Dominants that have never heard of safecalls...

[twysted73]

I have only ever really been in this situation once and he knew I had to call my friend, I.

I was curious before but let it slide.

I'm curious again. What were your green and red words? And was it "H" you were calling?
I would suspect so.

 

[myinnerslut]

*blinks*

I've been involved with BDSM for almost ten years. Prior to this past year, and late in the year I might add, I'd never heard of safecalls. I've yet to use one, or had one used by anyone meeting me (to my knowledge. What they did out of my sight I have no idea).

i used one. roomate would have killed me otherwise. come on, you knew that.... didnt you?

 

[Homburg]

i used one. roomate would have killed me otherwise. come on, you knew that.... didnt you?

I assumed it, but as it did not happen in front of me, I was not going to say that you did.

 

[SpicyPepper]

A poll would be a good idea.

I think anyone who hasnt heard of a 'safe call,' whether they are vanilla or D/s may have been hiding under a rock or simply lying.

Um... I guess you could say I'm vanilla but extremely interested in BDSM (still trying to introduce it to my partner) and I've NEVER heard of a "safe call". Mind you, I've never met anyone from online.
I've heard of safewords...

For all this talk of safe calls, I still don't know exactly what it is...

 

[ecstaticsub]

I've done safe calls in one way or another ever since I learned how to drive. I had to call my mother to let her know I got some place safe. In a way it is a courtesy to the people you love tolet them know you are safe.

I have also done them in the vanilla world when going home with men I have met at a bar/club/party whatever. I will ask for their picture ID and then call a friend telling them full name and address of whoever I am with.

I met my PYL on-line and he mentioned safe calls before I had the chance to. I'm a safety freak. I sent both my sister and my husband all the infomation I had plus any pictures he had sent me of himself. If he hadn't matched up with his picture I would have left. It made me feel much more secure when he insisted on all the safety measures before I even had the chance to ask.

Even 3 years later I call my husband and let him know what hotel room I will be in immediately before I step inside. It makes him feel better.

 

[BiBunny]

Until I came to Lit, I'd never heard of them, either. *Shrug*

 

[Kowalski2]

As a newbie to all this, I knew all about safety words and such like, however this is the first time I've heard of a safe call. I can totally agree that it's a wise move, as someone stated above, if you're going to let a relatively random stranger tie you up, then you want at least some level of backup.

I wouldn't have an issue with it at all, seems very wise.

 

[ataxia.girl]

i do them but in a sort of half assed way. i contact people to let them know i am okay but i don't get the contact information of the people i'm meeting. Its hard for me to understand how talking to someone online and on phone for months and then meeting them is more dangerous than going home with someone you meet in a bar. So far i've always met in a hotel though where i feel reasonably confident i could attract attention if needed, whether or not i'd have the will to do so is another story. i go kinda loopy, ultra trusting, ultra obedient when in scene. i definitely can't be trusted to safeword. i'm not totally out of it, i've stopped and said i didn't like things or didn't want to do things because i don't want them to think i want something when i really don't.

i get off on taking that leap of faith and trusting the other person. i did meet one person i had only emailed with and when it came down to actually going to the hotel i chickened out and just met him in public, actually Uncle Jackass intervened on that one and talked me out of it. The other people i have met i have known online and by phone for awhile.

 

[WriterDom]

It's a tool but the reality is a safe call isn't going to keep you safe. It may however help the police locate the corpse.

 

[ataxia.girl]

It's a tool but the reality is a safe call isn't going to keep you safe. It may however help the police locate the corpse.

yeah that's kind of how i feel about it and since i've always been in a hotel up until this point i haven't worried about it much. i would probably think harder about meeting at someone else's house but i don't think that is very likely to happen. One of my online friends did want to do a safecall with me and have the contact information of Uncle Jackass before i met him and i said no. i just really didn't want that net and it was a very conscious decision. It is honestly part of the power exchange for me. i need it to be real.

 

[desertslave]

I was introduced to the "lifestyle" in 1978. No internet, very little straight-folks networking outside some urban areas. I'd never heard of safecalls til I started talking with online folks a few years back.

I understand safecalls in principle, but I still wonder exactly what they're supposed to accomplish in a worst-case scenario other than where to find the body a little quicker. If someone means you harm, and is smooth about it, they will do you in as soon as you hang up the phone. Timing is everything. Background research is better, but still not an answer.

What we do is risky. Then again, meeting a "stranger" from an online book club could be just as dangerous.

 

[Instig8r]

I understand safecalls in principle, but I still wonder exactly what they're supposed to accomplish in a worst-case scenario other than where to find the body a little quicker. If someone means you harm, and is smooth about it, they will do you in as soon as you hang up the phone.

If the person receiving the safecall also received ID information, then, the police have a place to start in tracking down the murderer. The idea would be to prevent future murders by capturing them. A good thing?

 

[ataxia.girl]

What we do is risky. Then again, meeting a "stranger" from an online book club could be just as dangerous.

Maybe i've been looking in the wrong places...

 

[desertslave]

If the person receiving the safecall also received ID information, then, the police have a place to start in tracking down the murderer. The idea would be to prevent future murders by capturing them. A good thing?

Good, but not exactly "safe" for the original victim.

Then again, I blew off my safecalls when I met M for the first time. I did touch base with a friend, told her all was well, and canceled any follow-up. Pretty dumb on the face of it, but he had turned out to be exactly as he'd claimed to be for the previous 7 months of online conversation, and I felt I was safe. He'd also made it very clear that all I had to do was tell him I wasn't ready for anything else after our first dinner together, and he was completely willing to be a total gentleman about it. I did NOT send him away. Nine years later, he's still stuck with me.

 

[Instig8r]

Good, but not exactly "safe" for the original victim.

Wearing a seat belt is good, but not exactly "safe" if one is hit head-on by a semi-truck. The moral? Don't wear a seat belt.

There are predators who see BDSM as an easy way to acquire their prey. Some predators are better at their job than others so there will always be victims. The community needs to identify those people and spread the word as soon as possible. Some choose to go through life relying on intuition and luck alone and live a long time unscathed. But ignorance and stupidity are two of the quickest ways to become a victim.

 

[girlofurdreams]

on that note...

how safe are we ever really from anyone???? it's all well and good to prepare and be precautious, and i'm definitely not saying throw all caution to the wind and go home with everybody you meet and not let anyone else know where you are or what you're doing...

but how many serial killers lived 'normal' lives before they were caught?? how many children have been abused by their OWN families for years with no one else knowing the wiser??? what about the parents who are killed by their own children at point blank range? the children drowned in family car by their own fathers? the 80 year old grandfather who killed his wife of 50 years just this month infront of his grandchildren and injured his police officer daughter in the attack!!!

lesson here is trust no one... do everything you can to protect yourself without locking yourself in the basement and becoming a social hermit!

 

[Homburg]

http://www.criminalsearches.com/default.aspx

Bloody useful site. I'm sure you all can figure out why.