Gentlemen: Can you explain the appeal of cuckolding?

[policywank]

Apart from the last two sentences I agree with everything you say.

In my opinion, drawn from reading a lot of ancient erotica going back to the 17th century, there has never been an age where "consensual non-monogamy without humiliation" has not existed. I believe it's a practice that probably dates back to the invention of monogamy itself.

Agreed. I suppose that there have always been a wide variety of people. But I think that for my argument the relevant consideration is whether those that choose such a different lifestyle were readily accepted in those times.

Even now we know there are many non-monogamous couples including couples where only one partner is non-monogamous. And there are people who simply can't accept the reality that there isn't some dysfunction or humiliation involved. That doesn't make it true. My point about the past is that (purely my supposition) when the word "cuckold" came into usage was a period where a large proportion of society would have assumed that there must be humiliation involved no matter how the couple felt. The point isn't that their assumptions were true only that they were widely held and dictated how people regarded the matter.

We see this dynamic on many topics. Many people I know believe that a slut is not only a woman who has many casual sexual partners but that she is also non-discriminating and doing it for the wrong reasons. Even the definition I just looked up says "a woman who has many casual sexual partners" but then goes on to include "prostitute" and "whore" as synonyms. The truth is there are sexually active women who meet that basic definition of "slut" who are discriminating (I fuck a lot of guys but they are all ones I like and choose and I don't fuck any guy), don't do it for money, aren't seeking validation and do not feel that they are unclean or degraded.

The distortion or embellishment of the "slut" definition even today derives from consensus attitudes not realities.

 

[policywank]

You make a lot of assumptions and generalizations here. Take these parts out, and I could buy your argument

I did make simplifying assumptions - cultures and people are far more complex and varied than what can be summarized in a few sentences. But the point was not to argue a fundamental truth about any given culture or circumstance. The point was to illustrate the reality that what one culture might find unthinkable is not a big deal at all in another culture. The certainty with which one group holds a given point of view does not apply to the other group. Ergo no matter how strongly anyone feels that cuckolding is unnatural or deviant or indicative of a problem doesn't make it so.

My point doesn't lie in the absolute accuracy of my simplifying assumptions but in what they illustrate. The premise that there are widely varying views on female sexuality is factual - we may disagree on what those differences are but we know this to be true.

 

[policywank]

Just remember when reading this, it's all consensual and all enjoy!

Around nine years ago hubby and I began exploring fantasies in the bedroom, some of which were physical others mental. One of those was me having a lover; hubby brought that in with hot comments at the point of my orgasm initially. That moved on to explicit talk at times, roleplay and then naughty whispers in public. Seven years ago we stepped into reality having our first threesome with another guy.

Let me make it clear at this point, hubby isn’t bisexual or submissive; he enjoys me having pleasure, lots of it.

Having had a pleasurable experience we had a few more, all good on the whole, but I noticed that hubby became less involved and spent more time watching. With open discussion it became obvious hubby preferred to watch and have me after that share at the time. That led to where we were last year (2016) where we chose lovers on line from dating sites and I made contact and, if suitable, brought them back for sex.
Unbeknown to them the lounge and bedroom were wired for sound and video with hidden cams and mikes and hubby was watching remotely from a room over the garage. This wasn’t something that consumed our sex life, occurring 4-5 times a year.

Valentine’s Day 2016 saw a change in that I had a gift waiting on the bed in the form of a naked mixed race male, something hubby arranged behind my back, which hubby left me to enjoy, me knowing he would be watching.
A short while later, again with open frank discussion, hubby asked for me alone to choose my lover. I acceded to his wish but with a proviso in that as it would be a total surprise for him he was not to “jack off” while watching and save himself for me after as usual. I jokingly bought him a cock cage. Hubby insisted I lock him up and he enjoys the frustration it creates and certainly creates a benefit for me after my lover leaves.

I started picking black lovers and hubby agreed the contrast in skin colour added to the eroticism of my unfaithfulness and his voyeuristic pleasure. At the same time we introduced a long term female lover of ours, Karen,*to*support*hubby during my "play time" as well as*a second female in the bedroom. She, adding to hubbies frustrations, being dressed provocatively and commenting on my activity with my lover during and joining us after.
Then came one special lover, I have never followed up with subsequent invites previously but this guy was something special. In discussions with hubby and Karen it was decided to "give him a second go".

This led to several more "meetings" with him, more activity than usual,*and subsequently an invite.*
I was asked to attend a "party" with him in early November, he gave me all the details and left me to think about it and decide. Of course this was discussed with hubby and Karen, the "party" would be held at a private residence where all the males were black, and the women married, unfaithful and with their lover. The dress code was simple, the men would be smart casual, the women in just heels and either stockings or holdups and a choker that they would choose on arrival. Although all the women were "on display" selecting a white choker meant you were exclusive and "off limits", a red choker indicated you may*had to be asked but had the right to decline, black meant you*could not refuse any advance. There were rules the men had to abide by or be ejected such as respecting the above and, whether red or black, the right to insist on protection. Along with the hopes of my lover, hubby and Karen both thought I should go for black.
I attended the party, but that's another story, feeling secure as additionally we would be relocating and that information I hadn't passed on to my lover.

Since we moved there has been no play of that kind other than a couple of visits from Karen. Karen is missing us and*leading on from the last visit is now in the process of moving down and in with us having secured employment down here. Karen will have the annex, should she want space, sharing one of the rooms with hubby who is in the process of equiping the house with the same facilities for our entertainment.

During this time, Benjamin has emailed, text and rang, he knows we have moved but still wants more of me. Hubby and Karen have seen the emails and texts and, between them, heard the calls. Ben is asking for exclusivity, to cuckold hubby in that he can't have me. Ben is cool with Karen and has declared he would only share me with one other, his younger brother, as he felt uncomfortable with my behaviour at the "party" (it was his desire for us to attend and me wear a black choker). Ben is not aware he was, all but that one time, watched and that has been the mainstay of our activities to date, this would be a big departure. It is under consideration, I know hubby would be well looked after by Karen in my absence, but is this what we want? Is it what I want? This would be a major change in the dynamics, can I willingly deny hubby my body just reliant on Karen in the times between seeing Ben, Would I be happy knowing Karen is serving those needs, although not while I'm with Ben?

So many questions, so few coherent answers at the moment, Ben is patient, he thinks it's just me deciding, and that I'll deal with hubby if I decide to go through with it. I'll keep you posted.

Interesting. To me being a hot wife has always been about owning and controlling my own sexual prerogative. I cannot conceive of transferring exclusivity or control over my sexuality to another man.

I am not disparaging your perspective. Its just interesting that the reality of having sex with other men can come from such different perspectives.

 

[JackOffer]

I have never understood it at all. I love seeing my wife with another man, but I don't see it as humiliating, I just want to join in and almost always do.

 

[XirixSeven]

Agreed. I suppose that there have always been a wide variety of people. But I think that for my argument the relevant consideration is whether those that choose such a different lifestyle were readily accepted in those times.

Even when I was part of a MMFF foursome, and was enjoying the other woman, seeing her man with my woman did bring with it the excitement of my own humiliation. And I am in no way a cuck, nor have I ever had a cuck relationship.

But I would think to myself, "the guy is working my girl. fuck. I'm completely humiliated now that another man knows what it's like to be inside my girl."

 

[DraggonStone]

Cuckolding appeals to me as a voyeur when when the cuck sexually surrenders to the bull and orally worships his cock. Additional arousal when the wife participates by being sexually aroused and verbally participating. Porn directors get it all wrong.

 

[Ramone45]

I think our relationship fits the true definition of a cuckold relationship. She loves me for certain reasons, and definitely does not want to leave me. I support and provide for her. She has just made it clear she wants and needs other men for sexual gratification. She might not be intending to humiliate me, yet I feel humiliated. Although she cares for her lovers, she doesn't really love them. If I could be honest, as bad as it is that she has sex with these men, the worst part is when they kiss. That's almost more intimate.

 

[policywank]

Even when I was part of a MMFF foursome, and was enjoying the other woman, seeing her man with my woman did bring with it the excitement of my own humiliation. And I am in no way a cuck, nor have I ever had a cuck relationship.

But I would think to myself, "the guy is working my girl. fuck. I'm completely humiliated now that another man knows what it's like to be inside my girl."

My husband describes the humiliation element this way. He like most guys was raised to viscerally expect his romantic partner to be exclusive and for her to only have eyes for him. But deep down he knew that was unrealistic - even a woman who loves her husband very much and is completely faithful has the capacity to desire other men.

The expectation society foisted upon him to be the ultimate best lover for his wife is something he found to be a burden. Seeing me with other men released that burden because the delusion became impossible to maintain. We don't engage in humiliation for its own sake but the mere fact of seeing me with another man is humiliating on some level because of his conditioning. He now associates that sense of humiliation with a concurrent releasing of the burden to maintain the delusion I could never want another.

I have always found this to be an interesting concept. Step back from simple notions of romantic love and finding the right person for you and think about any 10 random married men you know. How many of those men do you suppose really are the be all and end all such that even in their weakest moments their wives could never even consider another? And how many of those guys have some of their ego tied up in believing that they are their wife's ultimate lover.

Husbands want other women as well, maybe even more so. But we don't fool ourselves otherwise. Women in a monogamous marriage expect their husbands to keep their pants on but we don't pretend they wouldn't like to do otherwise.

 

[eroticspank]

I think our relationship fits the true definition of a cuckold relationship. She loves me for certain reasons, and definitely does not want to leave me. I support and provide for her. She has just made it clear she wants and needs other men for sexual gratification. She might not be intending to humiliate me, yet I feel humiliated. Although she cares for her lovers, she doesn't really love them. If I could be honest, as bad as it is that she has sex with these men, the worst part is when they kiss. That's almost more intimate.

I am not sure if this helps and I must admit that I have never done cuckolding. However, from guys and women I have talked to about it I get the feeling of a deep down trust.

For the guy, there is a certain amount of pride or inner security knowing that his wife will always come back to him. The Bull just gets to have her body, the husband has her love and in some cases her body too.

So if there is a great deal of trust and a solid relationship, then it is just about fantasy fulfilling, role playing and pleasurable sex. After, they take the memory of the experiences back to their own bedroom and enjoy even more.

ES

 

[jimnjulie]

I have become a cuckold husband after stupidly telling my wife that I'd like to see her with another man. That was six months ago and now I find myself taking her to be fucked as I hate the thought of her going alone.

 

[Clem99]

I have become a cuckold husband after stupidly telling my wife that I'd like to see her with another man. That was six months ago and now I find myself taking her to be fucked as I hate the thought of her going alone.

That does sound pretty awesome. Hopefully it works out well for you.

 

[Ramone45]

My wife and I have had a discussion, and she believes that she can love two men at the same time. She says that the love can be different. Specifically, she loves her boyfriend in a physical way, primarily. She loves me for different reasons, but she feels both "loves" are entirely valid. She thinks I give her good emotional, intellectual and financial support and security. It's just clear that I don't and can't fulfill her physical desires as much as her boyfriend.

 

[NickCarraway12]

I think it's a combination of biological factors and emotional ones and of varying degrees for each person. The "sperm war" where a man's count goes up when he's been away would be similar. Also, the underlying fear of some where they think that she's going to do it anyway so hubby may as well have some control, or at least some role, in it. In addition, it relieves hubby of a lot of pressure to sexually please his wife.

The jealousy plays a strange role here. I remember being at a club with my wife many years ago (we were in our late 20s at the time) and dancing with her. She had her arms around my neck and was close against me. The floor was crowded and there was a single guy who was dancing with various couples and women and found his way to us. He started slow and easy but in a minute or two, he had his hands on my wife's hips and she didn't seem to mind. Maybe he made her feel sexy. I asked if she was ok and she nodded. Then, he moved closer to her and was grinding himself on her booty which she began to thrust out toward him a little. She had a smile on her face the whole time and looked back at him and smiled. If she'd turned toward him and faced him, I'm not sure how I would have reacted as it would have shown preference to him. Truthfully, the entire event was turning me on a little and it scared me. We danced for a couple of songs and then he moved on.

On the way to the car, she told me that the guy was as hard as a rock and felt as big as a kielbasa. I winced a little and she laughed. She not me not to worry as she was wearing jeans and not a skirt. If she had worn a skirt, she said, she would probably be having a little mixed-race baby in about nine months. Hearing that, it made me a little mad but in the back of my mind I was excited as I'd never heard her be that sexual about someone else. I'd never questioned her fidelity but it showed me that any woman (or man) is capable of cheating. The entire event was a psychological roller coaster. It made me glad that I was there and that she wasn't just there with the girls. I think the cuckold issue is about the cuck having some sort of control of his wife's sexuality.

 

[latecomer91364]

I don't want to insult cuckolds...

... but I don't get this at all. Sharing, being involved, having a good time while you're watching your woman doing the same is awesome. Cuckold play seems like a low self esteem issue, like humiliation. It pisses me off a little when I feel like watching a bi white couple with a bi black man, and almost all the videos are cuckold sex.

I like equal opportunity, fun for all. Yes, I get that being a cuckold is huge fun for some, but I don't understand it at all.

 

[Jaime_H]

Even though I can't see it ever happening in my relationship, its almost like "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery".
Another guy fucking your SO is validation of your choice of partner. Perhaps an odd way of showing it. It was just a thought.....

 

[littlecordelera]

... but I don't get this at all. Sharing, being involved, having a good time while you're watching your woman doing the same is awesome. Cuckold play seems like a low self esteem issue, like humiliation. It pisses me off a little when I feel like watching a bi white couple with a bi black man, and almost all the videos are cuckold sex.

I like equal opportunity, fun for all. Yes, I get that being a cuckold is huge fun for some, but I don't understand it at all.

I wouldn't let it worry you too much. I can't understand the appeal of caviar.

 

[latecomer91364]

Not at all

I wouldn't let it worry you too much. I can't understand the appeal of caviar.

I doesn't worry me in the least. About the only thing that could would be an actual snuff film. A lot of people do things I 'm not into. It doesn't lower my opinion of them or 'offend' me, or 'worry' me at all, but let's say, if somebody like to eat feces, I'm certainly not going to kiss them. In that respect, I'll never help a woman humiliate her man, but if that's what you like:have at it.

From reading a few threads, I gathered people were discussing the practice, and many respondents aren't involved in cuckoldry. I don't know how my post makes me seem 'worried'.

I worry about important things, like being dressed as a CD and cornered in an alley by rednecks that aren't there to fuck me - THAT, I would worry about.

 

[littlecordelera]

I doesn't worry me in the least. About the only thing that could would be an actual snuff film. A lot of people do things I 'm not into. It doesn't lower my opinion of them or 'offend' me, or 'worry' me at all, but let's say, if somebody like to eat feces, I'm certainly not going to kiss them. In that respect, I'll never help a woman humiliate her man, but if that's what you like:have at it.

From reading a few threads, I gathered people were discussing the practice, and many respondents aren't involved in cuckoldry. I don't know how my post makes me seem 'worried'.

I worry about important things, like being dressed as a CD and cornered in an alley by rednecks that aren't there to fuck me - THAT, I would worry about.

I was using the term "worry" as a figure of speech. I didn't really think you were losing sleep over it.

And humiliation isn't necessary for a cuckold relationship. The term "cuckold" is so often misused. These days, what is considered to be "cuckold" is often nothing more than interracial or swinging.

 

[latecomer91364]

I guess it depends...

I was using the term "worry" as a figure of speech. I didn't really think you were losing sleep over it.

And humiliation isn't necessary for a cuckold relationship. The term "cuckold" is so often misused. These days, what is considered to be "cuckold" is often nothing more than interracial or swinging.

...on the context. In that case, I've been involved in cuckolding a few husbands, but I've never heard it brought up that way from any of them (probably because I'm usually sucking the husband's dick or taking it in my ass while I'm fucking their wife). My own interpretation of cuckolding as humiliation comes from the porn videos I referenced earlier. The wife will tell hubby how puny his dick is, that he's never going to get in her pussy again, and how much bigger their lover is as hubby is relegated to watching. I'll admit that porn is not necessarily a reflection of reality (lol).

As long as everybody has a good time (no matter what a 'good time' means to them). Honestly, I don't care what people do. I pick and choose the things I'm willing to be involved in. Personally, I'm all about sensuous affection, but I get that some like different forms of aggression/coercion/humiliation etc. I just don't go there. It's a boner killer for me.

 

[Dawn17]

...............

 

[MilkFountain]

Since "cuckold" was first coined . . .

My point about the past is that (purely my supposition) when the word "cuckold" came into usage was a period where a large proportion of society would have assumed that there must be humiliation involved no matter how the couple felt. The point isn't that their assumptions were true only that they were widely held and dictated how people regarded the matter.
.

"Cuckold" originally meant wife taken from you and you are thus society's or the village's laughingstock.

Anything outside of this definition begs for other names, each kind of relationship deserving of an accurate description. For example, my wife's and mine . . .

What would you call it? While I don't want or need any other womand, I'm intensely turned on by my wife flashing, sexually teasing, arousing, and being the center of attention and, sometimes, more, of another man or several.

In the man or men, the essential ingredients are, ideally, she finds him or them equally exciting, and that amid all the risk and adventure there is a degree of safety.

I love my wife and she, me. Now . . . What do you call our relationship?

 

[scott6251]

"Cuckold" originally meant wife taken from you and you are thus society's or the village's laughingstock.

Anything outside of this definition begs for other names, each kind of relationship deserving of an accurate description. For example, my wife's and mine . . .

What would you call it? While I don't want or need any other womand, I'm intensely turned on by my wife flashing, sexually teasing, arousing, and being the center of attention and, sometimes, more, of another man or several.

In the man or men, the essential ingredients are, ideally, she finds him or them equally exciting, and that amid all the risk and adventure there is a degree of safety.

I love my wife and she, me. Now . . . What do you call our relationship?

Great post. What was once totally unacceptable in our relationship is now fun, and an added level of excitement.

 

[scott6251]

My wife and I have had a discussion, and she believes that she can love two men at the same time. She says that the love can be different. Specifically, she loves her boyfriend in a physical way, primarily. She loves me for different reasons, but she feels both "loves" are entirely valid. She thinks I give her good emotional, intellectual and financial support and security. It's just clear that I don't and can't fulfill her physical desires as much as her boyfriend.

This is where I'd like us to be. I want her to be sexually satisfied. I don't want to be involved, like a 3some, but do want to know when she's going to be seeing him. And their relationship would have to be simply physical.

 

[littlecordelera]

I'm all about sensuous affection

Me too, and I can attest that affection doesn't get any more serious than it does in a healthy cuckold relationship.

 

[scott6251]

Me too, and I can attest that affection doesn't get any more serious than it does in a healthy cuckold relationship.

Yes, I'm sure there will be a level of affection and I'm good with that. She likes to hug, and seeing her hug another man turns me on.