Girlpower?

[StrixVaria]

Abortion was discussed as was Adoption before the whole thing went to the Attorney stage. Legal help was called in because we simply could not reach an agreement on our own.

She wanted a family, I didn't even want a relationship. In the end we both wound up getting what we didn't want. I have no contact with either the mother or the child, but contribute a significant sum to their continued well being. She has a child and a check, but lives with a reminder of life circumstances gone bad.

If women wonder why some men act like complete asses where sex and dating are concerned, this might be a contributing factor. God knows that it took me a good five years of being an ass where sex was involved to understand that the bitterness and anger were not doing me any favors and were hurting a lot of decent women who didn't deserve to be treated like crap. I think I've mostly gotten over it, but rehashing the event does uncover a surprising amount of bitterness and pain.

I offer this - does it really do anyone any good to establish a legal system which engenders such a profound level of mistrust? Aren't trust and communication supposed to be the foundations of relationships? If we reinforce the fact that you aren't supposed to trust your partner under any circumstances, how the hell are people supposed to fall in love?

 

[M's girl]

I agree with everything you say in your last post.

I wonder if you used condoms though or not, Because you say you were not even ready to have a relationship with her. That means you probably were together (sexually) only once or twice because fucking a woman for a few months and still denying you have a relationship with her (unless you agreed to be just fuck buddies) is something only very immature people claim (even at the age of, lets see, 35 or so )...

Anyway, you get my point. With that I'm also saying that, yes, men do have an obligation to use condoms all of the time when they are not in a steady relationship and certainly not ready to have a child. But, no matter what age really, if/when you are in a relationship and at one point decide (mutual) to lose the condoms, then the consequences should be for both to handle as well.

And then we're back at the fact that the man still has no word whatsoever if the women does become pregnant. It's all her call what happens and that bothers me still...

Oh.... and I'm a woman (just in case you did not know)

 

[an_angels_wings]

Exactly. "Fair and reasonable" don't mean dick when she's pregnant and wants to have (abort) the kid contrary to your wishes.

DOn't get her pregnant unless you are on the same page. Retain the seed, men. I'm sick of this strange notion that men are powerless to control their sperm. I'm hornier than most and I retain tight control.

You're brilliant. I agree that each individual needs to protect themselves. Unfortunately most men seem so content to ditch the condoms in most situations because it "feels better" and whatnot. This one instance in which this man had the wool pulled up over his eyes. Unfortunately there are women out there who feel the need to be manipulative and underhanded and who do these sorts of things; gives the rest of us respectable females a terrible name.

Regardless of the man I am in a relationship with, I'm adamant when it comes to sexual protection. I've been on the pill for years for medical reasons and will remain so until I do eventually want to conceive. However, I do know that the pill isn't 100% (like any form of contraception 'cept abstinence), but I would still request that my partner wear a condom because any time anything's going into my body there's still a huge chance I could get pregnant (even if it's .000008675% or something). While this is an extremely unfortunate circumstance, the issue of men "not being able to control themselves" when it comes to sex and not putting their protection on the high priority list is something that definitely needs more attention drawn to it.

More power to ya', rosco.

 

[Linyari]

I often get flamed into kingdom come because of how I feel, but I honestly believe that men should be able to opt out of an unplanned pregnancy if they are not already in a relationship with the woman involved.

I guess I am just disturbed by the notion that men don't have the same options as women and yet we expect more out of them. Condoms aren't 100%. And god forbid you are allergic to latex because those polyurathane ones break like nothing else.

Vasectomy isn't really much of an option because not all men are childfree.

I get the most bothered when I hear people declare that if the men didn't want to have a baby, he should not have had sex. Often by very intelligent and forward thinking women. Women that would get extremely angry should you say the same thing to a woman contemplating an abortion.

It's a very bad double standard and as a devout equalist/feminist, it doesn't sit well with me.

I understand the laws and I recognize that the laws aren't there for the benefit of the mother or the father, but there so the government doesn't have to shell out money it doesn't want to pay. I recognize that it's exclusively about the child, which is why StrixVaria lost his case, why that guy in Europe was ordered to pay child support when a woman took the semen from a blow job she gave him and impregnanted herself and why so many instances of when it's obvious that the woman tricked the man cases like these are lost.

Because it's not about the parents. It's about the child. And I get that. I do.

But it still leaves me feeling very unsettled. And I feel that it is an equality issue and that it's keeping us from experiencing equality to the fullest extent that we can.

But it's not about equality. It's about the child. Which more often than not, is glaringly unfair. Unfortunately, I have zero ideas how to fix it.