Doms can you explain what you get out of it?

[Lizzie_Borden]

I've never meant any harm to anyone and did not see why I was being called out on a technicality in writing style. It seems odd that style may override content. Two people that possibly come from distinctly different places, should attempt to embrace differences as apposed to nit picking some minor issue of whether or not my writing technique is to their liking. Maybe a kind PM would have been more appropriate. It may have opened the door of communication with yet another person, allowed each other to understand each others unique thought processes, and given fertile ground for a possible friendship.

I understand that I may not have the same sexual orientation as you or another, but that means absolutely nothing to me. I am not a judgmental person, and I do embrace differences and find them to be both intellectually and emotionally stimulating, friendship comes in all sizes, colors, and orientations.

Sorry if I offended you.

Style will always trump content, when that style is difficult or annoying to read, to the point where the content is disregarded.

To assume that I'm nitpicking (or being judgemental as you infer) at you because of a different gender or sexual orientation is really lame though, and you have indeed now offended.

 

[MasterandSir]

My thoughts...

I get a many things out of Domming a submissive or a slave. Domming for me is about lots of things; sexual satisfaction, the joy of the play itself, the complete control, the feeling of ownership and the closeness that goes with it, the level of freedom, I get an explicit level of trust and respect that allows me to play well outside the bounds of vanilla play. Hypnosis and edge play for example, require absolute trust and a certain level of kink. I like lifestyle D/s I find that it isn't a switch I can turn off.

 

[switchbitch]

I get a many things out of Domming a submissive or a slave. Domming for me is about lots of things; sexual satisfaction, the joy of the play itself, the complete control, the feeling of ownership and the closeness that goes with it, the level of freedom, I get an explicit level of trust and respect that allows me to play well outside the bounds of vanilla play. Hypnosis and edge play for example, require absolute trust and a certain level of kink. I like lifestyle D/s I find that it isn't a switch I can turn off.

While I understand it isn't a switch that you can turn off, (why would you want to) can you elaborate on what you consider lifestyle D/s?

 

[goodsonformom]

Style will always trump content, when that style is difficult or annoying to read, to the point where the content is disregarded.

To assume that I'm nitpicking (or being judgemental as you infer) at you because of a different gender or sexual orientation is really lame though, and you have indeed now offended.

To assume I was inferring that you were nitpicking because we may or may not be of different sexual orientation is lame. I never inferred that. I was just saying in general I don't care, which I guess you failed to read. And I don't care.........period. Yours, mine, or any others and their sexual orientation means shit to me. What I was trying to imply was... I am not judgmental.

I wish others were of that intent. And it seems your intent, may be to offend.."But frankly Lizzie...I don't give a damn"

 

[madam_noe]

Dommegasm

I'm an old-school Domme, trained for 8 years with 4 mentors, been playing for over 12 yaers, most of them personal but I have also been a pro Domme. On the pro side I never get sexual with a client, and on the personal side I rarely get sexual with my slaves.

BDSM is a fetish, and a fetish is something that takes the place of sex. The point is to get to a euphoric state, the mental component of an orgasm without the physical. In submissives it's called subspace, in Dominant's it's called a Domgasm or Dommegasm.

No matter how I'm dominating or what particular fetish I am doing when I have the perfect sub (young, good looking, athletic, intelligent, a wee bit defiant, never tops from the bottom, has few limits) I find myself feeling high after we play. In fact when I have that in my pro sessions I usually skip home from the dungeon because I'm so happy.

The feeling of power and control is addictive and fantastic. When you assume full responsibility for another human they become your property and it's a high you can ride for hours.

I know intellectually why people are submissive, but in my heart I just don't get it. Being dominant means in the end I get whatever I want. If I want to fuck someone in the ass, if I want to suspend them from flesh hooks and pour hot wax on them, administer an enema, whip with a single tail, force them to drink my piss, or have them lick food off my feet...I can have it all.

It is even better on the sexual side. Who wouldn't want a sex slave? Someone you train to your liking who has to pleasure you however you like and you can toy with and tease all you like. I seriously see no downside to it.

So in my mind a better question would be: dominants, what DON'T you get out of it?

 

[MissHolly]

I know intellectually why people are submissive, but in my heart I just don't get it.

Do you care to elaborate? I am new to submission, just 1 year now, but I jumped in with both feet and and eager body and mind!

I have, many times in the last year, tried to figure out "WHAT" it is about this that turns me on so much? "WHY" does serving and being dominated sexually make my pussy drip?

There was a time...not long ago...when I would have been repulsed by my actions. Now I am like a sponge...and I only want more. Yet I still wonder....WHY?

 

[kimuk]

I'm an old-school Domme, trained for 8 years with 4 mentors, been playing for over 12 yaers, most of them personal but I have also been a pro Domme. On the pro side I never get sexual with a client, and on the personal side I rarely get sexual with my slaves.

BDSM is a fetish, and a fetish is something that takes the place of sex. The point is to get to a euphoric state, the mental component of an orgasm without the physical. In submissives it's called subspace, in Dominant's it's called a Domgasm or Dommegasm.

No matter how I'm dominating or what particular fetish I am doing when I have the perfect sub (young, good looking, athletic, intelligent, a wee bit defiant, never tops from the bottom, has few limits) I find myself feeling high after we play. In fact when I have that in my pro sessions I usually skip home from the dungeon because I'm so happy.

The feeling of power and control is addictive and fantastic. When you assume full responsibility for another human they become your property and it's a high you can ride for hours.

I know intellectually why people are submissive, but in my heart I just don't get it. Being dominant means in the end I get whatever I want. If I want to fuck someone in the ass, if I want to suspend them from flesh hooks and pour hot wax on them, administer an enema, whip with a single tail, force them to drink my piss, or have them lick food off my feet...I can have it all.

It is even better on the sexual side. Who wouldn't want a sex slave? Someone you train to your liking who has to pleasure you however you like and you can toy with and tease all you like. I seriously see no downside to it.

So in my mind a better question would be: dominants, what DON'T you get out of it?

But isnt that what the submissive gets out of it too ~ just what they want?

 

[kimuk]

Do you care to elaborate? I am new to submission, just 1 year now, but I jumped in with both feet and and eager body and mind!

I have, many times in the last year, tried to figure out "WHAT" it is about this that turns me on so much? "WHY" does serving and being dominated sexually make my pussy drip?

There was a time...not long ago...when I would have been repulsed by my actions. Now I am like a sponge...and I only want more. Yet I still wonder....WHY?

And the thread takes a new twist?

Well I'm fairly new too compared with the pureist of Lit lol.

For me its about acceptance, being aloowed to be my sexual self, its a personal indulgance. My Dom feeds me. He gets inside my mind and often knows what I want and need better than I do. Its a voyage a sexual discovery . A chance to push limits and boundaries within the safety of a relationship based on mutual trust , desire and kink. Its about being able to imerse myself in the complexity of sensations, emotions and mental challenges. Its the ability to give with pleasure and love and to reap the rewards

 

[switchbitch]

And the thread takes a new twist?

Well I'm fairly new too compared with the pureist of Lit lol.

For me its about acceptance, being aloowed to be my sexual self, its a personal indulgance. My Dom feeds me. He gets inside my mind and often knows what I want and need better than I do. Its a voyage a sexual discovery . A chance to push limits and boundaries within the safety of a relationship based on mutual trust , desire and kink. Its about being able to imerse myself in the complexity of sensations, emotions and mental challenges. Its the ability to give with pleasure and love and to reap the rewards

beautifully put

 

[goodsonformom]

beautifully put

Perfect. Thank you.

 

[madam_noe]

But isnt that what the submissive gets out of it too ~ just what they want?

Er, no, that's not the proper approach. A true submissive should enjoy servitude and pleasing the Top but as for the details, we Tops get what we want.

For example if I need my shoes cleaned while my slave is a foot rest I really on;t give a shit if he or she likes cleaning shoes or being furniture. I just care about their commitment to pleasing me.

Towards the end of play if they have pleased me then yes, I do the mutual fetishes I know we both enjoy to push them to subspace.

So using that example if my slave hated being my footstool and cleaning my shoes but did a good job, I'd reward them with something they did enjoy such as Queening or strap-on pegging. But rewards can take hours.

 

[switchbitch]

Er, no, that's not the proper approach. A true submissive should enjoy servitude and pleasing the Top but as for the details, we Tops get what we want.

For example if I need my shoes cleaned while my slave is a foot rest I really on;t give a shit if he or she likes cleaning shoes or being furniture. I just care about their commitment to pleasing me.

Towards the end of play if they have pleased me then yes, I do the mutual fetishes I know we both enjoy to push them to subspace.

So using that example if my slave hated being my footstool and cleaning my shoes but did a good job, I'd reward them with something they did enjoy such as Queening or strap-on pegging. But rewards can take hours.

styles range from submissive to submissive and from dominant to dominant the term trueis really only suitably used when referring to your own submissive.
For some submissives the ultimate pleasure is in serving their master or mistress no matter what the request. And so when I ask them to serve or when I am asked to serve that is the reward in and of itself.
however I do agree that the commitment to pleasing is very pleasing to me.

 

[kimuk]

Er, no, that's not the proper approach. A true submissive should enjoy servitude and pleasing the Top but as for the details, we Tops get what we want.

For example if I need my shoes cleaned while my slave is a foot rest I really on;t give a shit if he or she likes cleaning shoes or being furniture. I just care about their commitment to pleasing me.

Towards the end of play if they have pleased me then yes, I do the mutual fetishes I know we both enjoy to push them to subspace.

So using that example if my slave hated being my footstool and cleaning my shoes but did a good job, I'd reward them with something they did enjoy such as Queening or strap-on pegging. But rewards can take hours.

OK so this is just my opinion ~ arn't there diffefent ends to every spectrum? Some relationships which I supose you might describe as Master/ Mistress ~ slave are extream? Have defferent demands and expectations?

Isnt the essance finding "The One" whoes in your spectrum? Not caring what the "eliete" think but devoloping a relationship both sexual and personal which "fits" the couple?

Everyones perspectives, ideals, needs and desires are unique. Surely it's about finding your place in the jigsaw?

 

[biffothebear]

OK so this is just my opinion ~ arn't there diffefent ends to every spectrum? Some relationships which I supose you might describe as Master/ Mistress ~ slave are extream? Have defferent demands and expectations?

Isnt the essance finding "The One" whoes in your spectrum? Not caring what the "eliete" think but devoloping a relationship both sexual and personal which "fits" the couple?

Everyones perspectives, ideals, needs and desires are unique. Surely it's about finding your place in the jigsaw?

So glad our pieces fit.

 

[kimuk]

So glad our pieces fit.

Perfectly xx

 

[jonicaswift]

Remember how much fun it is to build a sandcastle? Well, imagine that the sand is so eager to be formed that it shimmers and vibrates and almost leaps into your hands.

And oh yes. The sand has supple breasts, and begs.

I love this description.

 

[KoPilot]

Er, no, that's not the proper approach. A true submissive should enjoy servitude and pleasing the Top but as for the details, we Tops get what we want.

For example if I need my shoes cleaned while my slave is a foot rest I really on;t give a shit if he or she likes cleaning shoes or being furniture. I just care about their commitment to pleasing me.

Towards the end of play if they have pleased me then yes, I do the mutual fetishes I know we both enjoy to push them to subspace.

So using that example if my slave hated being my footstool and cleaning my shoes but did a good job, I'd reward them with something they did enjoy such as Queening or strap-on pegging. But rewards can take hours.

I could go on and on about what a "true" D might be, and could easily make it sound like you're not one just because you don't fit my ideal.

True subs don't exist-- only real subs, who are people, and are just as varied and unique as there are people out there who are subs.

As for what subs get out of it? We get to relinquish control and not have to give a hoot about anything except what we're told to give a hoot about. I mean, comparatively speaking, we're the ones that have it easy! No needing to bark orders or figure out what to do next, no needing to sort through the sticky details of what we want, no needing to act-- just react. And coming from someone that doesn't have much in the way of a self-sustaining sex drive, having someone else "inflict" their sexuality and libido on me is what I need. And that's just when it's sex! The rest is all cuddling and being coddled and taken care of and not having to decide where we're going to dinner or what TV program to watch. It's kind of like being a housecat. Doesn't everyone envy housecats?

I mean, they've got it made.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ij6OMzco-qA/TZf0xrd8DhI/AAAAAAAAAH8/qrJRZmBHegE/s1600/lazy-cat.jpg

 

[kimuk]

I could go on and on about what a "true" D might be, and could easily make it sound like you're not one just because you don't fit my ideal.

True subs don't exist-- only real subs, who are people, and are just as varied and unique as there are people out there who are subs.

As for what subs get out of it? We get to relinquish control and not have to give a hoot about anything except what we're told to give a hoot about. I mean, comparatively speaking, we're the ones that have it easy! No needing to bark orders or figure out what to do next, no needing to sort through the sticky details of what we want, no needing to act-- just react. And coming from someone that doesn't have much in the way of a self-sustaining sex drive, having someone else "inflict" their sexuality and libido on me is what I need. And that's just when it's sex! The rest is all cuddling and being coddled and taken care of and not having to decide where we're going to dinner or what TV program to watch. It's kind of like being a housecat. Doesn't everyone envy housecats?

I mean, they've got it made.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ij6OMzco-qA/TZf0xrd8DhI/AAAAAAAAAH8/qrJRZmBHegE/s1600/lazy-cat.jpg

What a great pic ~ relaxed pussy

 

[thischainedpet]

And the thread takes a new twist?

Well I'm fairly new too compared with the pureist of Lit lol.

For me its about acceptance, being aloowed to be my sexual self, its a personal indulgance. My Dom feeds me. He gets inside my mind and often knows what I want and need better than I do. Its a voyage a sexual discovery . A chance to push limits and boundaries within the safety of a relationship based on mutual trust , desire and kink. Its about being able to imerse myself in the complexity of sensations, emotions and mental challenges. Its the ability to give with pleasure and love and to reap the rewards

I agree with switchbitch... Beautifully put.

 

[Goodgirl4him]

exactly. to me, its also about doing things you wouldn't normally do, maybe outside your own personal comfort zone, simply because you know it will make him happy and will please him. stretching your limits for another, bending your thoughts to his will, feeling the complete power exchange that brings subspace, over whelming your mind and body....ahhhh its addictive!!!!

 

[madam_noe]

I could go on and on about what a "true" D might be, and could easily make it sound like you're not one just because you don't fit my ideal.

True subs don't exist-- only real subs, who are people, and are just as varied and unique as there are people out there who are subs.

As for what subs get out of it? We get to relinquish control and not have to give a hoot about anything except what we're told to give a hoot about. I mean, comparatively speaking, we're the ones that have it easy! No needing to bark orders or figure out what to do next, no needing to sort through the sticky details of what we want, no needing to act-- just react. And coming from someone that doesn't have much in the way of a self-sustaining sex drive, having someone else "inflict" their sexuality and libido on me is what I need. And that's just when it's sex! The rest is all cuddling and being coddled and taken care of and not having to decide where we're going to dinner or what TV program to watch. It's kind of like being a housecat. Doesn't everyone envy housecats?

I mean, they've got it made.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ij6OMzco-qA/TZf0xrd8DhI/AAAAAAAAAH8/qrJRZmBHegE/s1600/lazy-cat.jpg

Hmmm, interesting, I do like how you put it. I think it's kind of interesting how subs feel they've got it made and tops think the same way. I guess that's why we go so well together.

I guess we'll always feel that way. Having a happy sub who is pleased to be with me and serve me makes me happy, and I know most subs are not happy until their Dom/me is happy. I'm almost tempted to stop thinking right there because isn't that the recipe for the perfect relationship?

 

[kimuk]

Hmmm, interesting, I do like how you put it. I think it's kind of interesting how subs feel they've got it made and tops think the same way. I guess that's why we go so well together.

I guess we'll always feel that way. Having a happy sub who is pleased to be with me and serve me makes me happy, and I know most subs are not happy until their Dom/me is happy. I'm almost tempted to stop thinking right there because isn't that the recipe for the perfect relationship?

It works for me

 

[Mjlonir97]

I agree that the balance at the end of the day is awsome the beauty that you can as a Dom go aound and get what you want when you want , while the sUB enjoyes the lack of choice and knowing they fuful somone elses needs before theres can be so enjoyable.

 

[shooterofbulle2]

Submission is an ultimate act of love, doing whatever your partner needs in order to satisfy them. That's something I've often done for others, but unfortunately, very rarely have they ever done it for me. This is why I crave being a dom, because it usually seems like the only way to get what I actually need in a relationship.

I know it's a twisted way to look at things, but you can't see the world the same way once you've had your heart broken all the way. Always giving and never getting anything in return, in every relationship, really takes a toll on a person. How could I not be a dom?!

 

[Primalex]

Submission is an ultimate act of love, doing whatever your partner needs in order to satisfy them. That's something I've often done for others, but unfortunately, very rarely have they ever done it for me. This is why I crave being a dom, because it usually seems like the only way to get what I actually need in a relationship.

I know it's a twisted way to look at things, but you can't see the world the same way once you've had your heart broken all the way. Always giving and never getting anything in return, in every relationship, really takes a toll on a person. How could I not be a dom?!

Thank you for the contribution. It shows that people who abuse the D/s system don't necessarily do so out of spite or malicious intent, but sometimes just out of desperation. Of course, the submissive might not enjoy being abused this way, a service submissive might not care though, not sure.