From down under...a sub's view of things

[landcruisergal]

Thank you ma'am, I could have picked an easier type of personality for a first. Throw in a few 'country boy' attitudes and issues. He's a challenge.
But learning fast,

 

[landcruisergal]

Hmmm... Gift giving can be an interesting issue.

I am prone to it myself, and I do not have so much disposable income.

When I was younger I would sometimes break myself financially around christmas time on ex-girl friends (My first four girl friends broke up with me during the holidays).

In anycase, in a past D/s relationship, I was not allowed to get her presents. Flowers were ok.. or similar little things (like a pacifier for Her oral fixation ), but she didn't want me buying Her Sarah tickets for Her birthday, for example.

I have to say, the experience of spotting gifts for Her at the mall, but not being allowed to buy them for Her; was an odd mix of sadness and sub-ness.

In anycase, If it makes you feel endebted, tell him, and have some limits. Perhaps you might let him get you gifts only for your birthday and christmas, for example. And then, only one. Maybe You could make sure he has supervision when selecting gifts (by your Master perhaps), or set a price limit.

Thanks, I can empathise. I love buying presents myself, and often buy those impulsive presents because you just know " so and so would love that!".
I guess I will restrict it to hotel room every few months. And flowers are nice.

 

[subliminalmessage]

answers, pt. 1

Shadowsdream, you raise a good point not all cbt leaves a pet raw, humbled etc. i can imagine various forms of more mental cbt that would, in fact, prove rather pleasurable. And, on that acocunt what male wouldn't love the pleasurable end of the cbt spectrum?
i took your original question though to be about the more...how to say this..demanding end of the cbt spectrum. In that realm most cbt that i have experienced involved a certain amount of torment and torture, and it is that type of cbt that elicits a love/hate feeling from this sub...and also puts me in deep subspace at times.

 

[subliminalmessage]

answers part 2..

i would hope slaves of all sorts would be responding on here..why not be inclusive? That said, the main purposes of this thread are to give others a window into how male subs feel, think; and, to encourage more voice from male subs.

As to domme's posting or asking too much, clearly it isn't for a male pet/slave (albeit an uncollared one) to tell you all what to do..so feel free to write/ask as much as strikes your fancy.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Shadowsdream, you raise a good point not all cbt leaves a pet raw, humbled etc. i can imagine various forms of more mental cbt that would, in fact, prove rather pleasurable. And, on that acocunt what male wouldn't love the pleasurable end of the cbt spectrum?
i took your original question though to be about the more...how to say this..demanding end of the cbt spectrum. In that realm most cbt that i have experienced involved a certain amount of torment and torture, and it is that type of cbt that elicits a love/hate feeling from this sub...and also puts me in deep subspace at times.

Thank you for a clearer answer...the depth of CBT runs the gamut of pleasure and pain the roller coaster of heaven and hell on its best day.

 

[subliminalmessage]

answers pt. 3

LandCruiser, you raise an interesting point. Here you seem to have a very manly sub that has a high pain threshold and isn't giving you much in the way of other indications about how to manipulate him into true, deep submission.

My last Mistress was a demon--a true genius in the art of control. i also have a high pain threshold. Her way to achieve the level of submission she desired was to combine intense physical play with lots of very intense mental play.

i wrote above about a scene where she dressed me as a school girl then invited a lover in. i hazard to say that such a scene has enough impact that it will force all but a few (say true cuckolds) into subspace.

She also began a series of orders that impacted me on a daily basis, outside the confines of our play time together, to serve as constant reminders of my submission--things i was to do, wear For example, she would call on no notice on certain days and make me wear panties and stockings under my suits..simply so she and my submission would be on my mind all the time..and so i would have to alter my routines for her (such as hitting the head or the gym).

You might try getting very creative and mental with him.

Also, my last Mistress early on tested my pain threshold. She asked about it, i said i had a high one, she said good lets find it. What followed was an insanely amazing six hour session that left me physically exhausted, literally out of breath, muscles quivering, body aching, welted, sweat drenched--and she knew exactly what i could take. This may seem cruel to some, or over the top, but i had a safe word, and it was my choice not to use it, and it was necessary for her to see what i could and would take for her.

 

[landcruisergal]

LandCruiser, you raise an interesting point. Here you seem to have a very manly sub that has a high pain threshold and isn't giving you much in the way of other indications about how to manipulate him into true, deep submission.

My last Mistress was a demon--a true genius in the art of control. i also have a high pain threshold. Her way to achieve the level of submission she desired was to combine intense physical play with lots of very intense mental play.

i wrote above about a scene where she dressed me as a school girl then invited a lover in. i hazard to say that such a scene has enough impact that it will force all but a few (say true cuckolds) into subspace.

She also began a series of orders that impacted me on a daily basis, outside the confines of our play time together, to serve as constant reminders of my submission--things i was to do, wear For example, she would call on no notice on certain days and make me wear panties and stockings under my suits..simply so she and my submission would be on my mind all the time..and so i would have to alter my routines for her (such as hitting the head or the gym).

You might try getting very creative and mental with him.

Also, my last Mistress early on tested my pain threshold. She asked about it, i said i had a high one, she said good lets find it. What followed was an insanely amazing six hour session that left me physically exhausted, literally out of breath, muscles quivering, body aching, welted, sweat drenched--and she knew exactly what i could take. This may seem cruel to some, or over the top, but i had a safe word, and it was my choice not to use it, and it was necessary for her to see what i could and would take for her.

Lucky you, I am having my first experiance here, and really should spend some time with a femdom and learn some tricks.I have no problems with being cruel. I am a nurse, lol.
I am a painslut myself, and know it gets my rocks off.But with him I am not sure.
Should I even care whether he does or doesn't.
My boy lives away in a work camp environment that has shared facilities.So marking has to be considered too.
He is no princess,He knows I'm not into sissifying,We had in depth discussions prior to our first scene, so I cant see that working, but not writing it off as a possible tool to use.

 

[subliminalmessage]

I wasn't suggesting sissifying..merely f'ing with his head, establishing mental control, taking him off his game in that way a bit. My last Mistress hated sissifying, and didn't see anythign sexy in men in lingerie, but at times she used that to make a point.

As to caring if he is in pain or you are cruel....isn't that what deep down he seeks? So i'd say give him it and stop worrying about is it cruel or not..just enjoy, take advantage of what you have

 

[landcruisergal]

Well at least I am sort of on the right track, lol.
Use any tool I can to get into his head.
Maybe I am concentrating on his needs too much.
That would come from my own submissive habits, I suppose.
Damn am I dominating this thread? Sorry.

 

[subliminalmessage]

have no fear

you aren't dominating the thread at all..feel free..good to keep it going.
And, i would humbly suggest you are a bit too worried about him.

 

[Netzach]

Things I've done

when confused/stuck, or even just in general for a scene

1. Ask myself what I want.
2. Ask myself what my goals are for myself in the scene.
3. Ask myself what my goals for the sub/bottom in the scene are and hope that I can direct towards them, yet not get so rigid that surprise discoveries are out of the question.
4. Try something really weird or unexpected, but have a plan/point, convey the plan/point after the scene. This almost always comes as a "revelation" to the sub/bottom if you think this out well.

Your little mental reminder could be feminization, it could be making him wear his watch on the other hand or a string around a finger or put his shoes on in the order opposite the normal one -- what the order is doesn't really matter. It's what you want out of it and the sense that what you want is interfering and insinuating itself into his life. If that's your thing, that is. I think if I had to do it over again and if I were at the point you are at, I'd be spending a LOT of time thinking about what "my thing" is, what I want out of having a pet, what I find fun. Come to think of it, this is a critical thing for any Dominant to re-evaluate frequently and a fun one.

I've always thought that you have to know what you want. Everything stems from that. Intent.

 

[subliminalmessage]

fantastic

Netzach,
i loved what you wrote here about evaluating what you want, need, desire out of having a slave and then having a plan. What i loved about it was that it was such a dominant expression--it truly showed your nature....see something, want it, get it, force it, take it, use it. What an erotic window into you--thank you.

 

[landcruisergal]

This is exactly the kind of advice I have been seeking. Boys are so pleasantly different.Its such a challenge.The changes in my own head set. The mental stimulation is as much fun.I get a real kick out my preparations for a scene, and will keep those pointers in mind next time.

 

[subliminalmessage]

male subs are different than female ones. That is why it has always interested me why more women don't become domme's..it would seem ideal for most women: you control the pace of things, you can drive it away from just a physical to a mental playspace, etc.

 

[AAkasha]

male subs are different than female ones. That is why it has always interested me why more women don't become domme's..it would seem ideal for most women: you control the pace of things, you can drive it away from just a physical to a mental playspace, etc.

I lot of women that hear about female domination learn about it from their submissive husbands or boyfriends. It's usually a shock, and their ideas about it are colored with ugly stereotypes and preconceived ideas about "kinky sex."

If they decide to take a stab at it, it's usually to please their male partner, and they have a list or idea of what it is they are "supposed to do", based on what their sub partner has told them. As a result, they are in a position to try to "act" in control while wondering if they are "doing it right" and are being nudged by the man who is supposed to be submitting.

There is nothing less empowering than being in a position like that, and I think that's why most women who get a taste of "female domination" decide it is not for them.

If they were introduced to it in a non-threatening, no-pressure way where they truly were calling the shots, I think people would be surprised how many women decided it was for them.

Akasha

 

[subliminalmessage]

isn't that ironic. Sad.

 

[AAkasha]

isn't that ironic. Sad.

It is sad, but it's getting better. In the past, if a man wanted to show his lover what he was thinking about when he asked for her to dominate him, all he had to show her was porn magazines and videos with that same stereotypical "dominatrix" figure. What a turn off.

Now, the web has a lot of resources written by women that explain how a *woman* can enjoy this type of play, and how exciting and passionate control can be. Once women realize this, the pressure is off and they are free to explore in their own way.

I have sections on my site about this, and so does www.amityworld.com and a few others. The feedback from women has been fantastic.

Akasha

 

[subliminalmessage]

i agree...that is another reason why i wanted to start this thread: so domme's could have a window into what makes a slave tick without needing to feel like they "aren't doing it right" are naive, etc.

 

[landcruisergal]

I lot of women that hear about female domination learn about it from their submissive husbands or boyfriends. It's usually a shock, and their ideas about it are colored with ugly stereotypes and preconceived ideas about "kinky sex."

If they decide to take a stab at it, it's usually to please their male partner, and they have a list or idea of what it is they are "supposed to do", based on what their sub partner has told them. As a result, they are in a position to try to "act" in control while wondering if they are "doing it right" and are being nudged by the man who is supposed to be submitting.

There is nothing less empowering than being in a position like that, and I think that's why most women who get a taste of "female domination" decide it is not for them.

If they were introduced to it in a non-threatening, no-pressure way where they truly were calling the shots, I think people would be surprised how many women decided it was for them.


Akasha

I should be counting my blessings then. My friend tried femdomming and found it dissatisfying for just those reasons.Her taste in men differs to my own as well, but it tainted my own perception of male submissives I admit.
I simply didn't find them attractive for a start, and a couple of them experianced subs who tried to manipulate her. One even admitted to me he was actively topping from the bottom.which put me in a awkward situation, as I had considered him a nice guy before that. Live and learn I guess. It put me off male subs for ages, sorry guys!

 

[AAkasha]

i agree...that is another reason why i wanted to start this thread: so domme's could have a window into what makes a slave tick without needing to feel like they "aren't doing it right" are naive, etc.

No offense, but I think a femdom is doing it right if she' s doing what makes HER tick, not the sub. I have never been a service top, though. I don't know what other femdoms think. I know I am doing it right when I am totally high off his submission and surrender, and he knows from deep in his soul that he has pleased me like no one else could. That is his nirvana.

I don't dominate men to turn them on, I dominate men to turn ME on. The reason I find out what makes a man tick is only so I can use it in the context of my pleasure and passion -- and it's not something that is so general that it can be consistent across any large number of men. It's often unique to the chemistry between the dominant and submissive.

Akasha

 

[subliminalmessage]

i love your post..so true

 

[Netzach]

I see it in a fairly symbiotic sense. I have to get what I want out of it, but if I have no hope of eliciting the responses I like from the acivities I like, I need to know that, and knowing what's liked and not liked, what the sub/bottom/pet/boy/girl's whatever's buttons are is going to inform that and let me know where we're overlapping.

 

[subliminalmessage]

I think the key here is the notion of buttons. i've yet to find a Mistress that always wanted her sub to hate what was going on, fear it. Most dommes want their subs to enjoy their submission--at least sometimes. And, most dommes want to torment a sub some/most of the time to establish control, dominance, put the sub in his place, etc. In some ways it is true Pavlovian learning. But, whether the desired effect is positive (pleasure, warmth) or negative (pain, humiliation, torment) a domme needs to know what buttons to push to achieve the desired result. Of course, some things are done not for a specific result--make the sub feel X--but instead because it pushes the domme's button ("I love seeing a man with a butt plug..a red ass...etc."). But a lot of what a good domme does is push buttons..her own ("I love it when...") or her subs ("I want to see him truly hurting..grovelling..etc.")

 

[landcruisergal]

I get more out of the sounds he makes than the movements he makes.The fact that he is so stoic, makes any sound he makes more exciting for me.Its one of my buttons for sure.
I always make him test his bonds so it strikes home the fact that he cannot escape, and I can make needed adjustments.
Those first moments of fear, rising to panic sometimes,then reassuring him that he is safe and his trust in me is much valued...Safe words are there if he needs them etc. when he settles. He is all mine at that moment.The realisation gives me a power kick in my crotch.I stand at his feet and just appreciate the view for what feels like ages.Its an intensely joyful moment for me.
I have a head fuck I can use with extreme caution, it has been clear from the beginning that intercourse is never going to occur, and if it does, our relationship will end. On one occassion when he was bound , I whispered that I could climb on and ride him home. The choice between need and domination caused him no little trauma. Is this trick too cruel?

 

[AAkasha]

I get more out of the sounds he makes than the movements he makes.The fact that he is so stoic, makes any sound he makes more exciting for me.Its one of my buttons for sure.
I always make him test his bonds so it strikes home the fact that he cannot escape, and I can make needed adjustments.
Those first moments of fear, rising to panic sometimes,then reassuring him that he is safe and his trust in me is much valued...Safe words are there if he needs them etc. when he settles. He is all mine at that moment.The realisation gives me a power kick in my crotch.I stand at his feet and just appreciate the view for what feels like ages.Its an intensely joyful moment for me.
I have a head fuck I can use with extreme caution, it has been clear from the beginning that intercourse is never going to occur, and if it does, our relationship will end. On one occassion when he was bound , I whispered that I could climb on and ride him home. The choice between need and domination caused him no little trauma. Is this trick too cruel?

What you write makes me realize now more than ever how bondage is essentially the one "non negotiable" fetish I can never give up. I remember having a fascination with bound, helpless "heroes" in cartoons and tv shows as far back as my memory will go. I always hoped they would struggle. Batman was the tv show of choice, because almost every episode guaranteed a bondage cliffhanger at the end (or the beginning, if it was part 2).

And I'm with you on the sounds. That's why gags are so awesome. There is nothing like a muffled whimper to set me off.

Akasha