Doesn't it scare you...

[Shadowsdream]

You know Arden... what you say is sooo true!!

i am starting on only my second D/s relationship... the first was with a sadistic man whom i had no emotional ties to. i was physically hurt a few times, but i accepted it... or thought i had to. i thought i needed to go along with him to be "a good submissive" but in truth, that wasn't right at all. i now know that i can make my feelings about things known, and use safe words without any worries of disappointing the Dom. i had no idea in the beginning.... i just hope that all the novice subs (of which i am still one) look out for themselves first...

Now i'm about to meet my online Dom, whom i have been talking to since November online, and on the phone. We have a very strong bond growing between us, and i am anxious to get our r/l relationship going... but he has been holding me back... it is frustrating, but when i really think about it, i know he is looking out for my best interests in that he is new to BDSM also, and wants to be prepared before meeting. i believe that to be a very good sign when looking for a Dominant... one who thinks of you first, before his need to control.

Again... just my opinion....

another that bares repeating!

 

[Ebonyfire]

My point is this

Anyone who is looking for a relationship (D/s or vanilla) to "fix" them or make them complete is looking for trouble. Relationships do not make up for a poor self-image or an incomplete personality. Often times they can be dangerous if you do not look out for yourself.

 

[SierraMoon]

Re: My point is this

Anyone who is looking for a relationship (D/s or vanilla) to "fix" them or make them complete is looking for trouble. Relationships do not make up for a poor self-image or an incomplete personality. Often times they can be dangerous if you do not look out for yourself.

Well said, Eb!!!!

 

[LunarKitten]

I'm also grateful for the year and a half I've spent here at Lit; reading and learning from so many of you. I'm still learning and I guess I will be as long as I'm in the lifestyle.

MHO only, when you stop learning, no matter if you are in this lifestyle or in a vanilla world, you stop living. I was very lucky to find wonderful people from a local group very early on in venturing into this life who have taken me under their wings and kept a close eye on me. They did not let me rush into anything and I have learned so much through them.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I think a new sub should start out with some slow exploring, LONG before hooking up with a Dom...unless that Dom is me, in which case I approve completely.

I could have seen that one coming....lol

 

[FungiUg]

Re: My point is this

Anyone who is looking for a relationship (D/s or vanilla) to "fix" them or make them complete is looking for trouble. Relationships do not make up for a poor self-image or an incomplete personality. Often times they can be dangerous if you do not look out for yourself.

Applauds and cheers loudly!

 

[His_sugar]

i feel like i am coming a little late to the party here.. but here is my two cents on the topic.

Many years ago, i used to think the only subs/slaves that rushed into relationships/collars.. etc were online subs. i felt pretty safe in saying that no air breathing human would give themselves to someone in this lifestyle after a one hour conversation.

The more active i became in my real life groups, the more i realized it really wasn't much different than online. Several subs/slaves in my groups would immediately hook up with a Dom/me after a short conversation and by the next meeting they were 'living' with this person.

Having been a chat mod at several BDSM sites ( and here at Lit ) for many years, i have seen it all when it comes to newbies jumping into relationships head first without thinking. As a rule, it always ends the same. Someone getting their little heart broken by someone who really didn't have a Dominant bone in his/her body to begin with.

my advice used to be "Don't do anything quicker than you would in a real life situation".. but as i said, that wasn't really much different.

i hope everyone exercises caution and common sense when they embark either online or real life into something that is new to them. No matter what the journey is.

basque

 

[FungiUg]

Everyone is different, and for some the modus opperandi (excuse spelling) seems to be "jump in boots first".

I'm the reverse, and I have been going out with the same woman for three years now, and we're still only talking about living together

So I'm not sure I am qualified to comment, as I recognise I am biased towards not rushing in. Then again, I have also been called "frightened of commitment", and there's an element of truth there.

It scares me when people rush into a relationship. No matter what type of relationship. It's such a huge, life-changing thing... why not take time to make decisions and see how things go first?

Again, I don't think D/s relationships are any different here. Any relationship that you rush into is a little suspect, and I think entering into a relationship out of desperation is not a good sign.

 

[Richard49]

The VA sends me to a psychologist once a week for my PTSD
We have talked a lot about other issues as they may or may
not be effected by the PTSD .......

He tells me I know how to do relationships
but............ I pick women that do not

Who knows.......... life is simple....
just not easy

 

[psiberzerker]

Desperate people do desperate things. Are submissives more likely than others to dive blindly into a relationship? I dunno, it depends on the sub, and hir motivations. A lot I've known where working from a position of low self esteem to begin with, and tended to be dependant. These where the ones who tended to bring a U-haul on a seccond date.
I always thought it frighteningly similar to the pathetic souls who leave their numbers on men's room walls with the promise of sexual favours. The tea room thing always struck me as a stupid dangerous idea. There are a few literate bigots out there, even crafty enough to play gay long enough to lure them into a gay bashing.
I've stopped trying to keep the idiots from culling themselves out. I'm all against rushing headlong into these things, but I can't really stop them, now can I? I tried for a long time, all it got me was tired, and ostracized. Fuck 'em, let them take care of them selves.