Feedback on my first story (brother/sister incest story)

[MausAss]

I just checked the story right now and it had been moved to the non-con category. I guess it settles that debate. Non-con trumps incest. Not sure if Laurel read this thread or if someone contacted her, either way it's moved.

Just in case anyone was interested.

 

[sr71plt]

That's interesting. Thanks for following up.

 

[MausAss]

Okay, one last update. I have rewritten large parts of the story to make it smoother to read. I removed unnecessary words. I also changed the wording, so the story got a more active voice now. I changed sentences that contained the word “was” into something else. There are still some sentences with the word was, but this time it was an active choice to keep them that way.

It was more work than I had suspected to rewrite it, but hopefully it will be worth it. It feels like the story is better now, even though I changed very few things about the plot. I only added a little bit about how Mark looked and added a little bit more about Sarah. Going from was, to a more active voice was the big change and I think the flow of the story is better now.

A big thank you to everyone who provided me feedback in this thread.

The reason I post again it that I wanted to let you know that I put what you said to use. I didn’t use all of it, but I used large parts of it. I’m thankful for the parts I didn’t put to use too. They forced me to think about how I wanted to tell the story. And since I'm making another update, I might as well add that the grade has gotten better since it got moved to the non-consent category, so everyone who said it belonged there were right.

I just resubmitted it, so it will probably take a couple of days before the new version is up. Let me know if you want me to make another update when it’s up in case you want to compare. Otherwise I will let this thread die with this post.

Thank you again for all your help, I really appreciated it.