Gunfight: Remec vs Magnetron

[UnderYourSpell]

*assumes Lotus position* Ommmmmmmmmmmm

Anyone that can assume the Lotus position has my undying admiration!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Sorry for the delay folks, as soon as I have all the results in, I will post them.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

CharleyH
While poem #2 is more adventurous in terms of structure, I didn't feel the content added as much depth to what is already there in the mote like the other poem, which weaves in an entirely new story using the mote. Therefore my choice is poem #1. Congrats to both poets, though! Great job.
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champagne1982
Both poems tell a great story about the end of day. I'm not over-sure they meet the requirements of an elegy, even though Poem #1 is about the dead.

That's the grinding part of a glosa, to search a way to be true to the formula. If you wish to write a glosa of an elegy mote, you needs know something of how an elegy works. I read a bunch of stuff on scansion and meter. Neither poet truly repeats the rhythm of the mote.

Both poems were true to the rhyme scheme so no points to give or dock there.

I really enjoyed the tongue-in-cheek zombie apocalyptic reaper of poem #1. Pretty slick plowman, plunging through the "herd". AMC anyone?

I quite liked the pastoral scene set up in Poem #2. Mourning the end of day sets up a pretty lament. And the clever use of enjambment to carry the mote's lines to a different end point was great.

So, being completely judgemental is the task set before me. I vote for Poem #2. Good poem.

Both pieces show the depth and breadth of talent available in this community. Thank you poets for being great sports and letting me massacre a short breakdown of your word
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GuiltyPleasure
Notes on poem two

Simple expansion of the mote
Of the two better rhythmn
Easier to read more smooth
imaginitive use of lines
Language used consistent with original
Possibly unimaginitive
Occasional uneven scan.

Notes on poem one

Zombie apocalypse in verse.

Original idea
“ execution
Acknowledged origin of mote
Funny and makes you think
A bit too far from the original in style and content
Poor rhythm and use of the scan
Non-traditional use of original lines
Use of modern vernacular mixed with classical.
Neglected to honour origin of mote

To sum up I picked the second poem (by remec, I think) because it was closer to the glosa form and was the smoother read.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

The winner (ta da drumroll) of this Gunfight is Remec very well done and to both for taking part at all in what is the most nerve wracking (and nerve wrecking) experience!!

 

[Magnetron]

Even after the deadline, I continued revising mine until I truly had the 60+5 minutes invested in it.

The end result was much better and more true to the movie that inspired it.


End Of Day(s ..... And Their Evil Dead Ways)

The curfew tolls the knell of parting day,
The lowing herd wind slowly o'er the lea,
The plowman homeward plods his weary way,
And leaves the world to darkness and to me.
~ Thomas Gray "Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard"

The curfew tolls the knell of parting day
Ghoulish wights glare from hidey holes chillingly
My chainsaw and boomstick readied to slay
Deadite's Army of Darkness in mass killing spree

"Let's rock'n'roll," I arrogantly say
over the lowing herd wind slowly o'er the lea
Necrotic slumber o'er, they lumber slowly my way
smell of death and breath decay wafting freely

Cunning? Plain chicken in my Olds Delta Eigh -
*thud* ty-Eight, gunning gas pedal, lead footed, intensely
The plowman homeward plods his weary way
Putrid bodies exploding, I plowed the road free

Sped like a bat out of hell, not bothering to pray
Abandoned *thump* by Jesus Christ! everything holy
God fled this era of witchcraft while I fucking stay?!?
and leaves the world to darkness and to me





https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Army_of_Darkness

 

[Magnetron]

Congrats, Remec!

 

[Remec]

Congrats, Remec!

*strolling into the saloon and pushing back the brim of his Stetson*

Thank ye...was a pleasure (so to speak) to cross firing irons with you, maybe we can get a larger pool of shooters during the next Gunfight--whenever that might come around.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Well done both gunslinger poets, UYS for arranging the slugfest and my fellow judges for.....well, judgin'. Thank you all. 's all round.

 

[Angeline]

Congrats Remec.

But really congrats to Magnetron as well because I found the poems equally good, just different approaches. Mag's lines were more self-contained whereas Remec enjambed more. And of course the subjects went in different directions. That's what I most enjoy about these challenges: seeing how poets take the same instructions and come up with poems that follow the rules and yet are really different.

And congrats and big thank-yous to Annie and our love-er-ly judges. Great duel, all!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Thank you and I'm never doing that again, I don't know about the combatants but my nerves can't take it!

 

[legerdemer]

Wow!! I am sooo impressed.

I enjoyed both poems - and that Remec is ready for another one? Glutton for punishment! (But I knew that when he proposed starting on yet another 30/30 in June! she whispers.)

 

[Magnetron]

Thank you and I'm never doing that again, I don't know about the combatants but my nerves can't take it!

Next time I will be camping out at the computer hours in advance with the phone turned OFF.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Next time I will be camping out at the computer hours in advance with the phone turned OFF.

I was sitting there refreshing and refreshing my PMs, thinking what do I do if he doesn't make the time line?!!

 

[Magnetron]

I was sitting there refreshing and refreshing my PMs, thinking what do I do if he doesn't make the time line?!!

You just watch the bodies hit the dirt.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

One time we did do a Gunfight in groups, I remember CharleyH opened a war room lol and was a very hard taskmaster and as I recall I swore at her!

 

[Magnetron]

I'll gladly do this again. I dig the pressure.

 

[HarryHill]

Anyone that can assume the Lotus position has my undying admiration!

..
Metaphorical admiration
for
metaphorical meditation
on wondering
if
mags has got another shot,
and you
another elgy?

 

[HarryHill]

I'll gladly do this again. I dig the pressure.

..
it's been fun watching,
A poet? walked into a saloon,
spied two smoking guns across the floor
ordered a round, beer and shots
shuffled a well used deck of cards,
fanned and said,
draw

 

[champagne1982]

One time we did do a Gunfight in groups, I remember CharleyH opened a war room lol and was a very hard taskmaster and as I recall I swore at her!

LOL It was unpredictablebijou. I was Sissy Champs Hatfield and Ange was Ma Joad aka the Joadaline. That was the Knots poems. Crazy to organize but there were some crazy good poems all about family ties.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=559696 Kibbitz thread

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=560597 Poems

 

[champagne1982]

One time we did do a Gunfight in groups, I remember CharleyH opened a war room lol and was a very hard taskmaster and as I recall I swore at her!

Yours may have been round two now that I think of it

 

[CharleyH]

Yours may have been round two now that I think of it

Yes. I don't recall starting a war room, but I do recall organizing a gunfight with Annie involved (and she did swear at me - heavily!!! lol). It's always a pleasure to run these things, judge, or just sit back and watch. I've been really busy lately and didn't get to invest as much time as I would have enjoyed, but wow, what a challenge! Again, a big congrats (and kiss) to Remec, and also Magnetron, who definitely deserves a "Hail to the King, baby!"

 

[Magnetron]

Thanks Annie and Judges for all your work!

 

[UnderYourSpell]

LOL It was unpredictablebijou. I was Sissy Champs Hatfield and Ange was Ma Joad aka the Joadaline. That was the Knots poems. Crazy to organize but there were some crazy good poems all about family ties.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=559696 Kibbitz thread

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=560597 Poems

The one I was thinking of was I think one person had to write a bit then pass it on to the next person but I could be wrong.