Dominant women, not so Dominant

[satindesire]

We need an """"alpha sub"""" version of this meme:

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma7karvB6G1qd96a1o1_500.png

HAHAHAHA!

 

[midwestyankee]

Best quip. Do you expect attribution when I use it?

On the assumption that royalties are out of the question (damn, forgot to run this through my editor at Random House!), attribution would be much appreciated.

 

[Stella_Omega]

On the assumption that royalties are out of the question (damn, forgot to run this through my editor at Random House!), attribution would be much appreciated.

Noted.

 

[DirtyAllie]

It's also sometimes used to describe someone who is very Type-A personality, but identifies as submissive in their relationship. No need for multiples, poly, hoysehold, stable, etc.

I'm a little new to all this so if this next statement is incorrect feel free to set me straight.

But would a switch not qualify as a "alpha sub"? being they also have the desire and ability to top?

 

[CutieMouse]

I'm a little new to all this so if this next statement is incorrect feel free to set me straight.

But would a switch not qualify as a "alpha sub"? being they also have the desire and ability to top?

By definition, a switch enjoys both Topping and bottoming; an alpha submissive can still be an alpha submissive, with ZERO desire to Top. There could be some crossover, but switches and alpha submissive a aren't necessarily hanging out in the same sandbox.

 

[DirtyAllie]

By definition, a switch enjoys both Topping and bottoming; an alpha submissive can still be an alpha submissive, with ZERO desire to Top. There could be some crossover, but switches and alpha submissive a aren't necessarily hanging out in the same sandbox.

Okay, thank you for the clarification.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

...

They need to learn the very first thing about being submissive, which is, tuck their needs and their ego into a small box, and then lock it away. They are giving up control. This is the very basics of the D/s relationship.

Granted I could see there might be trust issues if someone's schedule is flaky, but hey, who's the one in charge? The sub? NOT.

I don't completely agree with this... The sub should have just as much control in the relationship as the Dom(me), because setting limits is a two way street. Now, once those limits are set, they should expect anything within those boundaries to be fair play, yes. That may or may not include humiliation, so tucking away the ego is also conditional to the individual relationship. And a sub should never, ever tuck their needs away in a small box... Nor should anyone in any kind of relationship. Both needs (or all three, etc) should be fulfilled, or it's not exactly a healthy relationship in my opinion.
But surely this same argument has been had and regurgitated and flogged and resuscitated etc on this board countless times...

 

[Netzach]

I don't completely agree with this... The sub should have just as much control in the relationship as the Dom(me), because setting limits is a two way street. Now, once those limits are set, they should expect anything within those boundaries to be fair play, yes. That may or may not include humiliation, so tucking away the ego is also conditional to the individual relationship. And a sub should never, ever tuck their needs away in a small box... Nor should anyone in any kind of relationship. Both needs (or all three, etc) should be fulfilled, or it's not exactly a healthy relationship in my opinion.
But surely this same argument has been had and regurgitated and flogged and resuscitated etc on this board countless times...

This is exactly what I mean. You are coming at this as a girl, as well you should. And when I play with girls and femmes I definitely find that needs and desires need to sometimes even be flushed out or fostered or encouraged and I am infinitely sensitive to these.

And that is why I don't dominate wimmins that much, because - MY NEEDS are what I'm guarding and sticking to my guns about. Maybe Daddy Doms can make every waking moment about the girl's needs, but I do not swing that way, it's really actually about indulging ME. Truly.

The boys I meet are generally fairly in touch with their needs, have a relationship of entitlement to their needs, and are constantly worrying that their needs might not get met for ten seconds OH NOES. When a guy actually investigates the prospect of submitting to me from an outlook of "what would you like?" then and only then do I magically suddenly remember where my caring about what he might need might have wandered off to.

When you are the woman and you are about to be in charge, you are already operating in a one-down position, so the idea that "there must be equal investment in everyone's needs" keeps you in that one-down position. "Equal investment" are all the studies among couples who say they split a task 50/50 and in objective measured time he's doing 15 percent of it. If you're going to be in charge as the woman, you are going to have to brave the notion of intense unfairness, consensual unfairness.

An actual alpha-sub male is desperately seeking this unfairness and an inability to escape the one-down position he's now in. That's how you know you have one. He's not inclined to think he's God's Gift to woman, he's just aware that he doesn't need to be micromanaged and he's not kinked to being beat up by all women, just one. Basically in Femdom parlance an alpha-sub is a guy who doesn't work the "lowly shitpile worm" angle with everyone in a pair of panties.

The bottom line is that the majority of them are genetically incapable of any altruism. And unless I see that spark, I'm going to collect a paycheck for my minute of time.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Netz, you are brilliantly eloquent as always

 

[Endless_Night]

< Then there are the fit, beautiful and successful "Dominants". They are usually prodommes. That's a whole different thread. I have NO use for a prodomme, but I do see their need. They are good for the sub/slave that is just a sub/slave out of sexual fetish and not a way of life. You know the ones. They are the ones that "act up", so they are punished. >

A little off topic from where this thread has gone, but I just find this so odd. Why the judgements of pro-Domme users? And why the assumption that only pathetic (implied) fetishists hire a professional?

I'd use a pro-Dom in a heart beat! If I could find a reputable one and wasn't worried about blowing my poor SO's mind. (He's a tad traditional in the relationship department.)

Seriously. Cash on the counter, no muss, no fuss. No worrying about if they think you're a freak, or that you're doing it wrong, or that they’re not enjoying themselves, or that they're bored. (Okay. So they may be bored, but presumably their adept at hiding it. ) No emotional complications. No messy trying to integrate RL personalities with disparate sexual personalities.

SERIOUSLY. What’s not to like?

 

[Stella_Omega]

REAL MEN DON'T PAY FOR IT

his ego takes a beating.

I dunno, I get a kick out of people defining true Scotsmen. It's so transparent!

And in this guy's case, his definitions are entirely middle class.

Banker's nieces seek perfection
Expecting all the gifts that wise men bring

 

[KoPilot]

I want the OP to come back so fucking bad

But, it's sorta like that famous panel from Calvin and Hobbes...

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that a fuckwad OP has reaped their due ass-kicking is that they haven't come back to respond to it."

...yknow, minus the "intelligent life" part that was so crucial to the original.

 

[Loverskitten]

I'm thinking we're giving the OP subby wank fodder. The worm.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'm thinking we're giving the OP subby wank fodder. The worm.

Ooh baby... that's sexy talk, especially when you wear those Italian leather boots that cost you an arm and a leg and the couple grand worth of corsetry and an inch of Ice Princess™ brand makeup...

Oh please, don't crack a smile, you'll ruin it for me!

 

[satindesire]

Ooh baby... that's sexy talk, especially when you wear those Italian leather boots that cost you an arm and a leg and the couple grand worth of corsetry and an inch of Ice Princess™ brand makeup...

Oh please, don't crack a smile, you'll ruin it for me!

I'm pretty sure the OP has no idea how much MAC costs and would go on and on and on about how he preferred "natural beauty" if he did.

 

[1littlegreymouse]

The original poster posted this and has never been active on Literotica since.

Please don't eat me, my brother will be along in a little while, he's much fatter than I and if he sees that I've crossed over your bridge safely...

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'm pretty sure the OP has no idea how much MAC costs and would go on and on and on about how he preferred "natural beauty" if he did.

I forget who it was that talked about some date who went on and on about how much he preferred her natural beauty and how gorgeous she was unlike all those women who had all that makeup on-- without knowing she'd spent an hour doing her face that evening...

 

[KoPilot]

The original poster posted this and has never been active on Literotica since.

Please don't eat me, my brother will be along in a little while, he's much fatter than I and if he sees that I've crossed over your bridge safely...

Could have been logged out, you never know.

 

[satindesire]

I forget who it was that talked about some date who went on and on about how much he preferred her natural beauty and how gorgeous she was unlike all those women who had all that makeup on-- without knowing she'd spent an hour doing her face that evening...

About 95% of men that claim they prefer "No makeup" are ACTUALLY saying that you have to have a naturally perfect complexion (without doing anything to it to get it like that), naturally long, thick jet black lashes (without putting anything on them to get them like that), naturally full, pouty red lips (but no injections, implants or lipstick allowed!) and naturally dark eyes and perfect brows (without waxing or eyeshadow or liner pencils!)

What they're looking for is effortless perfection, and that's like maybe .5% of our total human population on the planet.

They should accept that their ideals about beauty mean that they need to put up with the shit women do to get there, or STFU about it and date someone that doesn't look like a supermodel.

 

[BiBunny]

Men in real life actually bitch about makeup? Jesus. The only ones I've ever heard do it were dudes on the Interwebz. I have never met a man IRL who gave a single solitary shit about how much makeup I did or did not wear. (And I always go to one extreme or the other--either a lot or none at all.)

 

[MeekMe]

I forget who it was that talked about some date who went on and on about how much he preferred her natural beauty and how gorgeous she was unlike all those women who had all that makeup on-- without knowing she'd spent an hour doing her face that evening...

This happens to me. I was having drinks with a coworker and we talked about the kinds if products we used to treat our faces. She kept asking me how I had such nice, even toned skin. I kept telling her it was makeup. She refused to believe me until I took a napkin and wiped my cheek.

Mister asks if I'm wearing makeup sometimes because he can't tell and doesn't want to insult me. I just laugh because I know he likes me no matter how I look. He's seen me in pretty bad shape.

 

[satindesire]

Men in real life actually bitch about makeup? Jesus. The only ones I've ever heard do it were dudes on the Interwebz. I have never met a man IRL who gave a single solitary shit about how much makeup I did or did not wear. (And I always go to one extreme or the other--either a lot or none at all.)

Yes, they really do! I've been told by countless dudes (unsolicited comments all) that they either loved the fact that I didn't wear make-up (I do, sometimes it looks natural and sometimes it's glam) or comments that I wear too much and should "stick to being natural, 'cause guys really appreciate that."

Thanks...but....I DON'T WEAR IT FOR YOU.

 

[BiBunny]

Yes, they really do! I've been told by countless dudes (unsolicited comments all) that they either loved the fact that I didn't wear make-up (I do, sometimes it looks natural and sometimes it's glam) or comments that I wear too much and should "stick to being natural, 'cause guys really appreciate that."

Thanks...but....I DON'T WEAR IT FOR YOU.

Good lord.

(Them, I mean, not you.)

 

[satindesire]

Good lord.

(Them, I mean, not you.)

Both, you mean.

 

[Netzach]

Men in real life actually bitch about makeup? Jesus. The only ones I've ever heard do it were dudes on the Interwebz. I have never met a man IRL who gave a single solitary shit about how much makeup I did or did not wear. (And I always go to one extreme or the other--either a lot or none at all.)

This.

Unless they want lessons in how to put it on, it's been completely a non-topic.