How To arouse my wife?

[tristantrotsky]

Oh, sorry. Forgot where I was for a second.
Just buy her a bigger dildo and if she doesn’t perform with it, threaten to cheat on her. That works every time. Women love that.

Lick her pussy.
At least that way you get a lot of sweet pleasure too...

 

[LoneMilf]

There has already been some good advice about rekindling the romance - fully agree with that.

However, there could also be something a little more directly related to sex. You mention that you used to enjoy each other but didn't mention anything about your wife's orgasms. A shocking number of women have never had an orgasm or have difficulty achieving one. If she stopped having orgasms (or never had them in the first place), I can see how that would seriously diminish her desire for sex.

I was in a situation pretty similar to yours, actually. Married my first boyfriend, both virgins, quite 'vanilla' in sex. At first, that was fine, since it was all new and interesting. However, after some years, I realized that I only had orgasms very rarely, and that it was affecting my desire for sex. To try to overcome that, I bought a vibrator - not for masturbation, but for using together with husband as part of sex. That worked wonders and completely changed our sex life

You mention that she's quite willing to let you 'play' a bit and try to get her aroused. If that could also extend to letting you try using a vibrator on her, I would strongly recommend doing so (and get a good one that feels nice to the touch and has some decent power)

 

[arv_can]

I'm in the same boat as @SunnySU.

Excellent advice posted all over... I can honestly say I have tried almost everything I could.

We love each other. But she doesn't feel "that kind of attraction" towards me anymore. I have tried date nights; did my share of household chores; tried to give her sensual massages to get her to relax; went down on her (I've always loved her scent and taste).

But, the physical intimacy is just absent.

She recognizes this and has given me the permission to play. However, knowing who I'm, I just won't be able to. Coz I'm just too much of a woos to approach women for some sexual relief or I'm just too much in love with her to do it in the first place.

Nothing worked for me so far. I feel myself turning into a "sexually frustrated asshole"

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

But don't expect a sex goddess when you treat her like your mother.

This. Whatever the question, guys, this is the answer.

 

[JJ82490]

This. Whatever the question, guys, this is the answer.

This is excellent.

 

[KatieDoes]

Lick her pussy.
At least that way you get a lot of sweet pleasure too...

That won’t work on someone who finds you and your approach to be repulsive.

 

[tristantrotsky]

That won’t work on someone who finds you and your approach to be repulsive.

Ouch!
I'm sorry if my suggestion offends, Katie, it was intended to be playful...

 

[van_delay]

Clean the house. Fool proof method to turn on your spouse.

 

[Britva415]

Ouch!
I'm sorry if my suggestion offends, Katie, it was intended to be playful...

I don't have any idea whether that was about you or not, but it's good advice for the OP.

 

[tristantrotsky]

I don't have any idea whether that was about you or not, but it's good advice for the OP.

My point was simply that to 'arouse' a partner, maybe a man should think more about her pleasure and less about his own gratification. That caring tenderness will yield its own rewards.

 

[MiaBabe23]

Lol to the two above; would much rather have a guy go down on me, than some bs ultimatum with a dildo

Personally I agree with the points about romance and LoneMilf’s points
It sounds a bit transactional atm, Sunny, imho; each month your beautiful wife knows you’ll make this request, and it sounds like neither of you enjoy it as much as you could
Why not build up to that, by finding something that makes her feel good each day - a massage, a poem, whatever it might be
Then when it comes to that day - instead ask her, could you do something to make her feel good? Let it be about her needs for a while, tune into each other
That would get me more likely to open up; and I have a lotta fantasies ha and she no doubt has some too

 

[DemimondeDenizen]

Well if she’s given you reign to play, and you have a bit of cash to burn and you don’t have an addictive personality, try a massage parlor that gives happy endings. IMHO much better than having an affair. Just get the titillation, drop a load and leave potential entanglements behind so you can spend your emotional energies on your understanding wife.

 

[UtilityCurve]

I would also say your wife does not know that you need sex to feel loved or needed.

I am not suggesting in the least that this is willful ignorance or that men don't have blind spots too, but after reading about some grandmothers, aunts or significantly older cousins telling their young female relatives the old saw about "full stomach, empty balls" (apocrypha?), it occurs to me that failure to pass along that wisdom is social malpractice.

I know whereof I speak. And it's sad.

 

[Sweetdreams71]

I am not suggesting in the least that this is willful ignorance or that men don't have blind spots too,

but after reading about some grandmothers, aunts or significantly older cousins telling their young female relatives the old saw about "full stomach, empty balls" (apocrypha?), it occurs to me that failure to pass along that wisdom is social malpractice.

I know whereof I speak. And it's sad.

One I remember well is "it's just another chore before you go to bed"

I do stand behind my comment tho.
Once menopause hits and those hormones are gone. Sexual desire disappears..it's a slow death over years. It is awful.
I equate love to being comfortable, compatible and feeling safe with my husband. Holding hands, hugs and cuddling, loving gestures etc. Sex is sex... I had sex a lot and didn't equate it to love. But it does bring you closer to the ones you love.

 

[VioletClit]

Just remember that seduction starts LONG BEFORE foreplay. Seduction can be done in hours ... or take much longer (days, weeks, even months!). But the point made by several sage people here is that sex starts long before the bedroom. Seduce your spouse with time together or showing you how much you desire her as a friend and a partner! Everyone has their triggers, and after many years together, I'd think that you know what makes each other the happiest.

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

You been married like 30 years and youhavent figured it out yet. That shit's never happening.

 

[PSO77]

There has already been some good advice about rekindling the romance - fully agree with that.

However, there could also be something a little more directly related to sex. You mention that you used to enjoy each other but didn't mention anything about your wife's orgasms. A shocking number of women have never had an orgasm or have difficulty achieving one. If she stopped having orgasms (or never had them in the first place), I can see how that would seriously diminish her desire for sex.

I was in a situation pretty similar to yours, actually. Married my first boyfriend, both virgins, quite 'vanilla' in sex. At first, that was fine, since it was all new and interesting. However, after some years, I realized that I only had orgasms very rarely, and that it was affecting my desire for sex. To try to overcome that, I bought a vibrator - not for masturbation, but for using together with husband as part of sex. That worked wonders and completely changed our sex life

You mention that she's quite willing to let you 'play' a bit and try to get her aroused. If that could also extend to letting you try using a vibrator on her, I would strongly recommend doing so (and get a good one that feels nice to the touch and has some decent power)

This was incredible!

 

[PSO77]

This was incredible!

Also my husband and I use a vibrator as well. He does make me orgasm however sometimes or if not a lot of the time I like to add the tag team and he likes to use them too. It's a lot of fun with vibrators!

 

[curioustxn]

I suppose this question has been asked a few times in the past, but that wasn't me
Let me (53y old man, 100% hetero) start by saying I like sex. I don't know why but sex has always interested me, since I was 12. That's when I started jacking off. But I was a very, very, VERY shy guy in those years. So I never dared to contact girls. Not even to speak to, can you imagine. Then in my twenties I met my wife. She, like me, was a virgin and together we discovered sex. For a few years we had fantastic sex. Just plain normal sex, no toys, no other partners, no fetish stuff, no anal. Just boy and girl having sex together in a bed. Boring perhaps but we liked it. Those were good times. That lasted for some years, but after about 5 years she got less interested. As she got less interested, I got more frustrated of course. As the years went by I kept jacking off, feeling guilty, while dreaming of bedding beautiful and willing young women. In the meantime we had less and less sex. I discovered this site and discovered lots more thanks to this site. This site learned me to accept my desire to jack off, and I learned to accept and love my body because there was nothing/no one else to have sex with. I bought a butt plug a few years ago and I use it a few times a year, when I feel the lust for it. I asked myself if I should try to cheat her, but 1) I can't lie, alas, it's one of my worst talents and 2) if I suddenly would invent some new "hobby" that necessiates leaving the house that would be very strange (I can't find another word). I could say 3) I still love her so that's why I don't want to cheat her, but that would be a lie. I mean, I still do love her, but if an occasion to cheat her would arise I'm quite sure I would use it.
So we're now in this situation that - once a month - I tell her I would like to have sex with her. If she agrees we go to the bed, try to have some fun, make some jokes, put on some nice music. But my wife never really gets aroused (anymore). She really has absolutely zero lust in her body. I can extend the foreplay as long as I want, and use my fingers, use my tongue, be gentle, try wild.... she'll get a little wet, but most of the time it's just not enough to enter smoothly. And no she really doesn't like lube, water based or silicon based, I don't know if it's mentally or if she really reacts allergic but she really doesn't like the lubes. She doesn't do much either in bed. In short : she's on her back or on her side when I take her. When we were younger we did it on a chair from time to time, she on top of me, of even in the bed she was on top me, but nowadays her knees hurt too much.... she takes my willy in her mouth but she doesn't want me to cum in it. I would like her to learn to put my butt plug in me, but I'm sure she'll look at me as if I'm some kind of sick person... caressing my butt hole is all she dares doing, for a few seconds, and only if I ask it gently. Ah, it's just boring vanilla sex, that's all.... yep I'm somewhat frustrated. I'm sure I would be more happy if I had a wife with the same level of lust.
But as it's the only woman I've got, I hope that you boys and girls can help me finding ways to to arouse my wife a bit more. I know it sounds a bit like a bad joke. But it's not.

This is a common question; however, to solve any problem, you first have to identify the root cause - - what caused the problem in the first place.

Is it physical? Did she start losing interest after menopause? Sex drive is directly related to hormones. Is there a physical or health issue that has caused her hormones to change?

Has she become bored with life in general? When life becomes routine and mundane, (and boring), people lose interest in sex.

Has she become bored with her marriage? The mundane everyday routine of marriage in everyday life can become boring.

Are you still sexually attractive to her? As men get older, it is common for a man to let himself go, and simply not be attractive to his wife anymore. Just because she loves you, that doesn't automatically mean that you are still sexually attractive to your wife.

It could be any of the above, or a dozen other causes, but if you want things to change, you have to find the root cause of her loss in libido.

You would be surprised at how often sex becomes just a required duty for a woman after years of marriage. A healthy libido is not automatic.

If she has no physical or health issues causing her loss in libido, perhaps you should buy a mirror........

 

[PSO77]

This is a common question; however, to solve any problem, you first have to identify the root cause - - what caused the problem in the first place.

Is it physical? Did she start losing interest after menopause? Sex drive is directly related to hormones. Is there a physical or health issue that has caused her hormones to change?

Has she become bored with life in general? When life becomes routine and mundane, (and boring), people lose interest in sex.

Has she become bored with her marriage? The mundane everyday routine of marriage in everyday life can become boring.

Are you still sexually attractive to her? As men get older, it is common for a man to let himself go, and simply not be attractive to his wife anymore. Just because she loves you, that doesn't automatically mean that you are still sexually attractive to your wife.

It could be any of the above, or a dozen other causes, but if you want things to change, you have to find the root cause of her loss in libido.

You would be surprised at how often sex becomes just a required duty for a woman after years of marriage. A healthy libido is not automatic.

If she has no physical or health issues causing her loss in libido, perhaps you should buy a mirror........

All of this!

 

[blksoldier]

its a work in progress my friend, If you're in a relationship there are going to be issues. I have had the same issues of intimacy with my wife, i think the secret is to never quit trying. listen to her and always keep communication open even if your ego takes a hit from time to time. Remember the goal is mutual connection.

 

[Cardinal]

What works for me may not work for every guy but my wife gets aroused when I fold laundry, clean the bathroom, or put the dishes away.
I know it sounds weird and maybe she has some strange kink but something just clicks in her and I’m telling you it works EVERYTIME!
Good luck!

 

[Easypeter]

Try something different. Cook her supper . Her favorite meal. Draw her a bath with candles and maybe her favorite drink. Put a flower on the side of the tub . Get her something nice to put no when she gets out of the tub . Be clean and dressed up so you can fix her plate. Set at a table with candles and have her type music playing in the background. Talk about how you love her and still want her the same way you did when you were dating . Bring up a few memories how horny she made you feel by the way she dressed or something she done . My wife loves these things and she’s 60 and she still turns me on as I watch her shake that ass walking behind her