Does being in a D/s Relationship make you happy?

[FungiUg]

Happiness and fulfillment come from within. Well, this is my belief, and everything in my life has supported it thus far.

For me, "happiness" is not a constant, it's an ephemeral state of being. I may be happy at one time in the day, and some other emotional state at another.

We all have to deal with the realities of life -- work, stress, vomiting cats, squalling babies, dying friends/family, moving cities, and so on.

Add to that relationships. I know I have experienced "highs" from sexual play, and love certainly adds to the times I am happy. Against that you have all of the stresses that the other person brings to your life. Relationship changes, breakups, get-togethers, arguments, and so on.

So to be "happy" (and mostly I am, except when I am not), I seek happiness within. My own thoughts and feelings are the one part of life I can "control" and "trust". Everything else I have to take on faith.

Does a relationship make me more happy? I would be a very unhappy person without them, I know that much. My friendships, and lovers, form a large part of my life, a part I prefer to keep. So I would have to say "yes", my relationships do help make me more happy.

But which ones? I know if I weren't in a long-term relationship that included sex, I would be a lot more frustrated! And I know that I deal with frustrations from lack of D/s play... so adding a D/s relationship may reduce those frustrations. It might also add others.

It's such a hard call... that in the end, the only thing I can reliably count on to add happiness to my life... is me. But I do know having relationships, while not making me "happy", help make me happier.

Geez, I can go on!

Um... I know not everyone is like me. I'm always looking for new things, new experiences, experimenting, and stretching my life. Otherwise I get bored. Some people are happy with a defined life. It's such a weird thing, happiness. So perhaps there are people out there who are "fulfilled" by their D/s relationships. I know I wouldn't be.

 

[Solitude]

My take on all of this is that ultimately everyone does have to choose to be happy with themselves. Nobody can make anyone be happy or unhappy.

That being said, I do think that our personal relationships, whether they be D/s or otherwise, do have a great effect on what we choose... on whether or not we choose to be happy.

I personally find myself choosing to be happy far more regularly when I'm involved in a D/s relationship. Perhaps that's just a personal flaw of mine, but that's how I am at least.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Uncertain

Thjanks for adding your thoughts, s'lara.

i used to think having a D/s relationship would provide simple answers to the missing parts in my life.

Now i honestly don't know.

While on one hand, i could spout rhetoric about how each person must learn to be strong and happy on their own, i don't think that is what Ebony was asking for.

In a nutshell, the following bullets should sum up my answer:

- i function well, happier and with a sense of security when i am in the control of Another.

- i am unhappy when i feel at loose ends or in a position where i do not have that control.

- i am fully capable of existing outside that spectrum, but would rather reside in the structured life of D/s.

- i do feel a calmness in a D/s relationship that i have never felt elsewhere.

- my happiness isn't fully dependent upon being in a D/s relationship, but it is a fact that i need and want it. And we can all agree that getting what we need and having what we want gives us a sense of happiness ... whether it is a false or not.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Everybody who posted

thanks for sharing your point of view.

It is good to share!

 

[bunny bondage]

simple answer - if it didn't make me happy, i would't be doing it.

 

[Richard49]

simple answer - if it didn't make me happy, i would't be doing it.

Out of the mouth of babes

Thanks bb

 

[bunny bondage]

Out of the mouth of babes

Thanks bb

^_^

 

[sub princess]

simple answer - if it didn't make me happy, i would't be doing it.

EXACTLY!

 

[dragonlace]

I don't know if happy would be the right word for me......i am fulfilled in a way i have never been and sometimes i am happy and sometimes i am not. Being in a D/s relationship completes me and makes me whole in a way i never thought possible. It is joy and bliss but sometimes my heart hurts just from missing Him...feeling unworthy when i have disappointed Him even in a small way.....and everything i feel, i feel more passionately and stronger......and I feel safe and secure and trust more than i ever have. Its the treasure at the end of a long and painful search. It is my dream come true *smiles*.......not sure if that answers your question or not but there you go

 

[Ebonyfire]

I don't know if happy would be the right word for me......i am fulfilled in a way i have never been and sometimes i am happy and sometimes i am not. Being in a D/s relationship completes me and makes me whole in a way i never thought possible. It is joy and bliss but sometimes my heart hurts just from missing Him...feeling unworthy when i have disappointed Him even in a small way.....and everything i feel, i feel more passionately and stronger......and I feel safe and secure and trust more than i ever have. Its the treasure at the end of a long and painful search. It is my dream come true *smiles*.......not sure if that answers your question or not but there you go

It is your answer, and that is all that matters. Thanks for posting.

 

[His Flower]

I read an article today that is the result of a study that said that marriage does not make couples any more happy or satisfied than they were before marrying, and it did not change their outlook on life.

So it got me to think about D/s relationships. Do you feel being in a D/s relationship makes you more happy or satisfied? does it change your outlook on life?

See this link:
Does Marriage Bring Happiness?

I bring this up cause my opinion is that relationships can enhance your quality of life or satisfaction with your quality of life. But in the long run, if you are not happy or not satisfied the relationship will not fill that void.

In short you have to be happy with yourself to be happy with someone else.

Any comments?

I'm feeling very happy. He owns me but he takes care of me, and I feel very safe in his arms and when I'm with him. (It does help that he is physically stronger than a lot of other men I've dated) But the point is, it's not just the wonderful sex we have, the Dominance he has over me...but the friendship that we've built. He's older than me....and I guess age does bring wisdom. I would go to him almost always first about any news I have; whether it's a new job opportunity, classes, etc....you sort of get the point.

~ His Flower ~

 

[Mystery Lover]

Re: Uncertain

i used to think having a D/s relationship would provide simple answers to the missing parts in my life.

Now i honestly don't know.

While on one hand, i could spout rhetoric about how each person must learn to be strong and happy on their own, i don't think that is what Ebony was asking for.

In a nutshell, the following bullets should sum up my answer:

- i function well, happier and with a sense of security when i am in the control of Another.

- i am unhappy when i feel at loose ends or in a position where i do not have that control.

- i am fully capable of existing outside that spectrum, but would rather reside in the structured life of D/s.

- i do feel a calmness in a D/s relationship that i have never felt elsewhere.

- my happiness isn't fully dependent upon being in a D/s relationship, but it is a fact that i need and want it. And we can all agree that getting what we need and having what we want gives us a sense of happiness ... whether it is a false or not.

Since I'm new to a D/s relationship I have a hard time putting into words what I'm feeling. I'm still in awe that my Master selected me......s'lara states exactly how I feel.........thank you s'lara

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Re: Re: Does being in a D/s Relationship make you happy?

Hi Eb. I have to agree with you on this one. Although...LOL...It took me a terribly LONG time to figure it out *sigh*. Hitting 40 gave me all this introspection LOL. Having done so, however, it is mighty nice to have the prize, a me that is happy with me!

However, I've found that life is fickle. Seldom do all the parts come together at one time like you want them to *wry grin*. I believe being in a D/s relationship would add to the happiness in my life, yes. I don't believe that it's the magic ticket to my everlasting happiness.

I don't believe that Mr. Perfect Dom is going to come take me away from all of this, No. LOL. I don't want to lose the gains I've made as a strong, independent, can-do woman over the last several years. Eventually I hope that I run across a D/s relationship with someone who suits me, and finds my strengths suitable to him. That may come along eventually, but for now, I think I'll just go along, keep working on myself, and remain the fairly happy sub that I am.

Life is good

~Anelize

I was just getting ready to add this thread to the Library (wonderful thread by the way Eb) and i was reading through it, and ran across this post of mine. I thought i'd revisit myself, since circumstances have changed somewhat. No, Mr. Perfect Dom hasn't dropped in to take me away from all this But Someone has entered my life, which is cool. We suit each other, which is cool. So, back to the original question...yes. D/s does make me happy. I was happy with myself to start with, before He came along, as I posted above.

The happiness i have today, i'm deriving from a sense of security and a sense of knowing my place, and being comfortable in that space/place. I like being there. I like having trust in someone and being trusted in return. I like the power exchange that makes this whole thing work. Bottom line...i likeserving. Makes me feel like everything's right with the world. So i guess that makes me happy, knowing the world is spinning like it's supposed to LOL.

But (there's always a but), i still do and have the many 'me' things that i do, that make 'me' happy, that keep 'me' an individual, because i am who i am because of all those things. I hope this all makes sense to ya'll, LOL, cause in my head, it makes sense to me

~anelize

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Does being in a D/s Relationship make you happy?

I was just getting ready to add this thread to the Library (wonderful thread by the way Eb) and i was reading through it, and ran across this post of mine. I thought i'd revisit myself, since circumstances have changed somewhat. No, Mr. Perfect Dom hasn't dropped in to take me away from all this But Someone has entered my life, which is cool. We suit each other, which is cool. So, back to the original question...yes. D/s does make me happy. I was happy with myself to start with, before He came along, as I posted above.

The happiness i have today, i'm deriving from a sense of security and a sense of knowing my place, and being comfortable in that space/place. I like being there. I like having trust in someone and being trusted in return. I like the power exchange that makes this whole thing work. Bottom line...i likeserving. Makes me feel like everything's right with the world. So i guess that makes me happy, knowing the world is spinning like it's supposed to LOL.

But (there's always a but), i still do and have the many 'me' things that i do, that make 'me' happy, that keep 'me' an individual, because i am who i am because of all those things. I hope this all makes sense to ya'll, LOL, cause in my head, it makes sense to me

~anelize

Congrats on your new relationship. I hope that things continue to progess for Y/you both.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Thank You Eb

 

[s'lara]

Re: Re: Uncertain

Since I'm new to a D/s relationship I have a hard time putting into words what I'm feeling. I'm still in awe that my Master selected me......s'lara states exactly how I feel.........thank you s'lara

You're most welcome. *smiles*

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

OF COURSE it makes me happy, or else I wouldn't be involved in it!!