Encourage my wife to bring back her wild side

[oneblueye]

"The true index of a man's character
is the health of his wife."

Cyril Connelly

 

[Kumquatqueen]

"The true index of a man's character
is the health of his wife."

Cyril Connelly

This is so true. Some men really step up, others run away or just collapse into 'what about meeeee?'

Making time to chat together is so important. Even during lockdown when both partner and I were suffering from lingering viral side-effects for months, we tried to stick to our weekly date nights, albeit in front of the TV, and just talk about our worries. Sex wasn't really on the agenda, but we'd manage to go to bed and cuddle. I'd managed to be honest in the past that my ability to initiate sex seemed to be broken, but when I was relaxed I was generally happy to go along with it - and was enthusiastic by the time we were doing it. But if I felt I was having to hold the fort with childcare or the household, or anxiety or other mental problems were flaring up, then those would need to be dealt with first.

OP sounds worried that his wife can't relax and may be in a spiral of anxiety - talking about that may help.

 

[oneblueye]

You are focused on sex. That's understandable. That makes you a normal guy. But to get to the root of this problem, you will need to shift your focus to your wife's well-being. For whatever reason, she is not happy. My guess would be exactly what KatieDoes wrote, but it could be other things, like hormonal issues or just an overall dissatisfaction with life.

Whatever it is, you and she chose to share life together, so happiness is a joint effort. But right now she is not happy. Forget sex for now. The lack of it is only a symptom of some larger problem. Direct your efforts toward sharing a happy life together. Be concerned with her well-being, because it is in your own best interest. Be patient, be empathetic, and be prepared to hear some things that you may not want to hear.

I wish you the best of luck, but if you are committed to your marriage, it will work out.

My wife was in her late thirties when because of bad decisions on both her part and mine, her health suffered and 'they' had to, in effect, force my wife into menopause. The shit you will hear coming out the mouth that used to lift you up with a smile, will try to bury you with her words. And every woman who has ever drawn a breath can and if--, they are being truthful will agree. (now I didn't say that most of what she said wasn't true at one point or another but certainly NOT, when she was lavishing that shit on me.)
The thing is this, if it was SOME BODY some physical person was trying to take your wife, your living situation, your house and your kids away from you---, what would you do?
If you ANY kind of typical American male, the first thing you think of is taking that right hand of yours and grinding it into the tightest fist you can --, maybe slam it into a wall (but don't do that, you gonna need that hand...)
This situation you are confronted with now, is just another of those endless obstacles you heard about BEFORE you got married. It is one of those enemies that is non-stopping, at-your-door, in-your-face, and laughing every time you stumble. You have seen your enemy, you have seen what they can and will--, with out hesistation do to you without fail.
How do you respond? Run away to the closest pair of open legs? Or do you fight? Like you have never known, with tools that you are unfamiliar with using to fight with---,
A genuine smile, love in your heart and words of encouragment.

 

[Poeboyy52]

good luck. im sure i represent a large group of husbands who are in the same boat. the best hope is probably in drugs.....maybe specifically ask her to speak to her doctor about her lack of libido......maybe there is a simple chemical imbalance answer.....or maybe there are some blocking beliefs she has.....shes too fat, you dont look at her like you want her any more, shes too out of shape, yall are too old, old people dont fuck, etc etc etc......all these defeating thoughts we can harbor that screw up our entire mindset about sex (and about a million other things).......if its not a physical situation, though, its an uphill battle.....sadly, for alot of people - sex was never that gratifying to start with.....and they never really enjoyed it.....they have had zero fantasy life....and are glad to feel they have reached a point where they are no longer REQUIRED to have sex......and for those, it is very hard to illicit any form of sexual response to much of anything...

All said is true. Sex with mine non existent but still very loving. I think the fact her Dad molested her as a young teen has come to a head. She refused counsel says no need. She was a real wild girl in early marriage.....