Going to extremes

[Pure]

comment to Netzach

thanks for your response.


pure said, //it appears you are suggesting you are 'pure Dom' on some occasions, and on those occasions, connection is necessary. what's unclear is whether you mean a deep, ongoing intimate relationship, or just a trusting, amicable, commercial one.//

Netzach: My point is that nobody is going to do something purely altruistic for me or I'd think, for anyone, they do not have some sort of emotional investment in. It can be within a cordial and friendly context rather than a romantic one, if you want me to describe it, but it *is* an intimacy above and beyond business as usual, often disconcertingly so, that allows this to happen.

I would say that for submission to my will which I find substantive and I don't *have to question the ulterior motives of* there's got to be more going on than I'm there, I'm alive and I have a pussy so the guy wants to "submit."

i'm not sure how the issues of altruism and ulterior motives come up; perhaps for the latter, you allude to an expectation of 'full service' sexual encounter, or future romantic relationship. but let's put that aside.

the key issue is the kind of connection [that is a precondition for a 'deep' 'extreme' or 'very fulfilling' outcome]; i think we are agreed it need not be romantic; nor sustained with long history of intimate disclosure and trust as found in serious long-term 'involved' partners. (we are, btw, limiting discussion to commercially based, possibly ongoing encounters; we are not considering impulse 'flings' from chance meetings at conventions, nor 'affairs'--where, in both cases the partners are on an equal footing.)

as you say, an intimacy above and beyond business as usual,; this is beyond the other (minimal) end of the intimacy dimension that i described as // a trusting, amicable, commercial one//

it seems to me that you are at least in the ballpark of what the psychotherapists call 'the healing {or therapeutic} bond.' obviously there is some emotional connection and disclosure, though the disclosure is much more from the client side. yet there are firm limits, esp. on the service provider.

if this analogy holds any water, so to say, then, by inference, you're suggesting that the service provider is keeping a good deal of herself and her emotions out of the encounter; in a word, though there's some warmth to the connection, a professional distance is maintained. in traditional terms, this means that as with a therapist, you would be unlikely to develop friendships with clients, and to start allowing what you freely bestow to close friends--calling and dropping by, as well as sharing your own life's burdens.

there are a number of other possible analogies (for the 'healing connection', its depth in some ways, and limits in others): we are not dealing with something absolutely unique here in discussing D/s episodes. besides therapists, there are teachers (be they for 'voice' or 'math' or writing), tutors, athletic coaches, 'life coaches,' as well as all the other healers, true or iffy, be they dentists, Rolfers, facial reconstructive surgeons, or psychic channelers.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Is anyone other than nursing mothers touched enough in this life?

*smiles*

Fury

I would have to say no. I always ask the submissives I meet if in their vanilla past did their significant other touch them enough. They say no. I am careful to ask that the touch I mean is non-genital.

The perception is that men only need penile stimulation. I find that unnecessary. I enjoy touching my submissives all over seeking that secret place that unlocks the key to their souls.

And guess what? It ain't the penis!

Eb

 

[catalina_francisco]

Is anyone other than nursing mothers touched enough in this life?

*smiles*

Fury

We are spoiled...we touch constantly, consciously and unconsciously...we even wake up through the night holding hands at times.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

thanks for your response.


pure said, //it appears you are suggesting you are 'pure Dom' on some occasions, and on those occasions, connection is necessary. what's unclear is whether you mean a deep, ongoing intimate relationship, or just a trusting, amicable, commercial one.//

Netzach: My point is that nobody is going to do something purely altruistic for me or I'd think, for anyone, they do not have some sort of emotional investment in. It can be within a cordial and friendly context rather than a romantic one, if you want me to describe it, but it *is* an intimacy above and beyond business as usual, often disconcertingly so, that allows this to happen.

I would say that for submission to my will which I find substantive and I don't *have to question the ulterior motives of* there's got to be more going on than I'm there, I'm alive and I have a pussy so the guy wants to "submit."

i'm not sure how the issues of altruism and ulterior motives come up; perhaps for the latter, you allude to an expectation of 'full service' sexual encounter, or future romantic relationship. but let's put that aside.

the key issue is the kind of connection [that is a precondition for a 'deep' 'extreme' or 'very fulfilling' outcome]; i think we are agreed it need not be romantic; nor sustained with long history of intimate disclosure and trust as found in serious long-term 'involved' partners. (we are, btw, limiting discussion to commercially based, possibly ongoing encounters; we are not considering impulse 'flings' from chance meetings at conventions, nor 'affairs'--where, in both cases the partners are on an equal footing.)

as you say, an intimacy above and beyond business as usual,; this is beyond the other (minimal) end of the intimacy dimension that i described as // a trusting, amicable, commercial one//

it seems to me that you are at least in the ballpark of what the psychotherapists call 'the healing {or therapeutic} bond.' obviously there is some emotional connection and disclosure, though the disclosure is much more from the client side. yet there are firm limits, esp. on the service provider.

if this analogy holds any water, so to say, then, by inference, you're suggesting that the service provider is keeping a good deal of herself and her emotions out of the encounter; in a word, though there's some warmth to the connection, a professional distance is maintained. in traditional terms, this means that as with a therapist, you would be unlikely to develop friendships with clients, and to start allowing what you freely bestow to close friends--calling and dropping by, as well as sharing your own life's burdens.

there are a number of other possible analogies (for the 'healing connection', its depth in some ways, and limits in others): we are not dealing with something absolutely unique here in discussing D/s episodes. besides therapists, there are teachers (be they for 'voice' or 'math' or writing), tutors, athletic coaches, 'life coaches,' as well as all the other healers, true or iffy, be they dentists, Rolfers, facial reconstructive surgeons, or psychic channelers.

This is getting overcomplicated, I think. I am saying that I think people can have fulfulling SM outside of a romantic partnership. Hot scenes can transpire between hookups. But don't expect that.

I am also saying that I believe your chances for having hot, steamy, paradigm-busting scenes are *drasticly increased* when you try to do this with someone you're invested in a lot, either in a romantic or an extremely "passionate platonic" sense.

Lightning strikes, yes, and it's great when it does, but in my experience expecting a great scene with every stranger is setting oneself up for a lot of disappointment.

 

[RJMasters]

I have had the same experiences with the submissives I deal with.

Eb

Waits for Eb to share a few of her own experiences along these lines.

Thank you for joining the conversation

 

[Ebonyfire]

Waits for Eb to share a few of her own experiences along these lines.

Thank you for join the conversation

I love inspection. It is a time where I can take my time and use my touch to communicate without words to my boy. Sometimes the touch of one finger lightly tracing its way from the top of my submissives head to the crack of his ass, can send him swiftly into sub space. Just a light touch that sets the fine hairs on his body to stand on ens while he closes his eyes. I reach around to his chest as I stand behind him, and he leans into me lightly moaning he pleasure as I trace little circles around his erect nipples. he sighs before a sharp pinch of his nipples causes him to jump. His eyes never open while I whisper to him.

Extreme is not always needed or appreciated.

Eb

 

[RJMasters]

Today my favorite thing that has happened was when he put his hand around the back of my neck and applied pressure. It sent me into another mind set very nicely. *purrs*

Fury

Thank you Fury for your contribution to the conversation. I always appreciate it when you.

If you feel comforatbale in doing so could you describe what you were feeling? Was this before, during or after anything else happening?

And lastly, do you think that this made the other things that were to follow more satisfying? Do you think you would have been just as satisfied had not this simple applied pressure to your neck not occur? If not why not? If so please share.

Thank you

 

[FurryFury]

Thank you Fury for your contribution to the conversation. I always appreciate it when you.

If you feel comforatbale in doing so could you describe what you were feeling? Was this before, during or after anything else happening?

And lastly, do you think that this made the other things that were to follow more satisfying? Do you think you would have been just as satisfied had not this simple applied pressure to your neck not occur? If not why not? If so please share.

Thank you

Actually, we were fucking, pretty much vanilla fucking. We weren't doing a scene. We weren't making love. We were just fucking because we only had so much time and so much opportunity and we both needed it or it would be days before we got another chance. Yes, I know this is sad but this is life folks.

Lately I've been tired and uninspired. Moreover I haven't wanted to intiate. I've been wanting to see if it was important enough to him, for him to make these things a priority and make them happen.

Anyway, I didn't expect much from this particular fucking. That possessive touch though just changed what we were doing totally in my mind. It turned into something then that I could really go wild with. Such a simple thing made a HUGE difference to me. You never know just what is going to hit that empty spot I suppose and change everything.

I so hunger for that sort of thing, to feel owned, used, and controlled in the bedroom. His simple action, which he later termed "selfish," blew up a fire within me that made the whole thing elevated IMO.

I'm certain he could tell when that switch was flipped though perhaps not why. I was careful to tell him later how very much that meant to me and what it did to me. That's when he called it selfish to which I nodded because I too feel selfish whenever I take something I want and said, "That's just the way I like it too!"

*chuckles*

My corruption of my husband isn't done yet, you see but it's coming along.

Fury

 

[RJMasters]

I love inspection. It is a time where I can take my time and use my touch to communicate without words to my boy. Sometimes the touch of one finger lightly tracing its way from the top of my submissives head to the crack of his ass, can send him swiftly into sub space. Just a light touch that sets the fine hairs on his body to stand on ens while he closes his eyes. I reach around to his chest as I stand behind him, and he leans into me lightly moaning he pleasure as I trace little circles around his erect nipples. he sighs before a sharp pinch of his nipples causes him to jump. His eyes never open while I whisper to him.

Extreme is not always needed or appreciated.

Eb

Very nice. A great example

One of the things which is part of this discussion is asking the question....does extreme always have to be define in our thinking as being something that is physically based? As I read what you shared, I would agree that nothing extreme from a purely physical sense is taking place, but my question would be, if the inner effect of the same, was having an extreme effect on the inside of your boy?

Since I raise the question I will share my thoughts. When I read this...

Sometimes the touch of one finger lightly tracing its way from the top of my submissives head to the crack of his ass, can send him swiftly into sub space.

To me, this tells me something very unique, special, satisfying....extreme is happening within the heart and mind of your boy. Steming not from anything but your touch and your attention. This reaction doesn't come from some extreme physical stimulation, but seems to be an extreme emotional and mental response based upon an exchange between you and your boy.

For example...given the exact same situation only instead of you, it was me running the finger down. Would there be the same reaction? I think not. And this to me reveals an important truth or aspect of D/s which I think is often missed or misunderstood. I think SD revealed it clearly in her last contribution towards the end when she said..."brought his connection "TO" Me back full force."

"The connection"...IMO it is here we tread upon sacred ground?

Thank you again for your time to share and discuss.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Very nice. A great example

One of the things which is part of this discussion is asking the question....does extreme always have to be define in our thinking as being something that is physically based? As I read what you shared, I would agree that nothing extreme from a purely physical sense is taking place, but my question would be, if the inner effect of the same, was having an extreme effect on the inside of your boy?

Since I raise the question I will share my thoughts. When I read this...



To me, this tells me something very unique, special, satisfying....extreme is happening within the heart and mind of your boy. Steming not from anything but your touch and your attention. This reaction doesn't come from some extreme physical stimulation, but seems to be an extreme emotional and mental response based upon an exchange between you and your boy.

For example...given the exact same situation only instead of you, it was me running the finger down. Would there be the same reaction? I think not. And this to me reveals an important truth or aspect of D/s which I think is often missed or misunderstood. I think SD revealed it clearly in her last contribution towards the end when she said..."brought his connection "TO" Me back full force."

"The connection"...IMO it is here we tread upon sacred ground?

Thank you again for your time to share and discuss.

I think you would have to ask him what is going inside of him. I am not sure that he would be able to articulate it or if he would even want to try. but yes the connection is there because he is my slave and my partner. so there is a deep connection.

I also have another boy who is not my slave but a submissive that I get the same reaction from without the deep connection. He responds to Me, and he has tried to analyze it and he doesn't know why he reacts the way he does. he is not bound to me but his body reacts as if it is. Strange.

Eb

 

[RJMasters]

Actually, we were fucking, pretty much vanilla fucking. We weren't doing a scene. We weren't making love. We were just fucking because we only had so much time and so much opportunity and we both needed it or it would be days before we got another chance. Yes, I know this is sad but this is life folks.

Lately I've been tired and uninspired. Moreover I haven't wanted to intiate. I've been wanting to see if it was important enough to him, for him to make these things a priority and make them happen.

Anyway, I didn't expect much from this particular fucking. That possessive touch though just changed what we were doing totally in my mind. It turned into something then that I could really go wild with. Such a simple thing made a HUGE difference to me. You never know just what is going to hit that empty spot I suppose and change everything.

I so hunger for that sort of thing, to feel owned, used, and controlled in the bedroom. His simple action, which he later termed "selfish," blew up a fire within me that made the whole thing elevated IMO.

I'm certain he could tell when that switch was flipped though perhaps not why. I was careful to tell him later how very much that meant to me and what it did to me. That's when he called it selfish to which I nodded because I too feel selfish whenever I take something I want and said, "That's just the way I like it too!"

*chuckles*

My corruption of my husband isn't done yet, you see but it's coming along.

Fury

Thank you for sharing Fury. I know exactly what you meant by having to schedule to get it in. Its like that around here alot as well.

What you call corruption I tend to call enlightenment.

You brought up some interesting things here at least for me and my thinking to consider. Something flipped a switch and a magical moment happened. Triggered by a simple action, not to extreme in and of itself, yet it initated within you strong emotional and mental responses, that changed a simple scheduled fuck into something more satisfying.

 

[RJMasters]

I think you would have to ask him what is going inside of him. I am not sure that he would be able to articulate it or if he would even want to try. but yes the connection is there because he is my slave and my partner. so there is a deep connection.

I also have another boy who is not my slave but a submissive that I get the same reaction from without the deep connection. He responds to Me, and he has tried to analyze it and he doesn't know why he reacts the way he does. he is not bound to me but his body reacts as if it is. Strange.

Eb

I think there is room for different levels of connection, no?

Perhaps adding to the discussion how connections are made might be insightful. Some connections are made when two people first meet. Other connections are formed over a long period of time in a relationship. What I see as important is that these connections are not always formed neccessarily in the same way or initated in the same way. Sometimes these connections come in the form of compatability or from chemistry. Sometimes they are born out of need.

The connection needs to be there for the magic to happen. For a connection to exist there needs to be a plug and a plug in. Sometimes connections are formed when we plug in to someone, and sometimes when they plug in to us.

When we want to plug in to someone we are looking for consent. When others wish to plug into us, we make a choice to allow it or not based upon our own wants, desires or needs.

I hope that made sense.

 

[RJMasters]

We are spoiled...we touch constantly, consciously and unconsciously...we even wake up through the night holding hands at times.

Catalina

Spoiled...that sounds like a nice place to be.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I think there is room for different levels of connection, no?

Perhaps adding to the discussion how connections are made might be insightful. Some connections are made when two people first meet. Other connections are formed over a long period of time in a relationship. What I see as important is that these connections are not always formed neccessarily in the same way or initated in the same way. Sometimes these connections come in the form of compatability or from chemistry. Sometimes they are born out of need.

The connection needs to be there for the magic to happen. For a connection to exist there needs to be a plug and a plug in. Sometimes connections are formed when we plug in to someone, and sometimes when they plug in to us.

When we want to plug in to someone we are looking for consent. When others wish to plug into us, we make a choice to allow it or not based upon our own wants, desires or needs.

I hope that made sense.

I think it is a good analogy. However, I think that in my case a submissive plugs into me thereby giving his consent, and my allowing it shows my consent. I do not think about it all that hard, because at this point in my life, I leave the philosophy to others. I do not delve that deep. I just enjoy.

Eb

 

[FurryFury]

Thank you for sharing Fury. I know exactly what you meant by having to schedule to get it in. Its like that around here alot as well.

What you call corruption I tend to call enlightenment.

You brought up some interesting things here at least for me and my thinking to consider. Something flipped a switch and a magical moment happened. Triggered by a simple action, not to extreme in and of itself, yet it initated within you strong emotional and mental responses, that changed a simple scheduled fuck into something more satisfying.

You are welcome!

It was a great moment for me, that I will treasure.

Oh yes, enlightenment, I'll have to remember that one.

*smiles*

Fury

 

[JMohegan]

I think there is room for different levels of connection, no?

Perhaps adding to the discussion how connections are made might be insightful. Some connections are made when two people first meet. Other connections are formed over a long period of time in a relationship. What I see as important is that these connections are not always formed neccessarily in the same way or initated in the same way. Sometimes these connections come in the form of compatability or from chemistry. Sometimes they are born out of need.

The connection needs to be there for the magic to happen. For a connection to exist there needs to be a plug and a plug in. Sometimes connections are formed when we plug in to someone, and sometimes when they plug in to us.

Great topic. Thanks for getting me off my ass to register for this board.

Non-edgeplay experiences that can feel extreme? A few examples below.

Your first time (fucking, spanking, on up the ladder.)

Corrupting the relatively innocent, or initiating the inexperienced (i.e., it's her first time).

Celebrity encounters (fucking the impossibly hot, untouchable girl.)

The look you catch her giving you from across the room when she thought you were busy with something else. Unguarded and uncontrived. Packed with adoration, trust, respect, love, lust, gratitude. That look. Her look. By some miracle or the grace of whatever God exists, the familiarity fostered by years under the same roof has bred not contempt, but this expression on her face instead.

I'm closer to 50 than the decade before. For the benefit of the woman seeking a biographical basis for POVs - yes, I've experienced all these types of extremes, and many more.

But if I sat down to list the most extreme moments of my sexual life, they would all include that look.

 

[Shadowsdream]

The first chain I lay across My boys throat, I watch his lips compress in surprise...the cold weight, unexpected but desired even without his knowledge of this desire. I see his massive chest rise in fear and anticipation for he knows Me well enough to understand he knows nothing at all.

His eyes hidden behind the leather blindfold protect him from the knowledge of what and when and how. His jaw clenches as he feels a second heavier ice cold steel chain drag lazily over his body so tightly bound upon My bed. Not one moment of extreme play has ocurred but he is as lost in Me as he has ever been.

I know by the contortions of his face that he is fighting an inner war of fear and desire yet know he cannot resist anywhere I wish to take him...when I commmand him to beg Me to lay the chain upon his throat he drops even further into sub space as he tries to find the words I will believe are sincere and not parroting My own.

Each chain that I lay upon his throat brings the scene to a more and more extreme level...yet there is no need for him...he is already deep in his trust for Me to keep him safe yet test his endurance. The need to continue is more My own...

 

[Ebonyfire]

I know by the contortions of his face that he is fighting an inner war of fear and desire ...

It is that inner war of fear and desire that interests me. It amazes and excites me!

Eb

 

[FurryFury]

It is that inner war of fear and desire that interests me. It amazes and excites me!

Eb

*sighs*

I love that too!

Fury