perspective is important, particularly with impact play.

A domme of my acquaintance was more than willing to oblige when we visited a club with a dungeon recently. I was flogged quite comprehensively and will be quite happy if it never happens again.

I do however like to be physically and mentally dominated by men. Still not keen on impact play but am happy to be degraded and used as a sex object.