Does your partner know you're here?

[Krinaia]

tenacious....

the thought of being a slave is distasteful to me, though I don't mean to say it is bad. It sort of gives me the shivers but I definitely do try to understand it in others. Nor do I think it's something to be ashamed of. Its not always something I understand, but seeing it spoken about here has led me to understand, that it is not something which I am suited to. And too, what's so wrong with shame? That's something else I'm trying to understand, is not shame something that we try to rid ourselves of but that we also sometimes crave? So if it's something to be ashamed of... and that shame turns us on and makes the experience richer... well but this is a tangent that I don't want to go off on.

My only beef is that I do sometimes read into slave's posts that they feel they are MORE or BETTER submissives because they are slaves. Perhaps, it is because I doubt that submission is equal to their's... and too, I grew up in a situation of vast intolerance and am unable to take it personally. And I think that that is... well, crap. I do tend to lament my singleness, but I'm not just sitting on my ass wishing it weren't so. And it is hard to be single and I am trying to deal with it and enjoy it and sometimes, I need a little support. I think you forget, I have also shared stories which I thought people would find amusing that realte to my quest to become unsingle... But if talking about it here is unwelcome....



I did not feel under attack until you made your post Catalina. And perhaps Etoile is correct in saying I read into a tone which was not there. This all started with Saint_sinner questioning me, myself explaining myself to him, kitty calling me out to say he disagreed, me defending or stating my position... I never meant to turn this into a catfight or something. And my thanking people who agreed with me, was because it was nice to see I was not alone. Many times on this borad, I have feel that I was alone in how I feel and sometimes it is nice to feel validated.

I sometimes think this entire bdsm lifestyle is like religion... either you're for it, against it, and if you're not agreeing with everyone else... oh gosh, don't say so, you'll get burned at the stake. And I don't understand what is so wrong with a heated discussion, I wasn't trying to say you were an evil person. I don't think that. I think that you, Catalina, almost always have the best intentions at heart. And have said so to others. People are going to have strong feelings, and just because I want to argue about something doesn't mean I suddenly dislike you. And sometimes I want to defend a position just to see what others will say about it - so that I can learn about it. Don't you ever remember in school being made to argue a point that you didn't agree with.... just so that you would learn about it?

Nor can I be sure of your tone online, so if I took you wrong, I am sorry and I did mean to say that before but I got a little riled up at the end there. I think you took me more personally then I meant to be too.

 

[BlueSugar]

wow.

Last night I was posting of course, and usually I read to him things I find that he would like or what I would like and don't know how else to ease it in. But I went to the bathroom, and he was sitting in my seat searching through just reading..ya know.

And my initial reaction was anger !
...then I felt bad because what do I have to hide... I guess I felt as if he was invading a personal space- meanwhile he knows I'm here, he knows I post, he knows I'm *ahem* addicted... he can access the site at any time. oi.

Anyone else feel this at any point?

 

[Netzach]

I dunno. I'm just distracted by your av, so since he lets you post, thank him for me.

 

[sunfox]

tenacious....

the thought of being a slave is distasteful to me, though I don't mean to say it is bad. It sort of gives me the shivers but I definitely do try to understand it in others. Nor do I think it's something to be ashamed of. Its not always something I understand, but seeing it spoken about here has led me to understand, that it is not something which I am suited to. And too, what's so wrong with shame? That's something else I'm trying to understand, is not shame something that we try to rid ourselves of but that we also sometimes crave? So if it's something to be ashamed of... and that shame turns us on and makes the experience richer... well but this is a tangent that I don't want to go off on.

My only beef is that I do sometimes read into slave's posts that they feel they are MORE or BETTER submissives because they are slaves. Perhaps, it is because I doubt that submission is equal to their's... and too, I grew up in a situation of vast intolerance and am unable to take it personally. And I think that that is... well, crap. I do tend to lament my singleness, but I'm not just sitting on my ass wishing it weren't so. And it is hard to be single and I am trying to deal with it and enjoy it and sometimes, I need a little support. I think you forget, I have also shared stories which I thought people would find amusing that realte to my quest to become unsingle... But if talking about it here is unwelcome....

I can agree that to a point, I find the notion of being considered a slave extremely uncomfortable for me. This does not in any way translate to those who are slaves, but is a personal choice, due in the most part to my racial background. For me, being termed a slave, even in a loving, affectionate way, would cause me such mental conflict as to ruin any possible benefit I could receive from the relationship being so total.

I don't really feel that those slaves that post here feel that they are 'better' submissives than those of us who are not slaves.. but I can understand feeling that way. Perhaps in some small fashion, you feel that you cannot commit to so total a power exchange at this point in time, and somehow that makes you feel they are being superior? (Freshman psych rears its ugly head, I know, I know! ) But just a guess.

As for your singleness... you're just holding out for the right Dominant for you. I for one don't mind at all hearing about your exploits, and at times am a bit jealous that I'm not out having fun with you. I think today's disagreements were a matter of misunderstanding, and a bit of stress. That happens to all of us at some time.

 

[catalina_francisco]

the thought of being a slave is distasteful to me, though I don't mean to say it is bad. It sort of gives me the shivers but I definitely do try to understand it in others. Nor do I think it's something to be ashamed of. Its not always something I understand, but seeing it spoken about here has led me to understand, that it is not something which I am suited to. And too, what's so wrong with shame? That's something else I'm trying to understand, is not shame something that we try to rid ourselves of but that we also sometimes crave? So if it's something to be ashamed of... and that shame turns us on and makes the experience richer... well but this is a tangent that I don't want to go off on.

It is your right to feel being a slave is not right for you. I think it is loud and clear to most here that slave or not, I do not sit in judgement of anyone, especially submissives, nor do I turn my brain off and just operate on automaton. I have many questions myself, and use my right to ask for clarification regularly. My Dominant is not interested in a non operating brain...he wishes to utilise it for his full benefit.

As to shame, there is nothing wrong with it and is something many sub/slaves crave, but from their Dominant usually or those given permission to do so in a specific way, not in the sense of being made to feel they are lesser beings because of their choice. I personally don't try to rid myself of it, but I also will not sit back and let another put me down because I exercised my free will to pursue the choice that fitted me. That is not their right.

My only beef is that I do sometimes read into slave's posts that they feel they are MORE or BETTER submissives because they are slaves.

Exactly, YOU read it into their posts, not that they place it there...huge difference. And yes, there are those who keep bringing up this 'better than' discussion, but I have not seen it from a slave in recent times. Different perhaps, but that is reality and does not translate to better or worse in my world.

I do tend to lament my singleness, but I'm not just sitting on my ass wishing it weren't so. And it is hard to be single and I am trying to deal with it and enjoy it and sometimes, I need a little support.

SB, I think even you know you have plenty of support from most on the board, myself included, but that does not mean you can then hit out in your frustration without considering others. Lamenting does not always show a person in the light they wish to be seen in, and can be like a neon light to a potential abuser. I also went through being single, 16 years in fact last time around, and with 2 children to raise alone and living below the poverty line...and most because I wanted to choose the right one next time, so I don't need to be told how difficult it is. And for all the talk of singledom being difficult, if anyone wants to look at reality, being in a relationship is also difficult. It is rarely, if ever in all honesty, a bed of roses each and every moment.

I did not feel under attack until you made your post Catalina. And perhaps Etoile is correct in saying I read into a tone which was not there. This all started with Saint_sinner questioning me, myself explaining myself to him, kitty calling me out to say he disagreed, me defending or stating my position... I never meant to turn this into a catfight or something.

As you have said here, you became upset with S_S, as he also remarked at the time....you see kitty as calling you out when they were just posting their view and terms of their relationship in a polite and friendly manner....then you went on to post how frustrating you were finding many posters, how you felt you were being attacked/judged on your submissiveness, and how you felt submissives in relationships had forgotten what it was like. This was when I thought I might offer a perspective to help you see where others were coming from and that you had no need to feel personally attacked because you were not exactly the same as others. We are all different after all and it is like a dog chasing its tail if you go through life feeling slighted if someone does not pat you on the back and agree totally with your POV.

Many times on this borad, I have feel that I was alone in how I feel and sometimes it is nice to feel validated.

I think most of us go through this feeling at some time and I'm sorry you feel this way, perhaps you need to look more closely at some other posters words to see you are not the only one looking for a partner or not agreeing with everyone. I actually think the singles here far outweigh those in relationships, and 24/7 in the same house being a minority by far. That does not mean you or I are better or worse, or alone, just at different stages of our journeys. And yes, validation is nice, but it is also nice to realise you can say what you believe and stand by it whether others see it your way or not....it is your reality after all, not mine, or Etoiles, or Saint_Sinners.

Sometimes think this entire bdsm lifestyle is like religion... either you're for it, against it, and if you're not agreeing with everyone else... oh gosh, don't say so, you'll get burned at the stake. And I don't understand what is so wrong with a heated discussion,

In some ways you are right, and unless you are someone who believes it is better to agree for the sake of peace (which I personally cannot do myself), you are going to find others who feel just as strongly about their POV. There is nothing wrong with it in my view and at least encourages honest discussion instead of a lot of surface agreement while the PM's fly back and forward behind the scenes saying what people really think. I guess though in heated discussions it is sometimes wise to sit back and reread after a few moments and with a different mindset before feeling you are being attacked and reacting.

Believe me, I have also made the same mistake more than once and later wondered how I missed the support the person was offering...and likely will again. It is human nature when spirits are raised, but kept within reason, far healthier on the board than a load of 'I agree' posts and threads which do nothing toward helping any of us grow and achieve our full potential, let alone deal honestly with each other. I doubt any one on this earth in all honesty can say they agree 100% with the way any one person thinks and views things. If we fall out with everyone who dares to disagree with us, life will soon become a very lonely prospect.


I wasn't trying to say you were an evil person. I don't think that. I think that you, Catalina, almost always have the best intentions at heart. And have said so to others. People are going to have strong feelings, and just because I want to argue about something doesn't mean I suddenly dislike you. And sometimes I want to defend a position just to see what others will say about it - so that I can learn about it. Don't you ever remember in school being made to argue a point that you didn't agree with.... just so that you would learn about it?

I didn't really think you thought me evil....sheesh, I could only dream of being evil!! LOL. And arguing is fine if it has a purpose and doesn't offend others unnecessarily just to get a rise as some posters have admitted they do for amusement. I never get that one myself. I actually thought you had maybe had a bad day at work or something. And yes, I have always developed my learning by being able to argue the position of those I did not agree with better than they often could themselves.

Nor can I be sure of your tone online, so if I took you wrong, I am sorry and I did mean to say that before but I got a little riled up at the end there. I think you took me more personally then I meant to be too.

Apologies accepted as long as it goes both ways. I guess we can both be passionate about our views, but far better that than being a sheep.

Catalina

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... And you know, I'm sort of wild and crazy, I start with my tongue.

Shaking the head darlin' ...

First and foremost, we've all been down this "debate gets personal" road before, whether as participants, or witnesses. Although i like reading the differing opinions and the occasional all in fun sparring, "hard text" (meaning misunderstanding {an}other posters' {'s} intent) and "he/she/it said" gets old quick. At least, i think it safe to say, we don't degenerate into telling each other to take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut, and still have an edge in civility over some that post on the GB.

Second, we've all got differing opinions on this "religion." As a suggestion, don't declare anything as an absolute. Every one changes over time ... so do opinions. For all we know, Skyline might one day become a slave, but she'll do it because she chose to become one, not because someone beat her over the head, or berated her.

Third, appreciate the fact you have all the time in the world to frame an answer to any question here. This ain't live, but it is Memorex, subject to you going back and editing later. Mouth clutched before brain changes gears beats half-cocked spewing any day.

Last, yes, she does know i post here.

 

[esclave_PP]

Wow, I am not going to get into the everlasting sub/slave debate. I think anyone that thinks of themselves better than anyone else has issues anyway lol. People enjoy what they enjoy.

That said, Master knows I am here, and I will send Him my posts or submissions all the time. Honesty is key in any relationship. If you don't have that honesty and trust, what do you have?

 

[sunfox]

Honesty is key in any relationship. If you don't have that honesty and trust, what do you have?

My last relationship?

I agree with you, though, on a more serious note. Those are the most important parts of my relationship.

 

[slaveskinky]

Would do nothing without Biker's permission.

i would do nothing without Biker's permission. He has given me full permission to write anything i wish. He does not censor my stories. Biker provides me full support in my attempts at writing. How blessed i am to have found such a Master. He is secure in who and what He is.
slaveskinky
Interested in reading my first attempts?
First piece.. A slave's Journey
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=133074

 

[LongHardLook]

I agree, to a large extent. I have need and want to be able to rely on somone for support. I also want to be sexually and physically dominated, it gets me off. I want someone that can provide guidance, but if I'm going to find that in a dominant, I'm going to make damned sure they have a mind and intelligence capable of that guidance. But I like browsing and discussing here because often I find things I would have never thought of before, and that's a good thing - it helps me rule out what I do and do not want and what I want to try before I rule it in or out.

And you know, I'm sort of wild and crazy, I start with my tongue.

It sounds to me like you only enjoy being sub in the bedroom. Is this true? What exactly do you want in a relationship, or do you know?

 

[TNRkitect2b]

It sounds to me like you only enjoy being sub in the bedroom. Is this true? What exactly do you want in a relationship, or do you know?

I'm afraid Sky is on vacation in Europe for a few weeks, but I'll be sure to point her to the thread when she get back so you can have an answer.

 

[shyly curious]

I'm curious, does your partner know you're a participant here at Lit? Is your partner also a participant?

For those of you who are submissive, does your dom have to give permission for you to post here?

my Domme introduced me to LIT, so yes SHE knows and encourages my learning. SHE too posts, knowing i follow and read HERS as SHE reads mine.

i may post, SHE does allow me to post.

one time some online role play got frisky and another LIT member posted a to me, it did not go over well, so i learned ...

which is why i am here ...

be well all, shy

 

[LadyG]

Yes

Yes he knows, yes he posts

I have permission, although not required to ask for it.

 

[incubus_dark]

Yes I know she's here. Yes she has permission.

 

[Krinaia]

It sounds to me like you only enjoy being sub in the bedroom. Is this true? What exactly do you want in a relationship, or do you know?

I don't have all the answers... but yes I enjoy being submissive in the bedroom. I enjoy submitting in other thigns too though. But for me, submission is mainly a sexual kink. I have been working very hard for years now to be more assertive and a stronger person in my out of the bedroom life. I am a leader. I fight back, I sass, I work hard on my development as an adult. I, as a woman, went into a male dominated field. So sue me if I take relief in submitting in the bedroom. Am I lesser? Is my submission lesser? Some people seem to think so. It tends to piss me off when people do that... I've had enough of people doubting my convictions because they differe.

Will I grow out of it? I dunno, I'm only 22, I'll get back to you in a few years.

Do I know what I want in a relationship? I know some things I want, some things I need, and some of the things I'm willing to sacrafice. But most importantly, I want ot find someone that wants me to be satisfied with my life, my career, my sexuality, my spirituality and who will help me to those aims and who I can in return love, cherish, and nuture. Someone to laugh with, someone whose chest I can cry against, someone to get old with, someone to explore with, someone to roll over an be glad to see in the morning. How much kink (or whatever term your prefer) is involved.. I'm not sure how much I am willing to sacrafice and what I cannot sacrafice. I

am a bondage fetishist first and foremost, for me submission is a part of that. NExt comes the masochsitic streak... sometimes I cannot find satisfaction without pain, I cannot undo that about myself and will not stay with anyone who pushes me to give it up. How far that submission extends remains to be seen. That's where I stand today. Ask me in a month and I may have a slightly different answer... with growth comes change and I plan on growing.

And by the way, what is so wrong with not yet knowing what I want? People tell me to slow down, take my time - enjoy the exploration. And then people demand of me, do you know what you want? As if I'm an idiot or naive for not knowing. Gosh, I haven't even graduated college yet or decided where I would like to live when I graduated or what kind of architecture I want to practice... so how is it that I am supposed to know exactly what I want in a relationship with a person I have not yet met?

 

[Krinaia]

by the way, sorry for the hi-jack

 

[fille]

yes, he knows, and he sometimes lurks but doesn't post.

 

[ammre]

I'm curious, does your partner know you're a participant here at Lit? Is your partner also a participant?

For those of you who are submissive, does your dom have to give permission for you to post here?

My former partner knew. He posted once or twice but mostly read just to keep tabs on me. He never had to give me permission but sometimes he could object to what i had written and i'd hear it.

we broke up a few days ago.

 

[fille]

Re: Re: Does your partner know you're here?

we broke up a few days ago.

I'm sorry.

 

[landcruisergal]

yep, he's on the couch behind me atm and anything I see that's of interest I say, "hey check this out!". Lots of the links get popped into favourites and lit has a shortcut. He lurks from time to time.

 

[Sex & Diamonds]

I'm surprised that most of the people who responded have SO's that know! (Really, I am)


My husband has no idea about Lit. (Going on 3 years now) He is vanilla thru and thru. I have tried and tried to talk to him about D/s and he just does NOT get it. I see no point in sharing Lit with him. ......Might he learn something? Yes. But that is doubtful. He has never shown any interest in learning more anyhow. He doesn't like the fact that I talk to men on the internet. He would smash my computer to lil bits if he had any idea. It would do more harm then good to share Lit with him. He has his TV, I have my computer. This is my world of which he has no understanding. I'm not sharing it.

 

[Wolf_77]

Nope - the SO thinks its just a story site.

Have to have somewhere to get new ideas and meet people more in tune with my tastes!! (since she's my moral and behavioral opposite)

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Yup, He knows I'm here.. He does have a Lit name, but doesn't use it. Usually, He just reads over my shoulder, if He cares to know what I'm talking about.