Fall in love and make friends, by all means, but don’t get angry...

[Lovely Latina]

 

[Laurel]

The whole truth of the matter here is that Whispersecret and Nicole have a personality conflict. There's no rhyme or reason to it - as demonstrated by the fact that while I couldn't find an instance where the two truly disagreed on any topic in this thread, I did find lots of defensive language. This has nothing to do with the topic at hand, and it's perfectly fine - you don't have to get along with everyone in the world. My best advice would be (and I think this is good advice for everyone, BTW) is that when you read a post on the board that makes you angry, stop and ask yourself: is it the content of the post that pisses me off, or the person posting it? Then frame your response (or choose not to respond) accordingly.

In my 28 years of life, I've found that there are just some people who I will never ever get along with. Rather than pick the scabs for eternity, I've learned (through much trial & error) to just LET IT GO. That's all I have to say. I just made a grilled cheese sandwich with deli-sliced turkey and tomatoes, and I have to go eat it before it gets lonely.

 

[Siren]

 

[Sammyjo]

Lasher - you took the words out of my mouth, and said exactly what I've been trying to get across on numerous posts to no avail.

 

[Weird Harold]

Originally posted by trueamerican:
True, but it's fairly obvious to anyone who's paying half attention to the board who she was talking about.

I never said it wasn't obvious whose words were quoted. As Laurel asked, would a different person who said those words have seen the post as an attack?

Originally posted by trueamerican:
You don't directly quote the words of another then attack those words and then try to claim it's not a personal attack.

Would you please quote for me the words that you see as an attack?

I see a series of statements quoted and a question about why the persons who made the staements and others who have made similar statements react so strongly to negative posts.

Does that make it a personal attack? I don't think so. I think that makes it an observation about the dynamics of communicating in a BB environment and a question about the psychology behind it.

There are probably about three hundred other similar comments she could have quoted on this BB. The fact that she quoted the words of Nicole because they were there to be quoted when the question occurred to her is essentially irrelevant, as is the fact that WhisperSecret is the one who asked the question.

Originally posted by trueamerican:
I understand that she's your friend, Harold, but that does not make her right all of the time and other people wrong when they are against her.

If you were to track down all of my posts, you'd find that I do not always agree with WhisperSecret. What you will not find are the direct E-Mails I have sent her and others when I have something to say that is either not directly relevant to the topic, or would be inflamatory and generate a hostile turn to the topic.

Originally posted by trueamerican:
I understand your pub analogy, but why is it that you applaud whispersecret's right to state her piece by attacking the views of others, like she does in the post that starts this thread, but when others do the same you are critical of them?

Again, just so you don't skip over it when you scan this post instead of reading it:

Quote me the words from her post you consider to be an attack against Nicole or anyone else.

Originally posted by trueamerican:
Her post is as inflammatory as others, if not more so. At least when Lasher, DCL, or Latina lets off a stinger there's some humor involved. I saw no humor in the post that started this thread, I saw only anger.

Where you see anger, I see puzzlement at the vagaries of human nature and a desire to understand them. I didn't see any humor in the post that started this thread either. I saw a serious attempt to start a discussion about the dynamics of the BB.

In the second post, I saw an angry response that ignored the question and concentrated on attacking the person who started the thread. The following posts also ignored the question and chose up sides in a personality conflict.

Originally posted by trueamerican:
I guess my main objection is that as others have said there is hypcrisy at work. People who were vehemently opposed to other posters making attacks on people in another thread are here not only starting fights but defending others who are starting fights.

But have not been attacking Nicole. She's entitled to see WhisperSecrets post however she wants. I just wish she had read past the first quote.

Lasher said:
Well, shit. I was gonna start this off by saying that I thought Whispersecret was being chickenshit for not naming names and then saying that WH was obtuse in his original statement for defending her... But I got beat to it.

Lasher, I was being deliberatlely obtuse.

I read the words that Whispersecret posted, and simply pointed out that she did NOT name Nicole, and she DID specify that the words she quoted were an example of sentiments expressed by many on this board.

I fail to see any thing in her post that can be construed as a personal attack on Nicole or any other specific person. If there are such words in her post, please quote them for me.

If Nicole had not responded so vehemently, would this topic have turned as nasty as it has?

If people had actually read the initial post, instead of skimming though it, and answered the question posed, would the topic have turned nasty?

If I had posed the question, would the topic have turned nasty?

As Laurel pointed out, this topic has turned nasty because WhisperSecret and Nicole have long standing differences. That does not make the question posed invalid.

I have expressed my view as to why negative comments elicit a strong response or are seen as whining and bitching.

Anybody else care to address the question without worrying about who asked it or who took exception to it?




[This message has been edited by Weird Harold (edited 06-15-2000).]

 

[Weird Harold]

Originally posted by Lasher99:
The point I think that Whispersecret is missing is that people aren't experiencing these emotions she seems all upset about on the BB. The Names that appear on this board are cartoon characters.

I cannot speak for any of the others, but I most certainly do experience these emotions strictly from the posts on the BB.

I get so angry at some posts that I yell and curse at the screen. I drool at the thought of getting some of the ladies in bed. I laugh at peoples non-sequiters and wry observations.

The only real difference is that I have been hanging around BB's for a bit over ten years, and have learned when not to stir the shit. Not every silly thought or snide comment that occurs to me needs to be posted.

I've learned to recognise people who are impervious to the opinions of others, and save the wear and tear on my carpal tunnel by not wasting my time in replying to them.

I generally avoid a battle of wits with those who are obviaously unarmed.

 

[Nicole]

Originally posted by Weird Harold:
As Laurel pointed out, this topic has turned nasty because WhisperSecret and Nicole have long standing differences. That does not make the question posed invalid.

We have problems??? Wish someone had pointed them out to me. No I'm serious here Harold. Both attacks (yes there has only been two) she started (not that, that matters of course).

Now I did answer badly, that being becuase I have alot on my mind right now, (no excuse) but I never come on here and scream out for help, I never complain because something hasn't gone MY way. I come here to forget about my troubles, and alot of the time that helps, but todau I came here and I had this.

Tell me Harold what would you have done in my situation??? Now I know you don't know me and you have no clue as to what is happening in my life, but the people that I care about and talk to away from the board do, Because Harold, you see that is where I go, I don't come here to fight I come here to flirt. I think I do a good job of that. LOL

They help me to deal with things and then we come here and have fun fun fun.

You know I still say that, everyone no matter who they may be has the right to say what they want, Whisper said her bit I said my bit.

She baited me and I bit, I was wrong to do that and YES I do feel bad about that. But I will not apologize for saying what I said.

Have a nice day

[This message has been edited by Nicole (edited 06-15-2000).]

 

[Cheyenne]

Can't we all just get along?

There's enough conflict in my RL, I don't need it in my cyberlife. Here is where I come to RELAX.

 

[Nicole]

Yes I do want to be friends, I certainly don't need this hassle.

I want to smile and be happy, really I do.



see happy happy me.


[This message has been edited by Nicole (edited 06-15-2000).]

 

[Weird Harold]

Originally posted by Nicole:
Tell me Harold what would you have done in my situation???

What I normally do when a post makes me angry, or feel strongly any emotion, I force myself to wait to respond. Essentially what you got so angry at WhisperSecret for quoting -- I walk away. I let the initial anger fade and if I still feel strongly enough and the thread hasn't mutated, I post as calm and reasoned a response as I am possible of.

Originally posted by Nicole:
... I don't come here to fight I come here to flirt. I think I do a good job of that. LOL
...
She baited me and I bit, I was wrong to do that and YES I do feel bad about that. But I will not apologize for saying what I said.

You are correct that I know nothing of you other than what I see here on the board. I still do not see anything in the initial post that I would construe as being baited if it had been my words that were quoted.

I suspect that you assumed you were going to be baited when you saw your words as the first thing quoted, and did not consider the context adequately.

Those words (or words very similar) have been used by Lasher, Golden, Me (although not on this BB), and many others, yet because it is your exact words that were quoted it just had to be an attack on you?

Considered dispassionately, it doesn't compute for me.

Whether an apology is required or not isn't something that I'm prepared to say. I certainly don't need one.

 

[Nicole]

And Harold babe you ain't gonna get one. Neither is anyone else.

So there you have it. We are seeing the true side of Nicole now arn't we???

So what's the vote people???

Nice Nicole or Bitch Nicole????

 

[Nicole]

Oakie Dokie people's that's it for me.

No more arguing.

Walks over and shakes Whispher's and Harold's hand's

Now then what thread was that party on???

Oh yeah there's about ten isn't there??

I will be nice from now on

[This message has been edited by Nicole (edited 06-15-2000).]

 

[Fallen Angel]

Damn you people spend more time arguing over whether you are arguing.

Come on Zeke let's go visit Nursie and see if she knows where the party is.

 

[MADDOG]

I appologise if this question has already been raised in this thread. (If it hasn't it should be). I couldn't be fucked reading past the first few posts.

Is anyone else getting tired of this bullshit? I am so past giving a shit it's not funny. Whispersecret, I like you, but if you have one fault it's that you feel things just a little too deeply. Noone is out to get you. Not Nicole, not anyone. I appreciate what you said. As a matter of fact, I actually agree with much of your original post. Several of my closet friends are from this board. If something great like that can come of this place, then bad things can too. But do we really need to hear this AGAIN? For like the 16th time?! We shouldn't HAVE to watch our mouths for fear that someone is going to be offended! I'm so sick of it! Be considerate of others, but don't hold back your feelings.

If you refer to someone with dark skin as "black" instead of "African American" or in my case "Indiginous Australian", people rush over and stamp KKK on your arm. If you tell a Co-worker she's beautiful, there is a good chance she'll scream "sexual harrassment!" (Or on your case Whisper, if you don't say it, you think people don't like you which is NOT the case). Can't we just have one place that we can feel comfotable in and don't have to watch everything we say?

There is no reason to be upset. I have yet to read a personal attack by a registered user on anyone who didn't deserve it. I don't think this qualifies. I'm just so tired of reading insult after insult over the pissiest little things.

I've been coming here for around 3 months, and it's changed, even in that short time. I still love it, and I'm still sticking around because the people who come here make it worth coming back to. But I would like to lodge a formal complaint over bitches and bastards who do nothing but moan. Get over it. The sun will come up tomorrow, and with a bit of luck your world won't have crashed down.

MADDOG

[This message has been edited by MADDOG (edited 06-15-2000).]

 

[Casey13]

Okay, guys. Just this:

Nicole, I would never have known you said any of the words in Whisper's post if you hadn't admitted it yourself in your heated reply. I don't read every post and I certainly don't take any of what is said here to heart. And I don't memorize every word that every person says here.

But I have to admit, I am on your side as far as the "if you don't like it, walk away" business goes. This IS the internet, and I have the ability to use my little mouse to click on another topic if I so choose. This goes for any subject you don't happen to like (non-consent sex) or any post you feel has been done to death (music, movies).

I'm very sorry if many of you feel this is the only way you can talk about the topics here, and my first suggestion to you is turn off the computer and go out into the real world. (unless, of course, you come here to read great erotica) There are flesh and blood friends you can make out there who can fill the void in your life that must keep you rivetted to this screen so completely that you can memorize all of Nicole's posts and words. I save all my sex questions and such for my real life friends. What better way to embarass them?

I don't know any of you personally and most likely never will (with the exception of a couple of people I knew before I came here). But I think you are all fun people, and hopefully this website is a simple outlet for your complicated lives, and not a replacement for one.

Nicole, I think you and I would get along very well in RL. We have many of the same thoughts on a variety of subjects, and I too have a tendency to speak my mind (and a little too quickly, before I have time to take a few deep breaths). I don't think that Whisper was attacking you personally. I think she was making a generalized statement that some people DO take this site very closely to heart, and for those folks simply ignoring something and walking away isn't an option. I mean, look at your heated reply to Whisper's statement. You certainly took it to heart and you weren't able to walk away. And I don't blame you for that. I couldn't have either.

So, in short (or very long, from the looks of this post), let's all kiss an make up.

k.

 

[Deborah]

Why don't you all just beat a dead horse to death? I am particularly surprised at you, Weird Harold, owing to your close resemblance to Mr. Ed.

Jesus fucking Christ! And who says Jesus never got any anyway? He was very fond of Magic, you know.

This rumble is too boring. I think I'll start a really good one. So watch out, you know who you are. You are pissing me off.

 

[Angelique]

Originally posted by deborah:
Why don't you all just beat a dead horse to death?

LOL...hey deborah, how do you beat a dead horse to death? Isn't it dead already?

Sorry darlin'...had to interject humor here.

 

[Siren]

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Analyzing the emotions in Internet relationships is like analyzing the comedy in a Marx Brothers film -- what, really, is the point? You laugh. You cry. You plotz. Then you turn off the screen, kiss your family hello, and apply what little you've learned from your electrode interlude into your real life.

I, for one, have learned that people are complex and lovely creatures that deserve measured amounts of respect, pity and derision, and that east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.

Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know.

 

[Siren]

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

"I know that you are the BUDDA of the BB..."

You calling me fat?

 

[Siren]

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

"I know I like some meat on my men..."

Mine's well done and comes with a couple of buttered potatoes.

Check please!

 

[Siren]

 

[Guest]

Knock it off, or I'll give you a fucking valium! Shit! Better yet, somebody get her a gag! *walks away muttering about people who just can't shut up*