Sub and Switch Ladies: How Do You Feel About a Dom Who Doesn't Want To Try Submission?

[IrisAlthea]

Look, people should never do things they loathe just because someone asks them to. They should do things they loathe because I ask them to.

Hmm, I can agree if you run it by me first.

 

[Fullygrownbrat]

It was a bad idea to use your post as an example and I’m sorry you felt attacked. That was not the intention, because I did assume good faith.

I was absolutley not intending to be negative about asking about reasons. I think it is a great idea to try to understand the why behind a limit, because it would be helpful when trying to figure out what else might work or not work for someone.

Thank you for clarifying. I appreciate that.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I have no interest in dominating a man or being with a man interested in switching. There's nothing wrong with it, it's just not my interest.

 

[Meduus]

I would never expect my D to sub for me…
I’ve played with switch’s but it always turned me off when they seemed submissive to me… or others when I was around…
I am a submissive and wouldn’t like it if,someone expected me to Dom just cause he or,she wanted that…
Not,my nature

 

[cocktaildress21]

The question in the title is for the ladies only.
It's more so geared towards your inner switch, but there are some subs out there who are interested in being Domme & haven't tried it.

Personally, I find it to be a real turn off when a guy just wholeheartedly shuts down the idea of being sub. It's very closed minded to me and as much as I can appreciate a man in control, that feels like too much ego. "No I haven't tried it, but I know myself and I'm not the sub type" or "I'm not taking commands from no one."
It feels like toxic masculinity bullshit. I get that you know what you like and don't like. I guess from my perspective, if your partner genuinely wants to explore being Domme, why just one-sidedly shut that shit down? But as a Dom, you expect your sub to jump through hoops for you, when you snap your fingers??
I guess, ultimately, if I'm going above and beyond to please, it feels like a lack of reciprocity if I express wanting to display a bit of control sometimes & that's not given a 2nd thought. Because no, being Domme doesn't have to be this extreme experience, complete with pegging (though, there's nothing wrong with that). It can simply look like deriving pleasure from watching him follow simple commands.

What do you lady subs & switches think?

Are you hearing yourself here?

That's is such a crock of prejudiced BS. "Everyone must be like me, or I'll 'toxic masculinity' them right in their toxic faces." I suppose, if it goes for sub/dom, it must go for everything. Right? So .. you're bi, so everyone else must also be bi - and they're toxic if they feel otherwise. You like sucking cocks, so everyone else must also love it - and they're toxic if they say otherwise.

You ... are toxic. You are the problem.

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

Are you hearing yourself here?

That's is such a crock of prejudiced BS. "Everyone must be like me, or I'll 'toxic masculinity' them right in their toxic faces." I suppose, if it goes for sub/dom, it must go for everything. Right? So .. you're bi, so everyone else must also be bi - and they're toxic if they feel otherwise. You like sucking cocks, so everyone else must also love it - and they're toxic if they say otherwise.

You ... are toxic. You are the problem.

Good Morning to you from my part of the world. I don't know what time it is in Denmark.
First thing's first: you will a) not come into my thread slinging baseless insults because you feel protected by your phone/pc/underground basement of protection, b) not be a hypocrite and ask someone in another thread to show you respect & then come here and think you won't show me respect (see your own quote below).

Iris, this is the third or fourth time you resort to personal attacks. I don't tolerate that on the internet, so ... this is goodbye. Have a nice life, and see you never.

Now, since you don't seem to know what civil dialogue is, let me explain some things to you. I can pose an innocuous question and you can 100% give your honest opinion. I welcome it. Why begin a dialogue if I don't want honestly? However, you will ask me questions if you need to get a better understanding of my question. What you will not do is make dumbass assumptions from a dumbass place in your brain. I am a person too & I can form sentences if you have questions or want to continue the dialogue.
But, no ma'am, kitty doesn't get to think she can bare her claws & scratch up shit in my abode. You should think well before you respond to this because one thing you should know about me is I will never give an online bully the response they want. Meaning, you get 1-2 replies max, hell, maybe even 3. Beyond that, I am not a fan of having my very precious time wasted.
Thank you for wanting to engage in the conversation. Now, try being an adult next time. Or move alone.

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

Also @cocktaildress21, as a courtesy to my time, I didn't even mention the hypocrisy you pose from your staunch anti-feminism views. To come to my thread and behave as if having my own opinion, while welcoming other beliefs, is so outlandishly out of the question when you're a 1-woman army applying your views on feminism from your side of the world as a COPY+PASTE function to the rest of the world is very ironic, indeed.

 

[Gamina]

I think boundaries are important and respecting your partners boundaries is even more important. So if your Dom does not want to Sub, that is either okay or it is a deal breaker and you move on.

I am a switch, but this translate more that if I am dealing with a sub, I tend to be more assertive, if I am dealing with a dom I am more submissive.

I do not feel the need to out dom my dom, in fact while I have never lost respect for sub guys that wanted to get pegged, I 100% lost all respect for a more dom guy that I convinced to let me peg him.

So while it is easy to throw around terms like toxic masculinity (which is strange to me as we ladies have the same tensions when it comes to D/S relations) I also have to wonder how toxic it is to keep badgering someone who has clearly stated a boundary.

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

So if your Dom does not want to Sub, that is either okay or it is a deal breaker and you move on.

Yes, I agree.

I also have to wonder how toxic it is to keep badgering someone who has clearly stated a boundary.

Very. No badgering should occur from either party, at any time, at all.

 

[cocktaildress21]

Good Morning to you from my part of the world. I don't know what time it is in Denmark.
First thing's first: you will a) not come into my thread slinging baseless insults because you feel protected by your phone/pc/underground basement of protection, b) not be a hypocrite and ask someone in another thread to show you respect & then come here and think you won't show me respect (see your own quote below).

Now, since you don't seem to know what civil dialogue is, let me explain some things to you. I can pose an innocuous question and you can 100% give your honest opinion. I welcome it. Why begin a dialogue if I don't want honestly? However, you will ask me questions if you need to get a better understanding of my question. What you will not do is make dumbass assumptions from a dumbass place in your brain. I am a person too & I can form sentences if you have questions or want to continue the dialogue.
But, no ma'am, kitty doesn't get to think she can bare her claws & scratch up shit in my abode. You should think well before you respond to this because one thing you should know about me is I will never give an online bully the response they want. Meaning, you get 1-2 replies max, hell, maybe even 3. Beyond that, I am not a fan of having my very precious time wasted.
Thank you for wanting to engage in the conversation. Now, try being an adult next time. Or move alone.

Ha! You're so hilarious it's almost endearing.

No, see. You're toxic. That's a fact. You are the one slinging generalised BS at everyone who isn't like you. I'm sure my reply feels like a personal attack to you, but it's not. It's an observation: You are what you accuse others of being.

If you don't like it - maybe stop doing it? That's what I'd do.

Oh, also I didn't read the rest. Kitty-something-or-other? I mean, it's admirable, trying to be polite and overbearing, but then you should have left off there. You're wiping yourself out, here. Like I said - so hilarious it's almost endearing.

Also @cocktaildress21, as a courtesy to my time, I didn't even mention the hypocrisy you pose from your staunch anti-feminism views. To come to my thread and behave as if having my own opinion, while welcoming other beliefs, is so outlandishly out of the question when you're a 1-woman army applying your views on feminism from your side of the world as a COPY+PASTE function to the rest of the world is very ironic, indeed.

I'm not anti-feminist, honey. I'm pro-equality. That's why I strongly object to your blatant sexism. See? =)

Now, I'm sure you'd love to keep this up, but I don't have cat fights online, I block users. Bye, faker =)

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

You're certainly entitled to your opinion, but personally, I've got no interest in a man who wants to sub and I certainly don't want to domme/top him. Nothing wrong with men who do...we're just not compatible.

This. A dom who's willing to be sub has no appeal for me.

 

[Massacre_]

I've come across a single switch, and that was more like I stumbled across him, that could have held my interest in both areas if I was interested in switching back then. I gave it a try, but it wasn't my cup of tea to be any level of dominating. I'm still much more interested in just being submissive, and I'm not sure I'd be able to boss someone that dominates me. I've come across a dom that started as a sub but it certainly wasn't with me.

I agree with Lucy. I'd like to keep my dominants dominant, not submissive. (That's not meant to imply I have any, just make a statement.)

 

[x_quietshysub]

I can play a sub and switch. But it would take a likeable, rare man. It's been my experience that men who claim to be doms refuse to give up control. They're afraid. (No pms please. I'm no dominatrix).

Totally disagree. If that is not in their nature why would they want to do it??

 

[magic_rat]

I'm pretty much with you on this. At the very least, I feel like a dominant should try the toys they use on subs, to have some sort of idea of the sensation they're creating. That doesn't really require them to be submissive to another person, just to take themselves what they intend to dish out.

Male perspective: I've been in a d/s relationship for a couple of years now. My lady likes the bruises as well as the control that I give.

When i started inflicting pain on another to that point, it made me question (a) why did I enjoy this so much? and (b) my partner is a pain bunny. Her backside seems to have no limits. Her boobs bruise nicely but I'm concerned about possible damage I could inadvertantly do.

I'm lucky that I have an experienced dungeonmaster as a friend and mentor, but I also have a ladyfriend who's a switch. In the bedroom she's my submissive sex toy, but in the dungeon she's a totally different person, very dom. Submitting to her a few times has been not necessarily pleasurable but has taught me a lot about what I do with my partner and has given me a broader perspective.

 

[BiBunny]

Male perspective: I've been in a d/s relationship for a couple of years now. My lady likes the bruises as well as the control that I give.

When i started inflicting pain on another to that point, it made me question (a) why did I enjoy this so much? and (b) my partner is a pain bunny. Her backside seems to have no limits. Her boobs bruise nicely but I'm concerned about possible damage I could inadvertantly do.

I'm lucky that I have an experienced dungeonmaster as a friend and mentor, but I also have a ladyfriend who's a switch. In the bedroom she's my submissive sex toy, but in the dungeon she's a totally different person, very dom. Submitting to her a few times has been not necessarily pleasurable but has taught me a lot about what I do with my partner and has given me a broader perspective.

And that last sentence, I think, is the best reason for doing it.

 

[Sappho_CGN]

To be honest, I am not in submissive men, so I can completely understand that a man does not want or try submission. What I do not like is that someone want me to do something sexual he himself would never do, e. g. swallow, be peed on etc.

My husband was curious and tasted his cum LOL, so he knows what he want me to do. We also both tested watersports and agreed that this is nothing for us. Same for anal.

 

[MiaBabe23]

I find there’s a real difference in the awareness, sensitivity, responsiveness of someone who switches, compared to someone who only dominates
(I may be repeating myself here, apologies if so!)
I think even if only trying it occasionally, or once for the experience, it gives the dominant insights they would otherwise lack, and vice versa
My enjoyment of submitting, (admittedly reserved to only one person), and of dommeing have been stronger for having done both, and I hope it’s been more enjoyable for those I’ve played with too

 

[emme8]

What I do not like is that someone want me to do something sexual he himself would never do, e. g. swallow, be peed on etc.

Absolutely. My Dom wouldn't ever submit. And I don't care if he does. But he also is only operating within the limits I established prior to becoming involvedsubmitted. does what I asked him to do befor I submited.

I wouldn't totally give over the power and allow my limits to be explored by someone unwilling to explored their own limits AND with experience in what they are asking of me.