giving all of me

[SueJ]

Well, er, I don't want to give the wrong impression. He was a micro-manager, just not about anything having to do with appearance, which he considered superficial, unimportant, and also boring. But about all the essential stuff he was right there, making the decisions.

I understand. But what I'm trying to say is that what one Master considers important, another will consider unimportant or dull. Telling my Master what he should control is, IMO, not my job, and will royally piss him off! lol (Don't ask me how I know! <ouch!> )

 

[curiousjen]

....By all means, if it's safe to tell your dominant something you worry about and you can bring yourself to tell him, do so. The relief from that guilt and pressure is so worth screwing up your courage and coming out with it.

A very useful and reassuring post, taintedB. Thanks.

I'm not so much scared of punishment, although I know when I tell him there will be consequences. He will not beat me or rage around the house or even shout at me. What I am scared of is the look in his eye i know will appear. He won't even be as blatant as to shake his head and sigh. But his disappointment will be tangible and it will hurt me.

I am not, nor ever will be a bratty sub. Our relationship is not about me pushing limits and testing his patience. I take no delight in being "naughty" or devious. I am obedient and hardworking and devoted (even if I can burp the alphabet) and because of that over the years I have earned his trust.

Now I'm not saying that a silly thing like drinking too much coffee will erode that all away, but I know, even if its for a day or two and then he forgets about it, his high opinion of me will be dented and being the proud silly sub I am- this will be hard to bear.

Added to this the fact that I'm quite enjoying my small addiction and it makes it hard to fess up.

 

[TaintedB]

A very useful and reassuring post, taintedB. Thanks.

I'm not so much scared of punishment, although I know when I tell him there will be consequences. He will not beat me or rage around the house or even shout at me. What I am scared of is the look in his eye i know will appear. He won't even be as blatant as to shake his head and sigh. But his disappointment will be tangible and it will hurt me.

I am not, nor ever will be a bratty sub. Our relationship is not about me pushing limits and testing his patience. I take no delight in being "naughty" or devious. I am obedient and hardworking and devoted (even if I can burp the alphabet) and because of that over the years I have earned his trust.

Now I'm not saying that a silly thing like drinking too much coffee will erode that all away, but I know, even if its for a day or two and then he forgets about it, his high opinion of me will be dented and being the proud silly sub I am- this will be hard to bear.

Added to this the fact that I'm quite enjoying my small addiction and it makes it hard to fess up.

You're quite welcome about the post. LOL on enjoying your small addiction! I was a very heavy coffee drinker too when I met Mstr. Healthy Life. He didn't like that one bit so he slowly decaffinated me, not completely, but got me down to 1-2 cups a day max. And to my great surprise it was pretty painless. I still remember the days when I'd drink three or four cups of something delicious on a weekend morning and get this nice raging mind high--the kind that makes a person want to loudly espouse deep philosophical ideas, if you know what I mean--but now if I try that stunt, the drinking I mean, it feels unpleasant and jittery. I still need at least one cup about every 24 hours though or I get the traditional "no caffine" headache.

 

[laurel-marie]

You're quite welcome about the post. LOL on enjoying your small addiction! I was a very heavy coffee drinker too when I met Mstr. Healthy Life. He didn't like that one bit so he slowly decaffinated me, not completely, but got me down to 1-2 cups a day max. And to my great surprise it was pretty painless. I still remember the days when I'd drink three or four cups of something delicious on a weekend morning and get this nice raging mind high--the kind that makes a person want to loudly espouse deep philosophical ideas, if you know what I mean--but now if I try that stunt, the drinking I mean, it feels unpleasant and jittery. I still need at least one cup about every 24 hours though or I get the traditional "no caffine" headache.

some people are coffee freaks

 

[Softouch911]

This is one of the best threads I've read in a long time. Thanks to SJ for reffing it to me!

I think everyone, and especially a submissive, will keep a lot of things to themselves out of a need for self-preservation. For most of our life, we have to live among people who may -- but probably don't -- have our best interests at heart. It would be foolhardy to allow ourselves to be too open -- and yet if you are sub, you gain a Dom/me and suddenly you want to be vulnerable and open. It's not just a lifelong habit that's in your way, but also common sense and the instincts of the species that you're trying to override with an act of your will and your love.

As a Dom, I also want my submissive to be strong and capable of handling herself on her own in difficult circumstances .... it's no fun or joy to Dom someone who is weak and needs you to survive .... that doesn't seem as much like domination as it does like parenting. Been there, done that, it was fun, but I don't want that this time.

My sense of it is that in order for her to be strong, my sub needs to be able to harbor her own resources. There are some things ... okay, many things ... I want control over and require her submission in. I want her to come to me in areas that are a problem for her, and in areas where she will please me with the growth of our relationship.

I don't want her to submit so totally that she lives her life through me or to the extent she has no responsibility to be in charge of her own destiny. It's only in her strength that her submission has meaning and value, and that strength implies there will be many areas where she will handle things I know nothing about ... and I don't necessarily think those areas are trivial. It's my job to help her complete herself and bring me the increasing joy of her submission.

Softouch

 

[laurel-marie]

This is one of the best threads I've read in a long time. Thanks to SJ for reffing it to me!

I think everyone, and especially a submissive, will keep a lot of things to themselves out of a need for self-preservation. For most of our life, we have to live among people who may -- but probably don't -- have our best interests at heart. It would be foolhardy to allow ourselves to be too open -- and yet if you are sub, you gain a Dom/me and suddenly you want to be vulnerable and open. It's not just a lifelong habit that's in your way, but also common sense and the instincts of the species that you're trying to override with an act of your will and your love.

As a Dom, I also want my submissive to be strong and capable of handling herself on her own in difficult circumstances .... it's no fun or joy to Dom someone who is weak and needs you to survive .... that doesn't seem as much like domination as it does like parenting. Been there, done that, it was fun, but I don't want that this time.

My sense of it is that in order for her to be strong, my sub needs to be able to harbor her own resources. There are some things ... okay, many things ... I want control over and require her submission in. I want her to come to me in areas that are a problem for her, and in areas where she will please me with the growth of our relationship.

I don't want her to submit so totally that she lives her life through me or to the extent she has no responsibility to be in charge of her own destiny. It's only in her strength that her submission has meaning and value, and that strength implies there will be many areas where she will handle things I know nothing about ... and I don't necessarily think those areas are trivial. It's my job to help her complete herself and bring me the increasing joy of her submission.

Softouch

Thank you so much for your imput.
Question....you said "there will be many areas where she will handle things I know nothing about" . Does this mean, she figures out there is a problem and works it out herself. She does not necessarily have to go to you with the problem unless she cannot work it out herself? You do not feel like she is hiding something from you?

 

[Softouch911]

Thank you so much for your imput.
Question....you said "there will be many areas where she will handle things I know nothing about" . Does this mean, she figures out there is a problem and works it out herself. She does not necessarily have to go to you with the problem unless she cannot work it out herself? You do not feel like she is hiding something from you?

Exactly, Laurel-Marie. There are many examples, but for your concern it may be more useful to give you some exceptions --

I want to know about something that threatens her safety, or has an impact on our life or could cause an impact down the road; I want to know about something that worries her, and, sure, something she celebrates so I can share it. I want to know in detail with constant reports about anything she has given me ownership over.

For example, I handle her finances to a large extent -- I want to know when her budget is threatened, but not how much she paid for an item. If she gets in trouble with that, and I hope she doesn't, I may want to get into details, and then I would expect detailed accountings.

Is that clearer?

Good luck to you. By the way, if I were your Dom I would be very pleased and proud of you for this thread. It shows the care with which you submit and shows your efforts to grow. I think you're doing great.

Softouch

 

[laurel-marie]

Is that clearer?

Good luck to you. By the way, if I were your Dom I would be very pleased and proud of you for this thread. It shows the care with which you submit and shows your efforts to grow. I think you're doing great.

Softouch

Yes, I it is clearer and again, thank you.