Does anyone wish they had a penis, but still like men?

[Stella_Omega]

See the problem is i genuinely don't find the idea attractive. I like the idea of being tied down and used by a man (or a female honestly) but i don't really like the idea of doing it to someone...putting someone inside me against their will...doesn't do anything for me...The idea of sticking my "cock" in someone is a completely different story. I get off on both sides of it, but only in certain roles...the female in me doesn't like dominating. The male in me does. (and I know how to spell dominant I just spell dominate so often my fingers type it automatically)

Well thank goodness, there's some difference between us, I was beginning to think we were some kind of doppleganger twins!

 

[UltimateSwitch]

No it is much more likely for both of us to meet our doppelgangers in Men who are very confused about why they do have penises...

 

[WillowedCabin]

Just stumbled across this thread and thought I'd give my few cents:

Ok...i have this whole...submissive thing...I think a womans place sexually is to be dominated, and a males is to dominate. its just in my head. Ive tried being dominate, but I can't get from the teasing torturing punishing and rewarding part to the...getting fucked part. And I don't enjoy strap ons, if I'm gunna have sex i better be getting physical pleasure out of it

Everything you have said so far in this thread sounds like the 'lack of penis' is a symptom of the problem. The problem is binary gender, your associations with masculinity/fem., and why it doesn't work for you. But here's a secret: Binary gender is a JOKE! It doesn't actually exist...

Yes, as previous people have said, there is a reason we all want black and white. Things are simpler if we say 'women are this' and 'men are this'. What really exists is: if you have a uterus, you are more likely to have certain hormonal levels, and thus MAY have certain developments in your brain, which MIGHT lead to certain personality characteristics/ abilities. What this isn't is black and white. Why? Because there are so many people just like you Switch. We are all shades of gray. And male and female is a silly, hopeless fantasy when you look at all the wonderful genderqueer, intersexual, trans people that you encounter. How do we explain them with binary gender? We can't.

And there is nothing wrong with being shades of gray. And furthermore, this whole women are submissive and men are dominant is a LIE. I have not seen one study which really shows me that women are submissive and men, dominant. NOT ONE. And you won't find it. Why? Because my vulva doesn't make sandwiches. Got it?

Try wrapping your head around the fact that culture doesn't have a place for what you are. Which sounds awful, but really, is awesome. I love living in a world with diversity. And also, there are so many wonderful blogs and communities online for people 'in between'; not too mention how many people I've met simply working in the arts!

After you understand this, try accepting yourself as 'different, unique, and wonderful'. If you can't love yourself, your significant other sure as hell won't be able to. Kind of like that old African proverb, "Never trust a naked man who gives you a shirt." If you can't love yourself, all subsequent sexual relations and emotional connections will be crappy.

In ending,
If you want a penis, ROCK IT.
Own that you want a penis-- it's totally fine!
If strap-ons aren't working, perhaps it's not that you NEED physical pleasure...
perhaps it's the whole gender role thing fucking you over.

Try engaging the mind and the self love,
all subsequent pleasure will arise swiftly

 

[Verinka]

I saw this thread the other day and it seemed too close to home, too private to join in, BUT I love the wisdom here, especially the wonderful Stella's!!!

I have often wished I had a penis but it could just be a representation of a part of myself that I have projected onto men: that sex can be easy, uncaring, dominating, external, selfish, and promiscuous, 'having' all of those beautiful women out there...it isn't like that for men anyway, but it is all summed up in that penis, that 'pops' so easily and without that much attachment.

So, great thread!

 

[UltimateSwitch]

Everything you have said so far in this thread sounds like the 'lack of penis' is a symptom of the problem. The problem is binary gender, your associations with masculinity/fem., and why it doesn't work for you. But here's a secret: Binary gender is a JOKE! It doesn't actually exist...

Yes, as previous people have said, there is a reason we all want black and white. Things are simpler if we say 'women are this' and 'men are this'. What really exists is: if you have a uterus, you are more likely to have certain hormonal levels, and thus MAY have certain developments in your brain, which MIGHT lead to certain personality characteristics/ abilities. What this isn't is black and white. Why? Because there are so many people just like you Switch. We are all shades of gray. And male and female is a silly, hopeless fantasy when you look at all the wonderful genderqueer, intersexual, trans people that you encounter. How do we explain them with binary gender? We can't.

And there is nothing wrong with being shades of gray. And furthermore, this whole women are submissive and men are dominant is a LIE. I have not seen one study which really shows me that women are submissive and men, dominant. NOT ONE. And you won't find it. Why? Because my vulva doesn't make sandwiches. Got it?

Try wrapping your head around the fact that culture doesn't have a place for what you are. Which sounds awful, but really, is awesome. I love living in a world with diversity. And also, there are so many wonderful blogs and communities online for people 'in between'; not too mention how many people I've met simply working in the arts!

After you understand this, try accepting yourself as 'different, unique, and wonderful'. If you can't love yourself, your significant other sure as hell won't be able to. Kind of like that old African proverb, "Never trust a naked man who gives you a shirt." If you can't love yourself, all subsequent sexual relations and emotional connections will be crappy.

In ending,
If you want a penis, ROCK IT.
Own that you want a penis-- it's totally fine!
If strap-ons aren't working, perhaps it's not that you NEED physical pleasure...
perhaps it's the whole gender role thing fucking you over.

Try engaging the mind and the self love,
all subsequent pleasure will arise swiftly

Ok here is one thing I have to say...i know on a logic level that women aren't less then men, women aren't submissive by nature...but I still feel that way. i don't understand submissive men and I don't get dominate women, unless they are bi, at the very least. It's not that i don't understand that what i feel is wrong it's just how it is in my head and i can't get that to change. But the rest of what you said, totally agreed with and am in sync.

 

[KoPilot]

Yeah, I feel the same way...I sometimes considered going through the process of getting an SRS, my therapist told me just to lie about my sexual inclinations and say I only liked women and stuff. But I also know...truthfully...If I was allowed a penis, I would not be a good person and I would not like myself. As a female i am submissive and gentle, but as a male i would be the opposite....

I actually said something almost exactly like this to an online pal back in high school once. I was figuring out a lot of stuff sexually (still am), and was beginning to realize I had a real interest in violent, coercive, very physical sex. Problem was, I didn't know which side I wanted to be on.

I liked the idea of having a masculine body and doing all of the typically masculine things with it. That came out of a lot of online roleplaying I did--out of the 8-odd years that I'd been doing it, I exclusively played big male characters for about 5 of them. Was it the actual role (heteronormative dominant male) that I liked? Or did I just like living out my own fantasies by being in the position that would allow me to take the reigns and ensure they happened to the female character?

I guess in the end it was more the latter than the former, but the idea of the former still lingers in my mind from time to time. I guess I have a bad habit of associating body types to sexual roles-- this is probably a by-product of my macrophilia being fostered during my developmental years, where big character was dominant in some way, and little character was... not submissive, but different. (It's complicated, as I still see the big in the dominant role, even when the little is feisty, antagonistic, and even potentially dangerous.) In any case, this applies to sex to me as well. There's no way in hell that I could put on a strapon and start fucking girls, willy-nilly. Nuh uh, that has never been a fantasy of mine. But if I could change bodies, yeah sure I probably would. I guess that just means I'm a little genderfluid, though I don't consider myself anything more than heterosexual. (Stella, feel free to disagree. )

Anyways, I guess the tl;dr point is that someone else is/has been in your exact shoes, and that... no longer being conflicted about it is definitely in your future.

 

[hoodooman]

some animals change gender

Some fish change gender and size...

there was a movie about a person/creature that could change from handsome male to seductive woman...and was after a woman and her brother but neither suspected

I have at times thought it would be great to be able to do the same simply depending on mood or the other person, dominance or submission or availability.

To meet a dominant man or lesbian and to have all the physical and psychologically appropriate parts of a woman...you get the idea

 

[UltimateSwitch]

I actually said something almost exactly like this to an online pal back in high school once. I was figuring out a lot of stuff sexually (still am), and was beginning to realize I had a real interest in violent, coercive, very physical sex. Problem was, I didn't know which side I wanted to be on.

I liked the idea of having a masculine body and doing all of the typically masculine things with it. That came out of a lot of online roleplaying I did--out of the 8-odd years that I'd been doing it, I exclusively played big male characters for about 5 of them. Was it the actual role (heteronormative dominant male) that I liked? Or did I just like living out my own fantasies by being in the position that would allow me to take the reigns and ensure they happened to the female character?

I guess in the end it was more the latter than the former, but the idea of the former still lingers in my mind from time to time. I guess I have a bad habit of associating body types to sexual roles-- this is probably a by-product of my macrophilia being fostered during my developmental years, where big character was dominant in some way, and little character was... not submissive, but different. (It's complicated, as I still see the big in the dominant role, even when the little is feisty, antagonistic, and even potentially dangerous.) In any case, this applies to sex to me as well. There's no way in hell that I could put on a strapon and start fucking girls, willy-nilly. Nuh uh, that has never been a fantasy of mine. But if I could change bodies, yeah sure I probably would. I guess that just means I'm a little genderfluid, though I don't consider myself anything more than heterosexual. (Stella, feel free to disagree. )

Anyways, I guess the tl;dr point is that someone else is/has been in your exact shoes, and that... no longer being conflicted about it is definitely in your future.

^this

 

[Stella_Omega]

Nice to see more opinions in this thread!

I'm braindead this morning cause they got fucked right out of me last night. For someone who wants a penis, my pussy can give me plenty fun in the right circumstances...

there was a movie about a person/creature that could change from handsome male to seductive woman...and was after a woman and her brother but neither suspected

yes! I can't remember the name of that movie! It was a costume drama, right? Louis the fourteenth or something?

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

I'm braindead this morning cause they got fucked right out of me last night. For someone who wants a penis, my pussy can give me plenty fun in the right circumstances...

LOL, now see, not all men are assholes, some are dicks.

 

[Stella_Omega]

LOL, now see, not all men are assholes, some are dicks.

There was absolutely no dick involved, as a matter of fact... it was all fingers and vibrators.

Which is another thing someone like (us) needs to remember, although it doesn't serve the desire of sticking one's own organ of pleasure into someplace hot and wet.

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

There was absolutely no dick involved, as a matter of fact... it was all fingers and vibrators.

Which is another thing someone like (us) needs to remember, although it doesn't serve the desire of sticking one's own organ of pleasure into someplace hot and wet.

Really. Sorry, I thought you meant you were with a man. Maybe I'm not understanding what "like us" means?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Really. Sorry, I thought you meant you were with a man. Maybe I'm not understanding what "like us" means?

"like us" meaning "women who wish they had a penis"... the "but like men" is a side issue, IMO.

I like men, sure, and in fact I was with a man last night-- but he didn't use his penis. He is a service top who specialises in sex scenes for women.

He wrote the book in fact...

I now count myself amongst his apprentices, because I too am a service top who prefers to give women orgasms.

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

"like us" meaning "women who wish they had a penis"... the "but like men" is a side issue, IMO.

I like men, sure, and in fact I was with a man last night-- but he didn't use his penis. He is a service top who specialises in sex scenes for women.

He wrote the book in fact...

I now count myself amongst his apprentices, because I too am a service top who prefers to give women orgasms.

Apparently I mistakenly assumed that you were lesbian and perhaps even butch, but what you are saying is that you are bisexual?

Sexual scenes for women? This book would appear to be some sort of breakthrough in female sensuality, but in the past when I have looked deeper into these supposed new techniques, I find they are old news in a new wrapper. I mean no offense, but what is different about this one?

Since this is the Fetish forum, exactly what kind of sex scenes are we talking about?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Apparently I mistakenly assumed that you were lesbian and perhaps even butch, but what you are saying is that you are bisexual?

I'm a butch dyke who sometimes is bisexual-- not exactly a lesbian. If I do go with a guy, he has to accept that I am a butch top type and he might not end on top. Some guys are just fine with that of course but I am not into sissyboys. Bi men, more likely...

Sexual scenes for women? This book would appear to be some sort of breakthrough in female sensuality, but in the past when I have looked deeper into these supposed new techniques, I find they are old news in a new wrapper. I mean no offense, but what is different about this one?

A lot of it is about communication, I don't know if that's unusual or not-- probably not so unusual. And the anatomy is truly the most up to date that I've seen.

I guess the biggest difference for me is that I was on hand for this demo!

Since this is the Fetish forum, exactly what kind of sex scenes are we talking about?

No penis involvement.

Not that he doesn't have one-- just that he would rather please a woman than please himself. Totally a service thing, very similar to the way I feel when I'm with a woman. Lots of good learning, and good fun!

 

[UltimateSwitch]

"like us" meaning "women who wish they had a penis"... the "but like men" is a side issue, IMO.

I like men, sure, and in fact I was with a man last night-- but he didn't use his penis. He is a service top who specialises in sex scenes for women.

He wrote the book in fact...

I now count myself amongst his apprentices, because I too am a service top who prefers to give women orgasms.

I thought you meant like US as in like me..Ultimate Switch...LOL