First date

[Mr Blonde]

Well, I guess if you are so hardcore that you cannot tolerate the presence of any non-BDSM people in your life, it is mandatory to blurt out your status in the first 60 seconds . I mean, jeeze....

But seriously....

Just like any private information, BDSM is something I would prefer to be revealed over time depending on personal comfort zones.

Most of the women I have dated have been novices or fairly inexperienced when it came to BDSM. They could always tell I was not vanilla, but things would just sort of evolve...and one day they are begging me for more.

 

[catalina_francisco]

OK, I will up front say what I am going to say is IMHO and then I can forget about typing that before or after every statement. I also would like it if what I say is kept in context and not dissected and interpreted in a way applied in other contexts. I think there is aready more than enough interesting topic material to discuss without having to diverse to multiple meanings of words and wording which do not apply to the context in which they are used. Also my opinion was not, and is not, personally directed but related to when you reveal your needs and who you are as a person.

I have to go along with Crotden and Sabine. A first date does not a relationship make. A first date is a medium to find out if you ever want to see this person again. I do not, as a rule, disclose very much personal information on a first date. Neither do I expect my date to as well.

I look at it this way. I meet some one either in real life or online. We decide to go out for coffee or whatever. (I classify this as a date) While waiting for our drinks to arrive, he blurts out with: "I have to tell you: I want to find a woman who will be submissive to me, who will allow me to tie her up, pour hot wax over her body, and whip her until welts appear. You game?" Shit NO! I'm outta there! That's just way too freaky. Allow me to get to know a person first, then decide if he is the type of person I can share more intimate details with.

No a date a relationship does not make (nor do I recall saying it did), but it sure is nice to know when you go on a date, that you both have your head in the general same direction and have enough respect for other people to not lead them up the garden path so to speak. For myself, if I had dated vanilla guys as some friends suggested I should, I would have been been wasting both our time and being dishonest as I was not interested in a vanilla relationship, nor did I want to mold anyone into something which might suit me, but not necessarily them.

Also the way I saw it, if I was able to mold a vanilla guy into becoming D (a role I did not see myself as slave/submissive in), he would not be the D I was looking for. I wanted someone secure in who they were, and happy to be that person, and who respected me for who I was. For me it comes down to how I perceive respecting limits and people for who they are. I do not like to misrepresent myself, and am aware when someone does to me, depending on the circumstances, the feelings it fosters to be on the receiving end range from rejection, through, hurt, disillusioned, deceived, frustrated, and cynicism about truth in reality.

Quite frankly, when I was searching for a Dom, I went to where Doms were. I knew ahead of time that they were looking for a submissive. We even chatted about limits and such. So, when we actually met, there was no need for disclosure. And, when I did meet these Doms, we talked of just about everything but BDSM. There is more to these relationships than whether a Dom prefers a flogger or a singletail, after all. You need to find out if you are compatible as two human beings. Well, unless you only want a play partner. Then I suppose it doesn't matter.

And this is exactly what I was referring to. You did the same as me because you felt that was what you needed and wanted at that point in time and presumably did not see the point in wasting your or their time in being anything else, or looking in the vanilla world in the hope you stumbled over a D foot or two.

There are also people who feel they can open up immediately, and do, and it works out fine. Others need to get to know some one first, and peel back the layers. Neither one is right, neither one is wrong. Neither one is more "serious" about the lifestyle. It's the pattern that fits the individuals involved.

My reference to 'serious' was in the defining between someone who like me lives 24/7 (or desires to), or at least acknowledges BDSM as a significant factor in their life, as opposed to someone to whom it is just 1 in every 10 sexual encounters, a difference for the bedroom to stave off boredom, or just at Christmas to light up the Christmas tree. The 'serious' was applied to how they lived their life, to how they approached their individual BDSM encounters, which also comes in varying degrees as we are all aware. Someone who saves it for Christmas could give the encounter just as serious attention as a 24/7, but I would not think BDSM was the focus of their lifestyle in day to day living with their SO, so the danger for them would be more in dating someone who was a 24/7 type lifestyler, not vanilla.

As stats show there are only 5-10% of people in the USA into BDSM as a lifestyle choice or interest, to apply the 'hit or miss' principle to dating in the hope you will fnd the right person without hurting yourself or others, is a little optomistic to say the least, not to mention time consuming.

The man I'm with now is vanilla. Most here realize that I've learned from my experiences that I am not a 24/7 submissive, or that I'm necessarily a 100% submissive in the bedroom. I needed to find a man who was willing to be open to what I like to do. My current lover is. But he didn't find that out until after we had been dating for more than a month and a half. Heck, he's still learning. It's just not something I would have brought up on date 1. (Or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 or 6, for that matter)

But then, I am a rather cautious person to begin with. I just don't jump into relationships, so that is perhaps why I don't understand revealing intimate details of one's life on a first date.

And I would think you discovered these things about yourself in your pursuit of a Dom. It was something you learned through experience, but you did not go about pursuing relationships you knew were not you, in the hope you could change someone you were physically or otherwise attracted to into the person you needed, especially a dramatic change as in 100% vanilla to heavy BDSM. You respected people for being who they were and searched for one who was what you wanted as a D.

If you are submissive and feel you need a D and to live the lifestyle, you benefit from doing as you and I did, looking in areas where we had an increased chance of meeting like minded people, and thus it was unnecessary to go through the anguish of deciding how much, and when, to reveal your true self, and what you are seeking. I agree that a first date in the vanilla, and even BDSM, is not usually when you reveal your most intimate details. That is common sense. Those things which fall into intimate in that circumstance are things like your personal fears, experiences, feelings, etc., and does not become whether you are into BDSM or vanilla.

The way I live my life is 24/7 and secure in it. Like the popular cry of gay liberty, 'Out and proud', I feel this applies to my BDSM choices also, but realise others have valid reason to not feel quite so happy with that choice.

C

 

[catalina_francisco]

Well, I guess if you are so hardcore that you cannot tolerate the presence of any non-BDSM people in your life, it is mandatory to blurt out your status in the first 60 seconds . I mean, jeeze....

But seriously....

Just like any private information, BDSM is something I would prefer to be revealed over time depending on personal comfort zones.

Most of the women I have dated have been novices or fairly inexperienced when it came to BDSM. They could always tell I was not vanilla, but things would just sort of evolve...and one day they are begging me for more.

Actually I have more vanilla people in my life than lifestyle, but I respect their choices as they do mine and do not try and convert them to my ways. I have not though ever had an interest in having someone feel they have a chance with me, allowed the relationship to grow under that 'possible' guise, then 'revealed' to them I am otherwise.

As to your dating novices or inexperienced women....thjat to me is still dating like minded people, not purposely taking vanilla women with the intention of hoping they would discover their inner secret BDSM identity.

It is acknowledged there may be vanilla women who harbour submissive tendencies and have not had the opportunity to explore. That is also okay IMHO if it is their desire and not a molding of a personality to please rather than who they are. I would not feel comfortable doing the same as a submissive setting out to mold a vanilla male into becoming the D of my dreams. Call me difficult, but I want my D to be a D and not need or accept me as their trainer helping them to realise their inner self. Think if they have dominant tendencies, those will have a way of discovering themselves and taking charge. even though they may have much to learn and define, I am not submissively leading them to that first and important discovery from my own needs.

C

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Re: Re: Re: I just never seem to agree with everyone else

Guess it depends on how serous one is about BDSM as a main part of their life.

*shrug* I mean.. would it be the same for say a very religious person? if their religious beliefs were a "main part of their life"? would it be dishonest or unfair if they didn't share all their beliefs and how that impacts their life with someone that they have simply found they are attracted to and are interested in getting to know better.. I mean.. unless you go into the few first dates with a lifetime partner questionare all prepared ahead of time.

personally.. I know I've crossed over a line and can't go back to a vanilla relationship.. it couldn't give me what I want or need from a relationship.. it's definately a necessity.. but I don't go up to guys that I'm attracted to and ask "hey are you a dom?.."

Seems we agree on most points and have a need to pursue what we acknowledge we need. As to religion and openness in relation of truth, I think it is dependent on the person and level of commitment to their religion and their ability or desire to be able to commit to traversing the difficulties involved with a relationship invloving 2 similarly committed people, but from opposing or different faiths.

I have friends to whom their religion is as an integral part of their life as BDSM is for me as a 24/7. My observation, and their conversations around relationships, have indicated like I do with BDSM, they also ensure they only date from within their own religion so that common thread remains part of the fabric of any relationship they have, thus eliminating any heartache further down the line.

I have other friends who are married, and of different religions, (Moslem/Christian), are serious about their faith, but through love have found a way of respecting each other's right to remain true to their faith, and highlighted the common elements both share. It does at times create problems, but they refocus on their romantic relationship being the priority and religion something they have to learn to negotiate through the finer points of contention.

There are yet others who would never accept anyone, romantic of otherwise, who was not of their faith.

So yes, if religion is a necessary and strong part of your life which you know you can't or won't compromise, you need to ensure your possible partners are aware of this if you are to be fair. If it is strong, but you can accept you may find it possible to love someone who has no belief system, a light one, or different one, it may not be as important from your viewpoint, but maybe from theirs as they may not share you ability to open up to those possibilities. For instance, I have D friend who is aetheist to the core as he puts it, and he cannot tolerate a sub who identifies with any faith whatsoever, has any religious or spiritual belief, and likes to know up front to avoid the unpleasant scene of having to let them go after forming some sort of relationship.

C

 

[Richard49]

BEsides munshes

where do Dom and Subs hang out ?

 

[catalina_francisco]

.

 

[Sabine]

... and thus it was unnecessary to go through the anguish of deciding how much, and when, to reveal your true self, and what you are seeking...

The way I live my life is 24/7 and secure in it. Like the popular cry of gay liberty, 'Out and proud', I feel this applies to my BDSM choices also, but realise others have valid reason to not feel quite so happy with that choice.

ok.. I think I'm getting were there's a difference here from the way we're looking at this.. please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.. because I really don't know anything about you except what you have just recently posted.. but you are giving me the impression that you kind of think that BDSM well.. largely defines who you are.. what I mean is.. just as you compared it to "gay pride" you kind of use it as a "label" for yourself..

also I was wondering.. the last sentence of this post of yours "but realise others have valid reason to not feel quite so happy with that choice" did you mean.. happy with your choice involving BDSM or did you mean.. others who choose BDSM might not be happy with their own choice.. as in.. not as "out and proud" as you.. I question it because it has a kind of condescending tone.. the same I got from an earlier post of yours when you said.. "Guess it depends on how serous one is about BDSM as a main part of their life." which kind of insinuated the belief that you are so much more serious about it then people who don't act the same way as you.

or maybe I'm just cranky from being in toilet training hell this week..

anyways.. the difference.. I mean.. perhaps the reason behind our difference in needing to tell someone.. "hey.. I'm into BDSM" might lie in the difference of how it effects our lives and how we actually see it as being a part of us.

 

[SexyChele]

If you are submissive and feel you need a D and to live the lifestyle, you benefit from doing as you and I did, looking in areas where we had an increased chance of meeting like minded people, and thus it was unnecessary to go through the anguish of deciding how much, and when, to reveal your true self, and what you are seeking. I agree that a first date in the vanilla, and even BDSM, is not usually when you reveal your most intimate details. That is common sense. Those things which fall into intimate in that circumstance are things like your personal fears, experiences, feelings, etc., and does not become whether you are into BDSM or vanilla.

Yes, precisely what I had meant to convey. If you already have an understanding beforehand that some one is into BDSM, dating can provide an avenue to explore if the extent of involvment is compatible.

 

[SexyChele]

BEsides munshes

where do Dom and Subs hang out ?

Actually, I never went to a munch. There are several in my area - covering two counties. (Helps to live next door to a huge city, I guess!) But I am an extremely shy person - yeah, hard to believe, huh - and I do not do well in situtations where people are supposed to mingle. Events like parties, weddings, funerals, or other social gatherings are beyond torture for me. I would much rather have some one ram bamboo shoots under my nails - I think I would actually enjoy that compared to going to a party! I usually find something to drink and then a corner to hide in. Due to my intense shyness, I normally put off anyone who even attempts small talk with me unless I already know them extremely well. So, for me, munches were not a comfortable place to go. I am fine one on one. There are even some people who, after only being with in one on one situations, are shocked when we go to a party and I turn into this turtle-like creature that hides from everyone!

I met all the folks I've come into contact with online. Yes, some were not where I lived, and when I responded that I was not interested in long distance, a few became friends. People that, even though online, I could talk to, ask questions of, and find out resource material. Others I met in person, after chatting online for a brief time. I met quite a few very interesting people. I could been a submissive to at least 3 men - men who had been in the lifestyle for quite some time (one for more than 30 years). But, as the story has been told, they also helped me to realize and understand that I am a "part time kinkster." I'm happy, their happy, we all is happy!

 

[catalina_francisco]

... and thus it was unnecessary to go through the anguish of deciding how much, and when, to reveal your true self, and what you are seeking...

The way I live my life is 24/7 and secure in it. Like the popular cry of gay liberty, 'Out and proud', I feel this applies to my BDSM choices also, but realise others have valid reason to not feel quite so happy with that choice.

ok.. I think I'm getting were there's a difference here from the way we're looking at this.. please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.. because I really don't know anything about you except what you have just recently posted.. but you are giving me the impression that you kind of think that BDSM well.. largely defines who you are.. what I mean is.. just as you compared it to "gay pride" you kind of use it as a "label" for yourself..

also I was wondering.. the last sentence of this post of yours "but realise others have valid reason to not feel quite so happy with that choice" did you mean.. happy with your choice involving BDSM or did you mean.. others who choose BDSM might not be happy with their own choice.. as in.. not as "out and proud" as you.. I question it because it has a kind of condescending tone.. the same I got from an earlier post of yours when you said.. "Guess it depends on how serous one is about BDSM as a main part of their life." which kind of insinuated the belief that you are so much more serious about it then people who don't act the same way as you.

or maybe I'm just cranky from being in toilet training hell this week..

anyways.. the difference.. I mean.. perhaps the reason behind our difference in needing to tell someone.. "hey.. I'm into BDSM" might lie in the difference of how it effects our lives and how we actually see it as being a part of us.

First let me apologise for my rudeness in not welcoming you to the forum in my first reply to you, but as I have been ill, maybe it was a slip of the mind. So consider yourself welcomed by me at least, and don't sweat it about not knowing me...'jesus' as you say, you only joined yesterday....you can't get to know everyone in so short a time I imagine.

I don't 'need' to tell anyone I am in BDSM as you tried to insinuate. I choose to if necessary or asked. Apart from that I lead a very reclusive life, so though in the past I have had to choose, I find it less these days as I am not socialising much. Regardless, for clarification which seems to be what you are asking for, at my age I have learnt there are far more important things to worry about in this life than if I need to hide my identity. I made a choice not to do so long ago, and have made it clear in my statement that it is 'my choice' and what you or anyone else chooses to do is entirely up to them as either way you are the one to live with it, not me. For me, living my life openly in all areas is who I am and who I prefer to be as it saves so much energy and stress to me, and I am comfortable with my choices and the impact they may have on my life.

And yes BDSM does in a big part define who I am but anyone who knows me knows I am also much more, as are most humans I would expect. Can never fathom a life where I do one thing at a time, nor limit myself by focusing on one thing and seeing nothing else. But yes, lifestyle is the way I live 24/7 and will continue to until I die. As to labels, well once you find time to peruse the various threads and discussions over past months, you will see this discussed a lot. As to condescending tones, can't see how you get that from the detailed post I gave specifically to avoid, as I believe I stated, people trying to read more into my words than were intended...but there is always someone who just misses the whole point I guess...must be a Friday thing.

So to clarify, clarify, clarify....if I am 'out and proud' I am that, my feelings about it relate to me alone, and do not need to pass judgement on you or anyone else.....but I reserve the right to not have to apologise each time I post for being happy with my choices and choosing not to hide it, nor do I need to ask if you or anyone else is okay with my personal choice. I was referring, in the question you have about others not being happy with making the same choice I have for vallid reasons....which I thought made the meaning clear....that some people have very valid reasons to not be out in their lifestyle choices, not that I feel I am better or braver.

I don't 'label' in negative ways, but I gather the impression you are trying to apply it in that way in your statement. I daresay you have filled in the odd government form even at such a trender age, and in there you usually have to define yourself as Male/Female...correct? Is this also labeling? I think not, though I feel you and others would argue the point. This is what I feel you are also referring to as labeling when I say I live a BDSM lifestyle, whereas to me the correct terminology would be 'defining'. Without some vague definitions in this world it would be more fucked than it already is.

So to answer your question, in your interpretation I do label myself, in mine I define myself...and why? because here we discuss lifestyle issues which require people to define/label themselves and choices often for easier understanding by others. Before that I defined/labeled myself in my search for a Master as first I felt I had Buckleys chance of getting any intelligent responses if I said 'Hi, I'm looking' and nothing else when profiling myself. Similarly, I did not respond to others who could not or would not define their gender or lifestyle role or needs. Wasting time is not a favourite pasttime of mine I'm afraid. Secondly, I was serious about my search so was not going to waste time hoping someone figured out what I was looking for.


I am not even going to bother answering your insulting statement about me feeling I am more 'serious' as I have already covered this as have many in these threads. If you do not understand or comprehend, it is not my concern, nor do I feel like wasting my time repeating myself over and over. I am sure when you have time to read more here and hopefully elsewhere, you will get it all the more clearly. For now I do not wish to play teacher or guide.

Catalina

 

[Sabine]

First let me apologise for my rudeness in not welcoming you to the forum in my first reply to you, but as I have been ill, maybe it was a slip of the mind. So consider yourself welcomed by me at least, and don't sweat it about not knowing me...'jesus' as you say, you only joined yesterday....you can't get to know everyone in so short a time I imagine.

thanks. no problem.. and I would love to get to know many people here better.

I don't 'need' to tell anyone I am in BDSM as you tried to insinuate. I choose to if necessary or asked.

um. I was going from what we were talking about.. dating. and you said that it should be shared even before the first date. you seemed to be saying that about yourself.. that otherwise it would be dishonest somehow? or disasterous if you didn't or something.. anyways.. yes in this conversation regarding this subject you very much gave the impression that you need to tell a new love interest right away that you are into BDSM.

...for clarification which seems to be what you are asking for

correct.
clarification regarding your opinion and the cause behind it.. because I have a different opinion.. and wanted to know more behind yours.. I didn't want to assume too much so my habit is to say "this is what it sounds like your saying" or "this is how you are coming across" or simply ask for more about the subject from your view till I can understand your viewpoint better.

.....And yes BDSM does in a big part define who I am but anyone who knows me knows I am also much more, as are most humans I would expect....

that's what I was getting at.. that's where my opinion of not simply defining myself as a sub to someone I have just become interested in comes from. there's too much about me to learn about.. it takes time.. that's what I see dating as being for.. and as big a deal as BDSM is to me.. I don't feel I need to state it so soon.. it comes out very naturally.. but not in that way.

As to labels, well once you find time to peruse the various threads and discussions over past months, you will see this discussed a lot.

maybe I will.. although I'm sure it will be discussed more in the future.. I am in fact interested to hear more about it.. I really haven't talked to very many "scene" people.. my friends who are into BDSM I believe are kind of outside of it somewhat.. as am I.

As to condescending tones, can't see how you get that from the detailed post I gave specifically to avoid, as I believe I stated, people trying to read more into my words than were intended...

I don't think I caught that post.. but I did say why I thought you sounded condescending.. I did that.. and asked for clarification so that I wouldn't just randomly form an incorrect understanding of your views or well.. you.

but there is always someone who just misses the whole point I guess...must be a Friday thing.

ok.. see.. I must be doing it again.. is this somehow not supposed to be condescending?

.....I was referring, in the question you have about others not being happy with making the same choice I have for vallid reasons....which I thought made the meaning clear....that some people have very valid reasons to not be out in their lifestyle choices,

thanks. that's all I was asking for from my question.

I don't 'label' in negative ways, but I gather the impression you are trying to apply it in that way in your statement.

never said that.. didn't mean that.. thank you for asking though.
what made you think that?

I daresay you have filled in the odd government form even at such a trender age, and in there you usually have to define yourself as Male/Female...correct? Is this also labeling?

labeling yes.. not in the same way though.
there is a huge difference between categorizing species, sex, physical traits, ect. than the catergorization of more complex things involving human choice, desires, needs, actions.. there is too much overlapping.. too many elements involved..
it would actually be quite an interesting discussion.

and dammit. I'm doing it again.. now I'm getting the feeling youre looking down on me because I'm younger.. I'm getting this from you saying "at my age I have learnt..." and now that I should have "even at such a tender age" filled out a government form?
sorry.. I'm having far too much fun with this.

I think not, though I feel you and others would argue the point. This is what I feel you are also referring to as labeling when I say I live a BDSM lifestyle, whereas to me the correct terminology would be 'defining'.

when I said labeling I was meaning.. you're mention of "gay pride" kind of gave me a vision of you sticking a bumpersticker on your car that says "Daddy's little sub" you know those round sparkly ones? and donning a t-shirt that said "I <3 pain" or "spank me" (wait.. ok.. that would actually be amusing enough for me to wear. but.. that's beside the point!)
anyways.. it struck me as you saying you were one of those people who mostly defines yourself simply as a sub.
I'm happy that you are telling me that I read that wrong.
unless you really have a spank me shirt and in that case.. send me one.
and yes.. I meant it as defining.. that's why I said "BDSM well.. largely defines who you are"

Without some vague definitions in this world it would be more fucked than it already is.

I agree very much.

I am not even going to bother answering your insulting statement about me feeling I am more 'serious' as I have already covered this as have many in these threads. If you do not understand or comprehend, it is not my concern, nor do I feel like wasting my time repeating myself over and over.

thank you for not bothering to answer. do try rereading though.
I don't feel like wasting my time repeating myself over and over either.

I am sure when you have time to read more here and hopefully elsewhere, you will get it all the more clearly. For now I do not wish to play teacher or guide.

I don't recall asking.
I certainly would not want you too.. it's rather presumptuous of you to think so.. I mean.. we just met.

Hi. I'm Sabine. I'm a sub.

hey. wait a second. was that more condescension?

note: this is way too long to reread.. please forgive any spelling errors.
forgive rudeness too.
and lack of humor.
and pretend I'm 35.

 

[Croctden]

A: what is munch? I've never really been into the scene, I just go my own way which leads to point

B: Aren't there plently of people out there who have never played before, but might be interested? Am I the only one recruiting for the cause? Did everyone just wake up one day and say "Hey, I'm a sub/dom?" Huh? If I meet a girl I like I get to know her before dropping the bomb. Either I'm a great sales man, or there are lots of girls out there willing to be spanked at least once to see what it's like.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Hi Sabine,

Well I am not one for getting off on the wrong foot with anyone, and do seem to recall telling you in another thread I appreciated how you had expressed yourself. I responded to yourpost the way I read it and as I said, being ill has not helped.

Must admit the continual going to small font annoying as yes, I am in the older generation and proud of it, especially when I am told 'impossible!!, you can't be old enough to be a grannie', so age and lifelong sight problems tend to make miniscule print on a computer screen tedious. As for you being young, that alone is never a problem...have a lot of younger friends and seem to be the one they come to when they need a shoulder, help, or anything..my daughter used to get a bit antsy as she said her friends became my friends and that was not cool for her.

As for T shirts......am thinking about getting some I might like but for now my favourite is 'You can't beat a woman' ....beautiful deep purple, my fave colour, and my last car was covered in feminist and anti DV stickers...always think that had the added effect of preventing it's theft...too recogniseable. As to 'Daddy's little sub sticker (never seen them)...never....I'm afraid I have one Daddy, my biological father and don't need more, and as Master is significantly younger than me, don't think it would be too realistic somehow. And sub I am not, more fit the slave label, and this is who I am 24/7 and forms the backdrop to my life as a whole.

As to communicatiing with people in the lifestyle in lifestyle events etc. Never been to a munch or club, never been to a party.....as I said, reclusive is who I am.

I am sure you have already picked up on the tension in the threads from recent events......some have left, some have stayed but lurk and post little or nothing compared to their former presence, and others like ourselves are trying to remain in a difficult at times, and fragmented environment where many new faces have appeared (normally would be a good thing but have never seen so many new people in a short space of time as now).

Each of the former regulars have made the choices they feel are right for them, and I imagine none are finding it easy. In staying on and contributing to discussions in a manner which will hopefully overcome the recent damage to the forum, it has also made us targets of new people who are not always IMHO, and based on their actions, who they profess to be. So, when a new face appears we try to be as welcoming as before, but have learnt to be suspicious also. So this may partly explain my initial reserve about your intentions and sincerity, and my being totally disgusted with the whole fracas and the handling of it, or lack of as some would say.

So that being said, I am leaving it at this. I apologise for your having to enter this environment the way it is, but as I am sure you also have experienced, it is overall welcoming, and tolerant, and a great place to hang out, learn, share, and evolve.

Catalina

 

[Richard49]

I had my first BDSM experence when I was 15
I was 53 last Sept
I had my last experence the last Sunday in March

In my mid 20s I spent a year as a Dom in trianing
which translates ..... I lived the life of a submissive to a couple
that were Doms ......... there was no internet...... most people places adds in certain publications or did what I have done and that is to meet women like anyone would and find those nillas
that had fantasies that they had not lived out ......

One could go to jail practicing BDSM. In the DSM it still is listed.
Though there is discussion about removing it

To me D/s is not a role .... it is not a bedroom game ......
I am a Dom and it reflects in all areas of my life.........
On most occassions I am not a pig headed dominerring male
I have compassion, I love, I feel including hurting, I am a romantic,
most importantly I am a humanbeing