Domination without Humiliation

[sweetnpetite]

It's an old story, but quite often it's true - A person who is a strong-willed control freak in their life can find being dominated a very exciting thing, and a turn on...

Yes, that is sometimes true.

But sometimes, the strong willed control freak is a control freak in the bedroom too- and they need to be gently taught to let go (somehow...)

 

[raphy]

Hmm... That a hint to the content of your story, SnP?

I'd imagine that would start with non-consensual physical restraint first, and then the slow realization that his lover knows his body better than he does, and that if he just relaxed, let go and submitted, the pleasure would only get better.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Hmm... That a hint to the content of your story, SnP?

I'd imagine that would start with non-consensual physical restraint first, and then the slow realization that his lover knows his body better than he does, and that if he just relaxed, let go and submitted, the pleasure would only get better.

Actually, it starts out with bribery

 

[raphy]

Ooh, that sounds interesting.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Can you have D/s without humiliation? Definitely. Most of my written stuff involves just this kind of thing. To me, the question is kind of like asking if you can write about male homosexuality without getting into pink tutus.

There's a pretty wide misconception that a sexual submissive is that way because of a negative self-image, that they tend to be some sort of human doormat. This might be true for some subs, but definitely not true for all, and the subs I have personally known have all been very assertive, capable, and accomplished women. They enjoy being sexually dominated but not being humiliated. The two things are not related at all.

The dynamics of D/s are subtle and complicated, but the idea that a dom is a whip-wielding sadist and the submissive a boot-licking masochist is totally inaccurate and misguided.

---dr.M.

 

[raphy]

So, I popped over to the BDSM board to check out SnP's thread. Well, damn, some of those people over there are all kinds of rude.

Some of 'em seemed really supportive though

 

[Vincent E]

submission does not necessarily have to be synonymous with degradation.

In fact, the two are mutually exclusive.

Domination and submission have as much to do with trust and respect as any other love/sexual relationship. While the Sub is succumbing to the will of the Dom, the Dom is in a position of responsibility. It is the duty of the Dom to protect the Sub and to respect the limits of the Sub. The Sub is entitled to have limits respected and adhered to, in return the Sub gives over total control to the Dom.

Degradation and humiliation play into a different fetish altogether, and unfortunately they tend to get blurred with domination and submission. An amusing degradtion and humiliation story posted here at Lit is a six-part tale called Of Mouse and Man by Jonesmeister. This one really goes over the edge. There is nothing resembling a relationship between the principal man and woman. This is a one way story in that it deals entirely with the humiliation of the man and only his feelings and thoughts. It is written in first-person.

Perdita's stories dealing with bondage and discipline have a much softer edge to them. Her heroine is a willing sex worker whose clients respect all limits. While they do not deal with a love relationship, the erotic nature of the stories is excellent, and the feelings of the submissive woman are taken into account. Again, here Perdita writes in the first person as well, so the thoughts of the Doms do not enter into the story.

A good third person domination story that excludes humilitation would be quite a hit with the BDSM crowd on that forum.

In my somewhat limited experience with domination and submission I have tried to be thoughtul and respectful of my subbie, which in turn lead to loyalty and compliance. It enhanced the relationship. When, on the odd occasion, I submitted to a woman it was only with someone with whom I trusted my life. That made it more than a game; it made it real. The trust I felt for her was only enhanced since I knew she would guide things with respect towards me.

Deal with emotions and thoughts in your story instead of how many spankings the submissive receives ad what kind of knots the Sub is tied into. Get into the cerebral aspect of the D&S relationship and you will have a big hit on your hands.

 

[Guest]

Vincenzo, bello, besides giving excellent 'feedback' to me, this post above is very thoughtful and nuanced. Good on you, I admire your thinking.

regards, Perdita

 

[destinie21]

IMHO domination of the mind is so much more erotic and interesting than physical domination. After all someone who is physically stonger than me can basically bend me to their will. On the other hand someone who can get in my mind and make me want to submit is... well

 

[sweetnpetite]

The dynamics of D/s are subtle and complicated, but the idea that a dom is a whip-wielding sadist and the submissive a boot-licking masochist is totally inaccurate and misguided.

---dr.M.

And it doesn't help that the dictionary definition apparently reinforces these misconceptions

HI doc, nice to see you

 

[sweetnpetite]

IMHO domination of the mind is so much more erotic and interesting than physical domination. After all someone who is physically stonger than me can basically bend me to their will. On the other hand someone who can get in my mind and make me want to submit is... well

I second that

 

[Vincent E]

Vincenzo, bello, besides giving excellent 'feedback' to me, this post above is very thoughtful and nuanced. Good on you, I admire your thinking.

regards, Perdita

Thank-you, Mistress.

 

[sweetnpetite]

In fact, the two are mutually exclusive.

.

Loved your post, but I disagree on this one point.

I enjoy humilliation and degredation when its done right. Check out my story "Forced to Pee"

However, I also know that it's not an absolute requisite, and I'd like to write a different take on BDSM to which there are many aspects, I find it utterly fascinating.

I want to write a story about a sexy man who is secure and masculine, strong, powerful- he doens't want to be humiliated or immasculated, put he wishes to submit. He wants to please her.

Well that's given me some more ideas. The one I'm working on now is a little different from that, but I will come back and revisit the theme, with the above idea.

The one I'm working on now is about a reluctant submissive. He consents, but he's not really gung ho about it.

I also have one up that is non-consent. That's a real femdom, Ms. Bitch to you kinda story I gotta work on part two of that one pretty soon.

I don't want all my stories to be the same old thing over and over again. thats boring (and I've seen writers do it too)

I try to be unexpected in my stories. I dont' like to just do the obvious. At least not too often.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Oh yea, I'm checking out that man or mouse story (so far I like it) as well as perdita's stuff. BDSM lite, thats kinda how I classify my interest, but my stories will range from lite to beyond

 

[Guest]

Thank-you, Mistress.

Big grin from me. Oh what the hell:

Maitresse Perdita