Dominant women, not so Dominant

[IrisAlthea]

This.

Unless they want lessons in how to put it on, it's been completely a non-topic.

Thirded.

 

[BlondieSinner29]

Like most things in life, people have different interpretations and perceptions of subjects, not to mention opinions. With that being stated, my interpretation of a Dominant is an individual that has themselves and their affairs in order. They can manage and conduct themselves proficiently, without the need of a sub/slave's servitude.

I know a few Dominants, of both genders, and in my personal experience, almost every female is not a true Dominant, other than in a fetish dynamic maybe. They seem to have issues from their past, many are out of shape, many are lazy, many have little going on career wise and MOST cannot manage their life much less a sub/slave.

Then there are the fit, beautiful and successful "Dominants". They are usually prodommes. That's a whole different thread. I have NO use for a prodomme, but I do see their need. They are good for the sub/slave that is just a sub/slave out of sexual fetish and not a way of life. You know the ones. They are the ones that "act up", so they are punished.

Anyway, has any other subs/slaves (or potential) experience this issue with females? I have time after time. I'll meet a female, claiming to be Dominant, and she starts out with stating that she is very busy and will be limited with time to respond to messages. I guess this works for the completely submissive individuals, but what about those of us males that are "alpha sub" ? I am considered a Dominant man in general, but has and desires a female that will be Dominant with me in a long term relationship.

Every body in reality is more of a switch if your balancing your work with your personal life.

Like if a woman has hard-ships, that doesn't mean she can't play a real-dom in the bedroom.

Some of the women like me you would never expect have true femdom traits. I can do the switch thing but when it comes to sex I have to have my way. My old b/f that passed away that told me a woman makes the rules, in the bedroom. And he was right when you think about it.

When you go through a contract. If you don't abide by that contract, ecpecially the womans demands, and requests, you can get in alot of trouble can't you which is true for men too but ecpecially with the women because there very picky and they usually have stronger emotions? Some women have pysch issues, some women can't handle certain scenes, and some women like me just don't trust ropes, and handcuffs on them period. It's an automatic turn-off for me. I had an experince with a male dom when I was seventeen and when I told him I didn't like it he suggested ropes on the body cause he loved taking photographs of women. I found that very interesting.

But he never crossed that boundry with me at all.

Now if i'm to tie a man or woman up, depending on my mood. That's fine and dandy, because I know I can trust myself. And I love myself. But with me I have alot of areas on my body that are highly sensitive to touch and I have a hard time relaxing, even if somebody is giving me a back rub.

Another thing about me is I have to have my needs met first, if you do good, I'll return the favor, but if you don't, forget it. I got so tired over the years of my past relationships to were I became more dominant and bored with being a female submissive. I"m very quiet, but at the same time if you pay me, i'll talk, and if I like you, i'll talk to you for free and i'm actually very upfront.

And I will approach you if I really want to. I'm just picky. And that's one of my strongest traits. Picky, unpredictable, but friendly and easy to trust.

That's why I actually wish I could one day consider a part-time profession out of it. It might be interesting to try it out you know? I just wouldn't know were to start.

 

[Oubliette123]

This sort of attitude runs across the board, not just in this lifestyle. I have friends who want the 'perfect' partner and won't settle for anything less. One friend met a nice girl (vanilla relationship) and mentioned to me there was just one problem and I quote; 'the only thing is, she's got a weird name'. My response was whaaaa?!

My BDSM relationship with my husband started out with both of us not knowing anything (10 years on we still don't feel we have learnt everything and probably never will), but we are growing together and my god it's so much fun!

Like Stella says, if you want perfection pay for it. If you don't want to pay then be prepared to work at a lifestyle with someone. And besides, who's to say you are perfect in your role?

 

[celestialdragon]

*sighs*

As a switch, leaning more toward the submissive side, I can understand both sides.

However, we are all human. We are all going to make mistakes; shit happens.

"Being on top of one's shit" can mean many things. For instance, at first glance, OP may find me lazy: I'm female who sits at home on the computer, eats, and sleeps, normally with the TV on. I am unemployed, save for the occasional babysitting job.

HOWEVER, I am a full time college student, getting my undergrad degree in psychology (not a very easy discipline). Were I to graduate this spring with my A.S., I would graduate magna cum laude. I am a member of three honor societies. I have marched in drum corps (for those of you who don't know, it's like marching band on massive steriods) for the past almost 8 years. As a result, I have developed tendonitis, carpal tunnel, weak ankles. I have chronic migraines and low blood pressure. Thanks to a kung fu tournament, I have a shifted rib that can cause breathing problems. In addition to this, I am also a Tiger leader at my local Cub Scout pack.

I can write a decent paper written in APA or MLA; I can run a 10 minute mile; I can use proper English; I can do basic arithmetic; I can balance a checkbook and fill out my own medical paperwork. I don't think about going out on the weekends and partying up with my friends; I am most likely thinking about my upcoming project due for a class, or homework, or whether or not I should practice spinning my rifle or sabre, or what I'm going to do with my Tiger Scouts. I know how to take care of my body as well as some body else's. I know what my plans are for after I get my A.S. next spring.

I would consider all of the above as me "having my shit together". Yes, my plans have changed. But I continue to work with everything and try to be not just the best submissive, or the best Domme I can be, but the best person I can be. Because I believe that's more important than the fact that I am kinky. Just my personal opinion.

Oh, and PS? I'm also 20. So take that.

 

[StrayKat]

Oh cammon, you cant be really offended with what some random wannabe "sub" posts in his single post on Lit

 

[Stella_Omega]

Oh cammon, you cant be really offended with what some random wannabe "sub" posts in his single post on Lit

You let one go by, another one goes by, next thing you know the ants are all over your beautiful picnic.

 

[satindesire]

You let one go by, another one goes by, next thing you know the ants are all over your beautiful picnic.

I agree. Complacency can be read as silent agreement from the ones who stated the original statement. As it is with the rest of the world.

The OP may well be gone...(I suspect s/he came back to read the replies but was shut up too effectively and intelligently to have the brass ovaries to post again) but I can promise you other people ARE reading and paying attention to how this board handles trolls.

It's not just the mods that prevent trolls from flooding our boards, it's also the attitudes and posting of the regulars that keeps them away.

The last thing this place should look like is the general board, where 99% of my Ignore List comes from.

 

[StrayKat]

You let one go by, another one goes by, next thing you know the ants are all over your beautiful picnic.

I didnt say dont rip them a new one, I said dont take them to the heart.
Or maybe I am so blasé these days I cant really get hot much over insignificant people no matter what they say.

 

[satindesire]

I didnt say dont rip them a new one, I said dont take them to the heart.
Or maybe I am so blasé these days I cant really get hot much over insignificant people no matter what they say.

You gotta pick your battles. Everyone gets tired of BS and has to escape from it sometime.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I didnt say dont rip them a new one, I said dont take them to the heart.

I do know what you're saying there.
But who knows what will click with another reader? Some people will read CelestialDragon's entirely personal testimony and feel validated by it, because that's how they are too.

 

[StrayKat]

I understand what you both lovely ladies are saying, I just felt sorry that a genuine contributor on this board got worked out over somebody not worth their attention.
Maybe I am wrong but I have a feeling it hit home for her for some reason and she felt the need to justify herself. What is not ok.

I may be completely off of course.

 

[celestialdragon]

StrayKat, you're partially right, but not entirely.

Yes, it struck a nerve. It struck a different nerve that is not used to being struck, and I felt the need to defend myself. It's a habit of mine, a defense mechanism, and I'm working on it.

HOWEVER:

Most of the posts either mocked the OP, or gave helpful advice, or were just plain rude/mean/uncouth. Take your pick of vocabulary. Not just that, but most of the people who commented were commenting from one or the other perspective, either the submissive or Dominant perspective. I simply sought to give a voice to those of us who can go either way, like myself. Also, many people who posted are older/more experience than I am, and I merely gave my opinion via personal testimony.

To you, it may not have been worth your attention. But to me, it did. I could go all psychological and sociological about why I replied the way I did, what exactly my words were meant to say and why I even bothered to reply at all. But the bottom line is simply what Stella and satindesire said: You let one person like that get by, you give an excuse for everyone else who is of that mindset. And for me, when it comes to things like this, is unacceptable behavior.

 

[StrayKat]

I understand. I had a temporary case of sympathy because I didnt think you should feel like justifying yourself to some bigot on the internet.
I will go back to my old bitchy unsympathetic self now

 

[celestialdragon]

I understand completely, StrayKat. And you're right. I shouldn't have to do that. But as long as there's people out there like that, I need to.

But thanks for the temporary case of sympathy. Much appreciated.