Graduation!

[Marquis]

OK, sanity's back. Commence complements.

 

[bound]

You have an amazing smile.

 

[shy slave]

Marquis

Mmmmmm Gorgeous...Oh I could almost follow Phoenix Stone in the flirting stakes.

I bet she hasn't seen your pic yet...we would know if she had.

Wonderful smile & eyes.

Gosh its hot in here
xx

Ps: Bound ~ Beautiful Av x

 

[Marquis]

Who knew compliments from strangers could feel so good. I never really understood why people posted on the Amateur pic feedback thread before.

 

[Marquis]

By the way, I have come to understand that a lot of people don't like receiving unsolicited pms. I don't sleep in this camp.

I can't promise you a response, but anything you horny sluts want to say to me privately is fine by me (especially since I'm going off the Zoloft soon (and even Zoloft probably couldn't stop me with the right stimulus)).

 

[Marquis]

Ok, it turns out I'm bipolar, not clinically depressed. I switched meds and things are getting a lot more clear. Xelebes, I did end up taking your advice (no longer in NYC), but I wish I had taken it earlier.

What's funny to me now is that the only other person I know in real life thats into bdsm is also bipolar. Correlation, possibly. Causation, who knows. I usually get the first one right and fuck up on the second.

 

[s'lara]

Congratulations on your commencement. Seems like you've also found a doctor who gave a proper diagnosis. Two accomplishments deserving of congrats.

As a quick aside, i don't know that your bipolarity is the driving force behind your interest in BDSM. You should check out the thread below where we had a discussion about certain types of mental/emotional conditions and how (and if) they related to BDSM. The topic was primarily about depression/anxiety, but maybe you can explicate on your thoughts of whether there is a mutuality between BDSM and bipolarity.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?threadid=236892&highlight=*depression*

Good luck.

lara

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Re: Marquis

Mmmmmm Gorgeous...Oh I could almost follow Phoenix Stone in the flirting stakes.

I bet she hasn't seen your pic yet...we would know if she had.

Wonderful smile & eyes.

Gosh its hot in here
xx

Ps: Bound ~ Beautiful Av x

Oh my G-d I'm getting a reputation! (I Could explain that my dh prefers that I spread the flirting around and only gets worried when I concentrate in one direction -- or just that there are an awful lot of hot Doms around here! Bit of both, perhaps?)

Have seen pic and told him so on another thread. He's a doll!

(But I only stalk based on what's inside. Don't know enough about Marquis' mind, yet. I'm a babe myself, btw, but try not to be looks-ist. Viva California. Politically correct stalker, here. One old beau looked like Lurch but had a sexy voice, good heart, and was a straight-shootin' honorable standup guy. Otoh, hubby is a major babe, on top of having a sexy voice, good heart, etc. Nice to have the whole package -- but, damn I'm picky, want to be Dommed, too! Somebody spank me for being such a demanding brat...! Or just for the fun of it. )

(flowers for the graduate -- guys don't get enough flowers)

 

[Marquis]

There are no words to describe how bizarre my experience with Zoloft was. Let's just say that me not being institutionalized at this point is as unlikely as OJ not being in jail.

To make my situation worse, I am having a lot of trouble finding a shrink willing to work with me. I'm getting a little tired of their constant barrage of psychotropic drugs, particularly now that I have a reason to believe they have no clue what the fuck they're talking about.

I have always had the ability to make people tremendously nervous, and I don't always use it for the right reasons. I guess a shrink shouldn't have to put up with more than any lay person, but it dissapoints me how easily their cage gets rattled. Its particularly annoying since people tend to lie compulsively when they're nervous, which tends to reinforce my paranoia.

Just cause I don't have the time to read between the lines doesn't mean I can't. The truth has set me free, I wish others could know the freedom I feel.

 

[Netzach]

Finding a shrink is like finding a mate.

The more intelligent and able to read between lines you are the harder it gets, too.

I had a very hard time finding someone who respected my intelligence and didn't fucking try to hug me.

When I did, though, it helped me a lot.

Finding a drug can be a lot like finding a shrink...


God, it can be a fulltime job, sometimes, just trying to manage.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

There are no words to describe how bizarre my experience with Zoloft was. Let's just say that me not being institutionalized at this point is as unlikely as OJ not being in jail.

To make my situation worse, I am having a lot of trouble finding a shrink willing to work with me. I'm getting a little tired of their constant barrage of psychotropic drugs, particularly now that I have a reason to believe they have no clue what the fuck they're talking about.

I have always had the ability to make people tremendously nervous, and I don't always use it for the right reasons. I guess a shrink shouldn't have to put up with more than any lay person, but it dissapoints me how easily their cage gets rattled. Its particularly annoying since people tend to lie compulsively when they're nervous, which tends to reinforce my paranoia.

Just cause I don't have the time to read between the lines doesn't mean I can't. The truth has set me free, I wish others could know the freedom I feel.

Marquis, it took me a lot of years, too. Do you have a good university teaching hospital near you? Sometimes their departments are more up on the latest thing.
Looking on the web for who's consider tops is a good idea, too. I was told I don't qualify as bipolar, not even soft bipolar, (I handle my life, just feel lousy) but if you have something in your family genetic line, that's a good place to start -- as it turned out, some of the drugs for atypical depression and bipolar helped the most, so maybe mine is latent.

What does that last line mean? "The truth has set me free...etc."

 

[Marquis]

Phoenix, right now you sound so much like my shrink its scary.

My dad told me recently that he thought my mom was bipolar. However, he's unfortunately the last person I ever listen to, and my shrink didn't think he had any idea what he was talking about either. Beyond that, its hard for me to remember whatever flaws she might have because I am still quite caught up in the denial phase of my mothers death.

And all the last line meant was that I wish people would stop lying to me and hiding things from me. I'm really not such a bad guy once you get to know me.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Nice pic. You look like some movie star. Mario Van peebles maybe?

 

[Marquis]

I'd have to spend a lot more time in the gym to pull off that look.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Nice pic. You look like some movie star. Mario Van peebles maybe?

thought he looked familiar! Not quite Van Peebles, but someone.... will figure it out.

And in the meanwhile, what do You look like Sir Rosco? Still avoiding that question? I'll share if you will. (Frustrating actually being able to see some people but not all. And I'm even itching to be a bit of an exhibitionist, myself. But my dh would freak, so can only say what combo of people (lovechild of?) would play me in the movie.) Btw, bound has some new cute pics on her punishment thread.

Ps. Marquis, maybe they are trying to protect themselves,and their own view of themselves, rather than the lieing having anything to do with what they think of you? (that is, if I've understood what you've been saying correctly.)

 

[Marquis]

We might be ships passing in the night. But three days ago I swore my father was drugging my food and fucking with my head in an attempt to fake me into the looney bin.

Thats the thing about being paranoid delusional, who the fuck knows.


PS I'm really not as "looksist" (at all) as people might think I am. I often sound a lot meaner than I am.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Hey dude, recognizing at all that you may sometimes be paranoid delusional is, ironically, a sign of some continued mental health. Anyway, if you are unsure if you are being paranoid or not, best to check out a good therapist.

My mother was paranoid, diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic, but recent psych literature makes me think she was misdiagnosed, so of course, never treated properly, and was actually bipolar with secondary psychotic episodes and paranoid delusions. Meds and diagnosticians are better these days, but you can't give up. You sound like you are feeling confused, upset and uncomfortable.

While my guess is that it's very unlikely that your Dad is messing with you, if being around him makes you feel feel uncomfortable, is there someone else you can hang out with while you're having a hard time? An old friend or sibling?

 

[Marquis]

Well I'm back in DC staying with some friends for now, but I'll be back in the NYC pretty soon.

I flushed the zoloft and now I'm on lithium, so I guess now there is nothing to do but wait and see how I feel about poppa doc in a few days.

 

[catalina_francisco]

If you are looking to read anything on actual people who have been through bipolar and lithium, the actress Patty Duke wrote a great book, "Call Me Anna" about her own experiences with both.

Catalina

 

[bridgeburner]

Shrink shopping is the pits especially if you're intelligent. If you have a like-minded friend who has a good therapist that's a good place to start. Not every good therapist is good for every patient. There's a lot of personality stuff involved, but the worst thing in the world is to be a smart person saddled with a less bright doc.

I suspected I'd gotten the right shrink when he made an obscure literary reference that resonated with me. I knew I'd found my match when he cracked a necrophilia joke on my second visit.



Ah, the lies that families tell. Even the well meaning ones --- or perhaps especially the well-meaning ones -- can really fuck you up. I've spent years sifting through bits and pieces of different people's stories held up against my own memories and those of my brother and the stories he's been told. I still don't know the truth of a lot of things that have gone on in my family, but I've managed to get to a fair approximation of most of it based on my general understanding of the people involved and what I trust about them.

It's not always a particularly safe feeling, but I've learned that there are some things I can count on and all the things that I can't, I put aside and don't bet money or emotions on them. It is perhaps the only way to survive in a large extended Southern family. Murder, suicide, incest, rape, wealth, lost wealth, insanity, adultery, sexual perversion, battery, alcoholism, divorce, Southern Baptists marrying Catholics marrying Methodist and Quakers. Tennessee Williams would've loved us.


-B

 

[Phoenix Stone]

I suspected I'd gotten the right shrink when he made an obscure literary reference that resonated with me. I knew I'd found my match when he cracked a necrophilia joke on my second visit.

It's not always a particularly safe feeling, but I've learned that there are some things I can count on and all the things that I can't, I put aside and don't bet money or emotions on them.

Sometimes the things you learn to count on are that a snake will be a snake. It can even be perversely reassuring to put money on it....

It is perhaps the only way to survive in a large extended Southern family. Murder, suicide, incest, rape, wealth, lost wealth, insanity, adultery, sexual perversion, battery, alcoholism, divorce, Southern Baptists marrying Catholics marrying Methodist and Quakers. Tennessee Williams would've loved us.

-B

heh, are we related?

(Jeez, what no holy-roller tent revivalists marrying Jews, as in my family? And you forgot homosexuality, racism and chain-smoking great-aunts who live in tin shacks in the desert with a million cats after going through millions in the '20's with late husband, a grandpa raised to be a preacher by his devout mother (who'd been the child-bride of the town atheist), who became an alcoholic gambling womanizer... or were those just a given?

 

[bridgeburner]

heh, are we related?

I'd be happy to claim ya, doll.

Sometimes the things you learn to count on are that a snake will be a snake. It can even be perversely reassuring to put money on it....

Yes, I can certainly identify with that. Sometimes it's sad, but mostly you just have to accept it and get on with life. Hoping that people will change is an exercise in futility much of the time.

Jeez, what no holy-roller tent revivalists marrying Jews, as in my family? And you forgot homosexuality, racism and chain-smoking great-aunts who live in tin shacks in the desert with a million cats after going through millions in the '20's with late husband, a grandpa raised to be a preacher by his devout mother (who'd been the child-bride of the town atheist), who became an alcoholic gambling womanizer... or were those just a given?

Well, I've lost touch with a large number of my extended family --- I only know about 60 of them to actually converse with and I've got a decent sized step-family as well as an ex-step-family so there's not much ground left uncovered when it comes to human folly.

-B

 

[Phoenix Stone]

I'd be happy to claim ya, doll.

If any of 'em are in Texas, you just may have to!

Well, I've lost touch with a large number of my extended family --- I only know about 60 of them to actually converse with and I've got a decent sized step-family as well as an ex-step-family so there's not much ground left uncovered when it comes to human folly.

-B

Much smaller number here that I even know about, but what we lack in size we make up in individual productivity!

 

[bridgeburner]

If any of 'em are in Texas, you just may have to!

Uh, Dallas, Austin, Houston, Tyler, Corpus, Midland, Sweetwater and that's just the maternal side of the family.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Texas hill country, maternal side. (all the way back to the American Revolution, apparently.)