For Those Of You Who Still Doubt Me

[seXieleXie]

those damn decimal places get me every time

 

[WillowPuss]

Originally posted by Sandia

As for submissives, or the submissive fantasy... it's tough to be a good dom. Sub's often don't know what they want... or if they do, they may not be willing to tell you. (Sorta takes the fun out of it.) So they can be very hard to please.

Sometimes, especiall if a sub is like me and only just starting out on their journey, it could be because they do not know what they want.

I hope that makes sense?
A for instance ... I saw a reference somewhere to being spanked between the legs ... and I asked if we could try it. Until I had read that reference and tried it ... it was not something that I knew I wanted/needed/craved!

 

[cymbidia]

Sometimes, especiall if a sub is like me and only just starting out on their journey, it could be because they do not know what they want.

I hope that makes sense?
A for instance ... I saw a reference somewhere to being spanked between the legs ... and I asked if we could try it. Until I had read that reference and tried it ... it was not something that I knew I wanted/needed/craved!

Have you seen any of the many versions of the BDSM Play Partner checklists, willow?

They're designed to people new to each other an idea of where they match and diverge as far as experiences and fantasies - but i've found them extremely useful as discussion tools with partners i already know well, too.

Additionally, i offer them to people who are new to BDSM sexuality as an aid to discussion, as a tool to use in evaluating where you are and in what direction(s) you wish to move. It's my belief that one cannot begin moving along one's own road, with respect to BDSM sexuality, if one doesn't already have a really good understanding of where she is and where she wants to go - and what she requires in a partner. This is a tool that can help any of us evaluate those kinds of things.

Finally, it's good old fashioned hot fun to do with a partner, new to you or not. Wolf and i spent a few hours a couple weekends ago filling forms like these out. Then we talked about each and every answer, and comparing reasons and needs and places of heat. And then we put them down and did something about all that heat.

Ummm.
Errr.
Ahem.
Here's an all-purpose, general checklist: http://home.mira.net/~batgrl/checklist.htm

If you want to do it, with or without your partner, and you don't understand what a few of these terms mean, please ask. Some one (or two or five) of us will likely be able to help you.

 

[WillowPuss]

Ohhhh wow! Thanks cyn!

I have given it a quick look ... there is stuff on there that I have NO clue about at all - so watch out everyone for some REALLY dumb type questions! lol

Hmmmmmmm now ... this could be fun. Well, actually, it WILL be fun! *blush*


(Wonder if the kids will notice if I just don't show up for a couple of days? Why do they expect dinner EVERY night ... I fed 'em yesterday, for heavens sake!)

willow

 

[luvsubbbbb]

my sister siren

i just joined this system today as i was informed of its value and richness by a wonderful Mistress who i respect and admire........

i scanned down the BDSM post list and found one originated by a familiar name.......my sister siren/veronika.....it saddens me to see that she was disillusioned by the way she was treated here.......i have talked to her at length about her recent experiences with the professional Mistress of whom she speaks, and i, too, advised her that she should be much more careful in the future....

but do i think that there is a possibility that her words are a fabrication?.....not on your life!......altho i believe there is no question that she acted unsafely with respect to her escapade, she is as real as they come.......and has developed a truly enviable headspace......i wish her all the best......and hope she does not leave this system permanently as a result of her bad first experience........

i wish A/all well....and look forward to getting to know Y/you......

 

[Etoile]

That whole capitalization thing just weirds me out. The only time I alter my personal pronoun is when I'm feeling depressed - if I use "i" instead of "I" it's an indicator I'm not doing well. I can understand the use of altered capitalization in "i/she/he" and "I/She/He" and even "You/you" but seeing things like "A/all" just looks strange to me.

Not trying to criticize, just throwing in my two cents as I see it at the moment.

 

[MotorCitySam]

That is some list, cym! I think I figured out what just about every thing on it meant. Except what is a Gates Of Hell?

 

[WillowPuss]

That is some list, cym! I think I figured out what just about every thing on it meant. Except what is a Gates Of Hell?

You've done better than me MotorCitySam ... I am still trying to work out how I am going to post the multitude of questions I have without making myself look like a complete idiot!

Mind you, I suppose it will then remove any doubts people had ???

 

[MotorCitySam]

You've done better than me MotorCitySam ... I am still trying to work out how I am going to post the multitude of questions I have without making myself look like a complete idiot!

Mind you, I suppose it will then remove any doubts people had ???

I think people here like talking about all this damned near as much as they like doing it. Go ahead and make a list of the things you don't know, and they will be fighting over who gets to answer you!

 

[CarolineOh]

That is some list, cym! I think I figured out what just about every thing on it meant. Except what is a Gates Of Hell?

Somebody, (maybe Frouwa Aph?) posted pictures of a Gates of Hell, I think. It is a CBT toy, it's like a row of rings that go around a guys cock.

 

[Sandia]

luvsubbb

(I forget how many b's there were)

i wish A/all well....and look forward to getting to know Y/you......

We're looking forward to meeting you too.

And tell veronika to come on back, now, hear?

--Sandia.

 

[Sandia]

A-hem.

I think people here like talking about all this damned near as much as they like doing it. Go ahead and make a list of the things you don't know, and they will be fighting over who gets to answer you!

Alright, here goes.

Loved the website, cymbidia. Thanks for sharing it.

Abrasion

Age play

Arm & leg sleeves

Breath control

Chaueffering -Is this what it sounds like?

Collars (public) -Now I know what this is but I'm curious if peeps have thoughts on what they should look like, or what meaning they have.

Dilation

Equestrian

Harnessing (leather)

Hot waxing

Immobilization -Is this different from tying someone up?

Interrogations

Serving as Art

 

[Etoile]

That list looks very similar to the Submissive BDSM Play Partner Checklist which was written by the wonderful Tammad Rimilia.

 

[cymbidia]

That is some list, cym! I think I figured out what just about every thing on it meant. Except what is a Gates Of Hell?

A type of CBT, cock-ball torture, and something designed for "male constraint/adornment. It consists of a series of nickel-plated steel rings connected by a leather strap. The first, largest ring goes over the cock and balls, and the cock alone goes into the other rings. The rings get progressively smaller, confining the penis." http://www.stockroom.com/j053.htm

Here's a good site for all y'all who are a little newish to bookmark: The Deviant's Dictionary at http://www.queernet.org/deviant/frames.htm . The below def's are taken from there and any comments i've added are italicized.

Abrasion
Stimulating the surface of the body with abrasive materials, for example, rough silk, chamois leather, fine sandpaper, brushes, wire wool. An often overlooked but surprisingly effective set of techniques, especially on a blindfolded sub/bottom. One can do this with one's nails, too.
http://www.gmsma.org/newslink/abrasion.html

Age play
Play that involves taking on the role of someone of a different age. Most commonly, adults take on the role of children, perhaps in a submissive capacity -- see also daddy/boy, infantilism. Younger people may also take on the role of older people.
http://www.bloodinmoonlight.com/lgl/antiped.html

Arm & leg sleeves
I can't find a written def but an arm sleeve (personally, i’ve never seen a leg sleeve) is a contraption by which each arm is drawn behind the back, hands together and pointed toward the top of the back, elbows together (or as close as they're going), and a sleeve of something (most often leather) is wrapped and secured tightly holding the arms in place.

Oh yes, and unless you’re superbly flexible, it is as uncomfy as it sounds.

These are also called arm (and leg, i guess) binders.
http://www.stockroom.com/j154.htm

Breath control
Asphyxiaphilia, auto-erotic asphyxiation (if solo play), breath games, breathplay, hypoxyphilia. Games involving control or restriction of air and/or the supply of oxygen to the brain. Strangling is usually the compression of the carotid arteries to prevent oxygenated blood reaching the brain; suffocation involves reducing the level of oxygen in the air available to breathe. Hanging, where the body is suspended by the neck, though a relatively common fantasy, is very difficult to stage in a non-harmful way for SM scenes: remember that judicial hanging was intended to break the spine, not cause death by suffocation. All these games are very dangerous to play alone, and may also be dangerous if with a partner.

We've got a few threads floating round on this subject. Be exceedingly cautious with this kind of play, please. It’s advanced stuff.

Chaueffering -Is this what it sounds like?
Ah, yeh. Uh huh. Different strokes for different folks, right? There are those who are definitely what we call "service submissives". This would be a big one for them, i'm guessing.

Also, to be fair, i have known people who found it fulfilling to be able to discharge a part of their responsibility to their dominant by driving them to or from destinations on a regular basis. I am that way about shaving my dominant, and some might find that odd.

Collars (public) -Now I know what this is but I'm curious if peeps have thoughts on what they should look like, or what meaning they have.

Wow! This is a big one!
To me, for me, collars possess significance to a variety of depths.

1. They're for play, to attach stuff to, like wrists and chains and leads. In that way, they're fun, they increase my sub headspace in a huge way during the play, they are part of the scene. And that's all they are, too. Nothing more meaningful.

These look utilitarian, though "utilitarian" can be beautiful, too. Commonly, they have one or more big D-rings, rolled edges, and a lockable haps. Why buy one for play if you can't lock it closed and/or snap and then lock things onto it? The rolled edges are important so there are no telltale marks after the fun is done. There are a gazillion kinds of play collars. Remember that you’ll be sweating in this thing a lot and treat them as tenderly as you would any valuable leather product or they’ll mildew away into a stinky pile o’ rot.
http://www.stockroom.com/a307.htm

2. They're jewelry, too, sometimes, like the one i have that i bought for myself, the one i bought for myself because i was -am- trying to get past the heartache i feel at the deeper meaning of thought/word "collar". I’ve attached a pic of mine, bought for myself, below.

3. Finally, collars have always signified, in the BDSM world, an incredibly complex and meaningful bond, one of full submission offered totally, freely, without any inhibitions. In my life, in my 30 years of BDSM relationships, i've worn this kind of collar, had this kind of bond, only three times.

The way that 2 and 3 look can be anything significant to those who give/accept them from something like nilla jewelry to something like 1, above. There is no standard for collars.

Dilation
Man! I can't believe that the Deviant's Dictionary doesn't have this one! Okay. This is when you use, or have used on you, successively bigger item (from a circumference perspective) for the express purpose of making whatever hole you're enlarging, well, larger.

It doesn't have to be something going in an anus, the urethra, or a pussy, either, though these are definitely the most common places for dilation practices/play to occur. Steve once did a dilation on one of the holes in my ear, the one in my cartilage, so i could go to a smaller gauge ring.

Urethral sounds kit: http://www.stockroom.com/b090.htm

Equestrian
AKA animal training: Games in which one or more partners, usually the bottom(s), takes on the role of an animal. The commonest is probably a dog, though horses are also popular. The 'animal' may imitate animal behaviour, wear items such as collars, leads, bridles and so on, or carry out tasks associated with the animal, such as pulling a vehicle. Scenes vary enormously, both in elaborateness and in authenticity. There is no necessary connection with any sexual attraction to real animals.

Equestrian is really serious pony play.
http://www.deviantdesires.com/map/ponyplay.html

Harnessing (leather)

Bondage apparatus consisting of a network of straps designed to form a web over a large area of the body or the head. The best known is the leather body harness for wearing around the upper torso, as seen in the classic leatherman look. However they can be made of a variety of materials, and not all are just made for show. Also a verb, 'harness', to place someone in a harness.
http://www.stockroom.com/j230.htm

Hot waxing

Waxing for hair removal or, more commonly, for the sensations associated with the feel of hot wax being dripped onto skin. We've got a plethora of threads on this subject here and RisiaSkye has written an *excellent* story about the subject, too.

Please know that not all candles are safe to use as BDSM toys in this manner, that anything added to the candle (color, fragrance, etc) will increase it's melting temp, and that the higher you hold the candle before allowing it to drip onto your partner, the cooler the wax will be when it hits.
http://members.tripod.com/esclave/waxplay.html

Immobilization -Is this different from tying someone up?

Any form of bondage technically immobilises someone, but this term is usually reserved for extreme forms where someone literally cannot move a muscle, not to be recommended for long periods.

Interrogations

Again, we've got at least one good thread on this subject here that you could do a SEARCH for if you're interested. BDSM interrogation is a mind-fuck technique. A mind-fuck does not have to be a bad thing, at all. It's a psychological/emotional kind of play, not a physical one - or at least not primarily physical.
http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/BDSMinfo/interrogation.htm

Serving as Art
Well, this is being painted or posed or somehow displayed, as any valuable art piece would be, for the eyes of those passing by. Again, I think of this as mostly within the realm of the service sub. I have no experience with this at all beyond the sometimes-hot practice of writing nasty stuff on my body with markers during play.

Anyone else?

luvsubbbbb? We don't use chat room conventions such as W/we and Y/your in our conversations here. Feel free to leave such awkward conventions at the door on your way in, okay?

 

[cymbidia]

That list looks very similar to the Submissive BDSM Play Partner Checklist which was written by the wonderful Tammad Rimilia.

There have been lists like this floating around, lists that were similar to the one i posted, and yours too, since before the net was a force in everyday life for most of us, Etoile.

Here's the pic i forgot.

 

[Etoile]

Oh, I know there have, cym! I was just providing another source - the lists are very slightly different - and also giving the credit, as I know Tammad wrote that one. It's a genuine pity he's gone, he was a great person, at least in the local (Baltimore/DC) BDSM community.

(And I'm also glad to hear those capitalization conventions aren't generally used around here...it would probably scare me away to see them all the time.)

 

[cymbidia]

Actually, Etoile, it's a running battle to keep those chat room conventions out of here. Feel free to pipe up when you see someone using them, politely, of course.

 

[Sandia]

cymbidia

Thank you for the time you took to answer all those questions.

I appreciate it. I also liked the collar that you shared. It was beautiful (though I'll admit I was hoping to see you wearing it.)

I think I understand better where you're coming from on the capitalization thing. It's easy to take that sort of thing as an invitation to play. And obviously that's what you're trying to avoid around here. With good reason.

I hope, though, that you all will go easy on newbies who use it unknowingly. It's easy to scare somebody off who doesn't know where you're coming from.

Oh, and 148/7422= 1.994% Catching up!

Sandia.

 

[cymbidia]

Re: cymbidia

You're welcome, Sandia. Paraphrasing Tigger: "Answering is what cym's do best!"

I'll never show my face at Lit. I have too much to lose in my (at the moment non-existant) professional life should someone from my school board see me here. It's highly unlikely, therefore, that i'll ever post a pic of me wearing that collar.

Oh, and 148/7422= 1.994% Catching up!

Uh huh.
Keep 'em coming, poster boy.

 

[Sandia]

<smile>

Hmm. I like it when you talk to me like that.. (Forgive the play, I'm only teasing!)

Let's see.. Ah. It looks like with this one, I broke the 2%.

--Sandia.

 

[CarolineOh]

Sandia, dear, you don't stand a chance. Just look at yout posts per day average, and then look at cym's.
You are posting just more than 4 times a day, while cym is over 15 a day.
I think maybe if you were to post a long series of explicit pictures of yourself, that might help

 

[Sandia]

Ms. Oh:

I think maybe if you were to post a long series of explicit pictures of yourself, that might help

I don't know about the long part, but if you check in the BMHE or just pet's thread, you might find a couple.




Sandia.

 

[CarolineOh]

Re: Ms. Oh:

I don't know about the long part, but if you check in the BMHE or just pet's thread, you might find a couple.




Sandia.

Those were lovely pictures, but if you want to get posting traffic, you have to show a little more than that

 

[Sandia]

Sorry,

I shoulda been more specific. I posted a new one today. Just now I mean.

Edited to add: I finally got that digital camera I been wanting.

 

[Sandia]

Oh,

and see, it's all a matter of how you look at it. As far as catching up to cym, I went from one percent to two percent in just a few days! That's the kinda growth that any dot-com would be proud of!

Sandia.