Feeling Blue

[cymbidia]

Quint?

1. You belong here. Anyone with any kinda curiosity at all about this stuff belongs here.

2. Someone who spoke sharply to you, someone you admire, might be having an off day themselves. Perhaps you should ask them to be clearer?

3. I think you're fabulous. I've so appreciated the time you took to email me with feedback on my writings, and i've also come to appreciate the balanced view you offer in your postings here, in this forum.

If i could hug you, i would. I can't - so go get three from Hunny, instead, and don't even offer up excuses why you need them, just tell him that you do.

 

[SpectreT]

Lookit who's bein' the cheerleader now....

How you doin' cym?

lilfrk? Listen to cym, she has some very good and strong insight about some of us folks on here. If she sees in you strength, pride, and determination, they're there. It's a matter of using them for more than enduring another day, of pushing past that point of curling up in a corner and willing the world to take a damn hike. 'Cause the world don't bugger off, it just keeps coming, and the best place to be is right in front of it. I'm not getting into reasons, and it sounds like you've got a truckload of them, just feelings. It's an old, tired line, but it got that way by being right:

Fake it till you make it.

Personally, I still feel like throwing up, digging a hole to hide myself in, any one of a thousand things to avoid facing another day, but I will get up tomorrow, I will go in to work and do my job, I'll even act happy and cheerful despite the fact that my back and shoulders hurt so bad I can't even turn my head without blinding flashes of pain, simply because I won't allow myself any other option. I know why I'm in pain, and that tension won't go away until this situation I'm in right now is resolved one way or another, and I'll probably always feel a little guilty about the way I went about this whole thing.

All I've got to offer is a shoulder, and a few (20+) years living with chronic depression to go by, so take my remarks for what they're worth.

Jeez, the Blues got Quint, too? How much is enough? When will they get bored and nag some people who deserve this kind of crushing, pulling, draining? I'm really getting fed up with this; C'mon, you rats! Try taking me on! I'll have you on the mat looking at ceiling in a couple of seconds, wondering what happened to your good ol' days of making defenseless people feel bad! You think you can take me, Blues? Not happening. I've got your number.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Maybe its the weather...

It has been very strange weather here on the east coast, and I got to thinking that perhaps the weather might be a factor where of you are. What do you think?

When the weather is cloudy and rainy, I get really down in the dumps. I have not been depressed lately, but I have surely been out of sorts.

I have gotten up on the wrong side of my broom for the past week.

Here's hoping the sunshine pokes it's head over clouds soon!

Ebony

 

[lilfrk]

Ebony:

Yep...I do think that weather is part of it. When it was hot and sunny here I was actually having a good couple of days.

Specter:

I don't know what to say to you except...thank you. I do know that I will make it through this. I've made it through worse. This is all just stuff. Stuff I'm struggling with, stuff that will get better.

What I've written/said here in this thread is part of my getting better. How I'm dealing with it all. Since I'm the person that everyone gives their "stuff" to, sometimes I feel like I have no one to give mine to. So I leave it here.

I know all about the neck and back pain I think...mine is a headache and shoulder ache that just won't quit. It is all about tension and stress.

And just so you know...even though I've had very little contact with you in the past. Your comments are worth a lot to me.

I'm tired now and I'm rambling so I'm gonna stop.

~A

 

[morninggirl5]

There was a rainbow over my house this morning....... before the rain came. I walked out to get in my car and drive to work and there was a full rainbow in the sky, seemingly shining down on my home. It was gone, washed away by the rain before i left my community.


cym, you're right. Most people have problems during the holidays, and they aren't ever a wonderful time for me, but the month of May is always worse. For the next 24 days, making it through hour to hour is my goal. I always go to Charlotte the end of May, it's my reward for surviving Mother's Day and losing my "kids" yet again.

I'm ready for some new beginnings, but the same endings keep repeating themselves over and over.


I smiled today, i even ordered the cap and gown i passed on yesterday. I managed to laugh a couple of times, too.

Tomorrow, i'll try it again and if things go really well, i'll be able to do something just for me, just because.

 

[lilfrk]

It's back...and it's such a lovely thing.

I gave a lot of myself to someone and they took it and used it badly so I'm feeling sorry for myself. I can't help thinking that I'm just a really big dumbass. I wanted so badly to help him and give him a place to get better because no one gave me one when I needed it. And he just refuses to do it. He just wants to stay a little boy, to run and hide. So be it.

I know I did the right thing at the time and I know that it's time to cut my ties and go. But it doesn't make it any easier. It still hurts to know that I was taken in such a huge way.

I find myself in this spot a lot, you'd think sooner or later I'd learn. I give and get nothing in return. Maybe I'm asking too much.

 

[morninggirl5]

It's back...and it's such a lovely thing.

I find myself in this spot a lot, you'd think sooner or later I'd learn. I give and get nothing in return. Maybe I'm asking too much.

Maybe you're asking it of the wrong people? I've had to accept that i did and it seems harder to accept that others aren't what we thought than to blame ourselves.


You're in my thoughts, lilfrk.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Do not change...

It's back...and it's such a lovely thing.

I gave a lot of myself to someone and they took it and used it badly so I'm feeling sorry for myself. I can't help thinking that I'm just a really big dumbass. I wanted so badly to help him and give him a place to get better because no one gave me one when I needed it. And he just refuses to do it. He just wants to stay a little boy, to run and hide. So be it.

I know I did the right thing at the time and I know that it's time to cut my ties and go. But it doesn't make it any easier. It still hurts to know that I was taken in such a huge way.

I find myself in this spot a lot, you'd think sooner or later I'd learn. I give and get nothing in return. Maybe I'm asking too much.

I am sorry you are so down, but you did what you felt was right. One day it will work out for you. I was feeling a lot like you not too long ago, and now things are so much better. Keep being the very real and caring person you are, and you will prevail. just you wait!

Keep looking for the good, but prepare yourself for the not-so-good. It doesn't hurt to be prepared.

Ebony

 

[lilfrk]

Thank You both. For whatever reason your kind words mean a lot to me.

 

[Guest]

Ouch, lilfrk. I just want you to know that you're in my thoughts and prayers. I hope things improve, for you, soon.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Thank You both. For whatever reason your kind words mean a lot to me.

It just seems that you are so hard on yourself. I hate to see that. It is hard to help others, if they will not help themselves.

Take care.

 

[catalina_francisco]

timely bump with some words of wisdom....

Catalina