Extremely long post but help is desperately needed.

[Retrieval]

I am mad on your behalf. he wants to cheat on you...with your consent...after all the things you went through last time?

What about your needs?

What are your needs? do you know?

This is worth a fight if you think it is. Fight for what you need.

Why bother fighting for it?
He seems determined to have his way whether she likes it or not, fuck that piece of shit.
If what she's saying is true then she should just up and leave that piece of shit.

 

[FurryFury]

Oh Fuck this bullshit!

She posted here because she wanted to. How do I know this? Because she's talking about me. Change "husband" to "female domestic partner," and Mistress to Master...and there you have it. You ARE NOT getting the whole story, and i'm not going to sit here and waste my time telling it. You all think I'm an asshole, GREAT. Think she should leave me? Wonderful... I know everything I have done to make this relationship work. I know what a great parent I am...no matter what I choose to do in my private life. So think whatever you want...I officially don't give a shit.

Hold on here. Wow!

We didn't know this was about you at all until now. What we usually get is the OP and only one side on Lit.

Clearly the OP is hurting. That needs to be looked at carefully regardless.

If you want to tell your side of it or not that is up to you. No one has said you aren't welcome to. I, for one would be interested in hearing it.

Fury

 

[CutieMouse]

Ya know, I realize the whole open marriage/cheating/whatever is a hot topic, but I'm not sure it's very helpful to start ranting about how scummy he is, as if she's the victim/saint.

Someone else pointed out there are two sides to a story, and honestly, a situation this toxic doesn't happen in a vacuum... just a thought.

 

[Wyldfire]

I think there is two sides to every story.

I urge everyone to remember you are only getting one.

True, but I bet if his side came out it would sound something like this: "I have needs she just can't fill. Is it wrong for me to ask for her to let me do what I want to do if she's not bringing me the pleasure I deserve? I'm willing to compromise. She can watch and get sex in return for the joy and elation of me getting what I want. Oh yeah, I'll just HAVE to fuck the other chick too cause it wouldn't be fair not to. And I guess if it'll get me my way she can play with the other chick too. After all isn't it a wife's duty to clean up after my messes?"

That'd be what you would hear with your "Male bullshit filter" on. Don't get me wrong women can be just as bad and even worse sometimes but with the guys it's just a common factor. It's also a very common factor that men will push the woman into the break up just so they don't come across as "The bad guy."

 

[HottieMama]

Hold on here. Wow!

We didn't know this was about you at all until now. What we usually get is the OP and only one side on Lit.

Clearly the OP is hurting. That needs to be looked at carefully regardless.

If you want to tell your side of it or not that is up to you. No one has said you aren't welcome to. I, for one would be interested in hearing it.

Fury

It is because I know that my gf is hurting that i'm not going to air more of our dirty laundry here. I should have been calmer or not responded at all. It just sucks when you see post after post about what a shit you supposedly are and how you are harmful to your own children.

 

[Wyldfire]

Ya know, I realize the whole open marriage/cheating/whatever is a hot topic, but I'm not sure it's very helpful to start ranting about how scummy he is, as if she's the victim/saint.

Someone else pointed out there are two sides to a story, and honestly, a situation this toxic doesn't happen in a vacuum... just a thought.

You're right. Things like this can't happen in a vacuum. There has to be a reason these things happen. Like he got bored of vanilla and now wants to push her into something that makes her uncomfortable.

I know I can get very mean towards men that cheat on their wives or push the wives into situations that will damage the wife's self esteem or her self image.

I really don't think it's unreasonable for a wife to say "Fuck no" to anything sexual that she's not comfortable with. Tell most of you women what, ask your hubby to take a dildo up his ass for your enjoyment. MOST men will tell you not only no but fuck no. But they seem to expect the woman to be willing to accept what they want. Hence, I'll hear his side if he's got the balls to come give it. Till then he's a self centered prick who's looking for his wife's acceptance and approval for him to fuck other women. Sorry.

 

[CutieMouse]

You're right. Things like this can't happen in a vacuum. There has to be a reason these things happen. Like he got bored of vanilla and now wants to push her into something that makes her uncomfortable.

I know I can get very mean towards men that cheat on their wives or push the wives into situations that will damage the wife's self esteem or her self image.

I really don't think it's unreasonable for a wife to say "Fuck no" to anything sexual that she's not comfortable with. Tell most of you women what, ask your hubby to take a dildo up his ass for your enjoyment. MOST men will tell you not only no but fuck no. But they seem to expect the woman to be willing to accept what they want. Hence, I'll hear his side if he's got the balls to come give it. Till then he's a self centered prick who's looking for his wife's acceptance and approval for him to fuck other women. Sorry.

Have you read anything in the last few posts, explaining that HottieMama is the person being talked about in the OP, it's a lesbian relationship, her partner posted the long diatribe because she's hurting, and that there is more to the story than the OP wrote? Or are you just going to continue ranting about the imaginary "man" who is such steriotypical scum?

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Oh Fuck this bullshit!

She posted here because she wanted to. How do I know this? Because she's talking about me. Change "husband" to "female domestic partner," and Mistress to Master...and there you have it. You ARE NOT getting the whole story, and i'm not going to sit here and waste my time telling it. You all think I'm an asshole, GREAT. Think she should leave me? Wonderful... I know everything I have done to make this relationship work. I know what a great parent I am...no matter what I choose to do in my private life. So think whatever you want...I officially don't give a shit.

HottieMama

Miss 1 post Bewildered has just earned herself the ignore function .

My reason being the following : While I do not know you well HM you have become a member of the Lit BDSM Board Community . BewilderedBitch is not the first person to manipulate well meaning members of the Board and solicit their advice , time & support with disingenuous intent . However in the time I have been an member here it's the first 'partner' that has no known active participation here to do so.

My only 'judgement' of you is based on the thoughts you have chosen to share here. In my eyes you are a warm , generous and outgoing woman. Nothing about this thread or comments by the OP has altered that .

I wish you well

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Oh Fuck this bullshit!

She posted here because she wanted to. How do I know this? Because she's talking about me. Change "husband" to "female domestic partner," and Mistress to Master...and there you have it. You ARE NOT getting the whole story, and i'm not going to sit here and waste my time telling it. You all think I'm an asshole, GREAT. Think she should leave me? Wonderful... I know everything I have done to make this relationship work. I know what a great parent I am...no matter what I choose to do in my private life. So think whatever you want...I officially don't give a shit.

you wanted her to get advice from the board, we give it, and because it doesn't go along with what you wanted her to believe and feel, then we were in the wrong for offering our advice. no i don't see you as an 'asshole' but i do think you should be thinking alot more about her feelings and needs and not just your own. obviously she's been down this path before and she got burned . i don't blame her for feeling the way she feels, and if you can't see her side of things and take her feelings into account then yea, i think she should move on. granted, there are two sides to each story, but if you post something on this board and ask for advice, be prepared that not everyone is going to agree with you and you're going to get exactly what you ask for, whether it goes along with what you believe or not.

no one said you were not a good parent, so why you felt the need to defend that i'm not sure. but it's certainly not healthy for the kids to see all of this going on, and believe me they know more than you think. what did you expect everyone to say?? i don't understand. why post a part of your life, ask for advice, and then people give it, get all pissed off because it's not what you wanted to hear, not to mention it feels like, to me, you've manipulated the entire board by lying about the whole situation. *shrugs* obviously these are my feelings but i'm sure i'm not the only one who feels this way.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

It is because I know that my gf is hurting that i'm not going to air more of our dirty laundry here. I should have been calmer or not responded at all. It just sucks when you see post after post about what a shit you supposedly are and how you are harmful to your own children.

no one said you were harmful to your children, but i'm sorry, kids are not ignorant and if the home is not a happy one, they feel it also.i know that comment was for me, because i'm the only one who said anything about the kids, but i wasn't saying you are a 'bad' parent, i said it's not healthy for the kids to see......

 

[FurryFury]

It is because I know that my gf is hurting that i'm not going to air more of our dirty laundry here. I should have been calmer or not responded at all. It just sucks when you see post after post about what a shit you supposedly are and how you are harmful to your own children.

I don't blame you. It might be instructive for people to see the two sides and be able understand them both but of course I understand not wanting to parade your dirty laundry here even if your partner did.

Her post sounds like a cry for help. I hope she gets it and if possible you both can work out an arrangement in which you can both be happy.

Children are supposed to want their parents together and be happier if they are. Of course, I know from my own childhood, that some children are so tired of the emotional pyrotechnics of their parents they simply want some peace even if that means the parents are not together.

I don't know the rest of your story as a couple. I wish you both well.

Fury

 

[HottieMama]

not to mention it feels like, to me, you've manipulated the entire board by lying about the whole situation. *shrugs* obviously these are my feelings but i'm sure i'm not the only one who feels this way.

OK...just want to address this...ANYONE from this board that I have talked to in private knows about my situation. I don't feel it necessary to lay out all of my relationship dynamics here...nor will I ever. I am completely honest with the few that have become closer friends.

 

[Wyldfire]

Have you read anything in the last few posts, explaining that HottieMama is the person being talked about in the OP, it's a lesbian relationship, her partner posted the long diatribe because she's hurting, and that there is more to the story than the OP wrote? Or are you just going to continue ranting about the imaginary "man" who is such steriotypical scum?

Sorry I'm a bit of a slow typist. I did indeed miss the past few posts. So sorry.

But looking back at the last few posts it would seem that OP is still in the right. NO one's SO should make them hurt like that. It makes me furious to see it.

 

[CutieMouse]

you wanted her to get advice from the board, we give it, and because it doesn't go along with what you wanted her to believe and feel, then we were in the wrong for offering our advice. no i don't see you as an 'asshole' but i do think you should be thinking alot more about her feelings and needs and not just your own. obviously she's been down this path before and she got burned . i don't blame her for feeling the way she feels, and if you can't see her side of things and take her feelings into account then yea, i think she should move on. granted, there are two sides to each story, but if you post something on this board and ask for advice, be prepared that not everyone is going to agree with you and you're going to get exactly what you ask for, whether it goes along with what you believe or not.

no one said you were not a good parent, so why you felt the need to defend that i'm not sure. but it's certainly not healthy for the kids to see all of this going on, and believe me they know more than you think. what did you expect everyone to say?? i don't understand. why post a part of your life, ask for advice, and then people give it, get all pissed off because it's not what you wanted to hear, not to mention it feels like, to me, you've manipulated the entire board by lying about the whole situation. *shrugs* obviously these are my feelings but i'm sure i'm not the only one who feels this way.

Where on earth did Hottie say SHE asked her partner to start the thread? Where on earth did Hottie ask for people's opinions of the issue? At what point has Hottie given her side of the story, so that those offering advice get both sides of the story? And finally how the FUCK (yes Cutie just said fuck) did Hottie manipulate andyone on the boards or lie about anything? Her partner showed up with all sorts of drama, stirred everyone up into a frenzy of how scummy her "husband" was, and Hottie is getting jumped on? Huh?

Christ people- suck up enough to realize there are two people involved here, and have a bit of compassion.

 

[minx1]

HottieMama

Miss 1 post Bewildered has just earned herself the ignore function .

My reason being the following : While I do not know you well HM you have become a member of the Lit BDSM Board Community . BewilderedBitch is not the first person to manipulate well meaning members of the Board and solicit their advice , time & support with disengenous intent . However in the time I have been an member here it's the first 'partner' that has no known active participation here to do so.

My only 'judgement' of you is based on the thoughts you have chosen to share here. In my eyes you are a warm , generous and outgoing woman. Nothing about this thread or comments by the OP has altered that .

I wish you well

Well I for one certainly feel slightly mislead by Bewildereds initial post and a little annoyed. I also know HM reasonably well and know a little of her story. And from what I know of you HM I completely share @}-}rebecca---- views .
You give opinions on here taking the information at face value...somewhat naively it would seem on occassion.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

OK...just want to address this...ANYONE from this board that I have talked to in private knows about my situation. I don't feel it necessary to lay out all of my relationship dynamics here...nor will I ever. I am completely honest with the few that have become closer friends.

while i understand that, i don't lay mine out either, BUT the OP, your partner deceived us with the posts and then it comes out that it is your partner, that's what i'm talking about by manipulating the board..maybe deceiving was a better word, either way, i do hope you can work it out. if you didn't want it all laid bare to the board, why then would you or your partner or whoever came up with the idea, air it out here on the board, and ask for advice?? *shrugs* good luck to you both

 

[NemoAlia]

So, okay, the OP said she'd be willing to Domme. And as I understand it, they even tried it for a while.

I'm curious: why didn't that work out, exactly? I know part of it is habit, but it seems like habits can be changed, in the same way that desires can be: slowly and thoughtfully.

Maybe this is a good solution, assuming a long-term commitment. It's almost certainly better than going off the deep end to break each other's hearts.

 

[CutieMouse]

Sorry I'm a bit of a slow typist. I did indeed miss the past few posts. So sorry.

But looking back at the last few posts it would seem that OP is still in the right. NO one's SO should make them hurt like that. It makes me furious to see it.

... and there is no public proof that the OP hasn't hurt Hottie just as deeply. It's their private business, and drama fests like this rarely offer up every side of the story.

(Spoken as the one who "mistreated" her poor husband for years and years, and was accused of all sorts of shit by people who only got HIS side of the story regarding our marriage.)

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Where on earth did Hottie say SHE asked her partner to start the thread? Where on earth did Hottie ask for people's opinions of the issue? At what point has Hottie given her side of the story, so that those offering advice get both sides of the story? And finally how the FUCK (yes Cutie just said fuck) did Hottie manipulate andyone on the boards or lie about anything? Her partner showed up with all sorts of drama, stirred everyone up into a frenzy of how scummy her "husband" was, and Hottie is getting jumped on? Huh?

Christ people- suck up enough to realize there are two people involved here, and have a bit of compassion.

I feel so odd posting this here, writing to faceless strangers whom I strongly feel aren't going to understand my point of view or feelings about all this. My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable and that I should post here to get other peoples feed back, because we’re getting no where on our own with this.

above is where i got that the 'partner' had asked the OP to post the situation for advice, when i said she manipulated the board, i was talking in general meaning HM and the OP. i have no problem with HM, actually from what i know of her, she's very sweet, but it's obvious her partner is hurting, they chose to post the situation on Lit to get advice, we gave that advice and well, now it's turned into this. maybe she didn't have her partner post the whole situation, but from the OP's post, it says she did.....

 

[Wyldfire]

... and there is no public proof that the OP hasn't hurt Hottie just as deeply. It's their private business, and drama fests like this rarely offer up every side of the story.

(Spoken as the one who "mistreated" her poor husband for years and years, and was accused of all sorts of shit by people who only got HIS side of the story regarding our marriage.)

True enough. My tirades have been following the original post made here. Seeing the changes in peoples' reactions though here is a very good example of group dynamics though. When everyone thought it was a man and a face they didn't know they said one thing but when the truth of who is being discussed comes out people begin to 180 their opinions.

Just like there are two sides to any story there's more than one view of any given person. Just because someone might be a great friend here doesn't mean we see the full person here. I've met more than one person from here on Lit and trust me the real person is almost always quite a bit different than the person I met here on Lit. That's part of why I don't do face to face meetings with anyone from Lit anymore. I'm fine with my fellow Litsters here on Lit but I don't want to meet the real them. It tends to be a big disappointment.

I've been made into "The bad guy" in relationships too. It sucks. But I've also seen that come back to haunt the SO that did it. It happened once at least. It usually just ends up I get made the bad guy and I move on to find real friends that won't shine me on.

 

[Life_Noir]

HottieMama

Miss 1 post Bewildered has just earned herself the ignore function .

My reason being the following : While I do not know you well HM you have become a member of the Lit BDSM Board Community . BewilderedBitch is not the first person to manipulate well meaning members of the Board and solicit their advice , time & support with disingenuous intent . However in the time I have been an member here it's the first 'partner' that has no known active participation here to do so.

My only 'judgement' of you is based on the thoughts you have chosen to share here. In my eyes you are a warm , generous and outgoing woman. Nothing about this thread or comments by the OP has altered that .

I wish you well

Nope....*lol* She's not the first.... Nor is this the only place you get to see it..
It seems sometimes like you can't read through any form of internet board without finding some post like the start of this thread...And they are all depressingly similar..
*sigh*
Well hottie...welcome to the club... There are quite a few folks in the same position.. Believe me.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

True enough. My tirades have been following the original post made here. Seeing the changes in peoples' reactions though here is a very good example of group dynamics though. When everyone thought it was a man and a face they didn't know they said one thing but when the truth of who is being discussed comes out people begin to 180 their opinions.

Just like there are two sides to any story there's more than one view of any given person. Just because someone might be a great friend here doesn't mean we see the full person here. I've met more than one person from here on Lit and trust me the real person is almost always quite a bit different than the person I met here on Lit. That's part of why I don't do face to face meetings with anyone from Lit anymore. I'm fine with my fellow Litsters here on Lit but I don't want to meet the real them. It tends to be a big disappointment.

I've been made into "The bad guy" in relationships too. It sucks. But I've also seen that come back to haunt the SO that did it. It happened once at least. It usually just ends up I get made the bad guy and I move on to find real friends that won't shine me on.

agreed. before we knew who the situation involved everyone was saying what an ass, etc, then all of a sudden it's one of our own and opinions start changing, for me however, that's not the case. my opinion still stands, it's obvious there is alot of hurt, probably on both sides, and it needs to be worked through if they want the relationship to work...my opinion didn't change when the face of the one in question, became familiar. the OP needs to stand up for herself and the partner needs to take those feelings into account. and since we don't get to know the other side of the story the only advice we can give is on what the OP posted......it's quite rare on a forum that you get both sides of the story so please explain to me how this is different simply because it's one of our own?

 

[HottieMama]

Let me also say this...just to have it in public. I love my partner very much, and want to work this out in a way that makes us both comfortable and happy. If asked to choose between her and PYL, she wins...every time. It's a matter of finding what is "balance" for us.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I am a bit late to this thread, but I am dismayed at the seeing that the board is being manipulated.

It sounds like the op is struggling with the dynamics of the relationship, and as she was given advice that I have seen given 100 times before in similar situations we learn that the OP had distorted some facts to hide that the identity of the person being spoken of is a respected member of this board.

If the board waited to hear the entire story as there are THREE sides to every story (yours, mine & the truth) the board would never be able to give any advice on everything.

I cosign with the posters who posted before we knew the identity of "the husband" in that it sounds like there are real issues that needs worked through with counseling both relationship wise and individual for the op and possibly need to move on.

The OP did stated that her "husband" had asked her to post that, so considering that we learned to identity of "husband" to be HM it can be assumed that it was HM that asked that it be posted. If that is the case, then following the chain of events that unfolded when the "husband" didn't get the desired advice, she chastised the board and revealed her identity. Maybe watch what you ask for, you just might get it.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Let me also say this...just to have it in public. I love my partner very much, and want to work this out in a way that makes us both comfortable and happy. If asked to choose between her and PYL, she wins...every time. It's a matter of finding what is "balance" for us.

I hope that you and your so can get it worked out for the best.