"Emotionally Unavailable" definition?

[iforgotthejoke]

Thread drifts (and sometimes even the occasional spat) can happen - don't sweat it too much.

It was great to see you received some good responses. Curious, in your original post you state you've seen the phrase "emotionally unavailable"... where did you see this that it sparked your curiosity? Just wondering.

Welcome to the boards BTW.

Emerson40...I'm not certain where I saw or heard the phrase. But it did piqué my interest a bit. I believe it is the reason I'm back to being friends with a lovely woman. We were trying to be more than friends for awhile. For her, I was emotionally unavailable, I just couldn't give her what she needed. And I'm ok with that!

For my part, I think "emotionally unavailable" is more of a perception of others than a condition. Unless of course one is bothered by their unavailability then I suppose it's an issue!

 

[FGB]

To add to what others have said (and at the risk of beating a dead horse):

Emotionally unavailable people don't/can't/won't invest in getting involved in a relationship (be it a friendship or more). They are shut off to that closeness. It's a protective mechanism for many. They might banter and flirt or chat generally but they won't share personal info.


I admire the gentleman (FGB) above who worked with a counselor to break through his barriers. It's hard work. You can't do it for anyone other than yourself.

Thanks!

It is amazing how many AC (Adult Children) there are in the world.

I'm ACOA (Adult Child of Alcoholic) myself, Emotional unavailability is one of our major problems.

If you are wondering what the difference is...not much except their parents didn't drink.

Until you set in a room with a bunch of confused strangers who are asking why everyone sounds like they came from the same household when some of them had NO alcohol involved then you may not understand why I made the distinction.

 

[NightL]

We were trying to be more than friends for awhile. For her, I was emotionally unavailable, I just couldn't give her what she needed. And I'm ok with that!

Ah the friends with benefits vs desire for relationship - and in that context "And I'm ok with that!" - of course you were but she wasn't. She could have also called you an uncaring arsehole (not suggesting you deserved that) but was being polite.

Subjective, yes.

 

[iforgotthejoke]

Ah the friends with benefits vs desire for relationship - and in that context "And I'm ok with that!" - of course you were but she wasn't. She could have also called you an uncaring arsehole (not suggesting you deserved that) but was being polite.

Subjective, yes.

Quite right!

 

[blulilacgrl]

You know, people say emotionally unavailable like it is a bad thing. I will freely admit to being one of those 'emotionally unavailable' people. But in a weird way. I am open to friendship and I will even sit and listen to just about anyone talk of their troubles and issues. But I have a very difficult time letting others be there for me. And part of that lies in the fact that my life sucks in some major ways. And I don't feel comfortable putting that on others.

I have a handful of people that are there for me and I am good with that. But these are people who have been with me for years. They know the ins and outs of what is going on and the toll it is having on my life. I think too often people want someone to open up and just spill everything in a very short period of time, a product of the instant gratification generation maybe?